I have an (almost) obese brother & need advice!
st476
Posts: 357 Member
First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
I don't count calories for him, but that should be around 1500-1600 if I had to guess. He's never hungry when I feed him meals like this, and sometimes doesn't even finish his meals. This should be a good amount for him to lose a little weight or at least not gain any as he's getting older.
My mom is in the obese category and doesn't know a single thing about nutrition or losing weight (she thinks diet pills work, and that undercooked pasta has zero calories). I told her what to feed him and she stuck with it for a couple days. I'm trying to get him to eat mostly nutritious food because since he's really young I think it would benefit him to get used to eating food like this.
So far, it's only been a week. I've noticed wrappers for crackers laying around (2, so 500 calories) but he says he only ate one from the pack. He always lies or underestimates how much he eats (which is how got so big in the first place) so I don't think that's true. My mom allows him to eat it because I guess she doesn't realize a couple things here and there add up QUICKLY. Today, she gave him a microwaveable corndog for breakfast. It's only been a week but I can already see the entire plan that we had slowly falling apart and this is the 5th time at least that my mom was on board with him eating less/healthier but then gets too lazy and just gives him other things. How can she be too lazy when her child is almost obese and already at risk for health problems.
I'm only home for the summer, so when I'm not around to talk to my mom about it every single day (since once isn't enough. she constantly needs to be reminded) I know he's gonna go back to his old habits.
My mom wanted to take him to a nutritionist but my brother is extremely picky with food (doesn't like any sauces, doesn't like yolks, doesn't like cheese or sandwiches or burgers or anything except the most plain food. He got fat off of McDonald's McNuggets, multiple bowls of pasta with butter, fried chicken, French fries and constant snacking on chips/chocolate). Also, most days he just sits on Xbox all day long and doesn't move much. The only exercise he does is going on a 15 minute bike ride maybe twice a week (only on his bike downhill and slowly carrying it up when going uphill) and swimming practice for an hour on Saturday. Not even every Saturday either. My mom said that when her friend took her child to the nutritionist/dietician, they gave her a meal plan consisting of things like mushroom soup which my brother wouldn't put in his mouth in a million years. I don't want him to be miserable while eating healthy.
So basically, I'm just not sure what to do. Sorry this is so long.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
I don't count calories for him, but that should be around 1500-1600 if I had to guess. He's never hungry when I feed him meals like this, and sometimes doesn't even finish his meals. This should be a good amount for him to lose a little weight or at least not gain any as he's getting older.
My mom is in the obese category and doesn't know a single thing about nutrition or losing weight (she thinks diet pills work, and that undercooked pasta has zero calories). I told her what to feed him and she stuck with it for a couple days. I'm trying to get him to eat mostly nutritious food because since he's really young I think it would benefit him to get used to eating food like this.
So far, it's only been a week. I've noticed wrappers for crackers laying around (2, so 500 calories) but he says he only ate one from the pack. He always lies or underestimates how much he eats (which is how got so big in the first place) so I don't think that's true. My mom allows him to eat it because I guess she doesn't realize a couple things here and there add up QUICKLY. Today, she gave him a microwaveable corndog for breakfast. It's only been a week but I can already see the entire plan that we had slowly falling apart and this is the 5th time at least that my mom was on board with him eating less/healthier but then gets too lazy and just gives him other things. How can she be too lazy when her child is almost obese and already at risk for health problems.
I'm only home for the summer, so when I'm not around to talk to my mom about it every single day (since once isn't enough. she constantly needs to be reminded) I know he's gonna go back to his old habits.
My mom wanted to take him to a nutritionist but my brother is extremely picky with food (doesn't like any sauces, doesn't like yolks, doesn't like cheese or sandwiches or burgers or anything except the most plain food. He got fat off of McDonald's McNuggets, multiple bowls of pasta with butter, fried chicken, French fries and constant snacking on chips/chocolate). Also, most days he just sits on Xbox all day long and doesn't move much. The only exercise he does is going on a 15 minute bike ride maybe twice a week (only on his bike downhill and slowly carrying it up when going uphill) and swimming practice for an hour on Saturday. Not even every Saturday either. My mom said that when her friend took her child to the nutritionist/dietician, they gave her a meal plan consisting of things like mushroom soup which my brother wouldn't put in his mouth in a million years. I don't want him to be miserable while eating healthy.
