Resenting your other half for eating crap when you're working your butt off
Fat_Fighter87
Posts: 61 Member
My other half is 6,4 and can literally eat what he wants without gaining weight! Me on the other hand.... well I'm here so evidently I can't!
Whilst I'm trying really hard to change my eating habits and exercise, my other half does no exercise and is constantly bringing home big bags of chocolate, crisps and biscuits. I'm really really starting to resent him and find myself angry with him a lot and I think it's because of this. When I try and tell him about how nutritionally he needs to eat better, he boo hoos me.
Anyone else have this problem and how do I deal with it? It lbs starting to drive a wedge between us
Whilst I'm trying really hard to change my eating habits and exercise, my other half does no exercise and is constantly bringing home big bags of chocolate, crisps and biscuits. I'm really really starting to resent him and find myself angry with him a lot and I think it's because of this. When I try and tell him about how nutritionally he needs to eat better, he boo hoos me.
Anyone else have this problem and how do I deal with it? It lbs starting to drive a wedge between us
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Replies
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Fat_Fighter87 wrote: »My other half is 6,4 and can literally eat what he wants without gaining weight! Me on the other hand.... well I'm here so evidently I can't!
Whilst I'm trying really hard to change my eating habits and exercise, my other half does no exercise and is constantly bringing home big bags of chocolate, crisps and biscuits. I'm really really starting to resent him and find myself angry with him a lot and I think it's because of this. When I try and tell him about how nutritionally he needs to eat better, he boo hoos me.
Anyone else have this problem and how do I deal with it? It lbs starting to drive a wedge between us
Have you considered talking with him about this? Telling him how you feel?
Another thing. How would you like it if you were just minding your own business and going about your life only for someone close to you start nagging on everything you're eating because *they* are trying to lose weight? Do you really think it's fair for you to try and limit what your other half can eat just because you're trying to lose weight?
I understand that him munching on sweets and goodies can be a tempting distraction, but instead of expecting him to just get up and stop eating junk food, why don't you ask him not to bring it home -- or if he does, have him put it in a designated "snack corner" in your pantry (or a snack drawer). And if he wants to eat, simply request that he does so so you can't see him.
The thing is, your other half is a human. A very tall human. He can eat whatever he wants because he's a very tall male. But you can't. You trying to lose weight probably won't make him change his eating habits right away. Who knows, after a while, he may decide to eat healthier. But until then, there's not much you can do other than to ask him to make things a bit easier for you.30 -
Well done for joining MFP. It's a fantastic resource.
You decided to do this. Feel proud. Don't let anyone get in your way. Especially not someone who is going about their own business.
Make it your business to focus on your own goals. You control what goes in your mouth.
Just eat what you love, in portions that are within your calorie limit. You can eat the treats your husband brings home, just eat less of them than he does.
Most beginners think they have to deprive themselves of nice things. I'd never have lost 80 lbs and kept it off for a year if I was one on of those kale and green tea deprivation diets. Chocolate and alcohol in moderation every day for me, and exercise.
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My 2 cents worth. My life is my life and hubby's life is his. He eats chips and lollies and other such crap, every night. If we were to go to a burger joint he'll have a great big whatever with the lot and chips and a thick shake and I'll order a lettuce wrapped burger. What he sticks in his body is his business. While he's scarfing down a big bag of chips I'll have some light jelly with blueberries and whipped cream, or a protein bar, or some ham and cheese rollups (I'm low carb). I don't feel "having a little bit" of his carbage would be a great idea. I mean, who can eat three chips? Or wants to? They're just a trigger to binge eating in my experience.12
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My hunny is 6'7" and after dinner will happily eat everybodies leftovers, the "saving for the freezer" leftovers from the pot, followed by a huge bowl of weetbix, a bowl of crisps, cheese and crackers etc. Given his height and weight he needs shiteloads more calories than I do but I get a bit peeved when he keeps offering me snacks in the evenings, or secobd helpings because he is adding more to his own plate. I have stopped buying junk food so at least his extra snacks are healthier (he does has a bit of a spare tyre, but even at 95kg still looks thin). I just have to ignore him when he brings food out after dinner and make sure I have my water bottle handy so I'm not tempted.6
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I have a bit of this with all kinds of hypocrisy about food and other vices going round at times. For instance last night two huge leftover cakes brought home from work when he knows I'm trying to be good. Asking me to visit Subway today with him even though I didn't want the temptation. Then at other times saying "if you want to lose weight, stop pumping down cakes!". Calling me a fat cow etc.
