Non friendly females in the gym.
Replies
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Socialization at the gym for me is saying good morning to the guy at the counter and nodding at the other regulars I know. Then headphones go in and workout. If it's a good workout, talking is difficult. If you want to chat, start slow. Nod and wave for a couple weeks, then you can work in a short conversation after she's acknowledged you.
^^^My mornings ritual as well. Take into account the hubs is there mostly when I workout. I live with the man and hardly talk to him at the gym. It irritates him sometimes but thems the breaks. When I walk in the doors I'm all business. I'm not doing it "to anyone" I'm doing it "for my focus."4 -
The gym is not a social setting.7
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So my question is: HOW LONG IS TOO LONG TO CHAT? 2 minutes? 5 minutes?
Personally I am chatty with everyone in the gym and know almost all people I talk with by first name. But I do know boundaries and only speak with them based on how I've interacted with them in the past.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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NorthCascades wrote: »Why not? Because you dislike one more than the other?
No. Because the interactivity index of the newspaper culture differs drastically from the interactivity index of electronic culture. And as a result, social norms and expectations have changed drastically within the last 20 years. And personally, I don't think the face-to-face interactive norms and expectations today have improved, but have instead devolved.
Let's see. Here's some examples.
1) Making eye contact and regarding eye contact as a courteous norm when speaking or being spoken to.
2) Being able to hear what people are saying without saying "what?", then gritting your teeth and pretending you don't mind that someone is bothering you by actually speaking to you. Because you're not walking around with some narcissistic ear buds in your ears every second you're outside of your own home.
3) The courteous tradition of offering a friendly acknowledgments like "hello" without a long neurotic mental essay of anxiety regarding the consequences of indulging in such;
4) Sustained conversations, partaken in for the simple pleasure of it, without electronic distractions;
5) Making plans to meet socially by simply saying "Let's meet at the local watering hole at 9 o'clock this Friday night, 'kay? Great! See you there!" and it would actually happen without sending 50 compulsive nervous texts back and forth that look like something typed by pre-schoolers;
6) Sending Hallmark cards in the mail to commemorate various rites of passage, or to just say hello I love you or sorry I acted like a jerk towards you, which requires the effort of actually choosing the card, buying the card, handwriting legibly in the card, getting hold of a stamp and dropping it in a mailbox. You know, instead of sending some lazy soulless email.
All these things are falling, or have completely fallen by the wayside.
First rate curmudgeon rant! And you didn't even have to use the woods "get off my lawn." Well done.
What do you think about "electrosmog?" This month's Outdoor Magazine has an article about it, cites a one-off study shoeing that a particular species of frog has a 90% mortality rate when exposed to RF and 4% without? They talk to someone who makes the car that our phones and their towers are killing all the nature7 -
ASAPStocky wrote: »The gym is not a social setting.
A former gym I went to had questions on their membership form as to the reasons why you were there and if you wanted to make friends.
They actually introduced you to similar minded people and encouraged you to train at the same time.2 -
rugratz2015 wrote: »ASAPStocky wrote: »The gym is not a social setting.
A former gym I went to had questions on their membership form as to the reasons why you were there and if you wanted to make friends.
They actually introduced you to similar minded people and encouraged you to train at the same time.
That's interesting actually. I wonder how a gym that was really big on social interaction would work out (no pun intended)0 -
So my question is: HOW LONG IS TOO LONG TO CHAT? 2 minutes? 5 minutes?
Personally I am chatty with everyone in the gym and know almost all people I talk with by first name. But I do know boundaries and only speak with them based on how I've interacted with them in the past.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
This is when you have to read body language and how the conversation is going. Perhaps the person you're talking to needs to just have a long convo to get stuff out perhaps they just want a quick hi. I had this issue with my hardware store guy one time he kept going on and on and on about his bodybuilding but I just wanted to go home. He seemed to want to talk thought so I waited it out1 -
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I would think that people who have a common interest would like to at least meet. Doesn't have to be a date. I have a client now who met her current boyfriend because he and I talk all the time and I introduce her to him. They took it from there.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I feel sorry the guy has been scolded for his OP in a covert way.
Many people are on 100 dating sites and are perennially single looking for the one. The spouse you are looking for is probably in the same hall working out and you missed out because you are too shy or you don't want your workout to be "disturbed".
Then you go home and use 100 apps to find someone who is playing 5 men or 5 women at the same time. And eventually settle for someone less because the age clock is running out.
OP is not a bad looking guy.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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ASAPStocky wrote: »The gym is not a social setting.
The grocery store is a place to buy food, the bar is a place to drink, church is a place to worship, school is a place to learn, work is a place to.... Duh, the internet is a place to do research or get information, MFP is a place to count calories, but.... I am sure everyone here has met or chatted with someone at one of these places.
