Free Therapy: Another Open Letter!

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12357…25

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  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,080 Member
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    Dear cmriverside,

    As I stated earlier, your av is still creeping me out. As is the PM you sent me earlier.

    Signed,
    Scared out of her pants in Ohio

    p.s. Sorry about all those fundraisers...could I interest you in a timeshare?

    :indifferent:
    woo who! and I thought I was the only one!:laugh: :noway: I think it's unique:noway: , sorta like a floating face in a box, until you open it up and then you see her curlers, then all is right with the world again, she appears normal.:ohwell:

    just saying is all.....:bigsmile:

    Thank you, Ms.Puppy.

    See babybottom? :laugh: ---er babybeans
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
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    Dear Daughter's School,

    Could it be possible to go one freakin week without some sort of fund raiser??? :angry: Believe it or not, we have bills of our own that we really do need to pay and I'm getting sick of being your ATM machine.

    I know times are tough, but I'm sick of hitting family & friends up for wrapping paper & candy bars. :indifferent:

    Sincerely,

    Lose my Pin number :explode:

    Dear Every One of My Stinkin Friends With Children, (not you Shannon - you just reminded me...)

    I pay my taxes. Some of you are living off my taxes. You know who you are. So I am paying for EVERYTHING in your life including your two new cars (mine is a '99), your three new TVs (I have one TV- you already HAD seven - WTF?) Your two new computers in the last year, your boat, your camper, your Chevy Blazer you don't even use. Why don't you sell some of this stuff instead of living off the gov't - i.e. ME and my taxes. You have State-paid insurance for your whole family that is better than my $300-a-month individual (paid by ME) insurance. You are WELCOME.

    I digress. STOP emailing and texting me with all your stupid "PayForMyKidsStuff" fundraisers scams. And I could care less about your sister's friend's mother's aunt's kids fundraisers, too. I don't need any frikkin Girl Scout Cookies. I have more wrapping paper than I can use in a lifetime. Chocolate is just mean at this point. And I don't want to "adopt" any more of your friends friends as "needy" Christmas families. Stop trying to make me feel guilty. It is only making me mad.

    "Loose" my phone number and email.

    Signed,
    "Not on the Dole."

    bwahahahahaha!!! :laugh: :laugh:

    I laff (:grumble: ) because I've got $50 worth of chocolate bars on my kitchen table I've got to pawn off. :explode:

    Most of my family is diabetic and most of my friends are cyber! :embarassed: I'll have those d@mn bars in my refridge till Labor Day! :angry:
  • ldsupergirl
    ldsupergirl Posts: 45
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    Dear Universal Technical Services(Extended warranty co for my elliptical trainer)

    I apologize for yelling at you on the tele today. I was really out of line. I know I should have been happy to listen to the beautiful music while on hold 40 minutes. The music moved me to hang up. When I called back I was so happy to hold for 40 minutes again. I was moved by the music so much to hang up again and call back and select buy a new service contract from your call menu instead of request service from the menu. To my absolute dismay I was only on hold for 5 minutes. I am sorry I brought up the consumer complaint website I found while on hold with 100's of complaints against you. Im sorry I brought up all the complaints listed on the Better business Bureau website. I am sorry I was so unreasonable with my demand for customer service that I paid for.


    Dear Nordic Track

    Thank you so much for selling me a crappy piece of equipment. Thank you so much for also selling me the extended service contract that is almost useless. You must have known I would need repairs every month. I appreciate you looking out for my financial well being.
  • lynniejones
    lynniejones Posts: 1,291 Member
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    Dear adorable little chihuahua puppy that I inherited from my daughter 'cause you too ugly to live with her,

    I know it is cold outside. I know your little tooter could actually freeze to the ground. But for the love of pete could you please stop taking a dookie in my bathroom, even after I just let you out. Just because I do it in the toilet doesn't mean you do it in front of the toilet. Perhaps if you could figure out how to climb up and get it in the toilet I wouldn't mind as much. But you are only as big as a mouse, and you can't do it. I don't care that it is the size of a tootie roll. It is gross and we have to figure out another way to do this, despite your cuteness and your big tear filled eyes.

