Ghosted
Replies
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arcornell09 wrote: »barefoot_xoxo wrote: »grayblackmfp wrote: »I was dating a man who I met on a dating website a month ago. We had seven dates over four weeks with daily texts in-between. He always texted me first. Then one day he didn't reply to me. And I've heard nothing from him since. Unless he's had some kind of emergency he obviously doesn't want to see me again. I know I'm better off without someone who can be so cruel but the bit of hope that I have left hurts. It doesn't feel quite over because I'm still waiting for a text or call. I'm surprised how much it hurts after such a brief time with him. It doesn't make me want to open up to anyone else. Has this happened to you and how did you get past it without losing faith in humanity?
Did you sleep with him ?
If so then he got what he wanted
If not then he found someone who will sleep with him
This sounds to me like a catch 22.
If the person cares enough they will wait for the right time and if they care enough they will only think of you.
No argument there. But in this case we are talking about someone honorable. As opposed to a guy who randomly disappears and only wants sex then vanishes.
Yes! I think this is what frustrates women so much. An honorable guy isn't going to use a woman for sex and then disappear. Yet when it happens, we're told we'll find someone who cares enough about us someday to not do that. Idk about you, but I want a guy who is empathetic enough to not do that to somebody else no matter how little he genuinely feels for her.2 -
MrStabbems wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »You two already sound like you're married.
Too bad he's taken. These two have a lot in common, personality wise.
nothing wrong with a debate every now and then! I get bored on here otherwise.
You did spice it up a bit and I thank you. Serious question though, in the spirit of civil debate: Who do you think benefits most from the societal acceptance and proliferation of - what's been called on this thread - casual sex? Women or men?
Acceptance. Men. Although It is getting much better.
The way in which people go about getting sex is what seems to be bone of contention. If one person wants causal and the other a relationship then those stances should be respected regardless of gender. This is where I think the pain and hurt comes from. Disrespectful ill-disciplined selfish idiots lying or taking advantage of someone else for their own gain.
*kitten*, I agree with you
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arcornell09 wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »You two already sound like you're married.
Too bad he's taken. These two have a lot in common, personality wise.
nothing wrong with a debate every now and then! I get bored on here otherwise.
You did spice it up a bit and I thank you. Serious question though, in the spirit of civil debate: Who do you think benefits most from the societal acceptance and proliferation of - what's been called on this thread - casual sex? Women or men?
I'm in a FWB situation right now so I might be able to answer that. I'm not ready to commit to anyone at this point, I couldn't give it everything I have. She's a young busy mother. We netflix and chill, we both vent then relive some stress and thats the agreement. We both were pretty honest with each other on what we wanted at the time and so far so good.
Common enough and mutually agreed upon.
But 5 years from now, when this arrangement has run its course - who will be in a better position to negotiate leverage and favorable outcome in the sexual marketplace? A nice looking woman with kids in her mid to late 30s? Or a single, nice looking, gainfully employed man of the same age?
I think it really comes down to honesty. I'm 38 and she's 22 and I know there are women older than me that are with younger men. The problem seems to arise when people aren't honest about what they are looking for at certain points in their life. I prefer to be in a monogamous committed relationship but I just simply can't right now in my life. So, I wouldn't go out into the dating scene and pretend I was looking to be committed just for my own selfish needs. But finding someone who is on the same page as you is the most important. So, I guess there is nothing you can do about people who aren't honest about what they're looking for and you can't blame yourself if you get used or rejected.
Oh God. Just as I was about to fall in love with you and woo your profile pic as I ate my dinner...
There is a age difference but I thought it was relevant to the question you asked about who could "leverage a favorable outcome in the sexual marketplace" so you do the math. She's a grown woman who lives on her own. Has a car and apartment with her child and works full time after moving from Puerto Rico, she's not a child.0 -
arcornell09 wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »You two already sound like you're married.
Too bad he's taken. These two have a lot in common, personality wise.
nothing wrong with a debate every now and then! I get bored on here otherwise.
You did spice it up a bit and I thank you. Serious question though, in the spirit of civil debate: Who do you think benefits most from the societal acceptance and proliferation of - what's been called on this thread - casual sex? Women or men?
