Hurtful comments towards my appearance.

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Replies

  • johnnyb620
    johnnyb620 Posts: 19 Member
    edited July 2016
    I've competed at physique shows, and most of the people I work with don't understand what I'm trying to accomplish, in terms of weight loss. My face usually gets emaciated when I drop down to competition weight, which for most would be a sign of sickness. Instead of being complimented, they would tell me I should eat a burger and fries. The point is, I don't take them seriously, you shouldn't either. Be proud of your accomplishments, regardless of what others think. Haters gonna hate, go and brush your shoulders off.
  • NaturalNancy
    NaturalNancy Posts: 1,093 Member
    Pretty girl, lovely pic, endearing smile!
    Ignore the "computer gangsters" lol
  • CincyNeid
    CincyNeid Posts: 1,249 Member
    IMHO, you look fantastic.
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  • damiansinc
    damiansinc Posts: 70 Member
    Killer tats! Ignore them. You rock!
  • karenshoope126
    karenshoope126 Posts: 13 Member
    Beautiful...that's all I can say! Inspiring is second...May I ask what your motivation was and a little of your journey. Congratulations
  • peggy822
    peggy822 Posts: 23 Member
    Wow! You look just beautiful. Maybe you were just tired that day, we don't always look our best, and I agree pretty girls cause people to be mean, they are jealous of your hard work
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  • HippySkoppy
    HippySkoppy Posts: 725 Member
    @Krisstastic_ Your own insight and honesty about your feelings can be both a burden and yet they can also be used for more positive things like exploring the issues that you still have now even though you have lost weight.

    Many times, me included I thought that if I lost all the excess weight then life and my insecurities, self-doubts, worries etc were all going to magically disappear - that did not happen. Yes I had freed myself of the burden of obesity and greatly improved my health but you can't face and deal with all your demons at once.

    Self-kindness and having a honest feeling of pride in all you have accomplished is a hard one for people who are fragile. Maybe you are expecting too much from yourself all at once....you are still trying on the new persona as someone who is not defined by the above eating issues.

    I'm sorry that the journey was so hard and it sounds very lonely for you - but and it's a big but - You still accomplished your goal and you did it alone.

    You must be strong, probably a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Your insights and experiences can make you all the better person in the long run as you will be able to empathize with others struggles. You seem to me to be very caring and sensitive and that nature I believe has been taken advantage of by your co-worker/s and her/their comments over the time....for someone like you and me, gentle souls who often go out of our way to support and encourage others this is just so devastating...we don't see it coming and we feel powerless to not let it deeply wound us.

    I admire those who have the ability to really get to the crux of where the ownership of whose issue it is - the offending party and their stupid, petty remarks. I'm 53 and still trying to develop my self-confidence and esteem, yet a well placed bullet to my heart still knocks me for a six.

    I feel for you, but I do know reading that background story of your experiences you are strong....you have to believe that. Keep up building yourself up rather than let others tear you down.

    Truly - you are beautiful both outside and I think inside. You have accomplished a miracle many cannot or will not commit to. You did it despite the lack of support and I believe that you can keep going on to accomplish all that you have ever dreamed of.

    I do so wish you all the very best.
    K <3
  • sandovalmr20
    sandovalmr20 Posts: 27 Member
    Congratulations on your weight loss. Looking at your before and after really motivate me. You look absolutely beautiful and healthy! There are so many negative people in this world you just got to ignore them. You work hard to get where you are now and you should be dam proud of it no matter what other people has to say. All that should matters is what you have accomplished.
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  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,724 Member
    I've been writing down why I eat each item as well as logging the food, and it's been insightful. I'm not sure that'll help with your issues, but in my case I decided to see if I could maybe do that for about ten days and then analyze the data afterwards. Haven't got to that last part yet, but again, the process itself has been very helpful to me.

    See now though, your most recent comments would be an example of why I asked if it was possible that your friends' comments may not have necessarily been weight related. I'm still not sure they were helpful, but they may have noticed some of the things you mentioned and tried to intervene in their own way
  • b4fifty50
    b4fifty50 Posts: 10 Member
    You are beautiful.
  • dizzieblondeuk
    dizzieblondeuk Posts: 286 Member
    edited July 2016
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    See now though, your most recent comments would be an example of why I asked if it was possible that your friends' comments may not have necessarily been weight related. I'm still not sure they were helpful, but they may have noticed some of the things you mentioned and tried to intervene in their own way
    Having read the OP's posts and everyone's comments, I agree with @JaneiR36 - the OP's mentions about her depression, and struggles with her self-esteem, may well be where her colleagues are pointing towards when they mention looking sick or ill. Oftentimes, people just can't quite verbalise things they are concerned about, and the comments may have come across as being related to her physicality, when they were trying to pinpoint their worries about her mental health. Talking about mental health, and especially to people we don't know intimately, is one of the most tricky and difficult things, and it can so easily come across as callous, insensitive or just getting it plain wrong.