    Signed,
    Your chitter picker upper.

    P.S.,, the big dog asked me to remind you to quit humping her nonstop, she isn't interested.
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    Dear cmriverside,

    As I stated earlier, your av is still creeping me out. As is the PM you sent me earlier.

    Signed,
    Scared out of her pants in Ohio

    p.s. Sorry about all those fundraisers...could I interest you in a timeshare?

    :indifferent:
    woo who! and I thought I was the only one!:laugh: :noway: I think it's unique:noway: , sorta like a floating face in a box, until you open it up and then you see her curlers, then all is right with the world again, she appears normal.:ohwell:

    just saying is all.....:bigsmile:

    Thank you, Ms.Puppy.

    See babybottom? :laugh: ---er babybeans
    I think she's mysterious...and I rather like that about her!:wink: Only one things bugs me though...I keep being reminded of WIlly Wonka when I look at her and I have no clue why!:noway: :huh: :bigsmile:
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,080 Member
    Options
    Dear cmriverside,

    As I stated earlier, your av is still creeping me out. As is the PM you sent me earlier.

    Signed,
    Scared out of her pants in Ohio

    p.s. Sorry about all those fundraisers...could I interest you in a timeshare?

    :indifferent:
    woo who! and I thought I was the only one!:laugh: :noway: I think it's unique:noway: , sorta like a floating face in a box, until you open it up and then you see her curlers, then all is right with the world again, she appears normal.:ohwell:

    just saying is all.....:bigsmile:

    Thank you, Ms.Puppy.

    See babybottom? :laugh: ---er babybeans
    I think she's mysterious...and I rather like that about her!:wink: Only one things bugs me though...I keep being reminded of WIlly Wonka when I look at her and I have no clue why!:noway: :huh: :bigsmile:

    Ok, chocolate is just mean at this point :sad: :laugh: The av is from "Almost Famous" my fave movie. :happy: :flowerforyou:
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    Options
    Dear adorable little chihuahua puppy that I inherited from my daughter 'cause you too ugly to live with her,

    I know it is cold outside. I know your little tooter could actually freeze to the ground. But for the love of pete could you please stop taking a dookie in my bathroom, even after I just let you out. Just because I do it in the toilet doesn't mean you do it in front of the toilet. Perhaps if you could figure out how to climb up and get it in the toilet I wouldn't mind as much. But you are only as big as a mouse, and you can't do it. I don't care that it is the size of a tootie roll. It is gross and we have to figure out another way to do this, despite your cuteness and your big tear filled eyes.

    Signed,
    Your chitter picker upper.

    P.S.,, the big dog asked me to remind you to quit humping her nonstop, she isn't interested.

    ROFL!!!!!!!!! :laugh: :laugh:

    I've got little dogs too (aka - the dummies) so I feel your pain! :laugh:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
    Options
    Dear cmriverside,

    As I stated earlier, your av is still creeping me out. As is the PM you sent me earlier.

    Signed,
    Scared out of her pants in Ohio

    p.s. Sorry about all those fundraisers...could I interest you in a timeshare?

    :indifferent:
    woo who! and I thought I was the only one!:laugh: :noway: I think it's unique:noway: , sorta like a floating face in a box, until you open it up and then you see her curlers, then all is right with the world again, she appears normal.:ohwell:

    just saying is all.....:bigsmile:

    Thank you, Ms.Puppy.

    See babybottom? :laugh: ---er babybeans
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: sorry Beansy but...that baby bottom comment has me crackin up here:tongue::laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
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    Dear cmriverside,

    As I stated earlier, your av is still creeping me out. As is the PM you sent me earlier.

    Signed,
    Scared out of her pants in Ohio

    p.s. Sorry about all those fundraisers...could I interest you in a timeshare?

    :indifferent:
    woo who! and I thought I was the only one!:laugh: :noway: I think it's unique:noway: , sorta like a floating face in a box, until you open it up and then you see her curlers, then all is right with the world again, she appears normal.:ohwell:

    just saying is all.....:bigsmile:

    Thank you, Ms.Puppy.