So basically, I'm just not sure what to do. Sorry this is so long.
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Replies
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If you are not his parent or guardian, then it really is not your business and you should not be controlling what he eats.
His parent or guardian should take him to a pediatrician and possible a pediatric dietician. Growing children have specific needs and you could be doing more harm than good.2 -
It is my business. I'm his sister, and his parents put it on me to control what he eats. My mom knows she has no knowledge about nutrition because the only way she ever lose weight was by going on diets such as drinking only milk on Tuesdays (no food) and only vegetables on Wednesdays. It's completely my business. Or wait, should I just "mind my business" and let my brother get 200, 300, 400 pounds?If you are not his parent or guardian, then it really is not your business and you should not be controlling what he eats.
His parent or guardian should take him to a pediatrician and possible a pediatric dietician. Growing children have specific needs and you could be doing more harm than good.
And you're telling me giving him healthy food is doing more harm than letting him eat fried food and chips all day long? I'm not limiting his calories. I let him eat as much food as he needs to feel full. My mom refuses to take him to a health specialist.
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His parents aren't supportive, your plan for him doesn't include the foods he regularly eats and enjoys, he's already sneaking food, and you are only there for a bit longer. I'm not sure there is anything you *can* do, to be honest.
I would try really hard not to set up a situation where he feels like he has to lie or feel guilty about what he is eating. That can set up a dynamic that can hurt him for decades. Why not cook him meals if you're inclined to do so, listen to him if he wants to talk, and focus on being the type of sister that he will feel free to approach when he is ready to lose weight?
I have two brothers that used to be overweight. As they got older, they both took steps to become more active and change their diets when it became important to them. Fortunately, they never felt like they had to sneak food or feel shame around their diet, so they didn't have a lot of emotional issues attached to food. Now they've both been in a healthy weight range for years.
I'm not saying that this will happen for your brother, but I think the odds of it happening are better if you don't try to make him change right now. You say he's never hungry on what you feed him, but he's sneaking food? Either he *is* hungry and doesn't want you to know or something else is going on. I would focus on your relationship right now, not on getting him to lose weight over the limited time you are home.27 -
It is my business. I'm his sister, and his parents put it on me to control what he eats. My mom knows she has no knowledge about nutrition because the only way she ever lose weight was by going on diets such as drinking only milk on Tuesdays (no food) and only vegetables on Wednesdays. It's completely my business. Or wait, should I just "mind my business" and let my brother get 200, 300, 400 pounds?If you are not his parent or guardian, then it really is not your business and you should not be controlling what he eats.
His parent or guardian should take him to a pediatrician and possible a pediatric dietician. Growing children have specific needs and you could be doing more harm than good.
And you're telling me giving him healthy food is doing more harm than letting him eat fried food and chips all day long? I'm not limiting his calories. I let him eat as much food as he needs to feel full. My mom refuses to take him to a health specialist.
The expectations from your parents, that you parent your brother, aren't appropriate. It's okay for you to set boundaries and reject their inappropriate demands.
