my husband thinks that I am ungrateful

It really gets me when people say "have willpower". It is called an ADDICTION for a reason. People who can avoid things with sure will power are not addicted to them. An addict literally can NOT say no. I know this from personal experience. I can NOT say no to certain foods. Then I might cry after and feel awful, but I still couldn't say no. Hell, I might cry during. This is why they have rehab for drug addicts - because they need to be locked away from the drugs for a period of time so they can be used to living without it and THEN get the willpower. Science has shown that some foods can be the same way for certain people and our bodies can react as some people react to drugs. The abstinence comes BEFORE the willpower. It works the same with food addicts - this is why some people go to inpatient weight loss facilities. It does NOT mean she will fail long term. This just means that, for now, she needs the people around her to respect that she is dieting and try not to tempt her so she can get used to not having the addictions for a while before she is exposed to them again.

Also, OP, explain that you understand he was being sweet, but please stick to gifts that are not edible. Tell him that maybe he loves you the way you are, but you want to love yourself and feel healthier, so you need his support and understanding, but you do appreciate him thinking of you.

OP has only been dieting 2 weeks. The husband likely isn't thinking about or experiencing what the wife is with the calorie restriction and probably innocently forgot.

I remember when I first cut out sugary items it was really difficult. Some people do experience discomfort, dull headaches, flu like aches and pains, fatigue, malaise, moodiness, and crankiness when first quitting sugar.

My opinion: When one's gone through the worst of it and is presented with something like chocolate, cookies, ice cream, etc which one has been craving, it is tough to turn down in the moment. Especially difficult is resisting when someone lovingly puts it right into one's hands basically. So it is easier for some people to avoid rather than moderate at times, especially when feeling vulnerable to giving in.

It does get easier with time. I was able to break the strong habit for carbs, but it took a change in macro combinations. I basically went LCHF, cut off the sugar supply of treats, rode out the brief couple weeks of side effects and stopped feeding the carb cravings.

Now that I've changed the macro percentages I get appetite blunting and don't get the carb cravings much anymore. It is great!

But I'm fairly sure if I started eating a high carb lifestyle again it could change back. I can walk by most of my old favorites and be indifferent whereas before I would have felt a draw to have them. Quite nice.

It isn't because of willpower that I don't care about sweets so much anymore. I don't really need willpower to resist now. Whereas before I white-knuckled through carb cravings that could last up to an hour before they passed.

In the past I'd remove myself to a different area and actively distract myself until the "hunger" passed which took superhuman willpower to fight against.

I call it "hunger" or "carb cravings" only because there isn't an adequate word I can think of to convey the angsty pull. It wasn't a normal, casual feeling of "I'd like that." It was more like, "I need it now! NOW.

Anyhow. I had good self control to fight the previous cravings while dieting, but it was a stressful, ongoing battle. Now I don't feel the tension.

Thank you to MFP low carb people who helped by sharing tips and resources. Plus I've learned what actual normal hunger signals are and can space meals out much farther than I ever could before.

I don't know how many people can relate. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the minority and maybe not many people do experience this?

paperpudding wrote: »

Sloth I dont think OP was saying otherwise about her husband.

The original question wasnt about whether he is a loving husband but about how to deal with the issue of him giving food gifts.

And whilst all those good things about him may well be true, it is still best to nicely ask him to buy alternative gifts in future.

I'd suggest that the OP talk over her weight loss goals more broadly with her husband. A caring, thoughtful person often makes for a fantastic "cheerleader" Having that kind of support is super helpful.

Birthdays and holidays are often difficult. This is an opportunity to learn what to do at, say, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Will you need to avoid going to gatherings where there will be lots of high-calorie food? Or can you find a way to limit your portions and still be social?

Let him know you are working hard to lose weight. My husband knows I like manicures or pedicures, don't get them often with three kiddos.
How about a shopping card or flowers? I know it's tough hang in there! I have been using benifiber to help me feel full and it has no gritty taste.

For me.. I probably would have enjoyed what he brought me too, on my birthday and I would have said thank you I really enjoyed that for my birthday. Now that I am on my healthier eating plan please don't bring me anymore until my birthday next year. Later in the year you can re-address it. My husband always takes me out to eat and I always over eat, but its only on my birthday or mothers day. Next time I will eat more wisely but I'll probably still go because it makes him happy to think he is making me happy and I have the rest of the days to stick to my diet.

A few strategies:

First, give him suggestions for treats you like now. Maybe it's a smaller sized box. Maybe it's fruit. I don't know. I've gotten my husband to stop bringing me bags of potato chips and start bringing me Bai drinks. The chips are 2000+ calories a bag, the Bai is about 10 calories per drink. Pick something you like.

Second, put the chocolates in a place it is physically difficult to get to. I keep my chocolates on the top shelf of a cabinet in the kitchen. Since I am short and lazy, it takes intent to get a step stool and get the chocolates myself.

Third, you have to take responsibility for yourself. He didn't shove chocolates down your throat. You are going to be faced with many, many more temptations, especially with the holiday season coming. Think about this now, instead of later.