    See babybottom? :laugh: ---er babybeans
    I think she's mysterious...and I rather like that about her!:wink: Only one things bugs me though...I keep being reminded of WIlly Wonka when I look at her and I have no clue why!:noway: :huh: :bigsmile:

    :laugh: :laugh: Willy Wonka! I'm sorry but that is just funny! :laugh: :laugh: But just for the record, I don't think it's creepy. :bigsmile:
  • finallyproud
    finallyproud Posts: 154 Member
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    Dear unsupportive husband,
    I come down hard enough on myself and I don't really need any more help in that department. I realize you work very hard at what you do, but despite what you think I'm not lazy or stupid. I don't need you giving me directions about every little thing I do. I am not a child! :mad: I am perfectly capable of driving, cleaning and taking care of business. I survived 25 years before you came along just fine, and if you push it i'll make it 25 more with out you. I love you, but you need to pull your head out of your own butt!

    Your loving wife


    Dear Mom,
    Thanks so much for your support and unconditional love. I take everything back I said about you when I was a teenager.:flowerforyou:

    Your grateful daughter.
  • 3babybeans
    3babybeans Posts: 8,268 Member
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    it's like she's staring into my soul. :indifferent:
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
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    it's like she's staring into my soul. :indifferent:

    Dear 3bb,

    I ovulate every time I see you ticker. Please let Auntie-Shannie watch your child! :love:

    Love,

    My-Eggs-Are-Fried-Shannon :love:
  • 3babybeans
    3babybeans Posts: 8,268 Member
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    Dear, Auntie Shannie

    When Mommy gets the (ahem) gumption to fly cross country to Colorado to visit her cousin...you can have ALL of us! BWAHAHAHA! I mean... :flowerforyou:

    Loves & kissies,

    The beans babies (huh...mommy just realized how ripped off that sounds....)

    :laugh:
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,080 Member
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    it's like she's staring into my soul. :indifferent:

    Dear 3bb,

    I ovulate every time I see you ticker. Please let Auntie-Shannie watch your child! :love:

    Love,

    My-Eggs-Are-Fried-Shannon :love:

    Dear Shan,

    Please stop with the funnies.

    Yours truly,

    Creepy's undies.
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    Dear MFP friends,

    Thanks to you I don't have to do any more squats or lunges, as because of your funny letters, I have now laughed my *kitten* off.

    PMSL, (p*ssing my self laughing)

    GTO

    P.S. I was kidding about the squats and lunges.:laugh:
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,080 Member
    Options
    Dear adorable little chihuahua puppy that I inherited from my daughter 'cause you too ugly to live with her,

    I know it is cold outside. I know your little tooter could actually freeze to the ground. But for the love of pete could you please stop taking a dookie in my bathroom, even after I just let you out. Just because I do it in the toilet doesn't mean you do it in front of the toilet. Perhaps if you could figure out how to climb up and get it in the toilet I wouldn't mind as much. But you are only as big as a mouse, and you can't do it. I don't care that it is the size of a tootie roll. It is gross and we have to figure out another way to do this, despite your cuteness and your big tear filled eyes.

    Signed,
    Your chitter picker upper.

    P.S.,, the big dog asked me to remind you to quit humping her nonstop, she isn't interested.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Dear People Who Abandon Animals Because of Stupid Reasons,

    I cannot BELIEVE you would bring your sweet little cat to the ANIMAL SHELTER and leave it there because it, "Doesn't match your new furniture."

    We will find it a good home with people who do not put a couch before a living, breathing, feeling, innocent animal.

    Signed,
    We'll never stop talking about you at the Shelter.
  • lynniejones
    lynniejones Posts: 1,291 Member
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    Dear Skinny Skank at the bar who metaphorically represents every person who has ever said this to me and any other woman struggling with their weight.


    I AM NOT: "pretty for my size". I'm pretty enough for me. Get over it. Pretty is as pretty does. I can diet, you'll still be an idiot.

    I AM NOT: "you've got such a nice personality". I've got an awesome personality, not to mention intelligence, grace, style, charm, and tact. You should try buying yourself some of those things."

