I need some nonjudgemental (relationship) advice

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  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
    edited March 2017
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    Don't go outside alone - or at all
  • elpint0r
    elpint0r Posts: 99 Member
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    Vikka_V wrote: »
    Don't go outside alone - or at all

    I didn't. I absolutely refused to. I told him it was scary that he even did that. He hung up the phone hysterical and I have no idea what he's capable of doing to himself or me. This is just terrifying.
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    You are right, it is scary. I wish I could advise you better...Just keep yourself safe. Is your family at home with
    you?
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    _har_T_Swallow wrote: »
    yeah prob time to block his number and all that.
    next thing you know he'll be calling at like 1am threatening suicide "i can't live without you bby" etc

    (side note- if that happens, don't say anything just call the police and tell them- that'll scare him straight if he's just putting it all on for show. and if it isn't for show, then he needs help anyhow)

    I agree 100%
  • misaq611
    misaq611 Posts: 22 Member
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    In my opinion, any relationship should have its boundaries and rules;
    Especially for an emotional relationship, which based on logic and reason, being faithful is the most integral part!
    If a relationship lacks logic, its madness and deserve to be cut; if its based on logic, than logic would keep it tight!
  • misaq611
    misaq611 Posts: 22 Member
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    There is another important point!
    You need to distinguish between love and passion;
    According to an oriental philosopher, love is a Fire which destroys everyone and everything, but the beloved!
    But passion is like a paper tissue; when you set Fire on in, it would rapidly burn but extinguishes even faster
  • Xvapor
    Xvapor Posts: 1,643 Member
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    Never go back what a crazy guy
  • Xvapor
    Xvapor Posts: 1,643 Member
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    On the bright side Your stupidity saved you from getting deeper involved with a crazy man
  • gfunk1134
    gfunk1134 Posts: 7 Member
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    As a dude let me say this. Get Out!. He's is 100% not going to get better and start trusting you. This guy has serious insecurities and the fact that he's already invaded your personal space (phone and fb) is a sign he has no control acting on those insecurities. If it was just asking you constantly where you are, maybe that he could change. But this is way to much. Get Out.
  • Hamsibian
    Hamsibian Posts: 1,388 Member
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    I wasn't going to contribute to this thread, but report this incident at your mother's house to the police immediately if you haven't already. They may or may not be able to do anything at the moment, but documenting potential patterns or escalating behaviors is necessary if you need to get a restraining order.

    Next time just call the police when he's there.
  • littlejen1983
    littlejen1983 Posts: 9 Member
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    Don't go back.
    It won't change, that is how he is. He has trust issues, that isn't go to change.
    We all think we can fix broken people when we are in this situation, but that is who they are, no matter how many times they say they can change etc...
  • SpotLighttt
    SpotLighttt Posts: 174 Member
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    just move on and dont go back.

    You obviously set a lot of insecurity in the guy by going off with other men which I think you should have been open about from the beginning. Perhaps he picked up on odd body language that drove him to check your phone. Obviously lack of trust.

    Whilst everyone here is blaming the guy because of the picture you have portrayed. I think his motivations are led by your actions.

    Please be honest now - does he like you more than you like him? Did you use him a little bit?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    elpint0r wrote: »
    Hey all, I'm going to try to make a long story short but I'm really struggling right now and hoping that someone could give me some insight and/or support that I'm making the right decision.

    November of last year, I decided to move out of my house. I found a roommate on craigslist and decided to move in with him. Seemed like a nice enough guy, very respectful.. even helped me move. Fast forward a couple weeks, and we start to spend time together and actually really like each other. A few months into the relationship one drunken night he decided to go through my phone, saw some conversations he didn't like with other guys and kicked me out of the house. Now, I admit that I'm at fault for having these conversations and I apologized to him. He agreed to have me back in the house. I really did NOT like that he had gone through my phone, but I felt like I wouldn't give him too much grief for it since I was talking to other people. After I moved back in, things were okay, but he started questioning everything I was doing, who I was with, where I was, etc. He'd get suspicious if I had to stay late at work or run errands. He didn't like that I kept a password on my phone and changed messages to only read "imessage" instead of the actual text. It began to feel controlling. He'd ask me everyday if I was talking to these guys, who I had blocked and cut off all contact with. Now... a few days ago he tells me he had gone into my facebook and read my convos with people, he saw one conversation that I had with a friend of mine about how I felt the relationship was controlling and I might start looking for a place to live. He flipped out, told me I had mental issues... and that night I left. He's been contacting me constantly apologizing about invading my privacy but he just felt so "betrayed" and that he was planning on buying me an engagement ring. He wants me back in the house after all of this. I really don't want to go back for fear that this might all happen again. But he believes I should give him a second chance because he gave me one. Am I crazy or is this controlling behavior?

    TL;DR - my boyfriend/roommate has gone through my phone/facebook conversations twice and kicked me out twice. now wants me back. how do I handle this?

    run away. now.
  • SpotLighttt
    SpotLighttt Posts: 174 Member
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    littlejen1983 wrote: »
    Don't go back.
    It won't change, that is how he is. He has trust issues, that isn't go to change.
    We all think we can fix broken people when we are in this situation, but that is who they are, no matter how many times they say they can change etc...

    he cant change? She's hardly innocent if shes going behind his back and cheating on him? (cheating is open to definition here *rolls eyes*)

  • fullylugged
    fullylugged Posts: 67 Member
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    Neither of you are perfect in this story, but he sounds dangerous. Move on, and learn for the future about wanting to be in a one-one relationship or not.
  • theemsicle1986
    theemsicle1986 Posts: 20 Member
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    Relationships aren't about scoring points, or getting 'revenge' or making it 'equal' (you did this so that means I can do that, or you have to make it up to me, etc).

    You're a pretty girl and could have anyone. Why settle?

    <EDIT> just read some more comments. Wow. This is not normal. You need to stop talking to him and be clear that it has ended. As you said, take out a restraining order if you need to. Scary.
  • FairhavenDS
    FairhavenDS Posts: 1,046 Member
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    What you tolerate, you receive in abundance.

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