I'm in a FWB situation right now so I might be able to answer that. I'm not ready to commit to anyone at this point, I couldn't give it everything I have. She's a young busy mother. We netflix and chill, we both vent then relive some stress and thats the agreement. We both were pretty honest with each other on what we wanted at the time and so far so good.
Common enough and mutually agreed upon.
But 5 years from now, when this arrangement has run its course - who will be in a better position to negotiate leverage and favorable outcome in the sexual marketplace? A nice looking woman with kids in her mid to late 30s? Or a single, nice looking, gainfully employed man of the same age?
I think it really comes down to honesty. I'm 38 and she's 22 and I know there are women older than me that are with younger men. The problem seems to arise when people aren't honest about what they are looking for at certain points in their life. I prefer to be in a monogamous committed relationship but I just simply can't right now in my life. So, I wouldn't go out into the dating scene and pretend I was looking to be committed just for my own selfish needs. But finding someone who is on the same page as you is the most important. So, I guess there is nothing you can do about people who aren't honest about what they're looking for and you can't blame yourself if you get used or rejected.
Oh God. Just as I was about to fall in love with you and woo your profile pic as I ate my dinner...
There is a age difference but I thought it was relevant to the question you asked about who could "leverage a favorable outcome in the sexual marketplace" so you do the math. She's a grown woman who lives on her own. Has a car and apartment with her child and works full time after moving from Puerto Rico, she's not a child.
Age is just a number. I have dated guys almost 20 years older than me and guys almost ten years younger than me (cuz it would be illegal otherwise!) I don't get hung up on age differences. If you're in a situation where you both are happy and don't want anything more, than there is nothing wrong with it.3 -
LaPrincipessaFedele wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »You two already sound like you're married.
Too bad he's taken. These two have a lot in common, personality wise.
nothing wrong with a debate every now and then! I get bored on here otherwise.
You did spice it up a bit and I thank you. Serious question though, in the spirit of civil debate: Who do you think benefits most from the societal acceptance and proliferation of - what's been called on this thread - casual sex? Women or men?
I'm in a FWB situation right now so I might be able to answer that. I'm not ready to commit to anyone at this point, I couldn't give it everything I have. She's a young busy mother. We netflix and chill, we both vent then relive some stress and thats the agreement. We both were pretty honest with each other on what we wanted at the time and so far so good.
Common enough and mutually agreed upon.
But 5 years from now, when this arrangement has run its course - who will be in a better position to negotiate leverage and favorable outcome in the sexual marketplace? A nice looking woman with kids in her mid to late 30s? Or a single, nice looking, gainfully employed man of the same age?
I think it really comes down to honesty. I'm 38 and she's 22 and I know there are women older than me that are with younger men. The problem seems to arise when people aren't honest about what they are looking for at certain points in their life. I prefer to be in a monogamous committed relationship but I just simply can't right now in my life. So, I wouldn't go out into the dating scene and pretend I was looking to be committed just for my own selfish needs. But finding someone who is on the same page as you is the most important. So, I guess there is nothing you can do about people who aren't honest about what they're looking for and you can't blame yourself if you get used or rejected.
Oh God. Just as I was about to fall in love with you and woo your profile pic as I ate my dinner...
There is a age difference but I thought it was relevant to the question you asked about who could "leverage a favorable outcome in the sexual marketplace" so you do the math. She's a grown woman who lives on her own. Has a car and apartment with her child and works full time after moving from Puerto Rico, she's not a child.
Age is just a number. I have dated guys almost 20 years older than me and guys almost ten years younger than me (cuz it would be illegal otherwise!) I don't get hung up on age differences. If you're in a situation where you both are happy and don't want anything more, than there is nothing wrong with it.
Thank you for backing me up. I'm still heartbroken from my divorce and I'm not using anyone to validate myself or rub anyting in my Ex's nose. Like anyone else I need a human connection sometimes. I hope to have a deep bond with someone again someday but I want to be fair to the future person and to do that I have a LOT of work to do emotionally, physically and financially to give that person everything they deserve.1 -
arcornell09 wrote: »LaPrincipessaFedele wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »You two already sound like you're married.