I dont talk a ton at the gym, but I also disagree with the people who get seriously pissed about it. People just need to start being more kind to each other in general. This world has enough hatred and bitterness.
I like this line because t's so true.3 -
ASAPStocky wrote: »The gym is not a social setting.
The grocery store is a place to buy food, the bar is a place to drink, church is a place to worship, school is a place to learn, work is a place to.... Duh, the internet is a place to do research or get information, MFP is a place to count calories, but.... I am sure everyone here has met or chatted with someone at one of these places.
I dont talk a ton at the gym, but I also disagree with the people who get seriously pissed about it. People just need to start being more kind to each other in general. This world has enough hatred and bitterness.
I'm not in a grocery store watching TV with headphones in. Work and school are actually social settings where you speak to classmates and colleagues3 -
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Oh here comes the mfp clique...y'all got it.2
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I find the "female" focus of this sketch, but OK. Here's one female perspective. I have no way of knowing if the guy wanting that friendly "hi" and chitchat is the kind of guy who will be satisfied with hi and a little chitchat, or the kind who will take that as an invitation to stalk me, follow me around all my sets, annoy the p*ss out of me, and not accept when I say I'm busy now and done talking.
I've dealt enough with the second kind at every gym I've ever belonged to to put me off of being open or friendly to any guy at a gym. And funnily enough, this only ever happens to me when I look fit and have lost weight, so... Not too hard for me to figure out what they're after, and I'm not there for that.
If you want chitchat, maybe try chatting up some of the males at your gym. They might be more open to it.18 -
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ASAPStocky wrote: »Oh here comes the mfp clique...y'all got it.
Must be that because my points are so invalid that no one could possibly agree with me
I think your points are super valid
This I am there to work attitude people adopt so that they don't have to interact is just over the top lately I find. I have trained and I see people training at very competitive levels and they alway have time for a quick word or two. They are always there to offer words of encouragement too.
But whatever I guess all the people I see and know of are jacka$$e$, heck what do Olympic and World champions really know anyway2 -
I've met a lot of friends in the gym over the years, some of whom are just gym acquaintances and some I hang with outside of the gym. I don't see how it's possible not to develop some kind of relationship with at least some of the people you see on the regular over the course of years.
As chit chat goes, there's definitely etiquette...I mean, I'm not walking up to my friend Laura when she's in the middle of a set and start asking about her day, but we're sure as heck going to say "hey" and probably a fist bump when we cross path's in the gym....we might even hang out for five minutes afterwards to catch up a little or plan a ride or something or figure out a good time for our kids to have a play date.1 -
So my question is: HOW LONG IS TOO LONG TO CHAT? 2 minutes? 5 minutes?
Personally I am chatty with everyone in the gym and know almost all people I talk with by first name. But I do know boundaries and only speak with them based on how I've interacted with them in the past.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Apparently some people think 2 seconds and others 10 minutes. I would say a minute or 2 between sets if it's casual chat. If it's a full on conversation that both people are fully engaged in then it could last longer. If someone gives me valuable information or tips I wouldn't ever cut them off because I needed to get back to my sets. If they just wanna talk about their uncle's dog then I would probably keep the headphones out so I could hear, but continue lifting. While that's not socially acceptable in a normal situation I think everyone in the gym understands there is only so much time you can spend there and respects that
I time my conversations at the gym. The moment anyone says 'hello', I hit the timer on my g-shock.
When the conversation hits 3 minutes, I walk away; usually in mid-sentence.
I'm social like that.8 -
I'd love it if the OP could tell us whether his experience is that men are friendlier to each other at the gym. As in: he tried befriending both groups equally and that's how he's observed that women are not as friendly.
At my gym, I'd say levels of friendliness are similar for both genders. I perhaps have more interactions with women because I do group classes and we run into each other in the change room before and after class. But interactions are always very short because, well, it's the gym. Complaining that people are not chatty at the gym is like complaining that people are not chatty at the office. We're there for a reason that is other than chatting (unlike at bars and on-line dating).
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DarkSinestra wrote: »...I have no way of knowing if the guy wanting that friendly "hi" and chitchat is the kind of guy who will be satisfied with hi and a little chitchat, or the kind who will take that as an invitation to stalk me, follow me around all my sets, annoy the p*ss out of me, and not accept when I say I'm busy now and done talking.
I've dealt enough with the second kind at every gym I've ever belonged to to put me off of being open or friendly to any guy at a gym. And funnily enough, this only ever happens to me when I look fit and have lost weight, so... Not too hard for me to figure out what they're after, and I'm not there for that.
If you want chitchat, maybe try chatting up some of the males at your gym. They might be more open to it.
^^^^THIS. So much this!
