Ug. How do I avoid/lose "boyfriend weight"?

riah0803 · July 2016

Once my ex and I broke up, I lost 15 pounds. Now that I'm in a relationship again, I've pretty much gained it all back within a year. SO FRUSTRATING!

My boyfriend is naturally thin so eating healthy and working out isn't as important to him as it is for me, a very curvy, short, endomorph.

15 pounds lighter was the perfect, healthy, weight for me and I want to get back down to it in a way that's healthy and more importantly, sustainable (which my last method wasn't). I think a large culprit is being around him and his unhealthy eating and drinking habits.

Any tips for not letting myself be affected by his choices? While I'd love for us to be healthy together, I can't blame the guy for eating potato chips and a beer. If I could get away with it (all the time) and be thin....I would too!

Etsar73 · July 2016

The same way you lose all weight. Add your details- height, current weight, age and activity level into MFP and go from there. You said you were short, I assuming your boyfriend is not short so therefore he can eat more and he may also be more active overall. He is not naturally thin, he eats less calories than he takes in even with the eating of potato chips and beer. I'm losing weight and I've eaten potato chips and beer, and I am 5'4. Be honest with your logging, add exercise if you want but don't overestimate it, and weigh your food because it is more accurate. If you want a beer or potato chips... have it and log it! Good luck.

SophieSmall95 · July 2016

riah0803 wrote: »

Once my ex and I broke up, I lost 15-20 pounds. Now that I'm in a relationship again, I've pretty much gained it all back within a year. SO FRUSTRATING!

My boyfriend is naturally thin so eating healthy and working out isn't as important to him as it is for me, a very curvy, short, endomorph.

20 pounds lighter was the perfect, healthy, weight for me and I want to get back down to it in a way that's healthy and more importantly, sustainable (which my last method wasn't). I think a large culprit is being around him and his unhealthy eating and drinking habits.

Any tips for not letting myself be affected by his choices? While I'd love for us to be healthy together, I can't blame the guy for eating potato chips and a beer. If I could get away with it and be thin....I would too!

First you need to fix your misconceptions about weight.

There is no such thing as "naturally thin".

And the somatotypes like endmorphs biologically are complete bunk, they're good at describing how a person looks but that is literally it. Your "somatotype" doesn't stop you losing weight or staying a healthy weight or gaining muscle etc.

You gained weight because you ate more calories than your body burns (more than your TDEE, google TDEE calculator to find out yours). To lose weight figure out your TDEE and eat less than it and you will lose weight. It's incredibly simple. Alternatively you ca use MFPs calorie goals, exact same principle it just works out the calories for you.

riah0803 · July 2016

okay. He is not "naturally thin" he "burns more calories than I do on a daily basis although our physical activities are the same if not, mine is increased".

I guess the feedback I'm looking for isn't so much about the science behind losing weight - which I have a solid grasp on, although I'm sure there are many who understand it even more on this site - so much as psychological tips or advice.

I do log my weight, food, and excercise. Although it has only been about two weeks consistently so I'm the first to admit it's still early in the game!

Eleanor_82 · July 2016

I use a smaller plate size than my boyfriend, which helps when he cooks and I ask him to add the extra cheese he likes *after* cooking instead of during so I can opt out. Also having lighter drinks available like vodka and soda and having fruit bowls very visible in our house to tempt me while he's chowing down on the doritos.

riah0803 · July 2016

Awesome advice thank you! I've been starting to do that as well this time around and it's been sustainable so far.

torygilkerson · July 2016

I find myself in the same situation as you. Everyone metabolizes food differently and there's something about being in a relationship that lets us let our guard down and be like 'yea I can have some potatoe chips and a beer' but really we know what our diet and exercise should look like in order be that 15 pounds lighter, because we've been there before. I've found that it helps when I make my food decisions before I know what he's having or snacking on, that way I've put a little more thought into what I'm consuming other than ' oh that sounds good il just have that too'

SLLRunner · July 2016

torygilkerson wrote: »

I find myself in the same situation as you. Everyone metabolizes food differently and there's something about being in a relationship that lets us let our guard down and be like 'yea I can have some potatoe chips and a beer' but really we know what our diet and exercise should look like in order be that 15 pounds lighter, because we've been there before. I've found that it helps when I make my food decisions before I know what he's having or snacking on, that way I've put a little more thought into what I'm consuming other than ' oh that sounds good il just have that too'

I disagree on what uou say about metabolusm. Weight loss is about eating less than you burn, and nobody is an exception. If the beau stays thin, it means his calories in/calories out sustain that. Nobody is naturally thin or fat.