Anyway I ignore it now because my willpower is high and it's up to me. When I get ill it is a different matter.
I just try to think of the end result - fitting into skinny jeans and nice clothes in the Summer.1 -
Thanks guys, sounds like this is something I am going to just have to deal with and work on my willpower! Part of the reason it annoys me is because now that I am more aware of what is in certain foods I am trying to look out for his health too. Drinking your body weight in sugary coke and eating a multi pack of crisps a night is a heart attack one day waiting to happen - I don't want to end up a widow! Oh well at least his dinners are more healthy I suppose...1
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Just keep doing what you're doing and enjoy yourself. He might come around one day but if not, his loss. Remember that there are many reasons for doing this; health, appearance, cardio, strength, etc. And you definitely have the appearance part down pat by looking at your profile pic.
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My hubby has never been to a gym and has a natural six pack. He eats whatever he wants and can lose 5 pounds in a day just by skipping lunch. He just doesn't have to worry about it and I'm panicking about putting on a swimsuit on vacation in 3 months. And what does he say when he comes home tonight? "Lets order pizza for dinner!" I almost threw my blender bottle at his head.9
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Fat_Fighter87 wrote: »My other half is 6,4 and can literally eat what he wants without gaining weight! Me on the other hand.... well I'm here so evidently I can't!
Whilst I'm trying really hard to change my eating habits and exercise, my other half does no exercise and is constantly bringing home big bags of chocolate, crisps and biscuits. I'm really really starting to resent him and find myself angry with him a lot and I think it's because of this. When I try and tell him about how nutritionally he needs to eat better, he boo hoos me.
Anyone else have this problem and how do I deal with it? It lbs starting to drive a wedge between us
I know this is an old post, but you are stunningly beautiful.2 -
I can identify with you...somewhat. My husband isn't super tall, and he gains weight like a normal human. He's gained a little marital weight, just like me, but men can carry it better. He has a belly, but other than that he's not that big.
I do hate that when I'm in the zone and saying I should eat less sugar, he brings home all these sweet snacks (we both have a sweet tooth). Or I'll be perfectly fine with what I ate for the day, and he will drop a Reese's/M&M's in my lap while we are watching TV. I'll say...I can't eat that; I need to lose weight...and he shrugs it off.He's fine with me at my current weight and my fatter weight, but I'm trying to get better for me.2 -
Fat_Fighter87 wrote: »My other half is 6,4 and can literally eat what he wants without gaining weight! Me on the other hand.... well I'm here so evidently I can't!
Whilst I'm trying really hard to change my eating habits and exercise, my other half does no exercise and is constantly bringing home big bags of chocolate, crisps and biscuits. I'm really really starting to resent him and find myself angry with him a lot and I think it's because of this. When I try and tell him about how nutritionally he needs to eat better, he boo hoos me.