    YOU ARE NOT: "OMG I am SO fat" in your size 4 jeans. I know you may have body issues and I sympathize but really I feel like you are wanting me to stroke you and say "oh nooo you look great you could be as fat as me wouldn't that suck?" Go sit over there and smuggly eat your King Sized M&M's , slurp your diet coke, while I choke down another rice cake and a my umpteenth bottle of water that is frankly making me feel a little sloshy in the tummy.

    Stick it, stuck up girl,
    Hottie in the making
  • finallyproud
    finallyproud Posts: 154 Member
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    Dear Skinny Skank at the bar who metaphorically represents every person who has ever said this to me and any other woman struggling with their weight.


    I AM NOT: "pretty for my size". I'm pretty enough for me. Get over it. Pretty is as pretty does. I can diet, you'll still be an idiot.

    I AM NOT: "you've got such a nice personality". I've got an awesome personality, not to mention intelligence, grace, style, charm, and tact. You should try buying yourself some of those things."

    YOU ARE NOT: "OMG I am SO fat" in your size 4 jeans. I know you may have body issues and I sympathize but really I feel like you are wanting me to stroke you and say "oh nooo you look great you could be as fat as me wouldn't that suck?" Go sit over there and smuggly eat your King Sized M&M's , slurp your diet coke, while I choke down another rice cake and a my umpteenth bottle of water that is frankly making me feel a little sloshy in the tummy.

    Stick it, stuck up girl,
    Hottie in the making



    AMEN SISTER!!!
  • furrflys
    furrflys Posts: 84
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    Dear adorable little chihuahua puppy that I inherited from my daughter 'cause you too ugly to live with her,

    I know it is cold outside. I know your little tooter could actually freeze to the ground. But for the love of pete could you please stop taking a dookie in my bathroom, even after I just let you out. Just because I do it in the toilet doesn't mean you do it in front of the toilet. Perhaps if you could figure out how to climb up and get it in the toilet I wouldn't mind as much. But you are only as big as a mouse, and you can't do it. I don't care that it is the size of a tootie roll. It is gross and we have to figure out another way to do this, despite your cuteness and your big tear filled eyes.

    Signed,
    Your chitter picker upper.

    P.S.,, the big dog asked me to remind you to quit humping her nonstop, she isn't interested.



    I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!!! We also have a chihuahua "Chiquita". She is 6 freaking years old and still not house broke! She's hairless, grey, and is the next contestent for the ugliest dog contest. And she used to hump our 100lb nuetered german shepard till he would whine to be let out when she was in heat. He died of old age now she has no one to hump, at least we dont have to explain that to company anymore:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :noway:
  • lynniejones
    lynniejones Posts: 1,291 Member
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    Dear adorable little chihuahua puppy that I inherited from my daughter 'cause you too ugly to live with her,

    I know it is cold outside. I know your little tooter could actually freeze to the ground. But for the love of pete could you please stop taking a dookie in my bathroom, even after I just let you out. Just because I do it in the toilet doesn't mean you do it in front of the toilet. Perhaps if you could figure out how to climb up and get it in the toilet I wouldn't mind as much. But you are only as big as a mouse, and you can't do it. I don't care that it is the size of a tootie roll. It is gross and we have to figure out another way to do this, despite your cuteness and your big tear filled eyes.

    Signed,
    Your chitter picker upper.

    P.S.,, the big dog asked me to remind you to quit humping her nonstop, she isn't interested.



    I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!!! We also have a chihuahua "Chiquita". She is 6 freaking years old and still not house broke! She's hairless, grey, and is the next contestent for the ugliest dog contest. And she used to hump our 100lb nuetered german shepard till he would whine to be let out when she was in heat. He died of old age now she has no one to hump, at least we dont have to explain that to company anymore:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :noway:

    Six years? ARRRRRGHHHHH! I have to go through this for six more years? Isn't it funny how much we put up with from a tiny dog than we do a big dog? Like would it really be cute if she was a Mastiff crapping in my bathroom or humping nonstop? :laugh:

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