DebSozo · July 2016

OP I know what you mean. My husband used to bring in tempting things and eat them in front of me. He is currently working to lose weight so I don't have to deal with that for now, thankfully. But when I am trying to keep off weight and he isn't I have the same problem as you. I tell him not to bring it into the house or if he must to please put it in the pantry in the basement. I don't want it at eye level in the cupboard or on the counter top. Your boyfriend may not understand your predicament unless you bring it up to him.

DaisyM01 · July 2016

I'm in the same situation - except with about twice as much to lose than you. My boyfriend has a very active job but a low appetite - he is also a fussy eater so tends to eat a lot of snack food. I've had to tell him to stop buying me that kind of food - yesterday he went to get chocolate croissants and it took all my willpower to say "no thank you"!
My tips:
Don't eat the same size portions as him.
Add extra veg to your plate, or even have different meals to each other.
Make sure you always have tasty healthy food in the house so you are not tempted to get takeaways.
Make sure he understands what you're doing so he can be considerate with his behaviour - if you can't watch him eating chips then tell him. I'm trying not to do this but we do have an understanding that he won't buy any of my favourite snacky foods as I just can't resist! Instead he'll get things I'm not fussed about.

Good luck! Boys are such a pain right!?

Duchy82 · July 2016

The husband can eat over 3000 calories a day and maintain on that due to his job and I am at around about 1300 now as I'm trying to lose those last few pesky pounds to get to my goal weight.

All the way through I have got him snacks that I am not that bothered about. Or having his and hers snacks. For some reasons having his and hers snacks full stop helps me as I just won't eat his snack because it isn't mine. Also he has bigger portions for meals than me, maybe added cheese, etc. He makes his own lunch and doesn't eat breakfast very often.

Fortunately he is one of these unique people that just sees food as fuel so he only eats when he's really hungry and then sometimes he still doesn't bother. In that respect I'm quite lucky because in the 15 years we've been together I can't actually remember him going to the shops for sweets or cake or anything that was always me so in that respect there is no temptation.

Another big part of it is just willpower if you want it bad enough you will resist that bag of crisps (chips) and that beer.

Orphia · July 2016

I put on about 10 kg when I was first married because hubby did the cooking and gave me the same sized portions as he ate.

Not any more.

Don't feel guilty for leaving food on the plate. He'll soon learn not to give you as much.

druidkat7 · July 2016

This is why I'm eager to find a guy who actually walks his talk, works out, keeps portions reasonable, and understands that as a woman with congenital hypothyroidism, I have a slightly tougher road than many other women, instead of thinking that I'm "just not working hard enough." Seriously, there are days where I wish I could switch metabolisms with my guy friend so he can understand my road better.

cinnabondelights · July 2016

I had the same problem, only I gained 20 pounds when my husband and I started dating/got married, but managed to lose 45 pounds and kept it off. Just eat smaller, healthier portions and don't worry about what he eats. I used to eat as much as my husband and ate whatever, that's how I gained all that weight. Just do you c:

CattOfTheGarage · July 2016

Mr. Garage is tall and instinctively active and one of those people who isn't interested in food if he isn't hungry (I know, right? Crazy) and so I'm in a similar situation to you. I habitually use a smaller plate. We don't have separate meals, I just have smaller portions, and if there's a separate carb element (eg curry and rice) I'll have a bit less of the carb and more of the other stuff and more veg. I also try to add less of the fixings such as cheese.

I also got good results keeping treat foods such as chocolate and crisps in a high cupboard above my eye level - out of sight, out of mind, and no inconvenience to a partner who is taller anyway. I don't actually need that trick any more, over time I've come to have more control over snacking so that it feels more clearly like a choice, meaning I find it easier not to eat things even when they're right in front of me. That's just down to practice, I think.

