Unsupportive partners/spouses?
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A year ago when I began the journey he was openly skeptical as he'd seen me start stuff and give up so many times.
His attitude was pretty stinky to be honest at the start and it actually added fuel to my determination to do it.
Gradually he became more and more supportive and then my main cheerleader! I hit goal in the summer and that's when he suddenly decided to do it (MFP) himself and he hit his goal at Christmas! I couldn't believe my luck as I'd never nagged him to do it!15 -
hamstertango wrote: »A year ago when I began the journey he was openly skeptical as he'd seen me start stuff and give up so many times.
His attitude was pretty stinky to be honest at the start and it actually added fuel to my determination to do it.
Gradually he became more and more supportive and then my main cheerleader! I hit goal in the summer and that's when he suddenly decided to do it (MFP) himself and he hit his goal at Christmas! I couldn't believe my luck as I'd never nagged him to do it!
Thanks for sharing your story. That is awesome that you stuck with your routine and met your goals! That is great that he is now on the bandwagon.1 -
Inspired by this tread to be a better girlfriend!! We are both trying to lose weight and gain muscle but yesterday he didn't gym before work because I was too tired and he doesn't drive, didn't swim in the evening instead because I didn't want to and then I made cake.
Although he could learn to drive and he could've just had one slice instead of half the cake but it's easier much easier to be good if you do it together.7 -
Inspired by this tread to be a better girlfriend!! We are both trying to lose weight and gain muscle but yesterday he didn't gym before work because I was too tired and he doesn't drive, didn't swim in the evening instead because I didn't want to and then I made cake.
Although he could learn to drive and he could've just had one slice instead of half the cake but it's easier much easier to be good if you do it together.
Haha yes. I think you will both achieve your goals more quickly if you stop skipping workouts and start skipping the cake
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Happy Hump Day!0
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Hey friend!!
I do know the difficulty of an unsupportive partner. My guy is thin as a rail and has a metabolism like a bullet train! He eats like crap most of the time, and encourages me to join in saying it's OK here and there...until it turns into a regular occurrence. I put on a lot of weight in 2016, and he helped me do it--obviously my own choices, but he helped. Now that he's realized how bad my weight gain was, I can't lose fast enough for him. He thinks it should be easy for me to lose because it's hard for him to gain, and he thinks it should be "not overnight but faster than it's going" so he assumes I'm cheating my meals and not exercising enough, even though I work out with him 2-3 times a week and about as many times on my own. It's beyond frustrating, but it does help to remember that, even though it hurts that he isn't so patient or supportive of me, I'm doing the right stuff for myself and I will get to a better place with time.
Anyhoo, I'm working on it, and I see you doing great things on my feed every day...just keep doing what you're doing! It's truly an inspiration to me when I see you and other friends being consistent and working hard. That's where I get my support and motivation from when I'm not finding it at home
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My husband has never in the history of time been remotely supportive at all. I no longer share any thing with this man. If I am sad, angry, stressed, anxious, in a panic, needing love, affection, a listening ear etc... I know better than to approach him. It hurts to know that the one person I should be able to count on is the one person I definitely can't. However I support him in all that he does none the less. One day he will wish he would have done things differently.9
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My husband is a believer in the (stupid) myth that women can't lift heavy weights cause they'll bulk up.
So needless to say I can't share my awesome personal bests or excitement at the doms afterwards etc. All of my food choices are apparently wrong...
he does however enjoy our improved sex life. And my weight loss has done wonders for my confidence2 -
Yes, it is sometimes true that men can be clueless and selfish when it comes to being supportive. I internalize a lot of what I think and feel. Sometimes it's better that way. You can only change you.3
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Karen_can_do_this wrote: »My husband is a believer in the (stupid) myth that women can't lift heavy weights cause they'll bulk up.
So needless to say I can't share my awesome personal bests or excitement at the doms afterwards etc. All of my food choices are apparently wrong...
he does however enjoy our improved sex life. And my weight loss has done wonders for my confidence
I can totally relate to what you're saying. It sucks that he is not there throughout your journey, not just at the end.