DisruptedMatrix wrote: »

The ones that show that for some people the same reward and pleasure centers of the brain that are triggered by addictive drugs like cocaine and heroin are also activated by food.

-drops mic-

Well, they are also activated by petting puppies and many other things. Anything you enjoy activate those parts of the brain

DebSozo wrote: »

lemurcat12 wrote: »

Since OP is no doubt long gone:

Verity1111 wrote: »

It really gets me when people say "have willpower". It is called an ADDICTION for a reason.

OP's post was not about addiction, it was about dieting. She likes chocolate and finds them hard to turn down. That's normal. It's not like being a heroin addict, that's ridiculous.

The answer, obviously, is communication. However, people suggesting that she should have been angry or resentful toward her husband and mother-in-law and that he was akin to someone bringing his wife who just got out of Betty Ford a bottle of her favorite wine and generally a bad, uncaring person are nuts.

People who can avoid things with sure will power are not addicted to them.

Not true, actually. Someone who has had a problem with alcohol will be exposed to offers and gifts and ads and other situations that make alcohol look easy and tempting ALL the time. Saying no and exercising will power is essential. At first, is it sensible not to make it harder than it needs to be (say, not going to a wine tasting just to hang out), yes, obviously. Similarly (although I do not think it's the same thing), someone trying to avoid overdoing tempting foods might want to portion them out or avoid them for a while and not have them in the house, sure, absolutely. But the person will still get things like gifts or offers or the foods at work or social gatherings, and so has to learn to say no or eat them in moderation.

If I said I was "addicted" to sweets so cannot exercise will power, according to you that would mean that I was either doomed to be fat or had to teach my co-workers that we cannot have sweets on the premises and any sweet treats someone brings or we get as a gift from a vendor, etc., must be tossed immediately. That ridiculous and not feasible.

Just SMH.

Granted, not everyone has difficulties. You can't make blanket statements for all people just because your body is insulin sensitive or responds properly to sugar

In the same way that some people aren't sensitive to alcohol and some are, some are sensitive to sugar or other food sources and some aren't. If a person has a drinking problem, as in your illustration, then the spouse shouldn't buy a bunch of alcohol and hand the person a bottle to teach self restraint or encourage a shot a night until the bottle's gone.

People need to be able to deal with the cards they have been dealt with and their struggles need to be taken seriously.

If you actually reread my post, I said the same thing about chocolates and alcohol (although I think the comparison is ridiculous).

I think OP needs to tell her husband if she doesn't want food gifts (said that ages ago) and that it might make sense for her to keep chocolates out of the house for the time being. I also think that claiming she CANNOT handle temptation because ADDICTED is false -- I get tempted by chocolates at work all the time and if I couldn't figure out a way to deal with that, I'd fail. Same with alcohol. Consuming it or not is a choice.

(I also think she can probably learn to eat chocolates in moderation, but if she's not there yet, that's understandable.)

The equation of being IR and being addicted is honestly ridiculous and bringing this thread off topic.

And no, I find chocolates tempting too and want to overeat them sometimes. That's not, IMO, at all like addiction, but if you want to think it is, cool, whatever. The point, again, is that that doesn't make me (or anyone else) unable to deal with a gift of chocolates without eating them all, any more than I would drink a bottle of wine and say I couldn't help it if/when gifted with such.

miteyme wrote: »

How do I explain to my husband that a box of chocolates is an unsuitable present for a chocoholicoverweight wife in the second week of a weight loss diet. Incidently I responded by eating 15 in quick succession before our birthday tea which included a raspberry and cream dessert cake made by his 92 year old mum. The outcome is 1500 Cal daily excess, an exploding tummy and a deep feeling of resentfulness. Help me!

Her words not mine. So the subject is relevant.

DebSozo wrote: »

lemurcat12 wrote: »

DebSozo wrote: »

lemurcat12 wrote: »

Since OP is no doubt long gone:

Verity1111 wrote: »

It really gets me when people say "have willpower". It is called an ADDICTION for a reason.

OP's post was not about addiction, it was about dieting. She likes chocolate and finds them hard to turn down. That's normal. It's not like being a heroin addict, that's ridiculous.

The answer, obviously, is communication. However, people suggesting that she should have been angry or resentful toward her husband and mother-in-law and that he was akin to someone bringing his wife who just got out of Betty Ford a bottle of her favorite wine and generally a bad, uncaring person are nuts.

People who can avoid things with sure will power are not addicted to them.

Not true, actually. Someone who has had a problem with alcohol will be exposed to offers and gifts and ads and other situations that make alcohol look easy and tempting ALL the time. Saying no and exercising will power is essential. At first, is it sensible not to make it harder than it needs to be (say, not going to a wine tasting just to hang out), yes, obviously. Similarly (although I do not think it's the same thing), someone trying to avoid overdoing tempting foods might want to portion them out or avoid them for a while and not have them in the house, sure, absolutely. But the person will still get things like gifts or offers or the foods at work or social gatherings, and so has to learn to say no or eat them in moderation.

If I said I was "addicted" to sweets so cannot exercise will power, according to you that would mean that I was either doomed to be fat or had to teach my co-workers that we cannot have sweets on the premises and any sweet treats someone brings or we get as a gift from a vendor, etc., must be tossed immediately. That ridiculous and not feasible.