Also, when you post you expect a FEMALE to act a certain way, you can expect to give the impression of being a sexist, chauvinistic d-bag that has outdated viewpoints. You have emasculated and invalidated yourself by living in the past. Real men would not care if another man or woman is attempting to communicate with them in any space.
Here are some modern world facts to get you up to speed:- You are not the center of attention, and no woman owes you the time of day or a single glance for that matter;
- Women are not working out or doing other things for others simply to have mindless small talk;
- Women serve other, more important functions than being a social "toy", or having a pleasant smile just because *gasp* "A MAYUN said 'hi' to me oooooo-"; and
- Not everyone wants to talk to others, especially if they are focused on other things.
It should have nothing to do with whether an individual is male or female. Take other folks' advice and try it with other guys if you're so interested in making "small talk" and being friends. Otherwise, your post simply reeks of pig.23 -
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DarkSinestra wrote: »...I have no way of knowing if the guy wanting that friendly "hi" and chitchat is the kind of guy who will be satisfied with hi and a little chitchat, or the kind who will take that as an invitation to stalk me, follow me around all my sets, annoy the p*ss out of me, and not accept when I say I'm busy now and done talking.
I've dealt enough with the second kind at every gym I've ever belonged to to put me off of being open or friendly to any guy at a gym. And funnily enough, this only ever happens to me when I look fit and have lost weight, so... Not too hard for me to figure out what they're after, and I'm not there for that.
If you want chitchat, maybe try chatting up some of the males at your gym. They might be more open to it.
^^^^THIS. So much this!
Also, when you post you expect a FEMALE to act a certain way, you can expect to give the impression of being a sexist, chauvinistic d-bag that has outdated viewpoints. You have emasculated and invalidated yourself by living in the past. Real men would not care if another man or woman is attempting to communicate with them in any space.
Here are some modern world facts to get you up to speed:- You are not the center of attention, and no woman owes you the time of day or a single glance for that matter;
- Women are not working out or doing other things for others simply to have mindless small talk;
- Women serve other, more important functions than being a social "toy", or having a pleasant smile just because *gasp* "A MAYUN said 'hi' to me oooooo-"; and
- Not everyone wants to talk to others, especially if they are focused on other things.
It should have nothing to do with whether an individual is male or female. Take other folks' advice and try it with other guys if you're so interested in making "small talk" and being friends. Otherwise, your post simply reeks of pig.
I dunno, I just thought he wanted to meet chicks at the gym.
* shrug1 -
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I suppose it would be wise to read the person and their situation. If they are working out really hard and in the zone...perhaps its a good idea to leave them alone and approach them later when they are less focused to chat. If, at that time, they don't seem to want to chat, accept it and move on. Its not necessarily about you....perhaps that person is having a bad day. Try again another day or don't.
*kitten* that.
I'ma talking to you whether you like it or not!
.... especially if you're listing to anything German on your earbuds2 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Question I have been asking my whole life:
What is a real man?
let's start here:
You have had to watch both Predator and Fight Club in their entirety; no exceptions.3 -
I wouldn't know if women are friendly or not. I never try talking to them at the gym. I really don't talk to anyone.4
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LiftingRiot wrote: »I wouldn't know if women are friendly or not. I never try talking to them at the gym. I really don't talk to anyone.
.... how do you feel about the movie: Predator ?1 -
ASAPStocky wrote: »ASAPStocky wrote: »The gym is not a social setting.
The grocery store is a place to buy food, the bar is a place to drink, church is a place to worship, school is a place to learn, work is a place to.... Duh, the internet is a place to do research or get information, MFP is a place to count calories, but.... I am sure everyone here has met or chatted with someone at one of these places.
I dont talk a ton at the gym, but I also disagree with the people who get seriously pissed about it. People just need to start being more kind to each other in general. This world has enough hatred and bitterness.
Don't be a jacka**. I'm not in a grocery store watching TV with headphones in. Work and school are actually social settings where you speak to classmates and colleagues
Bahahaha!!
But if other people that have your same thought process take that to an extreme no one would talk anywhere. I DO know people who say they aren't at work to make friends and they just want to do their job and get out. Same with some people going to college. They don't want distractions.
What would you say to them?
Probably call them a jacka$$....
I'd say that everyone has the right to set boundaries for themselves as well as decide when or if they want to speak to others. We all have different boundaries and comfort levels, and we all set them for different reasons. You can never look at a person and know for sure why they don't want to talk to you. Making assumptions usually just leads to the assumption maker getting their knickers in a twist over a fictional story they told themselves about a stranger.
Most of us usually eventually manage to find people to hang out with who share our level of social need, whether that's virtually none or constant contact. Getting bent out of shape that one person we wanted to talk to has different views or goals from us won't change anything. So find your niche and enjoy it. That's what I'd say to anyone, really, male, female, or nonbinary.10
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