Weight loss does wonders in the confidence department and it's awesome!0 -
Hope everyone had a good Hump Day.0
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I recently lost nearly 300 pounds of deadweight overnight! I got divorced from a man who oversaw nearly 50 pounds of weight gain since all we ever did was eat together. This was NOT the reason for the divorce but making good choices now is spool much easier. Woo!12
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Thank you for sharing your story. I think at the end of the day, we must love ourselves. We only have one life to live so why not be healthy. It is hard when the one you love, doesn't support you.
I started this discussion/group for an outlet for people to reach out for support. Feel free to add me.0 -
Mine and I started together 4 years ago and he has since lost his mojo.
Now if he notices any body gains on me he will say something along the lines of "your shoulders look more muscled than mine (hardly close to true)". Or "what's your end game here?"
Then out of the blue he will say "make me get up with you when you go to gym" (5.30am). I've long stopped doing that as he's never joined me.2 -
Mine and I started together 4 years ago and he has since lost his mojo.
Now if he notices any body gains on me he will say something along the lines of "your shoulders look more muscled than mine (hardly close to true)". Or "what's your end game here?"
Then out of the blue he will say "make me get up with you when you go to gym" (5.30am). I've long stopped doing that as he's never joined me.
I can relate to your story. My hubby is the same way. He will start a routine but after a week or two, he'll quit. Committing to an exercise routine can be challenging to some people. It is ok to take a break but not quit. Just keep up what you are doing. I am sure eventually he'll come around.0 -
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. For the most part what I have come up with is that between the two of us we just have totally different views regarding food. I try and look at everything that goes in my mouth and though I admit I love sweets and overindulge (my view) a little too much, I try and balance it out in the end. Now my other half, looks at meals (that I prepare) and will tell me I am over feeding him - NO, it is all the other stuff that he eats here and there. Like trying everything at happy hour for instance or the cookie or caramel corn that was just a little cup full, etc.. In his view it's just a little bit - yeah a little bit of highly processed food that 3 or 4 items equals the calories in my dinner.
So having someone who has not learned that hard lesson about how sneaky calories are makes it really hard to co-exist at times. I now he really doesn't mean anything by buying me ice cream -he just fails to realize how little self-control I have at times.6 -
Being supportive of someone requires patience and understanding. No one goes on a diet because their spouse or someone else asks or tells them to. It works best when its internally driven, from concept to implementation.
Note that, if you are completely committed, you cannot be sabotaged!2 -
Wow. Some of these stories are disheartening. I can also relate, though no where as extreme as some these examples.
All I can say is that people can be so immature and whiny when it comes to someone (friend or spouse) trying to better themselves. I think they feel guilty that their own lifestyle is so awful and want those close to them to be as well. So they throw ugly comments and try to deliberately tempt you with junk food, even if they know you might be struggling with self control. It's like they get sad satisfaction if they can break you.8 -
Thank you all for your recent posts and comments.1
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angiejim0415 wrote: »My husband is so sweet, but ever since we met, I've been telling him I was trying to eat healthy and lose weight. To this day he brings me home candy and sodas because he thinks he's doing something nice for me. I love that he's thinking about me, but I wish he'd bring me home an edible arrangement or a v8 or something instead. To top it off, the man LOVES junk food. So its a constant battle when were trying to compromise on what to eat.
Are you sure we aren't secretly married to the same person?? Seriously, this is what mine does all the time. Even worse is that he needs to lose because of job requirements (Navy doesn't like overweight sailors and all that) and he still brings home candy, ice cream, Oreos or other junk snack cakes to eat. He has no problem eating anything I cook or eating healthy foods, he just seems to want to supplement it with a bunch of deliciously bad for you.
We also can't really support each other via exercise because of work constraints.. so that must always be separate, which does make it harder some days. He's also kind of wishy-washy in regards to both consistent exercise and eating choices.
I would say he's supportive in every other way, but it's definitely frustrating when you're trying to do something for yourself, they definitely need to be doing something on their own as well and yet still, they bring in a bunch of junk and do nice things that undermine your efforts.
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Mine is supportive in theory, but undermines my efforts every. single. time. If I actually tell him I have a structured plan to manage my eating habits, he will, without exception, come home that evening with cake or cookies or something that he has bought just for me! He doesn't even know he does this, but he does. So this time I'm just not saying anything and then doing all of the meal planning and shopping on my own.
