Boyfriends standards of weight?
Leaz947
Posts: 69 Member
Hi guys!
I have a slight problem here, I started losing weight a week ago because I weighed myself in front of my boyfriend for the same time and I weighed 66.4kg while he weighed 70kg.
He instantly started complaining about how he doesn't want his girlfriend to weigh nearly as much as him and how he wants me to weigh less. This is the first time he has ever said anything negative about my weight, I'm 5'8" and slightly chubby. However, I had been thinking about losing a bit of weight for some time so I allowed him to say that and reduced my calories, started eating healthy and exercising.
Ever since then all he does everyday is tell me that I'm still fat and need to lose more (I'm not fat, I'm chubby, my BMI is healthy and I'm a size 10/12).
Whenever I tell him that I'm cooking he tells me to watch what I eat, I just informed him that I lost two kilograms in a week and he told me that I need to lose at least 10? We have been in a relationship for 2 years and meanwhile his standards are really high to the point of being unfair, they never have physically.
I feel as if when I get the body I want I will resent him for only being attractive to such a slim body, he said that it's a "fair exchange" because he has a "hot" body???
While his body is nice, he has a normal body, nothing extraordinary and I felt quite offended by it.
How do I get over this problem? It's really bugging me. Oh, he also gets like this with other things such as my intelligence, calling me a retard, idiot,etc.
How should I solve all of this?
(No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)
I have a slight problem here, I started losing weight a week ago because I weighed myself in front of my boyfriend for the same time and I weighed 66.4kg while he weighed 70kg.
He instantly started complaining about how he doesn't want his girlfriend to weigh nearly as much as him and how he wants me to weigh less. This is the first time he has ever said anything negative about my weight, I'm 5'8" and slightly chubby. However, I had been thinking about losing a bit of weight for some time so I allowed him to say that and reduced my calories, started eating healthy and exercising.
Ever since then all he does everyday is tell me that I'm still fat and need to lose more (I'm not fat, I'm chubby, my BMI is healthy and I'm a size 10/12).
Whenever I tell him that I'm cooking he tells me to watch what I eat, I just informed him that I lost two kilograms in a week and he told me that I need to lose at least 10? We have been in a relationship for 2 years and meanwhile his standards are really high to the point of being unfair, they never have physically.
I feel as if when I get the body I want I will resent him for only being attractive to such a slim body, he said that it's a "fair exchange" because he has a "hot" body???
While his body is nice, he has a normal body, nothing extraordinary and I felt quite offended by it.
How do I get over this problem? It's really bugging me. Oh, he also gets like this with other things such as my intelligence, calling me a retard, idiot,etc.
How should I solve all of this?
(No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)
4
Replies
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Sorry guys, kind of the wrong thread
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I'm having a hard time understanding why you don't want to leave someone who verbally abuses you and is apparently a vain doosh to begin with.170
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Dump him64
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if you are not willing to leave this abusive relationship, I don't think there is much that can be done for either you or him... he will not change as long as you are willing to accept being treated like dirt.74
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This is an abusive relationship ... he should love and encourage you ... not put you down. You deserve better plain and simple.58
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You might be too close to this, but it appears that everyone on the outside, looking in, thinks this is a potentially abusive relationship that will only get worse with time.
Plus, you're so young! Ditch this guy and go live life to the fullest.52 -
Seriously?11
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elliebrierleyz wrote: »Hi guys!
Ever since then all he does everyday is tell me that I'm still fat and need to lose more
Oh, he also gets like this with other things such as my intelligence, calling me a retard, idiot,etc.
(No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)
this makes me so sad...
24 -
I'd say you need to lose 70kg right away.200
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My advice is make yourself happy first. If he doesn't like it, he can take a leap.
I'm guessing you and your boyfriend are still quite young. The odds that this guy is not your forever. Learn a lesson from him about what you don't like in a man, and keep looking.14 -
find someone who appreciates you for who you are.20
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Tell him that a human male is at least 6 foot tall and 200lbs.
In all seriousness, this guy is at the least verbally abusive. I hope you can get out soon.19 -
Calliope610 wrote: »elliebrierleyz wrote: »Hi guys!
Ever since then all he does everyday is tell me that I'm still fat and need to lose more
Oh, he also gets like this with other things such as my intelligence, calling me a retard, idiot,etc.
(No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)
this makes me so sad...
