What's the dumbest thing you've ever heard someone say?
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Lady to me on an airplane:
Lady: So where are you traveling to?
Me: New Mexico
Lady: Don't you have to bring your own water to go there? I heard they had germs.... and stuff.
Me: You know that New Mexico is a state... like in the United States, right?
Lady: .............. Oh.8 -
ToniLeeAnn82 wrote: »My brother once said he was reading an audio book.
BAHAHA! Semantics. Kind of reminds me of those who tell me what flavor candle they like the best
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My cousin and his wife adopted a newborn, bi-racial baby.
One of their neighbors from the deep south asked: "Oh.... how will she talk?"11 -
Caporegiem wrote: »Coworker: My printer says I need to change the yellow toner, what should I do?
Me: You *kitten* serious?
So embarrassed to admit this is 100% me. Lol. So many questions... Like now-now, or just soon? And how? And where is it, exactly? Do I change it to another yellow or a different color? And wtf is toner?
*Massive sigh*..Toner toner toner has done it again...7 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
Math sure is hard.2 -
Working in free clinic and running triage:
Me: So what brings you in tonight?
John Doe: I think I have semen in my rectum.
Me: OK, well there are two ways that ends up there and one way that gets out.
John Doe: No I mean I think my semen is backing up into my rectum.
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2008 presidential election, in one breath a woman at work said, "I could never vote for a black man for president. You can't trust them with that much power. But I don't want you to think I'm racist..."
Whoops. Too late. I just turned and walked away.10 -
itsy_bitsy_spider wrote: »ToniLeeAnn82 wrote: »My brother once said he was reading an audio book.
BAHAHA! Semantics. Kind of reminds me of those who tell me what flavor candle they like the best
Lol! I have had people ask me what flavor of lotion is my favorite. Uhhhh I have never taste tested lotions
Then you haven't LIVED!! I find Bath & Body Works' white tea & ginger to be delicious on a ham sandwich..12 -
Some guy that worked with my ex was told they were serving Filet Mignon at a function he was going to. He said he didn't eat fish.13
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itsy_bitsy_spider wrote: »Caporegiem wrote: »Coworker: My printer says I need to change the yellow toner, what should I do?
Me: You *kitten* serious?
So embarrassed to admit this is 100% me. Lol. So many questions... Like now-now, or just soon? And how? And where is it, exactly? Do I change it to another yellow or a different color? And wtf is toner?
*Massive sigh*..Toner toner toner has done it again...
Toner is the bane of my existence.2 -
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My best friend was in the pool and was snapping his hands, all squatted down and such, acting like a crab. So he says "Snappity snap snap, I'm a squirrel.....wait no" It took him nearly half a minute to remember that he was acting like a crab. He couldn't find the word. I promise you he's spoken English his whole life. I can not promise however that his brain is completely there, he got hit in the head a lot as a child. Mainly because he picked on me and I would hit him with a spoon really hard.
Another one was from my year younger brother. We live in the country, lots of fields, cows horses, etc. Well there's this dip in our front yard. In this dip, sits a squirrel. We had cows at the time and when I noticed it, all I could see was it's little ears, and occasionally it's head popped up for a split second. Well I looked at my dad and told him that I thought we had a groundhog in the field with the cows. It was something we were always watching for because cows step in the burrows and break there legs. Well my 15 yr old brother comes in the living room and tells my dad "there's some kind of wierd monkey in our yard" Now I really hadn't done much better at identifying the animal as what it was. But at least I thought it was an animal native to Kentucky.
My dad was present when both of these things were said, my dad's a strict man and rarely ever laughs when someone says something stupid/ridiculous. But when both of these things were said, my dad had an asthma attack laughing so hard. HE'S NEVER EVEN HAD ASTHMA BEFORE. But both those days, he ended up needing my inhaler.10 -
katieiwoosley wrote: »My best friend was in the pool and was snapping his hands, all squatted down and such, acting like a crab. So he says "Snappity snap snap, I'm a squirrel.....wait no" It took him nearly half a minute to remember that he was acting like a crab. He couldn't find the word. I promise you he's spoken English his whole life. I can not promise however that his brain is completely there, he got hit in the head a lot as a child. Mainly because he picked on me and I would hit him with a spoon really hard.
Another one was from my year younger brother. We live in the country, lots of fields, cows horses, etc. Well there's this dip in our front yard. In this dip, sits a squirrel. We had cows at the time and when I noticed it, all I could see was it's little ears, and occasionally it's head popped up for a split second. Well I looked at my dad and told him that I thought we had a groundhog in the field with the cows. It was something we were always watching for because cows step in the burrows and break there legs. Well my 15 yr old brother comes in the living room and tells my dad "there's some kind of wierd monkey in our yard" Now I really hadn't done much better at identifying the animal as what it was. But at least I thought it was an animal native to Kentucky.