In the end, it's about unplugging from the idea that just because someone else is eating, it gives you "permission" to eat the same way - which i think is all down to changing your mindset to realise that you don't need "permission" to eat, you're an adult, you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want it, but if your goal is to lose weight, you don't necessarily WANT to eat what the other person is eating, and that's ok. It's a mindset shift, and it takes time.

Lounmoun · July 2016

I think many of us have partners, children who we live with who will always eat and drink differently than we do. People of different sizes burn different amount of calories so even if you do the same things you still need different calories.
Remind yourself that they have different calorie needs. Figure out what is best for you and let them do what is right for them.

Be realistic and have a sustainable diet. If you love chips or beer leave enough calories for them or increase your activity level. Maybe they aren't important enough to you to do that very often and you'll happily eat or drink lower calorie things while he does his thing.

The biggest help to me has been pre-logging my food for the whole day. It is easier to say no thanks that doesn't fit my plan for the day or to know that I have enough calories for cake without leaving me unsatisfied the rest of the day.

Francl27 · July 2016

Try to find activities that don't revolve around food (that one's tough for me, not gonna lie). Then just be strong... you don't have to eat when he does. Also, offer to cook for both of you... find lower calorie versions of foods you both like, and have a smaller portion (I love skinnytaste for recipes, but just googling works).

caradack1985 · July 2016

I had this with my ex, being tall and a man his maintenance calories were much higher than mine, plus he didn't eat much during the day. We'd end up eating the same size meals in the evening, I got bigger, he stayed slim. I think now I have a much better idea of how many calories I need and what that actually translates to in food volume I have a much better chance of not gaining boyfriend weight again, should I ever get another boyfriend!

tlflag1620 · July 2016

My husband and I are the same height, but he is more active, weighs more, and being male has more LBM than I do, so I still can't eat as much as he does. The simple answer is to 'just say no' but I know it's not always easy to do. Focus on eating food that you find filling (if you are full and satisfied, you are less likely to make poor choices or be so tempted), consider eating less during the day so you can "bank" some calories for the evenings when you are together, and limit yourself to smaller portions of potato chips and beer (you can still have those foods and lose weight, you just have to watch the portions!). My husband also likes his chips and beer, but more often than not, I don't indulge, and when I do I just have a lot less than he does. It's one of life's inherent unfairnesses, but men and women of equal height and weight do have different bmr's, with women getting the short end of that stick. Since your boyfriend is taller than you, his BMR is higher still. It does no good to be upset by this - you have to do what you have to do!

SLLRunner · July 2016

DebSozo wrote: »

OP I know what you mean. My husband used to bring in tempting things and eat them in front of me. He is currently working to lose weight so I don't have to deal with that for now, thankfully. But when I am trying to keep off weight and he isn't I have the same problem as you. I tell him not to bring it into the house or if he must to please put it in the pantry in the basement. I don't want it at eye level in the cupboard or on the counter top. Your boyfriend may not understand your predicament unless you bring it up to him.

Deb, I am going to play Devil's advocate.

Why should our family member not bring foods into the house that they like? It's not their problem that we are afraid we will eat something that we feel might not be good for us at this time.

Isn't it up to us to learn how to control what we put in our mouth in the face of anything? Isn't it up to us to learn portion control and to learn how to control what we put into our mouths?

I used to tell my ex-husband and my current partner not to bring certain foods in the house because I was pretty sure I couldn't keep my hands off of said food. Now, flash forward many years-I have all the foods I love in the house and so does my partner, and I don't eat any of it unless I want to. I weigh out a portion, put bag away and enjoy.

The only way I was able to get to this point is to understand that I have power over food, it does not have power over me.

the_dani_girl · July 2016

My hubs is 120 soaking wet and eats crazy amounts of food trying to gain, I am careful with what I eat and just this morning made it down to 140...... So I completely get the frustration!!
You make the choices here. You got this! Like someone above said, use a smaller plate than he does, leave off the extra cheese, choose lighter drinks. I had to realize that I just don't use the amount of calories hubby does so I cannot allow myself to mindlessly eat what the amount that he eats. It's all in the choices.

Ug. How do I avoid/lose "boyfriend weight"?

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