Very sad.5 -
You need to leave that spectacular douchbag. Your relationship has nowhere to go but down.21
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You say you have a 'slight' problem. I would say you have a 70kg problem. Ditch him.56
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Sorry, life is much to short to put up with that kind of treatment. Get rid now and tell him to grow up. I promise you he will only get much, much worse.15
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elliebrierleyz wrote: »(No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)
Well, then you're not going to get any advice because literally the only decent advice in this situation is to dump him and gtfo. Just based on your post, this relationship seems abusive, controlling, and possibly narcissistic. Unfortunately, only you can make the decision to leave. And leaving is the only thing that's going to help you.
29 -
elliebrierleyz wrote: »Hi guys!
I have a slight problem here, I started losing weight a week ago because I weighed myself in front of my boyfriend for the same time and I weighed 66.4kg while he weighed 70kg.
He instantly started complaining about how he doesn't want his girlfriend to weigh nearly as much as him and how he wants me to weigh less. This is the first time he has ever said anything negative about my weight, I'm 5'8" and slightly chubby. However, I had been thinking about losing a bit of weight for some time so I allowed him to say that and reduced my calories, started eating healthy and exercising.
Ever since then all he does everyday is tell me that I'm still fat and need to lose more (I'm not fat, I'm chubby, my BMI is healthy and I'm a size 10/12).
Whenever I tell him that I'm cooking he tells me to watch what I eat, I just informed him that I lost two kilograms in a week and he told me that I need to lose at least 10? We have been in a relationship for 2 years and meanwhile his standards are really high to the point of being unfair, they never have physically.
I feel as if when I get the body I want I will resent him for only being attractive to such a slim body, he said that it's a "fair exchange" because he has a "hot" body???
While his body is nice, he has a normal body, nothing extraordinary and I felt quite offended by it.
How do I get over this problem? It's really bugging me. Oh, he also gets like this with other things such as my intelligence, calling me a retard, idiot,etc.
How should I solve all of this?
(No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)
I'm 5'8 and 72kg and my body is banging
I'm not fat, I'm not chubby ...I'm perfect at my aesthetic and all kinds of awesome
Your boyfriend is a *kitten* ...I could easily squat or deadlift your boyfriend, maybe he needs to bulk
59 -
RachaelRenk wrote: »elliebrierleyz wrote: »(No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)
Well, then you're not going to get any advice because literally the only decent advice in this situation is to dump him and gtfo. Just based on your post, this relationship seems abusive, controlling, and possibly narcissistic. Unfortunately, only you can make the decision to leave. And leaving is the only thing that's going to help you.
I'm with the poster above. You've already gone ahead and said that you don't want to hear what is actually the solution, so I'm really not at all sure what you're looking for in the way of an answer here.9 -
By the way ..when I was 24kg heavier my husband thought I was beautiful then too
That is a partner worth having. Someone who makes you stronger and not weaker42 -
OP, I'm genuinely curious, when you posted this, what sort of advice were you looking for? Because stating up front that you aren't interested in leaving him, you had to have known that was going to be the majority of the advice you would get. And if you knew that was the advice you'd get, then you must have at least considered this already, and decided you weren't willing to do that (whatever your reasons are). So what sort of advice did you hope for? Ways to humiliate him and make him feel as bad as he makes you? Ways to drop the weight quickly so you can achieve the perfect girlfriend body that he is hoping for? Because people aren't going to give you any of that sort of advice - so I'm failing to see what can happen here, other than just validation and sympathy? I not really big on that sort of thing, so I'm just going to suggest that you seek counseling and a backbone.40
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Oh, and if your boyfriend is really THAT hung up on weight, maybe he should be the one getting his lanky *kitten* to the gym. Your weight sounds like a perfectly reasonable and average one.14
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Me too, weight does not matter to someone who loves you.4
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Don't lose yourself in the process of loving someone and forget that you are special too.
A controlling, demeaning man who wants you to meet his standards? It's impossible to reach and usually a moving target.
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Abandon ship. This one's sinking fast.15
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Wow.2
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You need to dump him.
But if you're not gonna dump him, and he doesn't want his girlfriend weighing almost as much as he does, he needs to get his butt over to the "Gaining Weight" forum and figure out what he can do about his situation.24 -
If he truly loved you he wouldn't care how much you weighed. And losing 10 kg from where you started would put you at the bottom of a healthy BMI. Break up with him, lose the weight you want to/lift to get the body you want, then find someone who values you 100%.14
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