Non friendly females in the gym.
Replies
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Women are usually not in the gym to hook up with some creepy gym rat. Most are goal oriented, and time is an investment not to be taken lightly and wasted with chit-chat or idle musings.
Life is not a porn flick....
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I try to keep my head down and do what I came to do. I will smile and say hello if I'm approached, but in my experience being polite like this seems to give guys the impression I want to chat.
If you are looking to make a connection may I suggest checking out other gyms? I have a friend who works at a gym that has a reputation for being a singles hangout. Like a bar, but healthier!2 -
[quote="burtmccleary;38734072"
Life is not a porn flick.... [/quote]
Wait.
What?
.... Well, So You Say.
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canadianlbs wrote: »The notion that women are supposed to be friendly and respond with a smile when approached by a friendly male is rooted in sexism. Sorry bro, but I have to call it like I see it. It's a gym, not a bar or lounge.
I think ALL people should be friendly when approached by another friendly person
nah. all people should be civil unless they're given good grounds not to be, but 'should be friendly' just gets a great big get-real from me.
i realise that i can't get my head around extraversion, but i swear. some people need to learn a little social self-sufficiency even if they are extraverts. if they're old enough to be at the gym without a parent to take care of them, they should be old enough to survive an hour or two with their own company. or if they can't, then imo they ought to bring their own instead of arriving solo and then expecting the general [female?] population to provide some for them.
I meant that in all situations, not just in the gym. I am sad that people have an immediate "shut people out" attitude anywhere. I make eye contact and smile and say hi walking down the street, at the grocery, at the gym, anywhere really. I don't see why that's bad, but to each their own I guess.
It's good to read this and I'm the same. And it makes me happy to be that way and has improved the quality of my life since I made a conscious decision to do this years ago. For anyone who doubts the life affirming power of offering simple, no-strings-attached friendliness everywhere you go in real life - they should try it for one week. I'm sure they'd be pleasantly surprised.
One week?
... how 'bout, fifteen minutes?
That's all I've got in me and even that's a stretch.2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »canadianlbs wrote: »The notion that women are supposed to be friendly and respond with a smile when approached by a friendly male is rooted in sexism. Sorry bro, but I have to call it like I see it. It's a gym, not a bar or lounge.
I think ALL people should be friendly when approached by another friendly person
nah. all people should be civil unless they're given good grounds not to be, but 'should be friendly' just gets a great big get-real from me.
i realise that i can't get my head around extraversion, but i swear. some people need to learn a little social self-sufficiency even if they are extraverts. if they're old enough to be at the gym without a parent to take care of them, they should be old enough to survive an hour or two with their own company. or if they can't, then imo they ought to bring their own instead of arriving solo and then expecting the general [female?] population to provide some for them.
I meant that in all situations, not just in the gym. I am sad that people have an immediate "shut people out" attitude anywhere. I make eye contact and smile and say hi walking down the street, at the grocery, at the gym, anywhere really. I don't see why that's bad, but to each their own I guess.
It's good to read this and I'm the same. And it makes me happy to be that way and has improved the quality of my life since I made a conscious decision to do this years ago. For anyone who doubts the life affirming power of offering simple, no-strings-attached friendliness everywhere you go in real life - they should try it for one week. I'm sure they'd be pleasantly surprised.
One week?
... how 'bout, fifteen minutes?
That's all I've got in me and even that's a stretch.
You can't fool me. I get the feeling you really are a friendly person in real life
Dang!
You called me out.
I like to practice personal violence in the gym and extreme kindness everywhere else.
It's a balance.3 -
The notion that women are supposed to be friendly and respond with a smile when approached by a friendly male is rooted in sexism. Sorry bro, but I have to call it like I see it. It's a gym, not a bar or lounge.
I think ALL people should be friendly when approached by another friendly person
I agree but to an extent. To say that a female should be expected to engage someone because they are friendly is wrong on a few different levels. Yes, a polite "hello" should get at least an equally polite "hello" in return. But we all know that polite hello usually comes with more. My wife deals with that all the time. I think women are often put in awkward situations...be polite and run the risk of having some guy talk their ear off. Or cut the conversation short and be the subject of an MFP thread.
