How to talk to those who think I have lost enough and am getting too thin

245

Replies

  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Are you talking about your weight loss, etc to other people? I ask because I've rarely if ever seen this happen unsolicited...the only time I've ever had anyone make a comment like that was when I was like, "I'd really like to drop another 5-10 Lbs" and then I'd get the whole, "you don't need to lose anymore weight" or "from where" thing...otherwise, nobody ever said anything really except the occasional, "you're looking fit."
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    edited November 2016
    Ruatine wrote: »
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    Are you talking about your weight loss, etc to other people? I ask because I've rarely if ever seen this happen unsolicited...the only time I've ever had anyone make a comment like that was when I was like, "I'd really like to drop another 5-10 Lbs" and then I'd get the whole, "you don't need to lose anymore weight" or "from where" thing...otherwise, nobody ever said anything really except the occasional, "you're looking fit."

    For what it's worth, I never talk about my weight loss or eating habits, and I still receive comments from friends and coworkers about how "skinny" I'm getting and that I don't need to lose any more weight. Could be a men vs. women thing. Could be a demographics thing. Who knows.

    My experience is the same as cwolfman13's. I work with nearly all women and live in the Midwest US, where being fat is the norm. I tend to think the people who get comments are social chitchatters or people who have just never put their feet down to set solid boundaries.

    Oh, say *this is not up for discussion* and leave it at that.
  • Berkgal33
    Berkgal33 Posts: 71 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    Are you talking about your weight loss, etc to other people? I ask because I've rarely if ever seen this happen unsolicited...the only time I've ever had anyone make a comment like that was when I was like, "I'd really like to drop another 5-10 Lbs" and then I'd get the whole, "you don't need to lose anymore weight" or "from where" thing...otherwise, nobody ever said anything really except the occasional, "you're looking fit."

    I NEVER talk about my weight loss journey to anyone except immediate family. It's very personal to me, as I have lost and regained the weight before. Even when asked I say as little as possible. I have been asked on multiple occasions if I had cancer, had weight loss surgery and one charming man assumed I was having an affair because a 50 year old woman would never lose that much weight for herself! I always say I eat less and move more. That's the key.



  • silverfiend
    silverfiend Posts: 329 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    Are you talking about your weight loss, etc to other people? I ask because I've rarely if ever seen this happen unsolicited...the only time I've ever had anyone make a comment like that was when I was like, "I'd really like to drop another 5-10 Lbs" and then I'd get the whole, "you don't need to lose anymore weight" or "from where" thing...otherwise, nobody ever said anything really except the occasional, "you're looking fit."

    Nope, i get it from people quite often and i never talk about my weight or diet unless directly asked
  • davert123
    davert123 Posts: 1,568 Member
    let your feet do the talking :-)
  • she800hunter2014
    she800hunter2014 Posts: 39 Member
    Tell them thank you for your concern but your working with your doctor and or nutritionist and they know what is best for your health. Also for your height and weight that they recommend you get to around 150 so that it takes you out of that risk level for High Blood pressure and other health related issues. I too was told I was losing to much weight because I went from 230 to currently 160 at 5.5 from a 16-18 dress a size 6. I finally tell them "THANK YOU" and laugh as I walk away.
  • tinamarie6624
    tinamarie6624 Posts: 182 Member
    I just tell people that I know what weight I should be and where I look good. I also try to let them know that I am doing this the healthy way and I appreciate their concern.
  • icemom011
    icemom011 Posts: 999 Member
    Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »
    When I lost weight, and folks thought it was too much and I should stop (It wasn't ever too much, I landed at 130Lbs at 5'6") I'd say: I see me naked. I see the number on the scale. I got it. Thanks.

    I like that, good way to put it, not rude but on the mark. Many of my clients suggest same thing, stop, you're loosing too much, or "you're not done? You're trying to lose more? " and certain look afterwards. Can't be rude to them, but it could be annoying. Also, some of them just size me up and estimate how many pounds I'm down since they saw me last. Hehe. Surprisingly, they are pretty close. Not sure how.
  • icemom011
    icemom011 Posts: 999 Member
    I usually just dismiss the comments like that, tell them that I'll stop when I'm happy and promise that i won't end up with ED.
  • GeertH
    GeertH Posts: 18 Member
    If you log all your food intake in MFP, maybe you can show them the log. Bonus points if it's almost all healthy foods. Then ask 'm what they ate the past days.

    In the end it's a tricky subject. If it were friends or acquaintances I'd tell them to mind their own business. But in my case it's usually my mom that starts saying I'm too thin or looking unhealthy. Since I drive my weight for the purpose of strength training I gain and lose quite a bit over the course of a year and know what I'm doing and exactly what my goals are. Although I'm a grown man I guess I'll always just be her kid and she wants to feed me well when I visit. When I'm gaining weight that's great and she enjoys seeing me scarf down the food. But when I'm cutting fat I have to refuse a lot of things. What's more is, she's been overweight as long as I've known her, so I feel her view of what constitutes a healthy weight is skewed. Occasionally it feels like emotional manipulation when I'm coming over and she got a lot of food for me, that I can't eat, even though I told her I'd take care of my own diet.
    I can't really get angry about it because of course it's all with the best of intentions. With some folks there's jealousy at play, or a (perhaps subconscious) desire not to see you outperform them. But my mom just wants me to be healthy. That just makes it all the more painful when I'm busting my *kitten* weighing all my food, taking care of my diet and aiming for a low body fat percentage only to hear that I'm looking "emaciated". I guess I could try telling her that it's insulting, but in my experience there's little you can do but tell folks you're fine, you don't have an eating disorder and then go about your business knowing at least for yourself that you're doing well.

