Does your partner having an interest in fitness matter to you?
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Why would it matter if your spouse/girlfriend doesn't eat what you eat or workout? Kinda narcissistic isn't it?
It's a personal preference
I have my preference to the kind of people I date and it happens that people I prefer to date both work out and eat similar things
There's no way that anybody that didn't work out would even put up with staying with me lol!1 -
My husband and I eat differently. But, some things the same because of having dinner together.0
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Why would it matter if your spouse/girlfriend doesn't eat what you eat or workout? Kinda narcissistic isn't it?
Someone doesn't have to eat exactly the same as me, but I am healthy and active. I don't want a couch potato or bar rat. It's not the way I live my life. I don't think it's narcissistic to want a partner who shares the same interests and lifestyle.
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BinaryPulsar wrote: »My husband and I eat differently. But, some things the same because of having dinner together.
My husband was the sushi-knocker when we met -- he also didn't like Chinese take-out -- he was about 2 seconds from getting a NEXT! card, but now we have sushi like 3 times a week and he has agreed that some Chinese take-out is really good.
I can understand why some people wouldn't want a meat eater if they're strong in their vegan ways -- and their morals for choosing that lifestyle -- but back to fitness/health, why wouldn't you want a healthy spouse or at least someone that totally doesn't shun away from just bettering themselves? Not only did I look for that ambition in my spouse's well-being, but I looked for that ambition in their career. Am I a gold digger? Far from it, but I refuse to be a sugar momma, or with someone that is complacent being where they're at and not striving to climb the ladder in all aspects.1 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »So rich people should date only rich people and poor people poor. Similar interests and lifestyle.
@Villae81
Good call, bud!
If rich people preferred only rich people and poor only poor people then - the principle is the same
Nobody ever said that personal preference had to be 'fair', just personal.
I refuse to live my life in a way that doesn't make me happy, this includes chasing preferences to whom I date 4 -
Why would it matter if your spouse/girlfriend doesn't eat what you eat or workout? Kinda narcissistic isn't it?
Someone doesn't have to eat exactly the same as me, but I am healthy and active. I don't want a couch potato or bar rat. It's not the way I live my life. I don't think it's narcissistic to want a partner who shares the same interests and lifestyle.
So a hard working man who stays active doing physical work genetically gifted but doesn't like working out and doesn't eat like you and is devoted to you won't make you happy?
I never said that. I said I want someone who lives a similar lifestyle. Doing physical work is being active. As for the eating part, well honestly, I don't want someone eating pizza, fast food, brownies and cookies (or whatever form of junk food some people eat daily) in front of me everyday. I love food and I love to eat, but those aren't healthy daily choices for a 47 year old woman who prefers to be fit and healthy. If I had to watch someone eating that in front of me everyday I'd be miserable. The opposite of happy. lol
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I think your spouse/dating partner needs to be into fitness as well. It hard to eat well and discuss what will not fit into your macros if they other person could care less. When the other person doesn't want to go with you but complains your in the gym a lot just sucks. If you want to see what I'm doing, get off your *kitten* and go with me. This is a touchy subject since my hubs isn't into fitness at all.1
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I'm not knocking anybodys preference I'm just trying to understand that train of thinking.
Never said you were
I'm simply explaining why having a personal preference isn't narcissistic!
I know for a fact, I couldn't ever hold down a relationship with anybody I didn't feel that 'connection' to and I feel it's far crueller to lead somebody on than to just chase after what I want in the first place 3 -
It's hypocritical to say having a standard, or preference, is narcissistic unless you can honestly say you just got with the first person that would give you the time of day (doubtful).4
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It does matter. My husband is a runner. Now, I hate running with a fiery passion and don't understand how people could possibly love the most boring form of exercise on the planet - but I digress!!
I love that he loves to exercise as much as I do. We do different things, but we both love what we do.2 -
I don't understand why anyone cares what someones personal preference in a partner is. I'm not judging anyone that doesn't live a fit and healthy lifestyle. I just don't wish to have a partner who doesn't.
ETA: I'm also not saying I need a guy who's in the gym 7 days a week. I don't work out that often. I just want someone who is active and wants to go out and do active and fun things.2 -
My husband and I are not doing well. I workout and he doesn't like it so he doesn't. I have lost about 40 pounds since January but 110 in total. It drives me nuts he won't workout and honestly living in a large city, I find I am so judgmental of very overweight people... And I was one, so I can't imagine dating someone who isn't at least somewhat interested in some form of fitness.1
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My partner is a post woman so keeps active during the day. She can then eat 'bad' as she's got an active job, I however work at a desk job.
I now go on the treadmill at 4:30am every morning before work to get my exercises done as its not something we'd be able to do together.
I'm dieting ATM so we eat different foods she even weighs my portions, looks at nutritional labels for me etc. Even though she's not dieting.
She may not have an 'interest in fitness' but she's got an 'interest in me, that's what really counts.
Though I can understand from others perspectives that if you didn't have a treadmill and was going to the gym after work and not seeing her it could potentially put a strain on the relationship. Or if you wanted to get out doing something and they didn't etc
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NorthCascades wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »@DeficitDuchess for the win.
I love @rebel_26 response and @Villae81 who talks of lone time. Smug couples in the gym annoy me. Actually they annoy many others too with all the PDA and gym hall love.
My wife has a fulltime job. She also runs our house and keeps things in order. She has no time to work out and we just go on walks and she watches what she eats. I don't expect her to tag along to the gym so I can enjoy together time. We get plenty of that outside the gym
From a personal standpoint, many hot gym girls I knew would have destroyed me... they were high on debt, didn't have a full time job, 300$ brazilian blow out hairdos (well my wife gets them too) and lived with their parents looking for a white collar/wall street husband who works in NY, like passing from parents home to husbands home. Same interests sure but financing everything she brings to that table.