I understand your view. I just look at it like you have to apply lessons you have learned carefully. I have met creeps. I have also met lots of good people. If everyone that approached me was treated with an attitude of "get the *kitten* away from me" then I would have far less friends.
I have gotten food poisoning from a restaurant before, I still eat out sometimes.
I prefer to keep my mind and heart open, some don't and that is their prerogative.
But OP didn't say "why aren't people friendly at the gym?" He specifically called out "females" for not wanting to have a causal chat with him at the gym. There in lies the sexism. He's expecting women to drop what they're doing to talk to him. He's not asking for just a smile or a nod or a "hey how ya doing?" He's asking for a full blown conversation from women who are there to get in a workout and then getting in his feelings because they rebuffed him.
I agree that people should be friendly but they don't have to be and my idea of friendly is different than yours. I smiled politely and kept it moving, that's friendly to me, but just bc I don't want to have a 5-10 minute conversation with someone who I don't know doesn't make me unfriendly.15 -
The notion that women are supposed to be friendly and respond with a smile when approached by a friendly male is rooted in sexism. Sorry bro, but I have to call it like I see it. It's a gym, not a bar or lounge.
I think ALL people should be friendly when approached by another friendly person
I agree but to an extent. To say that a female should be expected to engage someone because they are friendly is wrong on a few different levels. Yes, a polite "hello" should get at least an equally polite "hello" in return. But we all know that polite hello usually comes with more. My wife deals with that all the time. I think women are often put in awkward situations...be polite and run the risk of having some guy talk their ear off. Or cut the conversation short and be the subject of an MFP thread.
I understand your view. I just look at it like you have to apply lessons you have learned carefully. I have met creeps. I have also met lots of good people. If everyone that approached me was treated with an attitude of "get the *kitten* away from me" then I would have far less friends.
I have gotten food poisoning from a restaurant before, I still eat out sometimes.
I prefer to keep my mind and heart open, some don't and that is their prerogative.
But OP didn't say "why aren't people friendly at the gym?" He specifically called out "females" for not wanting to have a causal chat with him at the gym. There in lies the sexism. He's expecting women to drop what they're doing to talk to him. He's not asking for just a smile or a nod or a "hey how ya doing?" He's asking for a full blown conversation from women who are there to get in a workout and then getting in his feelings because they rebuffed him.
I agree that people should be friendly but they don't have to be and my idea of friendly is different than yours. I smiled politely and kept it moving, that's friendly to me, but just bc I don't want to have a 5-10 minute conversation with someone who I don't know doesn't make me unfriendly.
Bolding that last part, because it's so true. People seem to forget that their definition of things is rarely the only definition. Personal preference, cultural norms, introversion vs. extraversion, all sorts of things influence our perception of what's friendly versus unfriendly. What works for one person and makes them personally happy might make another person miserable and vice versa. People really need to stop trying to apply a one size fits all approach to the world or saying theirs is "best." Best for you (general you) is just that. Best for you. Everybody is different.14 -
You gave an opinion that if women don't chat you up, we are "unfriendly". So me not consenting to a conversation because I'm not there to converse makes me unfriendly?6 -
Maybe it's just RBF (resting *kitten* face)--I know I have that whenever I'm at the gym. Maybe that's why no one approaches me :P0
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I don't think ALL of em are unfriendly. I personally use gym time as some of my ME time. Time to get in the zone, unravel from home & work stress. I turn on my music and it's like I'm there all on my own. Of course, except when I've gotta wait for someone to get off the equipment I'd like to use. Lol
I have noticed though many females where I go wear a *kitten* load of make up to the gym. So maybe they're not part of the unfriendly ones you're referring to.
I often wonder if they're there to meet the one... Or what the deal is.
But answering your original post- not everyone is unfriendly. Maybe you should start by saying "hi."2 -
So, kinda in line with this thread.
There is this guy in the college gym who now pesters this poor girl like crazy. She had been working out and he went to offer her some simple squat advice. I thought, kinda cool.
That was two weeks ago and now every day he is just jabbering her ear off about EVERYTHING. Today was a the breakdown of critic acids effect on metabolism...which was 90% broscience BS.
