Fat Shamed at Grocery Stores

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Replies

  • singingflutelady
    singingflutelady Posts: 8,736 Member
    And she just joined to post this?
  • sunnybeaches105
    sunnybeaches105 Posts: 2,831 Member
    edited July 2016
    Right . . . You joined MFP to post this?
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    Yeah, there was another girl here who had trouble with a cashier too.

    Yeah I remember this! And he happened to say similar comments.
    I guess this OP is likely shopping at that same exact store?! What do you think @newmeadow
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    No. they know I'd get them fired. And that's what I suggest you do. Go to the managers of these stores and tell them exactly which cashiers said these things, providing all details you can of day, time, etc. These induhviduals don't deserve their jobs... get 'em $#!+canned!
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    CoffeeandCats2 wrote: »
    Here's the situation. I am obese based on BMI and I decided to make a change for my health. I just joined a gym and have been going there every week. I have also been cutting out the junk food and making home cooked meals. I was feeling pretty good about this.

    I live in a VERY small town. There are 2 grocery stores here. Last month, when I went shopping for food, the cashier told me, "If I were as fat as you, I wouldn't eat at all. They aren't paying me enough to deal with seeing people like you."

    After that, I did not feel comfortable going into that store and have been shopping at the other store. Yesterday, I went there to buy bread. That's all I bought - a loaf of bread which seems pretty normal to me. The cashier (I think new) told me, "No wonder you're fat if all you eat is carbs."

    Now I feel highly uncomfortable going to both stores. It is an hour's drive to the nearest grocery store. What if the same thing happens there?

    Also, fat shaming doesn't make me stop eating (why would I stop eating altogether anyway, it doesn't make any sense). I'm embarrassed, but after what the cashier told me yesterday, I ordered pizza and cake to comfort eat.

    Do you get fat shamed too and do you have a thick skin or are there any tricks to avoid this?

    10/10
  • Wicked_Seraph
    Wicked_Seraph Posts: 388 Member
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  • hayleacook
    hayleacook Posts: 7 Member
    Wow. I'm shocked. I'm so sorry you had to experience something like that. I can't believe there are people out there who would behave that way. They are clearly dealing with some inner demons to actually have the balls to be so outspokenly hateful.

    My recommendation is to keep doing what you're doing. There are gonna be people along the way that try to cut in to discourage you because they're unhappy with themselves and can't stand when other people make the changes they can't or won't choose to make. Take it one day at a time and make today better than yesterday!
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    zoeysasha37 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    Yeah, there was another girl here who had trouble with a cashier too.

    Yeah I remember this! And he happened to say similar comments.
    I guess this OP is likely shopping at that same exact store?! What do you think @newmeadow

    I think the cashier was upset because some other girl, who weighed 85 lbs., had asked the cashier out last month and the cashier already said NO to her because she was too fat for the cashier. I think the cashier was traumatized due to the experience. Possibly OP asked this cashier out and is not admitting to it here. The cashier's trauma was revisited. The cashier was lashing out, possibly because OP's hobbies and favorite brand of shampoo did not correspond to the cashier's. I think a good swim with some store bought goldfish and a beagle in a non-chlorinated swimming pool will relieve the cashier of anxieties and depression - at least temporarily. Loreal Paris sells a waterproof mascara which will hold up without running or smudging, even under the wateriest conditions - preserving the alluring and elegant look so often strived for.