Focus on how to be a good *sister* to your brother, not how to parent him. Just because your parents expect you to take over for them doesn't mean you have to.16 -
If he were an adult, I'd say that he won't change unless HE wants to. And since he's a kid, and you're not the parent, it's pretty much none of your business. But...you should still make sure both parents know. But it's a fine line between you being a nosy person, and a genuinely concerned friend (in your friend's eyes). So, pick a good time, be straight and objective, and be very very sensitive that your friend may be dying inside trying to figure out how to deal with the problem. Don't go to your friend with the observation. Go with some offers to help however you can and give some ideas. But, be prepared to lose a friend over it, at least temporarily. Bottom line - it's none of your business. But, if the kid cannot be responsible for himself, he's still a kid - so you need to tell the parents. Ugh.0
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If he were an adult, I'd say that he won't change unless HE wants to. And since he's a kid, and you're not the parent, it's pretty much none of your business. But...you should still make sure both parents know. But it's a fine line between you being a nosy person, and a genuinely concerned friend (in your friend's eyes). So, pick a good time, be straight and objective, and be very very sensitive that your friend may be dying inside trying to figure out how to deal with the problem. Don't go to your friend with the observation. Go with some offers to help however you can and give some ideas. But, be prepared to lose a friend over it, at least temporarily. Bottom line - it's none of your business. But, if the kid cannot be responsible for himself, he's still a kid - so you need to tell the parents. Ugh.
This isn't a friend. It's her younger brother.12 -
I have an 11yo son.
I would never expect him to diet right now, even if he was obese.
You're not his parent, so it's not your responsibility like it's your parents.
Play with him outside, get him to move. Offer to take him to the park, skatepark, pool. Help educate your parents on basic nutrition and explain calories.
I know that as a parent, I buy and choose the food.
First thing I would cut in my home? Juice, soda, anything like that. Water it is, and crystal light, or iced tea.
Like, don't scare your brother in to thinking healthy eating is a life of no crackers and tons of mushroom soup.
Maybe help divvy up snacks like crackers or chips into serving size bags, so everyone knows what a serving is.
Add more fruit and veggies. Baby carrots? Cheap, crunchy, filling. Cut up cucumber with lemon and chile? Crunchy, tasty, easy.
It's really unfair to buy tasty food, have it in the home, and tell someone that they are the only ones not allowed to eat it.
Maybe also share with your parents the health risks of obesity.
I know in my culture, fat kids are just kids who have healthy appetites and it's not considered a thing to worry about. But explain early infertility, diabetes, heart issues, etc., and how they are all related to weight - and you get a bit of response.
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I do cook his meals now, but sometimes my mom makes him breakfast if I'm still sleeping or she makes him dinner if I'm not home or something. I know he's not hungry because he tells me he's not but its not about hunger, snacks just taste good which is why he sneaks them around. He IS ready to lose weight, he told me he wants to. Before his graduation, he was worried about being the fattest person in his row for days. And he approaches me with everything, we're extremely close. I'm not sure how much he lies about what he eats now, but I know before I tried to get him healthier he constantly lied about what he was eating because he knew he was eating too much and didn't want to admit it to himself. It's sad that he's a 11 year old who is scared to have his picture taken and he's already so self conscious.janejellyroll wrote: »His parents aren't supportive, your plan for him doesn't include the foods he regularly eats and enjoys, he's already sneaking food, and you are only there for a bit longer. I'm not sure there is anything you *can* do, to be honest.
I would try really hard not to set up a situation where he feels like he has to lie or feel guilty about what he is eating. That can set up a dynamic that can hurt him for decades. Why not cook him meals if you're inclined to do so, listen to him if he wants to talk, and focus on being the type of sister that he will feel free to approach when he is ready to lose weight?
I have two brothers that used to be overweight. As they got older, they both took steps to become more active and change their diets when it became important to them. Fortunately, they never felt like they had to sneak food or feel shame around their diet, so they didn't have a lot of emotional issues attached to food. Now they've both been in a healthy weight range for years.
I'm not saying that this will happen for your brother, but I think the odds of it happening are better if you don't try to make him change right now. You say he's never hungry on what you feed him, but he's sneaking food? Either he *is* hungry and doesn't want you to know or something else is going on. I would focus on your relationship right now, not on getting him to lose weight over the limited time you are home.
