Unsupportive partners/spouses?

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  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Hope everyone had a good Hump Day.
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Thank you for sharing your story. I think at the end of the day, we must love ourselves. We only have one life to live so why not be healthy. It is hard when the one you love, doesn't support you.

    I started this discussion/group for an outlet for people to reach out for support. Feel free to add me.
  • grapaj
    grapaj Posts: 136 Member
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    Mine and I started together 4 years ago and he has since lost his mojo.

    Now if he notices any body gains on me he will say something along the lines of "your shoulders look more muscled than mine (hardly close to true)". Or "what's your end game here?"

    Then out of the blue he will say "make me get up with you when you go to gym" (5.30am). I've long stopped doing that as he's never joined me.
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    grapaj wrote: »
    Mine and I started together 4 years ago and he has since lost his mojo.

    Now if he notices any body gains on me he will say something along the lines of "your shoulders look more muscled than mine (hardly close to true)". Or "what's your end game here?"

    Then out of the blue he will say "make me get up with you when you go to gym" (5.30am). I've long stopped doing that as he's never joined me.

    I can relate to your story. My hubby is the same way. He will start a routine but after a week or two, he'll quit. Committing to an exercise routine can be challenging to some people. It is ok to take a break but not quit. Just keep up what you are doing. I am sure eventually he'll come around.
  • Jthanmyfitnesspal
    Jthanmyfitnesspal Posts: 3,522 Member
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    Being supportive of someone requires patience and understanding. No one goes on a diet because their spouse or someone else asks or tells them to. It works best when its internally driven, from concept to implementation.

    Note that, if you are completely committed, you cannot be sabotaged!
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Thank you all for your recent posts and comments.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    angiejim0415 wrote: »
    My husband is so sweet, but ever since we met, I've been telling him I was trying to eat healthy and lose weight. To this day he brings me home candy and sodas because he thinks he's doing something nice for me. I love that he's thinking about me, but I wish he'd bring me home an edible arrangement or a v8 or something instead. To top it off, the man LOVES junk food. So its a constant battle when were trying to compromise on what to eat.

    Are you sure we aren't secretly married to the same person?? Seriously, this is what mine does all the time. Even worse is that he needs to lose because of job requirements (Navy doesn't like overweight sailors and all that) and he still brings home candy, ice cream, Oreos or other junk snack cakes to eat. He has no problem eating anything I cook or eating healthy foods, he just seems to want to supplement it with a bunch of deliciously bad for you.

    We also can't really support each other via exercise because of work constraints.. so that must always be separate, which does make it harder some days. He's also kind of wishy-washy in regards to both consistent exercise and eating choices.

    I would say he's supportive in every other way, but it's definitely frustrating when you're trying to do something for yourself, they definitely need to be doing something on their own as well and yet still, they bring in a bunch of junk and do nice things that undermine your efforts.


  • kstopp88
    kstopp88 Posts: 1 Member
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    lvhuse wrote: »
    Mine is supportive in theory, but undermines my efforts every. single. time. If I actually tell him I have a structured plan to manage my eating habits, he will, without exception, come home that evening with cake or cookies or something that he has bought just for me! He doesn't even know he does this, but he does. So this time I'm just not saying anything and then doing all of the meal planning and shopping on my own.

    And don't even get me started with the sabotage that comes with trying to work out!

    Story of my life
  • Dead_Darling
    Dead_Darling Posts: 478 Member
    edited February 2017
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    My fiancé is the worst. He loves winding me up. He constantly tells me that I'm putting on weight, then he orders pizza and it's a vicious cycle.
    I'm great during the week, because we live separately, but the weekends are my biggest downfall because I go to his place. He smokes and eats a lot of junk food, but he's not concerned about his health. He doesn't want to exercise and tells me off on how I am eating and exercising :/
    I have PCOS too, so I need to look after myself, but it seems he doesn't want me to do that.
    I go to the gym near his place at the weekends, though he doesn't like it because we never spend time together.
    It brings me down and this morning he says I look like a cat that's been dragged through the wind when I workout (Insanity + lifting).

    *rant over...for now!!*
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Thanks ladies for your posts. I completely understand your frustrations. Been there myself. I am not sure if "they" do these nice things out of kindness or if it is a passive aggressive thing. Just stay strong!
  • KyKyPS
    KyKyPS Posts: 7 Member
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    So glad I'm not alone.

    The hurt little puppy eyes DH gives when I say 'no' to ice-cream, chips, wine, etc. He knows I'm upset about my weight, but 'it's just a little bit' or 'you've had a rough day'... and I give in. Yes it's lovely he is thoughtful, but if junk food is in the house, I will eat it! I put on so much weight in 2016 that I feel awful in my own skin.

    With a toddler to look after, I just can't get to the gym (or leave the house) easily and convenience foods are just so...convenient. I'm hoping that MFP will help keep me on track.
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Adc7225 wrote: »
    I have been thinking about this a lot lately. For the most part what I have come up with is that between the two of us we just have totally different views regarding food. I try and look at everything that goes in my mouth and though I admit I love sweets and overindulge (my view) a little too much, I try and balance it out in the end. Now my other half, looks at meals (that I prepare) and will tell me I am over feeding him - NO, it is all the other stuff that he eats here and there. Like trying everything at happy hour for instance or the cookie or caramel corn that was just a little cup full, etc.. In his view it's just a little bit - yeah a little bit of highly processed food that 3 or 4 items equals the calories in my dinner.

    So having someone who has not learned that hard lesson about how sneaky calories are makes it really hard to co-exist at times. I now he really doesn't mean anything by buying me ice cream -he just fails to realize how little self-control I have at times.

    You should have him write down everything he eats for a few days then add it up in myfitnesspal and show him! Set the meals up as breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. Then you can visually show him how many calories those here and there snacks have compared to the other meals (since each meal including the snacks will have their own calorie totals).
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    grapaj wrote: »
    Mine and I started together 4 years ago and he has since lost his mojo.

    Now if he notices any body gains on me he will say something along the lines of "your shoulders look more muscled than mine (hardly close to true)". Or "what's your end game here?"

    Then out of the blue he will say "make me get up with you when you go to gym" (5.30am). I've long stopped doing that as he's never joined me.

    That's odd that he had successs for 4 years but then only recently lost his mojo... did something happen to knock him off course? It sounds like he is asking for support. He needs to figure out what changed for him to give up on fitness and get back on track because he obviously isn't happy.
  • Marzeus
    Marzeus Posts: 4 Member
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    hello everyone, i am new to this. my issue is not that my spouse is unspportive but he tends to buy things and eats them in front of me, etc..
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Marzeus wrote: »
    hello everyone, i am new to this. my issue is not that my spouse is unspportive but he tends to buy things and eats them in front of me, etc..

    Stick to your commitment. Do not get tempted. Be aware of empty calories and fat content in treats. You can do it!

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