    pbg3ulhmz4h7.jpg




    You have no idea how hard I'm laughing right now @newmeadow
    You've nailed it once again
  • jessbigorange
    jessbigorange Posts: 3 Member
    That is SO ridiculous!! I am so sorry you had to deal with that. I teared up reading your story because I tend to be sensitive to things like that as well. The thing is, the more you keep up with your fitness and work on a healthier and happier you, the more these things will roll off your shoulders. I've lost almost 40lbs and I was leaving work a week or 2 ago and upset the car behind me by only going 5 over, as opposed to doing 10-15 over as they would've liked. Once the lane opened up and they pulled up next to me, it was "Stupid fat *****" this and "Lose weight fatty!" that and do you know what? I laughed and kept on going. My point is to say that the more you work towards your goals, the less the asshats will bother you. Stay strong!
  • elfenliedlucy
    elfenliedlucy Posts: 3 Member
    OP, you can just introduce yourself. You can even make friends here if you're open and honest. We're all facing something. Whether your story is true or not doesn't bother me. If you need to talk about anything, don't hesitate to respond to me.
  • ItsDanaTastic
    ItsDanaTastic Posts: 6 Member
    When I grocery shop with my husband I just get looks from this one cashier. She just scans my items and give me a look. I can read the look and it does hurt. I can't say anything about it as she hasn't said anything. It is just a look. So I usually try not to go to her lane when she is there checking out.

    I went to the doctor last week for my A1C and on Wednesday my usual Doctor isn't there. So it was this older man. He made a comment that caught me off guard and had me going "huh?!" He asks me "how is my cholesterol?" I say it is good. He then asks "are you on any cholesterol meds?" I tell him nope. He then mumbles and says "really and your cholesterol is good." That caught me off guard. I have never had an issue with my cholesterol. I looked at my husband and told him later was that comment because I am fat and I should have bad cholesterol? I am just glad he isn't my doctor. I usually get my feelings hurt easily but that was more of a surprise than anything. I was just ready to go to the lab and get my blood drawn as they were having issues getting it that day.

    I'd say ignore it but I know the kind of person I am and I wouldn't be able to. I'd be embarrassed and most likely cry but I for sure would have said "May I speak to your manager" Those words can make any employee rethink what they said unless the manager is a jerk as well.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    edited July 2016
    Those people should go trip, fall, and break both of their legs. They suck.

    If that every happens to you ever again at any store, your response should be to look them in the eye and say "go get your boss and bring them here immediately". And stare at them until they do, no matter what they say or how they protest. Hell, even take out your cell and dial the store number and hope it has a switchboard that allows you to call the manager's office directly.

    Barring that, get the store email address or mailing address. Write and send an email/letter immediately that day. Take note of the cashier's name tag so you can name names, as is appropriate in this situation.

    But if you want a come back, I agree with a poster above who mentioned to have one prepared.

    "No wonder you're fat if all you eat is carbs" gets a response of "No wonder you work as a cashier since your brain isn't capable of doing anything worthwhile." (Not that you actually have to think being a cashier isn't worthwhile, but you can still say it!)

    "They don't pay me enough blah blah" gets "Actually I think they're paying you too much. You better believe I'll be working on getting you fired. Then you won't be paid at all." Or something.
  • CoffeeandCats2
    CoffeeandCats2 Posts: 49 Member
    Hm, I see your point about telling the boss. I guess I Just feel it might be a bit extreme to possibly have them lose their job over this. I know it's my fault for not having enough self control to not comfort eat after this and that's my responsibility. Maybe I can just call the stores and tell them but not say who it is. Then they would probably mention it to everyone who works there.

    Really grateful for the support...it's been emotionally hard, I'm sensitive.

    Not sure what to make of the comments that I made this up. How would it benefit me to get advice about a fictional thing?

    I"m going to try to stop comfort eating and get back to my routine of cutting out the junk food and exercising. I do want to be healthy.
  • tbullucks2006
    tbullucks2006 Posts: 105 Member
    Please tell me who this cashier is and the store. I'll be happy to take care of it for you. This is a total disgrace. I'm so sorry you have to deal with ignorant rude people like that.
  • JAllen32
    JAllen32 Posts: 991 Member
    It totally baffles me that people say this kind of *kitten* to people? ESPECIALLY while they are working!!! What?? Please tell me that you made complaints against these people. Not only is it just so wrong as a person, it is also seriously unprofessional and should be pointed out to their managers. I would put that store on blast until the offenders were handled.
  • CoffeeandCats2
    CoffeeandCats2 Posts: 49 Member
    Also, why am I unable to send messages? Is it because I'm on Firefox?
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
    CoffeeandCats2 wrote: »
    Thank you all........I will admit that today I have been having junk food again (a whole large pizza) because I'm still really upset. I can barely get out of bed. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal but it's really upsetting and I couldn't sleep until the early hours last night. A lot of you are saying I should tell the manager of the stores, but I don't want to get anyone fired :/