    To the OP, your weight loss is a massive achievement - congratulations. Working on your self-esteem will be a long process, but it's something you can start right now. Of course, it's difficult, and people who haven't dealt with depression will likely never quite understand how easy it is to slip back into the old mindsets of feeling worthless, fat and unloved - even when the reality is you're none of those things.

    When I was recovering from my worst depressive episodes about 18 months ago, I discovered that finding a hobby I loved made a lot of difference. In the past year, I've learnt to sew, and I now go to evening classes at my local college, as well as attending a sewing group based in a nearby fabric shop. I also have committed to pilates - which helps with relaxation techniques by understanding how to release tense muscles (yoga would have a similar effect). My advice may only be suitable for me, and not the OP, but I would recommend getting out of the house on a regular basis, even when you want to hide away. I'm lucky that I live 5 minutes walk from a beach, and I go there to clear my head pretty regularly. My pilates group have started barefoot beach walks early in the mornings, and I walk a 4 mile round trip twice a week with them. I can't tell you how much this has improved the start to my days!
  • GLOBURNS48
    GLOBURNS48 Posts: 1 Member
    Most of the time when someone says something mean, its a reflection on their character...not yours. Be proud of where you are and take the high road. Congrats on the amazing weight loss.
  • MaryLuvsTheLamb
    MaryLuvsTheLamb Posts: 98 Member
    Sounds like a serious case of jealousy to me. You're beautiful and you look fabulous! Congratulations on such a huge success! I totally admire you. Ignore those idiots. They say the same things to my daughter. She's 5'5" and 118 lbs. She's stunningly beautiful, but there will always be haters.
  • pgarcia1964
    pgarcia1964 Posts: 27 Member
    They're just jealous. You look great! Ignore the haters.
  • nina4w
    nina4w Posts: 126 Member
    People will be jerks a lot of times. You look great.
  • JDixon852019
    JDixon852019 Posts: 312 Member
    I love your tat, one of my favorite poems!

    People often mask jealous comments under the mask of concern. Kindly but firmly inform them that they NOT being helpful.
  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,282 Member
    I can totally see why they think you look "gaunt" even though you look GORGEOUS. They're not used to seeing you at your new size. That was a dramatic transformation! Congratulations!!

    Hang in there. You look fantastic and it took a heck of a lot of work to get where you did. Your eyes are bright, your skin is lovely. You're beautiful. It might take people who have only known you at a heavy weight some time to adjust to the new you :wink:
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  • beachgal0626
    beachgal0626 Posts: 1,912 Member
    amusedmonkey wrote: »
    It's helpful to understand where people are coming from when they comment. If someone is used to you looking a certain way, if your look changes it feels out of place to them. You would look "too thin" compared to the look they are used to. I experienced this myself sometimes with friends and family who lost a lot of weight. If they were obese they look good when overweight, but once they are out of the overweight category into normal they start to look too different. I never comment because I know it's all in my head. Don't take it to heart. Have you ever known a man with a moustache or beard who then shaved it? How did you feel about their look? How did you feel after you got used to it? Keep that in mind when you hear such comments. It's human nature to want things to look familiar.

    Give it time. They will get used to your new look.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7AqoOnrbpE

    This video was heartbreaking! Yet, really cute at the same time!
  • NicoleLynn0112
    NicoleLynn0112 Posts: 26 Member
    When I was 260 pounds no one told me I was fat. I knew I was and others knew I was, but no one made fun of me. Now after losing 110 pounds all I get is skinny shamed 24/7. I have never been picked on more in my life now that I weigh 150 pounds. I constantly get rude, snarky and smart comments about what I eat and how I look. If someone calls me a "Skeleton" or "Skeletor" one more time I think I'm going to lose my *kitten*. I actually have started feeling ashamed about my body now because of people and their comments. How messed up does that sound to you guys?!?! Pretty damn messed up if you ask me! I know the people who say this stuff to me are projecting their body hate on to me but come on! I have feelings too and I worked so hard to get where I am right now. I shouldn't be punished for taking my heath seriously.
  • NicoleLynn0112
    NicoleLynn0112 Posts: 26 Member
    Krisstastic_ wrote: »
    61reibtuev50.jpg

    I took this photo July 13th 2016.

    Today a couple of co workers told me that I looked Sick and Gaunt.
    I had to google what that word meant as i had never heard it before.
    They told me that my cheeks were thin and my eyes were sunken in and that i didn't look healthy.

    I am 5 foot 3, 139.2 pounds and at my goal weight.
    I cried after i was told this.. Losing 113 pounds, i feel very self conscious still about my body, as far as loose skin goes, etc, but i didn't think i looked that bad?

    Please be honest, do i look ill?

    I think you look great!! I constantly have people telling me that my face is "too thin" and I look "sickly & nasty". It bothers me and I catch myself looking in the mirror and scrutinizing my appearance. We both just need to remember that those people saying rude things to us are projecting their insecurities onto us.
  • paulandrachelk
    paulandrachelk Posts: 280 Member
    Are they fat?
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