Poor girl. She should have been giving him the RBF so she could get workouts in. Pretty much what I do. Hate when people try to chat you up.5 -
lisciousg24 wrote: »I have noticed though many females where I go wear a *kitten* load of make up to the gym. So maybe they're not part of the unfriendly ones you're referring to.
I often wonder if they're there to meet the one... Or what the deal is.
This ^^^ I don't get it either, ok, unless they just finished work, so they should have remover, but the ones that don't??? There a definitely a few girls in my gym that are only there for the lads.1 -
I really wanted to play devil's advocate here because the OP didn't say anything about men and to me it seemed an assumption that he was ONLY trying to talk to women. However, after reviewing his FL it appears that maybe you are all correct with your sexism comments. I was really hoping to give someone the benefit of the doubt for once.
I still believe people should be friendly and to me that doesn't necessarily mean chatting 5-10 minutes. Acknowledging someone is alive with a quick "Good morning" or "How are you this morning?" wouldn't seem to be too much. Oh well. I will go spread sunshine and kindness someplace else
I'm one of those people who says good morning to pretty much everyone I pass in the street, and I smile at people all the time in public. My husband teases me for being over-friendly to everyone. But what I got from OP wasn't that he was looking for a friendly "good morning", he was after a conversation, and specifically from women in the gym.
To me (in agreeing with you), there is a big difference between smiling and saying hi to someone whose eyes you happen to meet, and expecting that person to then want to have a chinwag with you. Especially in the gym, supermarket, etc - places you generally go to for a main purpose other than socialising.
Frankly the OP kind of comes off like that guy who feels entitled to start a conversation with the ladies in the gym and then thinks they are the unfriendly/bitchy ones when they don't stop to chat. It seems like a bit of the "I'm such a nice guy, pity all the women are rude" syndrome.11 -
In my experience, if you just keep it short and friendly they will too (the unfriendly women), but if you stare, get too much in their business, stare some more, try to be noticed, and also you're still staring.... they won't be friendly towards you. They don't have to be either. It's not a bar. It's not a dating site, it's a gym. People are there for THEIR reasons, not your reasons. If you're worrying why the women are not talking to you, reevaluate why you are even going there, because it is not to work out obviously.
Funnily enough I think this logic should also apply to bars or dating sites. Women have the right to choose the terms and extent of their interaction no matter what the context. They don't owe you anything. Having said that I think all people should be polite and civil to one another. However if a women has had previous bad experiences with men misconstruing that type of approach as interest then I can understand the unfriendly approach9 -
I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said, but why, why, why do people refer to women as "females"? Do you want to talk to/bang/date a woman or a female? A female what, exactly? Because the first thing I think of is livestock of some kind.10
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Alatariel75 wrote: »I really wanted to play devil's advocate here because the OP didn't say anything about men and to me it seemed an assumption that he was ONLY trying to talk to women. However, after reviewing his FL it appears that maybe you are all correct with your sexism comments. I was really hoping to give someone the benefit of the doubt for once.
I still believe people should be friendly and to me that doesn't necessarily mean chatting 5-10 minutes. Acknowledging someone is alive with a quick "Good morning" or "How are you this morning?" wouldn't seem to be too much. Oh well. I will go spread sunshine and kindness someplace else
I'm one of those people who says good morning to pretty much everyone I pass in the street, and I smile at people all the time in public. My husband teases me for being over-friendly to everyone. But what I got from OP wasn't that he was looking for a friendly "good morning", he was after a conversation, and specifically from women in the gym.
To me (in agreeing with you), there is a big difference between smiling and saying hi to someone whose eyes you happen to meet, and expecting that person to then want to have a chinwag with you. Especially in the gym, supermarket, etc - places you generally go to for a main purpose other than socialising.
Frankly the OP kind of comes off like that guy who feels entitled to start a conversation with the ladies in the gym and then thinks they are the unfriendly/bitchy ones when they don't stop to chat. It seems like a bit of the "I'm such a nice guy, pity all the women are rude" syndrome.
Entitled?
Dunno.... he just struck me as a guy who wanted to meet women at the gym.