Too bad he's taken. These two have a lot in common, personality wise.
nothing wrong with a debate every now and then! I get bored on here otherwise.
You did spice it up a bit and I thank you. Serious question though, in the spirit of civil debate: Who do you think benefits most from the societal acceptance and proliferation of - what's been called on this thread - casual sex? Women or men?
I'm in a FWB situation right now so I might be able to answer that. I'm not ready to commit to anyone at this point, I couldn't give it everything I have. She's a young busy mother. We netflix and chill, we both vent then relive some stress and thats the agreement. We both were pretty honest with each other on what we wanted at the time and so far so good.
Common enough and mutually agreed upon.
But 5 years from now, when this arrangement has run its course - who will be in a better position to negotiate leverage and favorable outcome in the sexual marketplace? A nice looking woman with kids in her mid to late 30s? Or a single, nice looking, gainfully employed man of the same age?
I think it really comes down to honesty. I'm 38 and she's 22 and I know there are women older than me that are with younger men. The problem seems to arise when people aren't honest about what they are looking for at certain points in their life. I prefer to be in a monogamous committed relationship but I just simply can't right now in my life. So, I wouldn't go out into the dating scene and pretend I was looking to be committed just for my own selfish needs. But finding someone who is on the same page as you is the most important. So, I guess there is nothing you can do about people who aren't honest about what they're looking for and you can't blame yourself if you get used or rejected.
Oh God. Just as I was about to fall in love with you and woo your profile pic as I ate my dinner...
There is a age difference but I thought it was relevant to the question you asked about who could "leverage a favorable outcome in the sexual marketplace" so you do the math. She's a grown woman who lives on her own. Has a car and apartment with her child and works full time after moving from Puerto Rico, she's not a child.
Age is just a number. I have dated guys almost 20 years older than me and guys almost ten years younger than me (cuz it would be illegal otherwise!) I don't get hung up on age differences. If you're in a situation where you both are happy and don't want anything more, than there is nothing wrong with it.
Thank you for backing me up. I'm still heartbroken from my divorce and I'm not using anyone to validate myself or rub anyting in my Ex's nose. Like anyone else I need a human connection sometimes. I hope to have a deep bond with someone again someday but I want to be fair to the future person and to do that I have a LOT of work to do emotionally, physically and financially to give that person everything they deserve.
I'm so sorry. I know there are good men in the world, like you
Hugs, and I truly hope you find happiness someday 
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_dracarys_ wrote: »Perhaps his wife found out.
Reminds me of the Ashley Madison site that got hacked and exposed the users, with some of them being congressmen, religious leaders, etc. I was curious and googled Ashley Madison and google asked me if I'm searching for "ashley madison hack list" because wives/husbands wanted to know if their significant other were on there. I assume the divorce rate went up after the hack. lol1 -
rachelleahsmom wrote: »DasItMan91 wrote: »Yeah send him one more text, you got nothing to lose now and if he doesn't respond, just move on. If you're a decent-looking woman, it shouldn't be that hard to find another man anyway and how long has it been since he stopped responding to you?
What?!?!? Since when does it matter what someone looks like? This was a horrible response!
Looks matter especially with online dating. I even talked to multiple people about this in real life and they agree with me. Some ugly person is not gonna get alot of messages or matches if any at all. Tinder for example where people will swipe through hundreds of other people, all it takes is seconds for someone to decide if they find you attractive or not, if they do they swipe right, if they don't they swipe left. Even if you write a good bio and they look at it, it doesn't really matter if they don't find you attractive or if you have bad pictures or no pictures. That's how superficial online dating is now quit crying.3 -
DasItMan91 wrote: »rachelleahsmom wrote: »DasItMan91 wrote: »Yeah send him one more text, you got nothing to lose now and if he doesn't respond, just move on. If you're a decent-looking woman, it shouldn't be that hard to find another man anyway and how long has it been since he stopped responding to you?
What?!?!? Since when does it matter what someone looks like? This was a horrible response!