    That doesn't make sense.

    It is NEVER appropriate for a cashier to comment on your purchases. It is extraordinarily out of line for them to comment on your body and your weight. Why in the world did you not go to the manager on the spot and let them know that this was happening?

    These people DESERVE to lose their jobs. By not saying anything, you are telling them that this behavior is within the bounds of acceptability and that they are free to do it to other people.

    Stop taking this out on yourself and take appropriate action. What if the next person that these cashiers do this to is someone even more vulnerable than you are? It is not OK.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    CoffeeandCats2 wrote: »
    Also, why am I unable to send messages? Is it because I'm on Firefox?

    I use Firefox, if you are trying to send a PM, you need to go to the person's profile page. If you go from the pop up window, and hit send message, it will take you to the PM screen but not fill in the username.
  • Sharonrey2
    Sharonrey2 Posts: 1 Member
    How about, "Well if I was as rude and ignorant as you, I'd keep my mouth shut."
    or "I'll go ahead and keep listening to my doctor, and not the lowly checkout girl." Not mature, sure, but she sounds like she deserves it!

    Not eating will make you starve or lower your metabolism. If you don't feel comfortable complaining to the manager in person, I suggest writing a strongly worded letter to both of them. Their comments are infuriating!
  • cdahl383
    cdahl383 Posts: 726 Member
    I would walk back into both stores and demand to speak to the manager, then inform the manager of how rudely you were treated by those cashiers. It's NONE of their business how much you weigh, how old you are, what gender you are, what kind of music you like, etc. Their job is to ring up your products, collect the cash, give back the correct change, put the stuff in bags, and move on. That's it.

    Beyond that, I would continue to go back into those stores and say hi to those cashiers every time you walk in just to piss them off. Let them know you're not going away anytime soon. You can't let rude ignorant people get the best of you. The world is full of them. You're doing what's best for you on your own schedule and on your own terms. If they don't like it that's too bad. I wouldn't take any crap from them though. That's BS.

    Good luck to you on your weight loss journey! Don't let the scum of the Earth get you down, keep on truckin!
  • sugom2
    sugom2 Posts: 93 Member
    What are the names of the two grocery stores--this should be stopped and management should be made aware of it.
  • RainaProske
    RainaProske Posts: 636 Member
    While people used to comment on my being overweight, I have never ever had anything this egregious said to me, when I was overweight. It was more the looks I got and attitudes of disdain that bothered me.

    However, I have had comments, that may be perceived as rude by some, made to me since I've lost the weight. To me, they feel like compliments. It delights me, actually, when people say such things to me as
    "You are so thin, what do you know about being overweight?"
    "You're so tiny, the next wind is going to blow you away."
    "You need to put on some weight."
    "You're too skinny."
    I smile. I laugh. Occasionally, I even say, "Well, I used to weigh 237." Yesterday, when a nurse asked me how much I weigh, I responded, "Two hundred . . ." then caught myself. We laughed! And she shouted out to her coworker in the next office that I'd tried to tell her I weigh 200 pounds. It was all hilarious, taken in good fun.