I would rather have met a girl at the gym rather than at a nightclub.3 -
chocolate_owl wrote: »I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said, but why, why, why do people refer to women as "females"? Do you want to talk to/bang/date a woman or a female? A female what, exactly? Because the first thing I think of is livestock of some kind.
Livestock?
I live in Arizona where the men are men and the sheep are scared to death.
I once dated a cardigan sweater for 3 months.6 -
Motorsheen wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »I really wanted to play devil's advocate here because the OP didn't say anything about men and to me it seemed an assumption that he was ONLY trying to talk to women. However, after reviewing his FL it appears that maybe you are all correct with your sexism comments. I was really hoping to give someone the benefit of the doubt for once.
I still believe people should be friendly and to me that doesn't necessarily mean chatting 5-10 minutes. Acknowledging someone is alive with a quick "Good morning" or "How are you this morning?" wouldn't seem to be too much. Oh well. I will go spread sunshine and kindness someplace else
I'm one of those people who says good morning to pretty much everyone I pass in the street, and I smile at people all the time in public. My husband teases me for being over-friendly to everyone. But what I got from OP wasn't that he was looking for a friendly "good morning", he was after a conversation, and specifically from women in the gym.
To me (in agreeing with you), there is a big difference between smiling and saying hi to someone whose eyes you happen to meet, and expecting that person to then want to have a chinwag with you. Especially in the gym, supermarket, etc - places you generally go to for a main purpose other than socialising.
Frankly the OP kind of comes off like that guy who feels entitled to start a conversation with the ladies in the gym and then thinks they are the unfriendly/bitchy ones when they don't stop to chat. It seems like a bit of the "I'm such a nice guy, pity all the women are rude" syndrome.
Entitled?
Dunno.... he just struck me as a guy who wanted to meet women at the gym.
I would rather have met a girl at the gym rather than at a nightclub.
He does seem like that, but the entitled comes from then blaming the women for being "unfriendly" rather than accepting that maybe they aren't there for him to try and form a relationship with.7 -
[
This ^^^ I don't get it either, ok, unless they just finished work, so they should have remover, but the ones that don't??? There a definitely a few girls in my gym that are only there for the lads.
I always wore makeup to the gym when I went because I'm self-conscious. Whether anyone else thinks that the gym is a place to feel self-conscious or not, that's how I felt, so I'd go with it still on, and then I'd wash it off when I got home.
I don't see what the big deal is. [/quote]
I find it strange because : if it was me It would be in streaks down my face from working out.
If you're too self conscious to go with a naked face then I'm presuming you're too self conscious to work out in tiny shorts and bra tops as well?
These girls aren't - nor do they actually work out.1 -
Alldaygainz wrote: »How do you feel about non-friendly males at the gym?
I don't go to the gym to talk. Talking is done in other places, like a coffee house or bar or movie theatre.
I actually find this quite amazing, it says alot about society. You see the same people training the same time as you a few times a week, yet you never take the time out to at least get acquainted. But we go to "bars and coffee shops" to socialize with people we might never see again. Weird.
I've actually quit a specific gym because some of the guys who were always there at the same time would INSIST on chatting with me and I just didn't have the time to waste. I was there on my lunch break. So I started going to a different gym instead.
If people aren't talking to you it can be because they don't have time, don't want to spend their time talking, or simply that they're not interested in making friends.
You go to a coffee shop to socialize. You go to a gym to workout. You wouldn't go to your doctor's office just to chat and schmooze, would you?3 -
this one time, i was really in the zone on the treadmill and this lady would not stop trying to have a conversation with me no matter how disinterested i seemed. it was kinda unsettling. ;-;0
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Alatariel75 wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »I really wanted to play devil's advocate here because the OP didn't say anything about men and to me it seemed an assumption that he was ONLY trying to talk to women. However, after reviewing his FL it appears that maybe you are all correct with your sexism comments. I was really hoping to give someone the benefit of the doubt for once.
I still believe people should be friendly and to me that doesn't necessarily mean chatting 5-10 minutes. Acknowledging someone is alive with a quick "Good morning" or "How are you this morning?" wouldn't seem to be too much. Oh well. I will go spread sunshine and kindness someplace else
I'm one of those people who says good morning to pretty much everyone I pass in the street, and I smile at people all the time in public. My husband teases me for being over-friendly to everyone. But what I got from OP wasn't that he was looking for a friendly "good morning", he was after a conversation, and specifically from women in the gym.