Looks matter especially with online dating. I even talked to multiple people about this in real life and they agree with me. Some ugly person is not gonna get alot of messages or matches if any at all. Tinder for example where people will swipe through hundreds of other people, all it takes is seconds for someone to decide if they find you attractive or not, if they do they swipe right, if they don't they swipe left. Even if you write a good bio and they look at it, it doesn't really matter if they don't find you attractive or if you have bad pictures or no pictures. That's how superficial online dating is now quit crying.
Agreed. Online dating is so superficial you can write a fantastic *kitten* profile, but the guys won't read it. They just look at your pictures and message "Hi gorgeous" *kitten* that *kitten*!
Hi !1 -
LaPrincipessaFedele wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »arcornell09 wrote: »You two already sound like you're married.
Too bad he's taken. These two have a lot in common, personality wise.
nothing wrong with a debate every now and then! I get bored on here otherwise.
You did spice it up a bit and I thank you. Serious question though, in the spirit of civil debate: Who do you think benefits most from the societal acceptance and proliferation of - what's been called on this thread - casual sex? Women or men?
Acceptance. Men. Although It is getting much better.
The way in which people go about getting sex is what seems to be bone of contention. If one person wants causal and the other a relationship then those stances should be respected regardless of gender. This is where I think the pain and hurt comes from. Disrespectful ill-disciplined selfish idiots lying or taking advantage of someone else for their own gain.
*kitten*, I agree with you
feels weird right? like you've done something bad but you're not getting in trouble for it.1 -
Is it considered 'ghosting' if you ignore a guy that you 'dated' but later found out that he was married?
When you did find out that he was married you told him you were not interested in being involved in that situation...and then ignored him...is that still 'ghosting'?1 -
Did you sleep with him ?
If so then he got what he wanted
If not then he found someone who will sleep with him [/quote]
That's a really grim point of view. I did sleep with him several times because I wanted to. I'm a single adult.
Anyway I signed up to a different dating site last night and I found him on it and logged on. So I know he's definitely not interested in me and I dodged a bullet. Still hurts yet now I know he's alive and well to other people. He's dead to me.0 -
Is it considered 'ghosting' if you ignore a guy that you 'dated' but later found out that he was married?
When you did find out that he was married you told him you were not interested in being involved in that situation...and then ignored him...is that still 'ghosting'?
Um no. That guy doesn't even deserve the time of day.2 -
grayblackmfp wrote: »
Did you sleep with him ?
If so then he got what he wanted
If not then he found someone who will sleep with him
That's a really grim point of view. I did sleep with him several times because I wanted to. I'm a single adult.
Anyway I signed up to a different dating site last night and I found him on it and logged on. So I know he's definitely not interested in me and I dodged a bullet. Still hurts yet now I know he's alive and well to other people. He's dead to me. [/quote]
Ugh. Sorry, but at least you know and can move on to better prospects. 2 -
LaPrincipessaFedele wrote: »Is it considered 'ghosting' if you ignore a guy that you 'dated' but later found out that he was married?
When you did find out that he was married you told him you were not interested in being involved in that situation...and then ignored him...is that still 'ghosting'?
Um no. That guy doesn't even deserve the time of day.
What a strange phrase. Does that mean if he asked you what time it is, you'd be like "*kitten* off, D-bag!"3 -
Ben_there_done_that wrote: »LaPrincipessaFedele wrote: »Is it considered 'ghosting' if you ignore a guy that you 'dated' but later found out that he was married?
When you did find out that he was married you told him you were not interested in being involved in that situation...and then ignored him...is that still 'ghosting'?
Um no. That guy doesn't even deserve the time of day.
What a strange phrase. Does that mean if he asked you what time it is, you'd be like "*kitten* off, D-bag!"
Most likely. Nasty cheaters who make fools out of others for their own sexual gratification don't deserve small courtesies.
And before someone says, "well women do it too!!!!", my comment is intentionally gender neutral.3 -
MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Is it considered 'ghosting' if you ignore a guy that you 'dated' but later found out that he was married?
When you did find out that he was married you told him you were not interested in being involved in that situation...and then ignored him...is that still 'ghosting'?
I'd say no. It's very clear why you stopped talking to him.
I'd say she should say one last thing in a Email to his wife so she knows what scum he is and before he gives her a STD and wastes anymore of their bank account on other women.1
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