Just SMH.

Granted, not everyone has difficulties. You can't make blanket statements for all people just because your body is insulin sensitive or responds properly to sugar

In the same way that some people aren't sensitive to alcohol and some are, some are sensitive to sugar or other food sources and some aren't. If a person has a drinking problem, as in your illustration, then the spouse shouldn't buy a bunch of alcohol and hand the person a bottle to teach self restraint or encourage a shot a night until the bottle's gone.

People need to be able to deal with the cards they have been dealt with and their struggles need to be taken seriously.

If you actually reread my post, I said the same thing about chocolates and alcohol (although I think the comparison is ridiculous).

I think OP needs to tell her husband if she doesn't want food gifts (said that ages ago) and that it might make sense for her to keep chocolates out of the house for the time being. I also think that claiming she CANNOT handle temptation because ADDICTED is false -- I get tempted by chocolates at work all the time and if I couldn't figure out a way to deal with that, I'd fail. Same with alcohol. Consuming it or not is a choice.

(I also think she can probably learn to eat chocolates in moderation, but if she's not there yet, that's understandable.)

The equation of being IR and being addicted is honestly ridiculous and bringing this thread off topic.

And no, I find chocolates tempting too and want to overeat them sometimes. That's not, IMO, at all like addiction, but if you want to think it is, cool, whatever. The point, again, is that that doesn't make me (or anyone else) unable to deal with a gift of chocolates without eating them all, any more than I would drink a bottle of wine and say I couldn't help it if/when gifted with such.

I respect your viewpoints and agree with many of them. OP ate 15 chocolates and didn't want to. End of story.

That has nothing to do with whatever point you're trying to make.

If you have IR and there are chocolates in front of you, what allows you to not eat them?

lemurcat12 wrote: »

Since OP is no doubt long gone:

Verity1111 wrote: »

It really gets me when people say "have willpower". It is called an ADDICTION for a reason.

OP's post was not about addiction, it was about dieting. She likes chocolate and finds them hard to turn down. That's normal. It's not like being a heroin addict, that's ridiculous.

The answer, obviously, is communication. However, people suggesting that she should have been angry or resentful toward her husband and mother-in-law and that he was akin to someone bringing his wife who just got out of Betty Ford a bottle of her favorite wine and generally a bad, uncaring person are nuts.

People who can avoid things with sure will power are not addicted to them.

Not true, actually. Someone who has had a problem with alcohol will be exposed to offers and gifts and ads and other situations that make alcohol look easy and tempting ALL the time. Saying no and exercising will power is essential. At first, is it sensible not to make it harder than it needs to be (say, not going to a wine tasting just to hang out), yes, obviously. Similarly (although I do not think it's the same thing), someone trying to avoid overdoing tempting foods might want to portion them out or avoid them for a while and not have them in the house, sure, absolutely. But the person will still get things like gifts or offers or the foods at work or social gatherings, and so has to learn to say no or eat them in moderation.

If I said I was "addicted" to sweets so cannot exercise will power, according to you that would mean that I was either doomed to be fat or had to teach my co-workers that we cannot have sweets on the premises and any sweet treats someone brings or we get as a gift from a vendor, etc., must be tossed immediately. That ridiculous and not feasible.

Just SMH.

You seem to have no idea what an addiction is. It is not about choices. It has to do with the brain. Different chemicals and them seriously overriding your body.

Here is a great example comparing chocolate to cocaine in a study with rats.

"Would a rat risk dying just to satisfy its desire for chocolate?
I recently found out. In my laboratory, we gave rats unlimited access to their standard fare as well as to a mini cafeteria full of appetizing, high-calorie foods: sausage, cheesecake, chocolate. The rats decreased their intake of the healthy but bland items and switched to eating the cafeteria food almost exclusively. They gained weight. They became obese.
We then warned the rats as they were eating—by flashing a light—that they would receive a nasty foot shock. Rats eating the bland chow would quickly stop and scramble away, but time and again the obese rats continued to devour the rich food, ignoring the warning they had been trained to fear. Their hedonic desire overruled their basic sense of self-preservation.
Our finding mirrored a previous trial by Barry Everitt of the University of Cambridge—only his rats were hooked on cocaine."

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-obesity-an-addiction/

"Sugar and other junk foods, due to their powerful effect on the reward centers of the brain, function similarly to drugs of abuse like cocaine and nicotine"
https://authoritynutrition.com/how-sugar-makes-you-addicted/

"The reviewed evidence supports the theory that, in some circumstances, intermittent access to sugar can lead to behavior and neurochemical changes that resemble the effects of a substance of abuse. According to the evidence in rats, intermittent access to sugar and chow is capable of producing a “dependency”. This was operationally defined by tests for bingeing, withdrawal, craving and cross-sensitization to amphetamine and alcohol. "
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2235907/

My husband eats sweets & always offers me some. sometimes he puts it by my mouth & says, "just take a bite" i turn away & say no thank you. What he feels is up to him. I'm nice about it. A few things he offers i do tell him I cant have just a bite, i'll eat 15 so I choose to not have any