To me (in agreeing with you), there is a big difference between smiling and saying hi to someone whose eyes you happen to meet, and expecting that person to then want to have a chinwag with you. Especially in the gym, supermarket, etc - places you generally go to for a main purpose other than socialising.
Frankly the OP kind of comes off like that guy who feels entitled to start a conversation with the ladies in the gym and then thinks they are the unfriendly/bitchy ones when they don't stop to chat. It seems like a bit of the "I'm such a nice guy, pity all the women are rude" syndrome.
Entitled?
Dunno.... he just struck me as a guy who wanted to meet women at the gym.
I would rather have met a girl at the gym rather than at a nightclub.
He does seem like that, but the entitled comes from then blaming the women for being "unfriendly" rather than accepting that maybe they aren't there for him to try and form a relationship with.
Fair enough.
I have zero expectations that anyone talks to me at the gym.
Here is the conversation from yesterday:
Hey, are you working here?
No.
Good.0 -
I really wanted to play devil's advocate here because the OP didn't say anything about men and to me it seemed an assumption that he was ONLY trying to talk to women. However, after reviewing his FL it appears that maybe you are all correct with your sexism comments. I was really hoping to give someone the benefit of the doubt for once.
I still believe people should be friendly and to me that doesn't necessarily mean chatting 5-10 minutes. Acknowledging someone is alive with a quick "Good morning" or "How are you this morning?" wouldn't seem to be too much. Oh well. I will go spread sunshine and kindness someplace else
I'm pretty much a, "hey, how's it going" or "good morning/evening, etc" kinda guy in most situations. IDK...I've been going to the same gym now for a couple of years...I think it would be weird not to have talked or developed some kind of relationship with people I see every couple of days for two years.
I've actually made quite a few friends there with whom my wife and I socialize with...it's nice having more fitness oriented friends...both guys and gals.
I actually kinda met my wife at the gym years ago...actually, she was a regular customer at a store I worked in and then we ran into each other at the gym...so I guess that's a little different...but that's kind of how we established our early relationship.4 -
It's just you brother. I say that in the nicest possible way. In my experience I get women purposely trying to distract me from my workouts. As flattering as it may be, it's highly frustrating for the simple fact that I pass up on some real stunners. The no-nonsene hardcore part of my workouts usually last just over 60 minutes, around 70 to 90 mins is when I stretch or perform cardio. Only then do I entertain pleasantries from the female form. To add to that, it also depends what mood I'm in. Since my gym is not the biggest of big gyms people get to know each other pretty quick. It's super socialble while being hard core. The enviroment loosens newbies up so they can ask anyone for help and often take part in group workouts to get a great session in.0
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Male gym-goer here, but personally? I go to the gym to unwind and get my head straight. I'll be friendly if people approach me but I really just want to be left alone to do my thing, which the headphones-in generally implies.3
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The gym is my happy place, my time to focus only on me. I don't really talk to anyone at the gym. I do my thing and let others do theirs. Even the trainer comments that I'm extremely focused and that I come in, do what I need to do and leave.1
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happilymegan wrote: »I ignore everyone at the gym. I'm not there to pick up dates and I'm not there to make friends. I want to get in, get it done and resume my regular life.
This x1000. I've been told that I come off as being rude for this exact reason. Saying hello or giving a wave is one thing, but I'm a busy guy, and I'm at the gym to do one thing...and it's not to chat with you at the water fountain. Sorry.2 -
I find most people aren't friendly these days. Gym or no gym, man or woman. Each to their own. Just do you
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Idk what kind of gyms you've been frequenting, my gym peeps of both genders are very friendly1
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Wow, that question seemed to spark something in some . . . I have to agree that while most of us are trying to get in and out within a limited time frame I will still engage in conversation with those that stop and speak to me as I would hope one would do for me. While usually it is a few comments in passing I figure we are there for the same general reason and unless they start taking about moonbeams and unicorns I just try and keep it light and friendly 2
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