My dad was present when both of these things were said, my dad's a strict man and rarely ever laughs when someone says something stupid/ridiculous. But when both of these things were said, my dad had an asthma attack laughing so hard. HE'S NEVER EVEN HAD ASTHMA BEFORE. But both those days, he ended up needing my inhaler.
I have relatives in Kentucky and have mistaken them for monkeys more than once.8 -
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katieiwoosley wrote: »My best friend was in the pool and was snapping his hands, all squatted down and such, acting like a crab. So he says "Snappity snap snap, I'm a squirrel.....wait no" It took him nearly half a minute to remember that he was acting like a crab. He couldn't find the word. I promise you he's spoken English his whole life. I can not promise however that his brain is completely there, he got hit in the head a lot as a child. Mainly because he picked on me and I would hit him with a spoon really hard.
Another one was from my year younger brother. We live in the country, lots of fields, cows horses, etc. Well there's this dip in our front yard. In this dip, sits a squirrel. We had cows at the time and when I noticed it, all I could see was it's little ears, and occasionally it's head popped up for a split second. Well I looked at my dad and told him that I thought we had a groundhog in the field with the cows. It was something we were always watching for because cows step in the burrows and break there legs. Well my 15 yr old brother comes in the living room and tells my dad "there's some kind of wierd monkey in our yard" Now I really hadn't done much better at identifying the animal as what it was. But at least I thought it was an animal native to Kentucky.
My dad was present when both of these things were said, my dad's a strict man and rarely ever laughs when someone says something stupid/ridiculous. But when both of these things were said, my dad had an asthma attack laughing so hard. HE'S NEVER EVEN HAD ASTHMA BEFORE. But both those days, he ended up needing my inhaler.
Did you educate your brother, informing him it wasn't a weird monkey at all, but rather just your average, run-of-the-mill crab?
(Not many things actually make me laugh out loud, but this did it. Slow clap for your dumb@ss friend... extra slow. Lol ) 3 -
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My ex wife actually asked me one night "What's popcorn made out of"11
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(In the operating cab of a locomotive) "Why do we have to slow down for curves?" (Fortunately, it was not the engineer who asked this, but someone riding along).3
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_notorious_ wrote: »I love you
I love you
Anyway, my family is terrible with geography, like most Americans I realized. They didn't know what Indonesia is or where it is located. One of them didn't know where New Zealand is located.
Covfefe
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"Are you really going to drink all that?!"6
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I was window shopping in the downtown area one day, just walking along, minding my own business right. This tourist couple came up to me and asked me if I was Native American and, "Omg, can we get your photo because we have never seen a real Native American before!". I said sure. After the photo was taken the man said, "wait, you're...Native American...do you still scalp white people??" I replied,"Only on the reservation, sir." I know, I was mean.20
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CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I gave an intern a list today. It had two columns. Observe and not yet observed. I asked her to check all that applies to what we were working on. When we were done she gave me the list back and it was empty. When I asked why she said, I didn't see anything obscured. Smh.
are you hiring?2 -
I was on vacation and I told someone I was from Toronto and they said "way up there near Hudson's Bay with all the polar bears"1
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"carrots are high in fat"4
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They Aren't Curves, They're Fat Rolls4
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Open court...
Me: Your honor, my client declines the state's plea offer. He wants a trial.
Judge (to my client) Do you understand the plea offer, your rights and the potential sentence if a jury convicts you? Have you had enough time to consult with your attorney about the pros/cons of going to trial?
My client: Yeah, I understand. But, um, see it's like this, yeah, the shards was technically in my possessions cuz I was wearing my friends pants, but yo man, that *kitten* wasn't mine, mine. You know? So, I ain't "clined" to take that plea.
WOW...just WOW!7 -
A long time ago, a friend of mine were talking about Holidays. Then he asks, "When is the 4th of July?" I looked at him for a good minute to see if he'd catch what he just asked, nope it never registered.5
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I've a couple of things that spring to mind...firstly in the £shop (I suppose the same as a $ shop in america) basically a shop where everything costs £1..a woman went up to the cashier for a price check on something!!
Also...at work every day customers ALWAYS ask where the toilet is..i just say over there where the bright orange sign says toilet!!
I was stood next to a work colleague at work, he's a young lad of 17 and a customer asked if he was my son because we had the same coloured hair???...does that make me the mother of every blonde haired boy in town?!!!5 -
Pretty much everything Kanye West/Kardashians has ever uttered!9
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jenibethbu wrote: »Pretty much everything Kanye West/Kardashians has ever uttered!
You mean, these things speak6
https://youtu.be/m2eyq9qTOQY
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