Dumped for being 'TOO FAT" :(

Screw him. Your body is not his to control. Blaming your weight on his issues means he would have been a controlling *kitten* in tbe long run. You are definitely better off without him. If you want to lose weight because YOU want to be healthier, go for it! But if you are waiting for others to tell you that you are only good enough aslong as you look/act/feel/do what they want, you are NEVER going to be happy with yourself.

I'm cussing him so bad right now in my mind!!! What a jerk. I'm sorry. His actions should be incentive for you to get where YOU want to be. Inside and/or out. I dated a guy who wanted my hair longer or wanted me to dress like 2 millions bucks if he dressed like one million bucks! Boy, please! He had my mind for quite some time and now I can't wait til we cross paths again! Lol! Am I where I want to be, nope, but not w him and thankful for that in itself

I think you dodged a bullet with this guy! I was once in a relationship that if I didn't look, act, say the right things I would be in trouble. But I seriously thought "he was the one" so it was ok. Well I learned, finally, the hard way, it was NOT ok! I am 38 (39 in 2 weeks) and I have been happily married now for a whopping 5 years. I was a late bride! But I finally found someone who loves me for ME! He lets dress how I want, do my hair how I want, say whatever is on my mind, no matter how crazy I seem. And he says I am beautiful no matter what I think and I can see it in his eyes that he believes I am beautiful in his eyes.
Cut this loser LOOSE! Do what you want for yourself! And you will find the right one who loves you for YOU!
It may hurt now, but you will look back and thank your lucky stars he isn't in your life!

I've read most of the comments here, and while I can appreciate the idea of "losing the weight for yourself and not for him," I would just encourage you to use whatever you're feeling right now as motivation. If you want to lose weight so that he might consider getting back together (or at least make him wish that you were!) then do that. If you want to lose weight so that you feel more confident in the dating pool again, then do that. As time goes on, your goals and motivations will change... at least they have for me. Plus, exercise is great therapy. Turn up some tunes and sweat out the negativity. You got this, girl!

I bet the OP is happily married by now.

You should honestly feel grateful that you got rid of such a huge douche-bag. You dodged a major bullet...seriously.

He's in for a rude awakening when he realizes that successful, long term relationships may initially be fueled by physical attraction....but are kept by a deep love that isn't about faces or body parts. Not to mention that when someone loves you....they see you as "beautiful" because of all of the other things they *should* know and appreciate about you. Intelligence, kindness, confidence, strength, etc. That's why they say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Because real love and attraction is multifaceted and isn't lost because of some wrinkles, weight, or surface changes.

He's a real *kitten* who's not just immature and shallow....but clearly not someone who loves you as a person at all. If you want to revenge-diet and dangle it in his face...do it. But if it wasn't your weight....it would have been something else eventually because he was with you for the wrong reasons to begin with. Better you found out now rather than him trading you in after baby weight or wrinkles or who knows what else.

I know this is going to end up on the "things people say that are annoying thread....but the best revenge is living a good life. And if that includes losing weight and getting fit...great! But do it for you. And don't think his childish behavior is "normal" and that you have to stay fit to keep a good man. He was never a good man to begin with. You can do better. Thick or thin.

OK, I'm in. I tried my hand at advice columnist in another thread, and think I may have found my second career.

missIssa36 wrote: »

Hi everybody. Im new to this site, just joined 2 days ago but I need some support or advice. Last weekend my boyfriend told me that I was too fat to go out with him. He doesn't find me attractive and he likes the old me who was about 80 lbs thinner

That was a really rude way to let you know he doesn't find you attractive at a heavier weight, especially if that was the first time he brought it up. The issue should have been addressed long before he decided you were "too fat to go out with him", and certainly not in those terms.

I gained weight because I had a horseback riding accident that cause two of my discs to herniate. I need to surgery and during the recovery I could do a lot so I packed on some weight. I realized I need to loose it awhile ago and was starting to workout and eat better.

You're saying he waited until you were actively working to lose the weight to tell you this? That really sounds like he was looking for a reason to break off the relationship and weight was a handy excuse.

Now, since he dumped me I wish I could just lose it all in one week and he would want me back. I know that's impossible.

It's normal to feel that way. People in intimate relationships know each other's vulnerabilities and can be extremely cruel when they choose.

How can someone dump you just because you gained a little weight? We have struggles and I never dumped him when he was a bit chubbier once. Im just so hurt. I think I have cried about 5 lbs of water out.

Of course you feel hurt. You love him. You thought he loved you, and he showed you, in a very hurtful way, that he didn't love you. Not only that, but he engineered the break-up so you would feel like it's your fault for not being good enough for him. The fact that you put on weight was no doubt a part of the reason he was no longer interested, but the fact that he dropped this on you after you had already gained 80 pounds and were starting to work on losing it says he was losing interest long before it got to this point.

I feel so ugly and horrible right now. I am going to do whatever it takes to loose this weight. I know that I have to loose it for myself but I cant help but think he would like me again if I was back to were I was about a year and a half ago. Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else. I really thought we would end up together. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for me? My ex deleted me of his facebook and told me via text that it was a good idea we talk to each other anymore. He wish me the best of luck. I just feel horrible...

Of course you feel horrible - that's exactly what he intended. You need to give yourself time to grieve the loss of this relationship, and you need to continue losing the weight for YOU. And it may very well be that when you succeed he'll want to get together again. If he reaches out, don't respond. You already know any relationship with him will end with him sabotaging your self-esteem. At 35, you have a bright future ahead. Be confident. Be happy. Focus on your own goals, and enjoy your life.

Guys, THIS THREAD IS OVER THREE YEARS OLD!

Can we not revive it any further? OP is long gone.

ndj1979 wrote: »

mph323 wrote: »

To any one who's interested - OP was last seen in 2014 after racking up 3 posts, all in this thread. I don't think she's coming back...

hopefully she is over it by now...

I dunno. Sometimes I go back to old boards I used to post in years ago just to see who's still there, and it's interesting how many people are still caught up in the same personal drama years later.

mrssie1223 wrote: »

Oh wow. I didn't notice the date this was posted. I wonder why it is still showing up on the first page?

Because a spambot posted in it, which bumped it to the front page, and people keep responding to it.


Like I just did...


oops

mph323 wrote: »

mrssie1223 wrote: »

Oh wow. I didn't notice the date this was posted. I wonder why it is still showing up on the first page?

The initial bump was done by a bizarre spam post about a spell-caster who can bring your lover back to you. After that it was open season

But now he's gone and I may be forever doomed to be without my man...

nutmegoreo wrote: »

mph323 wrote: »

mrssie1223 wrote: »

Oh wow. I didn't notice the date this was posted. I wonder why it is still showing up on the first page?

The initial bump was done by a bizarre spam post about a spell-caster who can bring your lover back to you. After that it was open season

But now he's gone and I may be forever doomed to be without my man...

There, there <handpats> I know this gypsy down on 34th and Vine - she mixes up a helluva love potion. Madam Ruth - you've heard of her?