    However, there's one store that, all the while I was overweight, treated me with dignity and friendliness, in spite of the fact that it was a health food store where most of the shoppers were beautifully fit. About every 8 months or so, I pull an employee and a manager aside and tell them how they treated me. They need to know it was appreciated and should continue to be encouraged.
  • RougeSara
    RougeSara Posts: 60 Member
    Never been fat shamed in a grocery store. These cashiers were being rude and unprofessional, please tell management and they will be put in their place. I do get it though, it hurts even though you don't know the people. I used to get people yelling names at me out of their cars as they passed and it knocks you down a lot. Just tell yourself that these people are shallow and don't know you, they don't know your life, your story and they are nothing.

    Im sorry this happened to you:(
  • Packerjohn
    Packerjohn Posts: 4,855 Member
    CoffeeandCats2 wrote: »
    Thank you all........I will admit that today I have been having junk food again (a whole large pizza) because I'm still really upset. I can barely get out of bed. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal but it's really upsetting and I couldn't sleep until the early hours last night. A lot of you are saying I should tell the manager of the stores, but I don't want to get anyone fired :/

    If it went down as you said, you're not getting anyone fired, their own actions will be getting them fired.
  • novio50
    novio50 Posts: 778 Member
    Don't let people's words discourage you. Prove them wrong! Success is the best way to shut up a naysayer. And after you've gotten where you want to be, they'll look the same and ask for your advice and when they do (despite what I wrote above) let them know that you'd help them for a fee not for free. And make you some money off of their motivation while you're at it!
  • RainaProske
    RainaProske Posts: 636 Member
    edited July 2016
    @CoffeeandCats2 , I am really trying to understand. I hope I am not being rude! I just don't understand why you are giving these jerks so much power over yourself, your diet, your choices, what you think you look like, your thoughts! You are letting them control you, and YOU are none of their business! You need to let this thing go!

    No one is going to put the fork down for you. You can control the fork, if you choose to.
  • Amarie295
    Amarie295 Posts: 9 Member
    I am so so sorry that this happened to you. I was tearing up reading your post because I cannot even imagine how horrible it must have felt to have someone say something like that to you, and I am just very sorry that you had to go through that. I am overweight as well, and while I have never had a stranger say anything that out of line to me, I am familiar with being made to feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I think that that is something that many people can relate to, regardless of their weight. It's so sad that so many people in this world are so set on tearing other people down.

    What people don't often realize is that when someone is overweight, fat shaming and belittling them is NOT going to inspire them to go to the gym or eat healthy. In fact, most overweight people I have known, as well as myself, have emotional ties to food, and when something like this happens our natural reaction is to go home and eat a lot of comfort food. I have never met one single person who has been motivated to get healthy as a result of being treated badly by others. 9 times out of 10 it will have the opposite effect.

    So the thing that you need to remember are that these people are unbearably ignorant. They are women who have grown up just as the rest of us, being taught that fat is ugly and bad and disgusting, that it is the worst thing that could ever happen to you and that life probably isn't even worth living if you're fat. But this is what they are forgetting:

    It doesn't matter if you're fat. It matters if you're healthy. And you, my dear, have a healthier mindset than they EVER have. Who would you rather be: the girl who is trying her best to make a positive lifestyle change and become healthier, or the snob at the grocery store who is so terrified of being over a size 10 that your mere presence reminds her of her own insecurities and turns her into a mean, miserable person? Please don't let people like this poison your mind with their judgement and their hate. You are doing your best to be the best person that you can be. Can they say the same?

    Don't avoid the grocery store or feel insecure going there. Make a list of healthy groceries to buy and go about your business and just focus on being proud of yourself for the healthy decisions that you are making. And if anyone ever says something like this to you again, please stand up for yourself. Put them in their place and let them know that shaming other people does NOT inspire that person to change themselves, and that they could really help someone in the future if they choose to treat others with kindness and positivity instead. Or, you know, demand to see their boss and get their sorry *kitten* fired. Whichever you feel like. Either way, you should never tolerate being treated this way.

    Sending you hugs and lots of positive vibes. Don't give up... you got this!
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