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janejellyroll wrote: »If he were an adult, I'd say that he won't change unless HE wants to. And since he's a kid, and you're not the parent, it's pretty much none of your business. But...you should still make sure both parents know. But it's a fine line between you being a nosy person, and a genuinely concerned friend (in your friend's eyes). So, pick a good time, be straight and objective, and be very very sensitive that your friend may be dying inside trying to figure out how to deal with the problem. Don't go to your friend with the observation. Go with some offers to help however you can and give some ideas. But, be prepared to lose a friend over it, at least temporarily. Bottom line - it's none of your business. But, if the kid cannot be responsible for himself, he's still a kid - so you need to tell the parents. Ugh.
This isn't a friend. It's her younger brother.
Missed that - damn, and I did read it (but obviously not closely enough). Answer is largely the same. Change "friend" to "sister". Not likely to lose a sister, but it may happen that the relationship suffers.0 -
First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).16 -
You are a sibling, not a parent. Let your parents parent.
You are setting yourself up for resentment from your brother. He'll start to see you as "the mean sister who controls what I eat". And if he is sneaking food, you may even be setting him up for a life long issue with food/binge eating/hiding food.
Seriously, if they want help, have them bring him to the doctor.7 -
I know I don't have to but I want to. I know I won't help as much as a health specialist but I know I'll help a lot more than my mom will.janejellyroll wrote: »
It is my business. I'm his sister, and his parents put it on me to control what he eats. My mom knows she has no knowledge about nutrition because the only way she ever lose weight was by going on diets such as drinking only milk on Tuesdays (no food) and only vegetables on Wednesdays. It's completely my business. Or wait, should I just "mind my business" and let my brother get 200, 300, 400 pounds?If you are not his parent or guardian, then it really is not your business and you should not be controlling what he eats.
His parent or guardian should take him to a pediatrician and possible a pediatric dietician. Growing children have specific needs and you could be doing more harm than good.
And you're telling me giving him healthy food is doing more harm than letting him eat fried food and chips all day long? I'm not limiting his calories. I let him eat as much food as he needs to feel full. My mom refuses to take him to a health specialist.
The expectations from your parents, that you parent your brother, aren't appropriate. It's okay for you to set boundaries and reject their inappropriate demands.
Focus on how to be a good *sister* to your brother, not how to parent him. Just because your parents expect you to take over for them doesn't mean you have to.
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I know I don't have to but I want to. I know I won't help as much as a health specialist but I know I'll help a lot more than my mom will.janejellyroll wrote: »
It is my business. I'm his sister, and his parents put it on me to control what he eats. My mom knows she has no knowledge about nutrition because the only way she ever lose weight was by going on diets such as drinking only milk on Tuesdays (no food) and only vegetables on Wednesdays. It's completely my business. Or wait, should I just "mind my business" and let my brother get 200, 300, 400 pounds?If you are not his parent or guardian, then it really is not your business and you should not be controlling what he eats.
His parent or guardian should take him to a pediatrician and possible a pediatric dietician. Growing children have specific needs and you could be doing more harm than good.
And you're telling me giving him healthy food is doing more harm than letting him eat fried food and chips all day long? I'm not limiting his calories. I let him eat as much food as he needs to feel full. My mom refuses to take him to a health specialist.
The expectations from your parents, that you parent your brother, aren't appropriate. It's okay for you to set boundaries and reject their inappropriate demands.
Focus on how to be a good *sister* to your brother, not how to parent him. Just because your parents expect you to take over for them doesn't mean you have to.
Then don't teach him to associate weight loss with eliminating all the foods he likes to eat. Don't make him think of life as a series of diets alternating with eating "normally." Don't make him feel like he ever has to lie to you about what he eats or how much of it he eats. Listen to his feelings, don't feel like you have to fix all his problems (but answer any questions that he has). Help him find online resources (like sparkteens) that he can look at *when and if he wants to* that can help him set appropriate goals for himself (rather than goals for him set by other people). Don't collude with your parents to make him feel like he's a "problem" that has to be fixed.