    In the end what matters is what you know is right. You're doing this for yourself. No matter what you'll try in life, someone will be there to bring you down. The winners are the ones that don't let them.
  • SusanMFindlay
    SusanMFindlay Posts: 1,804 Member
    edited November 2016
    "Thanks for your concern, but I'm fine."

    If they insist on a follow up: "I'm eating plenty; I've just been getting a bit more exercise. I'm hoping to... <insert fitness goal here>" or something of that nature.
  • elka67
    elka67 Posts: 268 Member
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    Stop talking about your weight loss.

    If someone asks if you've list weight just say no and change the subject

    I like this one, just say "Nope" . If they persist look them in the eye and ask how much they weigh ;-)
    I think if you reply with detail you've allowed them to think they can keep on butting in with unwanted critiques.

    My dad told my mum my weight loss had made me look like a man. My husband and I disagree so who cares.
    I was 5'4 and 132 lbs (9 stone 6lb)
    Well done on the weight loss :-)

  • frannyupnorth
    frannyupnorth Posts: 56 Member
    I think it's just unnerving for people to see change. I think it takes around a year for people to see the new you as normal. Since dedicated weight loss is probably slightly faster than weight gain, unless you're only doing a 200cal deficit or something the change is more noticeable. Although it seems to be about 10kg before anyone notices a change.
  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
    "I appreciate your concern, but my body is not up for discussion" and change the subject.
  • crzycatlady1
    crzycatlady1 Posts: 1,930 Member
    Berkgal33 wrote: »
    First let me start by saying I am not TOO thin. I am 5'6.5" tall and weigh 170. My goal is 150. I am a size 12, almost in a 10. I am a BIG girl with big bones(really) and very broad shoulders. My problem is so many people have told me I need to stop losing now, it's enough. I am getting too thin. They refuse to believe me until I disclose how much I weigh and I HATE to do that. I understand I started at 250 and a size 20, and it's a big change; but they refuse to believe I am still in the overweight category. Any advice on how to deal and what to say to people would be welcome.

    I'm 5ft, 6in as well and in maintenance I'm around 130 lbs. You're dealing with a very common issue that happens when someone loses weight and it's not about you, it's about the other people. Distorted perspectives, insecurity, jealousy and misguided concern from loved ones are just part of the package and eventually the comments will slow down and then stop. Just smile politely when it happens and then change the topic or walk away. You're doing great and have made fantastic progress!
  • dragon_girl26
    dragon_girl26 Posts: 2,187 Member
    edited November 2016
    Your stats are almost the same as mine, including your starting weight (mine was 241, am currently 160 lbs). I get that crap from a couple of friends who tell me I am 'so tiny' now and I need to stop. When I tell them I'm still in the overweight category for my height (5'6"), they tell me that BMI is wrong and I shouldn't go by that. I'm wearing a size 8-10, though...more 10 than 8, so I know what you mean. I am not going to let them make my decision for me, though, so I just ignore it. People mean well, but they don't always get it, especially if they are heavier. It's why I try not to tell people I am still losing - I just do it.
  • trigden1991
    trigden1991 Posts: 4,658 Member
    I never talk about diet/fitness/weight unless someone asks me a specific question and even then I try to move on quickly. Most people don't truly understand the reasonings, methods or techniques.
  • krissy5686
    krissy5686 Posts: 51 Member
    Do what you need to do! I'm in roughly the same boat as you - my loss has gotten to the point where people have really noticing. And now I get "OMG - you're just wasting away now! Too much!" And no, I'm really not.

    I smile and change the subject usually. Then later roll my eyes to myself about it. Silly how people feel the need to comment about other people's bodies.
  • DebSozo
    DebSozo Posts: 2,578 Member
    edited November 2016
    Berkgal33 wrote: »
    The post was not compete, I didn't know why. I went back and edited it. Started at 250, and size 20.

    Well no wonder people think your weight loss is amazing! Size 20 down to a size 12 is terrific. The average female in USA is a size 16. So you are much smaller than "average". Plus you have a broad frame and can easily hide pounds. That can be an asset.
  • kgirlhart
    kgirlhart Posts: 5,185 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    Are you talking about your weight loss, etc to other people? I ask because I've rarely if ever seen this happen unsolicited...the only time I've ever had anyone make a comment like that was when I was like, "I'd really like to drop another 5-10 Lbs" and then I'd get the whole, "you don't need to lose anymore weight" or "from where" thing...otherwise, nobody ever said anything really except the occasional, "you're looking fit."

    I never talk about my weight loss unless I am specifically asked about it, and I get the "you don't need to lose any more weight" comments all the time. I find it very annoying. I usually just tell them that I have reached my goal and I am not trying to lose any more weight. When I was still losing I just told them that my goal was the middle of the healthy weight range for my height and when I got there I would stop. I also think it is amusing that so many people will warn me against losing too much weight, but when I was creeping up to 200 pounds no one ever suggested that I didn't need to gain any more weight.
  • EricaH7
    EricaH7 Posts: 74 Member
    I get this a lot too. I carry my weight well, I am very curvy, and look a lot lighter than other people of my same weight and height. I just don't tell people how much I want to lose anymore. When people ask if I am still trying to lose I always just respond yup! just a few more pounds to go! by making it sound like I am close to my goal they seem to shut up about it. :wink:
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