If a person has to make life decisions based on fitness, it would be very pinching when the long term impact slowly rises its ugly head.
You're right. A woman can't possibly have any interest at all in fitness unless she's a gold digger.
Yeah, who knew a woman could't have a job, a place of their own and work out and be fit as well?
Madness...next your going to suggest that women have thoughts...Madness I tellz ya!2 -
This is interesting considering the push back from the judgy yet self declared, non-judgmental crowd. I wonder what the divorce/separation rate is for those couples who lack common interests/drivers?1
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Guns_N_Buns wrote: »It's hypocritical to say having a standard, or preference, is narcissistic unless you can honestly say you just got with the first person that would give you the time of day (doubtful).
Huh? I'm lost. How is it hypocritical? My standard/preference I like them thick on the right places who can drop it like it's hot and active. Me and my habits work out eats healthy if I find that girl I won't be unhappy if she isn't doing what I'm doing I have my space she has hers
Eta this is Just an example btw
I'm curious, why is it ok to say "My standard/preference I like them thick on the right places" but it's not ok to say you prefer an athletic/fit build?
I'm just trying to understand that train of thinking.3 -
He's gotta be fit so he can catch me if I fall down of from the pole.
An unfit person will only get injured when I crash land on them... :S3 -
Why would it matter if your spouse/girlfriend doesn't eat what you eat or workout? Kinda narcissistic isn't it?
How is it narcissistic to want to have things in common with your counterpart? Someone who is active and enjoys fitness activities probably isn't going to get along too long with someone who just wants to sit around watching t.v.3 -
Why would it matter if your spouse/girlfriend doesn't eat what you eat or workout? Kinda narcissistic isn't it?
Someone doesn't have to eat exactly the same as me, but I am healthy and active. I don't want a couch potato or bar rat. It's not the way I live my life. I don't think it's narcissistic to want a partner who shares the same interests and lifestyle.
So a hard working man who stays active doing physical work genetically gifted but doesn't like working out and doesn't eat like you and is devoted to you won't make you happy?
If my wife didn't enjoy things like cycling and hiking and running and otherwise being out and active we probably wouldn't have been attracted to each other in the first place...probably wouldn't have even met...'cuz things in common...3 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »Why would it matter if your spouse/girlfriend doesn't eat what you eat or workout? Kinda narcissistic isn't it?
How is it narcissistic to want to have things in common with your counterpart? Someone who is active and enjoys fitness activities probably isn't going to get along too long with someone who just wants to sit around watching t.v.
Read the op again it's about fitness trust me theres a lot of fit people out there and stay fit without stepping a foot in a gym or counting calories
And a majority of people in this thread are talking about being active and fit. Not going to the gym or counting calories. My husband would never join a gym and he would never count calories. But, he is active and fit. It's the matched social aspect that matters. That we can enjoy active social activities together.1 -
They don't need to be a gym-obsessed health nut, but yes, my potential partner caring about their general health and appearance is important to me. If anything, it says a thing or two about their character - if someone is willing to put in some effort into their fitness, it tells me they're (most likely) not negligent or lazy, and it ups the odds of them having some sort of aspirations in life beyond simply "making it".1
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What about all those arranged marriages which never seem to end in divorce? Like, they didn't even know each other and the parents brokered the deal. And they don't even seem to be fit people. They're like, thin, but flabby too. Maybe getting a bit paunchy in middle age, but no big deal. Causal or correlative?
This is cultural and causal from the two families brokering the deal. Both families (optimally) are looking out for the best interests of their children to find compatible factors. Fitness and other interests are considered in successfully arranged marriages.1 -
Wow how did having a partner that liked to work out and be fit turn into this??1
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This is interesting and I wonder how many couples really think about this before committing themselves.
For me fitness was very important - I was very fit and always into football, track, swimming, & biathlon. This served me greatly in a military career. When I met my wife it was at university and my primary interest was more intellectual compatibility than physical. I was much more into fitness than my wife at that time, but this has shifted with her becoming much more interested and confident in her abilities. For years she did not think she could run, but now runs daily. Now we are looking to do OCRs together and getting our children involved with our activities.
While this is not critical having similar interests and pursuits has strengthened our relationship.2 -
The first thing that caught my attention was my husband running up and asking if anyone wanted to go white river rafting. Next time I saw him was at a party. I went up and danced with him until we left to talk all night. I fell in love with him because of our mental/emotional connection. But, the fact that he is so fun and creatively fun was a big part of that. I was in school for dance. And we would do stunts together (I am so glad he didn't drop me...eeek). It's never just one thing. It's the whole package. All the ways we connect, understand each other, enjoy each other.0
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I think it will be fun to have my SO enjoy an active lifestyle. He doesn't and he's not considered fit either. It used to bother me a lot more before, but seeing he's my biggest fan and supporting me in whatever i do, I've learned not to pay attention to what divide us and instead concentrate on all his positive contributions to our relationship and to compromise.4
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My SO doesn't care about fitness, but he rides a bike. That's enough for me.2
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My SO isn't near as active as I am. It used to bug me but she is totally my cheerleader and my brother makes a better workout partner anyway.2
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So a hard working man who stays active doing physical work genetically gifted but doesn't like working out and doesn't eat like you and is devoted to you won't make you happy?
If there's no attraction, that's not the kind of thing you can get a lawyer to file an appeal for. You find somebody else instead.
What kind of basis would it be for a relationship if the two people didn't like each other but had to be together out of fairness?
Also, at least for me, and the way I'm reading this for others, it's not so much about the way your partner looks, it's about having something in common with them, and being able to spend time together. Those are worthy goals in any relationship.2 -
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