Take his side. He needs your love and support and acceptance more than he needs your help. Don't be the "diet sister." Just be his sister.17 -
He doesn't like juice and soda anyways. He only drinks water and crystal light because that's what he likes. He eats baby carrots and things like that. I do give him things he likes for snacks in moderation. I'm not putting him on a strict diet, plus he even told me himself that he likes what I make him for lunch and breakfast and dinner. He said salmon was his new favorite food now. He said he likes it more than when my mom made him fried chicken for lunch. I go on walks with him when I can.BlendaBrenda wrote: »I have an 11yo son.
I would never expect him to diet right now, even if he was obese.
You're not his parent, so it's not your responsibility like it's your parents.
Play with him outside, get him to move. Offer to take him to the park, skatepark, pool. Help educate your parents on basic nutrition and explain calories.
I know that as a parent, I buy and choose the food.
First thing I would cut in my home? Juice, soda, anything like that. Water it is, and crystal light, or iced tea.
Like, don't scare your brother in to thinking healthy eating is a life of no crackers and tons of mushroom soup.
Maybe help divvy up snacks like crackers or chips into serving size bags, so everyone knows what a serving is.
Add more fruit and veggies. Baby carrots? Cheap, crunchy, filling. Cut up cucumber with lemon and chile? Crunchy, tasty, easy.
It's really unfair to buy tasty food, have it in the home, and tell someone that they are the only ones not allowed to eat it.
Maybe also share with your parents the health risks of obesity.
I know in my culture, fat kids are just kids who have healthy appetites and it's not considered a thing to worry about. But explain early infertility, diabetes, heart issues, etc., and how they are all related to weight - and you get a bit of response.
2 -
He doesn't like juice and soda anyways. He only drinks water and crystal light because that's what he likes. He eats baby carrots and things like that. I do give him things he likes for snacks in moderation. I'm not putting him on a strict diet, plus he even told me himself that he likes what I make him for lunch and breakfast and dinner. He said salmon was his new favorite food now. He said he likes it more than when my mom made him fried chicken for lunch. I go on walks with him when I can.BlendaBrenda wrote: »I have an 11yo son.
I would never expect him to diet right now, even if he was obese.
You're not his parent, so it's not your responsibility like it's your parents.
Play with him outside, get him to move. Offer to take him to the park, skatepark, pool. Help educate your parents on basic nutrition and explain calories.
I know that as a parent, I buy and choose the food.
First thing I would cut in my home? Juice, soda, anything like that. Water it is, and crystal light, or iced tea.
Like, don't scare your brother in to thinking healthy eating is a life of no crackers and tons of mushroom soup.
Maybe help divvy up snacks like crackers or chips into serving size bags, so everyone knows what a serving is.
Add more fruit and veggies. Baby carrots? Cheap, crunchy, filling. Cut up cucumber with lemon and chile? Crunchy, tasty, easy.
It's really unfair to buy tasty food, have it in the home, and tell someone that they are the only ones not allowed to eat it.
Maybe also share with your parents the health risks of obesity.
I know in my culture, fat kids are just kids who have healthy appetites and it's not considered a thing to worry about. But explain early infertility, diabetes, heart issues, etc., and how they are all related to weight - and you get a bit of response.
Ever think he is just saying that to make you happy/please you??8 -
sunfastrose wrote: »First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).
Yeah, I'm a highly motivated adult and this menu would have be feeling sad and deprived. It's a big leap for a growing child who is used to things like pasta and fried chicken.2 -
Really, focus on what you can control.
Model good eating habits (idk your goals), like portion control, eating when hungry and not when bored, and being very active.
An 11 should be out running and playing.
Ask him if he knows what hunger feels like. I asked my son this once, and he told me it's when he wants food, and full is when you physically can't eat any more. Yikes. Explain hunger cues, and what food is for and basic nutrition.
Don't be restricting him, or putting him on a diet
Ideally, he'll gain some control and better habits, lean out a bit and maintain and when he grows height wise, he'll even out.5 -
Your family should NOT be getting you, a lay person, to put a growing child on a diet.