Anyone else have this problem and how do I deal with it? It lbs starting to drive a wedge between us
If he is not overweight and can eat whatever he wants without gaining then he doesn't need you to tell him that he needs to eat better. Obviously what he is doing is working for him. You can't change him. What you need to change is your mindset. For one, stop worrying about "good" food vs "bad" food. You need to eat foods that keep you full and stay in your calorie goal. I would recommend working in small portions of the foods you love so you don't feel deprived all the time. The other thing is you just have to come to terms with the fact that a 6'4" male is going to need to eat more calories than you need to eat. My husband is about 7 inches taller than me. I do not need to eat the same amount of food he eats. Once I realized that and just worried about what I was eating and stopped worrying about what he is eating things got a lot easier. I do try not to bring home foods I have trouble moderating, and when they are in the house I try to "hide" them in the cupboard so that I don't see them all the time. But you cannot expect everyone in the house to change their eating habits just because you need to change yours.4 -
My other half sits and eats mega plates of pasta and stays thin. I eat a reasonable portion and am up a pound or so in the morning. I figured out that its the sodium, so I try to not step on the scale but when I am feeling good and agree that I am working at a good pace to lose the weight. Its hard, cuz my weight goes down so darn slow. Tomorrow is a baby shower and a good bye party for an employee. This means lots of tempting good food and cake offerings twice. Then I go home and its my better halfs birthday. Cake again and a nice dinner. I try to not beat myself up and as long as I am not losing control, I have a "taste" of everything. Then I run on Saturday, which is usually a full weekend off from running all week. Its just an exchange of one day sinning for the next day attempt to clean up my act and get back on track.0
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Stop being a baby let the man eat how he wants. Why should he have to suffer because your physiology is different than his?12
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I don't have this problem because my husband's diet has nothing to do with me. When I first started I did ask him to put his junk food in a cabinet so I wouldn't have to see it all the time, which helped. After a while though I got into a routine with my diet and am not even interested in his food habits. He has snacks laying around in every room in the house and I'm more annoyed at the untidiness than the temptation. We eat a yummy dinner together and beyond that he has his food and I have mine. My husband is overweight and stays that way as I continue to get slimmer, which motivates me even more to stay out of his food and keep my own portions on track.9
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just break up6
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At some point you just have to realize that you aren't a 6'4" man and he will always be able to eat considerably more than you. You could eat chocolate, crisps and biscuits and still lose weight if you chose as long as you didn't overeat.
My husband is a big guy and yeah, I'd like to be able to eat as much as him but that's just not how life works and my getting bent out of shape or mad at him won't change that. I do get on his case if he eats too much junk because I love him and don't want to see his health decline. Luckily I'm a good cook so he has no problem eating the healthy meals I prepare. Even if he does get to eat twice as much of it as I and still have dessert and beer.
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This exact thing used to bother me too. I used to use this as an excuse for WHY I was eating *kitten* I knew I shouldn't eat. It's hard. It feels like sabotage. Like they don't care about hour fitness goals.0
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I totally get this, but I tell myself that the choice is my own. When I first started trying harder to lose weight at the beginning of January it was a little bit of a battle with him. He's a field technician, I'm a customer service rep, so obviously our activity levels are different. My problem is he tries to discourage me by saying there's no way I'm eating enough, because he can eat more and be fine!!!! It's been a battle to get to where we are today, but he's noticing that my hard is is paying off now that I'm 13 pounds down, and he's proud of my will power! The other day he did make the comment he wants to start watching what he eats. He sees how much more confident I'm becoming, I'm taking care of myself in many other ways besides just my weight now, and he wants to join in and support me! He'll get there, I'm shocked mine did, but he's much more supportive now.3
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Please no food shaming. My step daughter does it to my step son at every meal and it's really not very nice. My hubby is 6'2 and chows down on everything, I used to get disappointed in him but after having a long talk with myself, I realised a couple of things: he is his own man and can do what he wants food wise, I have to stay in my own lane. I cannot keep up with him, I have to go at my pace and consumption threshold. I have to make decisions that are good for me, it may be selfish but it doesn't work for me when I don't.
Please accept my comments in love, I've been in your shoes and once I changed my thinking, it was full steam ahead. Good luck!2 -
_DropDeadGreggie_ wrote: »Stop being a baby let the man eat how he wants. Why should he have to suffer because your physiology is different than his?