And don't even get me started with the sabotage that comes with trying to work out!
Story of my life0 -
My fiancé is the worst. He loves winding me up. He constantly tells me that I'm putting on weight, then he orders pizza and it's a vicious cycle.
I'm great during the week, because we live separately, but the weekends are my biggest downfall because I go to his place. He smokes and eats a lot of junk food, but he's not concerned about his health. He doesn't want to exercise and tells me off on how I am eating and exercising
I have PCOS too, so I need to look after myself, but it seems he doesn't want me to do that.
I go to the gym near his place at the weekends, though he doesn't like it because we never spend time together.
It brings me down and this morning he says I look like a cat that's been dragged through the wind when I workout (Insanity + lifting).
*rant over...for now!!*3 -
Thanks ladies for your posts. I completely understand your frustrations. Been there myself. I am not sure if "they" do these nice things out of kindness or if it is a passive aggressive thing. Just stay strong!1
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So glad I'm not alone.
The hurt little puppy eyes DH gives when I say 'no' to ice-cream, chips, wine, etc. He knows I'm upset about my weight, but 'it's just a little bit' or 'you've had a rough day'... and I give in. Yes it's lovely he is thoughtful, but if junk food is in the house, I will eat it! I put on so much weight in 2016 that I feel awful in my own skin.
With a toddler to look after, I just can't get to the gym (or leave the house) easily and convenience foods are just so...convenient. I'm hoping that MFP will help keep me on track.
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I have been thinking about this a lot lately. For the most part what I have come up with is that between the two of us we just have totally different views regarding food. I try and look at everything that goes in my mouth and though I admit I love sweets and overindulge (my view) a little too much, I try and balance it out in the end. Now my other half, looks at meals (that I prepare) and will tell me I am over feeding him - NO, it is all the other stuff that he eats here and there. Like trying everything at happy hour for instance or the cookie or caramel corn that was just a little cup full, etc.. In his view it's just a little bit - yeah a little bit of highly processed food that 3 or 4 items equals the calories in my dinner.
So having someone who has not learned that hard lesson about how sneaky calories are makes it really hard to co-exist at times. I now he really doesn't mean anything by buying me ice cream -he just fails to realize how little self-control I have at times.
You should have him write down everything he eats for a few days then add it up in myfitnesspal and show him! Set the meals up as breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. Then you can visually show him how many calories those here and there snacks have compared to the other meals (since each meal including the snacks will have their own calorie totals).2 -
Mine and I started together 4 years ago and he has since lost his mojo.
Now if he notices any body gains on me he will say something along the lines of "your shoulders look more muscled than mine (hardly close to true)". Or "what's your end game here?"
Then out of the blue he will say "make me get up with you when you go to gym" (5.30am). I've long stopped doing that as he's never joined me.
That's odd that he had successs for 4 years but then only recently lost his mojo... did something happen to knock him off course? It sounds like he is asking for support. He needs to figure out what changed for him to give up on fitness and get back on track because he obviously isn't happy.2 -
So glad I'm not alone.
The hurt little puppy eyes DH gives when I say 'no' to ice-cream, chips, wine, etc. He knows I'm upset about my weight, but 'it's just a little bit' or 'you've had a rough day'... and I give in. Yes it's lovely he is thoughtful, but if junk food is in the house, I will eat it! I put on so much weight in 2016 that I feel awful in my own skin.
With a toddler to look after, I just can't get to the gym (or leave the house) easily and convenience foods are just so...convenient. I'm hoping that MFP will help keep me on track.
Yikes! I know what you mean, my man did the same thing at first... maybe you can offer alternatives- like say "oh no thank you darling, but a foot rub would be amazing right now!", or "thanks but candy and ice cream doesn't make me feel any better, how about next time you bring me flowers?", or maybe "I'm not in the mood for wine right now, but maybe could you keep our toddler entertained for the next half hour while I do a quick workout? Thanks!" 9 -
hello everyone, i am new to this. my issue is not that my spouse is unspportive but he tends to buy things and eats them in front of me, etc..1
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