Tell your family to take him to a doctor if they are concerned about his weight so his PEDIATRICIAN can put him on a child-appropriate nutrition plan.7 -
I don't think you understand lol. MY PARENTS DONT KNOW HOW TO PARENT. I'm sure you're a parent or old enough to be a parent so you have a different view on this but even if you think YOU are/can be a good parent that's capable of parenting, doesn't mean everyone is. Read what I said in response to BlendaBrenda.You are a sibling, not a parent. Let your parents parent.
You are setting yourself up for resentment from your brother. He'll start to see you as "the mean sister who controls what I eat". And if he is sneaking food, you may even be setting him up for a life long issue with food/binge eating/hiding food.
Seriously, if they want help, have them bring him to the doctor.
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Honestly, if he is sneaking food you just have to back off. I snuck food for years because my mom was always trying to make me diet. I know is hard to sit there and see the damage but if they can't buy overall better and healthier options (ie, not buying those crackers at all, having healthier options as a whole family) then he won't be successful. Maybe you should instead focus on helping him have active fun with you and bond with him. Getting him interested in sport would probably be the most beneficial. I mean it sounds like he isn't eating all day long, so he doesn't eat waaaay too much. Bringing his activity up might be the solution.
Let him know all physical activities are a bit hard to begin with but that movement is important. Perhaps have him earn Xbox time after 1 hour of soccer or swim or what have you. Make it fun and make it a bro sis thing he will enjoy.
Had I been encouraged to play sports or go ride my bike I think I would have been less overweight as a young teen, when I did want to play I was told the family didn't have enough money... ya know? so instead of focusing on the food which you can't control forever- build a love of a sport with him. It make take a few tries, but be open minded and try anything. I know it sounds weird but I have really enjoyed running around in empty skate parks with the kids I nanny for. Trying to climb up the walls, running over small ramps, etc turns out to be a great sweat producer and so much fun. Try basketball, soccer, more swimming, Frisbee, hikes to cool spots, whatever you guys can think of. An hour a day of moving around will surely benefit him in the long run.8 -
You are the sweetest sister and he is so lucky to have you as a positive roll model. I would try and get him interested in sports and spend as much time out doors as possible. Keep sharing your knowledge with him and pray for him & your mom. ❤️First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
I don't count calories for him, but that should be around 1500-1600 if I had to guess. He's never hungry when I feed him meals like this, and sometimes doesn't even finish his meals. This should be a good amount for him to lose a little weight or at least not gain any as he's getting older.
My mom is in the obese category and doesn't know a single thing about nutrition or losing weight (she thinks diet pills work, and that undercooked pasta has zero calories). I told her what to feed him and she stuck with it for a couple days. I'm trying to get him to eat mostly nutritious food because since he's really young I think it would benefit him to get used to eating food like this.
So far, it's only been a week. I've noticed wrappers for crackers laying around (2, so 500 calories) but he says he only ate one from the pack. He always lies or underestimates how much he eats (which is how got so big in the first place) so I don't think that's true. My mom allows him to eat it because I guess she doesn't realize a couple things here and there add up QUICKLY. Today, she gave him a microwaveable corndog for breakfast. It's only been a week but I can already see the entire plan that we had slowly falling apart and this is the 5th time at least that my mom was on board with him eating less/healthier but then gets too lazy and just gives him other things. How can she be too lazy when her child is almost obese and already at risk for health problems.
I'm only home for the summer, so when I'm not around to talk to my mom about it every single day (since once isn't enough. she constantly needs to be reminded) I know he's gonna go back to his old habits.