Clearly you missed my point - I don't try and stop him from eating anything, nor did I say that so get off your high horse. I have already acknowledged and admitted that I need to work on my willpower and that this is an internal issue that I have to deal with. I also said that part of my resentment is me trying to look out for his health - it's not all about physiology.
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If he's not overweight he can eat what ever he wants. My bf is about to start a bulk and he'll probably eat 4K calories of food I can't dream of fitting into my day multiple times a day... that's life.2
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And really even if he was overweight he could, it's not our business to tell other people how to eat.2
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I understand this completely. It's hard to live in the same house as someone who doesn't have to work to stay in shape. My boyfriend is 6' and has an active job which keeps him in line, I have a desk job and nearly a foot shorter. After 5 years of living together it's hard to bring back the "you do you, I do me" mentality but that's exactly what I've been taking a whack at. I do cook dinner, so he has the option of eating what I've made (usually what happens because, why would you want to spend the time to cook something else when you work until 7PM?) and we have our individual snacks. He eats Doritos, I eat something less Dorito-y. I've also cut back my liquor intake, but he still has a drink mostly ever night and I usually have seltzer water. Of course, weekends and pizza nights are harder, but I still just eat less pizza than I normally would.
If he's verbally discouraging you from your goals you need to have a sit down and tell him how important this is to you. He doesn't have to change, but he has to be supportive or at least understanding.0 -
I have a bit of this with all kinds of hypocrisy about food and other vices going round at times. For instance last night two huge leftover cakes brought home from work when he knows I'm trying to be good. Asking me to visit Subway today with him even though I didn't want the temptation. Then at other times saying "if you want to lose weight, stop pumping down cakes!". Calling me a fat cow etc.
Him calling you a fat cow is not okay. Please don't let anyone speak to you this way, you deserve to be treated with respect.
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Agreed with those that say "you do you, and he can do him". Also, there are no "bad" foods when it comes to weight loss. You can lose weight and have your cake, too. Perhaps the issue here is your cutting out the foods that you enjoy and getting upset when your husband eats them.2
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Poor guy! Now you say you are just trying to help him? I have been on the receiving end of those projections myself. Let him be or he will get passive aggressiveness as well.5
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I understand completely. My beloved husband likes to eat like he did when he was an underweight teenager but he is no longer underweight nor a teenager. I decided a year ago to change my lifestyle to decrease my risk of preventable diseases like type 2 diabetes etc and to be a healthy role model for my toddler. He has been very supportive but has made few changes himself and honestly it bothers me. I know he eats way too much fat and salt, too few fruits and vegetables (unless I make his lunch and dinner), drinks too much beer and doesn't do enough exercise but i also know that there is very little I can do about it. It scares and frustrates me to see him on a path that I worked so hard to get off but ultimately he has to make the choice for himself because it's his body and his life. I always make sure our meals are healthy, that there are healthy snack options on hand that he enjoys and that he has time to exercise if he wants to but otherwise I've learnt to butt out.4
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That can be a challenge. Say you two are watching a movie and he is pigging out on all the things you are trying not to pig out on it can be exceedingly difficult NOT to pig out and just have some dinky little portion. Personally, when I know someone is trying to avoid temptation I have the consideration to avoid waving said junk in front of them. I mean sure. The one not trying to watch what and how much they eat is totally free to eat what they want when they want to eat it and in what ever quantity but eventually there will be a clash. There has to be a way to a happy medium where both give a little effort without having to give up what they need or want entirely.
I hate to say however, you may have to resort to avoidance. Don't do anything together that involves food if you feel like you don't have the will power to resist or if you feel resentment. You may get to the point that it no longer bothers you so much.1 -
When you tell him he needs to do better nutritionally, what you actually mean is it's hard for you to ignore what he brings into the house. If you're going to talk to him about it, be honest at least. It's on you, not him. You brought about a change for yourself, no need to drag him into it. If he says things like he doesn't think you need to lose and loves you the way you are, thank him, and then just don't discuss it with him any more. This is your project.5
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