My mom wanted to take him to a nutritionist but my brother is extremely picky with food (doesn't like any sauces, doesn't like yolks, doesn't like cheese or sandwiches or burgers or anything except the most plain food. He got fat off of McDonald's McNuggets, multiple bowls of pasta with butter, fried chicken, French fries and constant snacking on chips/chocolate). Also, most days he just sits on Xbox all day long and doesn't move much. The only exercise he does is going on a 15 minute bike ride maybe twice a week (only on his bike downhill and slowly carrying it up when going uphill) and swimming practice for an hour on Saturday. Not even every Saturday either. My mom said that when her friend took her child to the nutritionist/dietician, they gave her a meal plan consisting of things like mushroom soup which my brother wouldn't put in his mouth in a million years. I don't want him to be miserable while eating healthy.
So basically, I'm just not sure what to do. Sorry this is so long.19 -
Yeah, for you. My brother is EXTREMELY picky with food. And he said he likes what I give him. Genuinely likes it. Likes it more than his old food. He LIKES plain food. Before, he only ate plain food. He still eats pasta and all the things he likes, just not fried in oil anymore.janejellyroll wrote: »sunfastrose wrote: »First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).
Yeah, I'm a highly motivated adult and this menu would have be feeling sad and deprived. It's a big leap for a growing child who is used to things like pasta and fried chicken.
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Your method is feed him "diet meals" instead of putting him on a diet (?) This might work for weight loss......but
left to his own devices he will continue to eat "regular" food. But the good news is.....he can eat regular food & lose weight. It's about portion control......not about brown rice, or grilled chicken breast.
A 180° change in the foods he eats is a temporary fix. It won't help him keep the weight off. He needs to "tweak" his snack choices. Small lunch box portions of chips may be helpful for portion control. He needs to include veggies with every lunch & dinner....there is nothing wrong with McNuggets but "balance" that with healthier things.
He's 11. I'm assuming he is going to grow a few inches. @elphie754 is right. His caloric needs are different from yours & mine.
Almost every kid in America needs to move more, my nephew included.3 -
Yeah, for you. My brother is EXTREMELY picky with food. And he said he likes what I give him. Genuinely likes it. Likes it more than his old food. He LIKES plain food. Before, he only ate plain food. He still eats pasta and all the things he likes, just not fried in oil anymore.janejellyroll wrote: »sunfastrose wrote: »First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).
Yeah, I'm a highly motivated adult and this menu would have be feeling sad and deprived. It's a big leap for a growing child who is used to things like pasta and fried chicken.
He tells you that he likes it. You've also said that he's sneaking foods and lying to you about it. I'm going to put it out there that what he says may not completely represent what he is thinking. It may be the truth, it may not. He may feel pressure to say that because he knows what you expect of him.
If he's sneaking food, then something is obviously going on. Do you know how much fat a boy his age needs? Is he getting that? Is he getting enough calories? Have you run the macros for his meals? You're a lay person trying to create a specialized diet plan for a young boy.
I know you love him and you want the best for him. But as much as your parents are being neglectful of him, they are also being neglectful of *you* by placing these unrealistic expectations on you.
Set appropriate boundaries for your parents. This doesn't mean you can't be there for your brother. It actually means you will be more able to focus on your relationship with him and you'll be the type of person he will come to over the years.6 -
Everyone is saying not to force my brother to eat what he doesn't want to eat (which I don't), and it's the same with exercise. We try to get him to move more but he doesn't want to. He isn't a big sports person at all and I (or my parents) could limit his Xbox time but he's obsessed. He cries when his connection stops working and if it's not Xbox then he's in bed watching YouTube videos on his iPad. It's really hard to get him to move when he can't pull away from his Xbox from 8am-9pm.Honestly, if he is sneaking food you just have to back off. I snuck food for years because my mom was always trying to make me diet. I know is hard to sit there and see the damage but if they can't buy overall better and healthier options (ie, not buying those crackers at all, having healthier options as a whole family) then he won't be successful. Maybe you should instead focus on helping him have active fun with you and bond with him. Getting him interested in sport would probably be the most beneficial. I mean it sounds like he isn't eating all day long, so he doesn't eat waaaay too much. Bringing his activity up might be the solution.
Let him know all physical activities are a bit hard to begin with but that movement is important. Perhaps have him earn Xbox time after 1 hour of soccer or swim or what have you. Make it fun and make it a bro sis thing he will enjoy.
Had I been encouraged to play sports or go ride my bike I think I would have been less overweight as a young teen, when I did want to play I was told the family didn't have enough money... ya know? so instead of focusing on the food which you can't control forever- build a love of a sport with him. It make take a few tries, but be open minded and try anything. I know it sounds weird but I have really enjoyed running around in empty skate parks with the kids I nanny for. Trying to climb up the walls, running over small ramps, etc turns out to be a great sweat producer and so much fun. Try basketball, soccer, more swimming, Frisbee, hikes to cool spots, whatever you guys can think of. An hour a day of moving around will surely benefit him in the long run.
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Are you able to sit down as a family a learn about nutrition, nutrients, portion sizes etc.? Include him in the conversation about what healthy foods are, what portions look like and work with him to decide the meals and snacks that he wants (not food that you like or think he should eat. Ask him what he would like to see on the menu). The plan you posted is pretty (okay, very) restrictive for a young person, especially one who eats a lot of junk food and snacks. You are asking him to to a complete turn around in his eating which is not easy. The meal plan should include things he likes but in smaller portions. For example, If he likes cookies, maybe a snack option is 1 cookie and a glass of milk.
You could create a list of simple breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snacks that are all healthy and food he likes/will eat. You, your family and your brother will then have many options to choose from and it will serve as a visible reminder. Post this list on the fridge for your family so they can see it. You could even precook many of these dishes so that he has things readily available if you aren't around.
But in the end, if your mom is not willing to stick to it the only thing you can do is support him, help him move more (offer to go for walks or toss a ball around at the park, take him to swim class, etc) and help him make as many good choices as you can. If you can help him even a little bit, it can start to have a big impact on his health and he can continue to make positive changes as he gets older.1 -
I think you can help him learn about portion sizes and teach him to like different kinds of food, especially vegetables, even those mushrooms. It takes time, and some fun, good recipes but it's doable. Teach him to moderate fast food, and the fact that it's made of really gross, unhealthy staff (imho). Lead by example, teach him to drink water instead of soda and juice. When my son was his age, he decided to start drinking more water and less junk drinks, and lost some weight just by doing that. Your parents should be actively participating, and not bringing home too much junk food. Also, very soon he would have a growth spur, and limiting his calorie intake just isn't right. Show him ways to eat bwtter and healthier, make better snack choices, portion sizes. Things of that nature.0
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I think you've been put in a really unfair position. I understand why your family wants you to help him but it's a job too big and complicated for you alone.
I guess first I would give him a bowl of veg before his nuggets, that way he's getting more nutrients and fiber but not feeling deprived of his favourite foods.
Maybe talk to your mom and teach her more about nutrition, ask her to stop keeping sweet treats in the house if they cause overeating (remind her that you can go buy a single serving any time you want one).
One of the favourite meals in our house with the kids is 'build your own baked potato' night...I scoop out half the potato from the baked potato skin, open it up and the kids can fill it up with whatever they want (usual choices are chicken, salsa, cheese, healthy chilli, lettuce, fajita stuff if there is some laying around, etc) it's a healthier option without feeling like diet food.
Getting him to help you cook would also get him on his feet as well as make him more willing to try new foods too!
Good luck and I'm sorry you're stuck like this, it is your business but it's just a really big job.5 -
He is 11 and wants to lose weight you said. So really I'd start with the Dr. and ask what his nutrition needs are first. Also you can't cut out all fun food. Remember lifestyle change, not diet. Now your parents should also be listening to him that he wants to lose weight. They should be taking him to the Dr. and learning to also prepare healthy meals.4
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If he is sneaking food, he isn't being honest with you. He is likely just saying he likes it to make you happy.
You obviously think you know better than your parents, which is sad, but it is obvious that nothing anyone says here will convince you to let your parents do the parenting.6
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