Body shame
Options
Replies
-
Gloriam_Sanguinis wrote: »You are all right. And anyway I shouldn't need anyone else to make me feel good about myself, I should feel good because I feel good not just because I have been complemented. I have to admit he always says the wrong things, he doesn't think. I just wanted to know if it's all about being attractive to your partner or if it is all about the personality.
Personality. It's all about personality.
You gotta base your relationship on friendship and love.
Ans he might not find athletic women attractive but I find my body amazing. It's strong, flexible and I can do amazing things with it and that gives me self confidence.
I know what I look like and I'm proud of my body even though it's not his ideal female body . Besides, he and I both agree that confidence is the sexiest thing about a person... and after I gained confidence we've never had a better love life or a better relationship
I always hated my muscles, when I was younger I'm was bullied for them, my legs still are so muscular, I have had lots of compliments about them. I love that you are so confident, I wish I had an ounce of confidence. It's me not him.0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »BrendanMcGroarty wrote: »It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.
:huh: in what way exactly should a woman help a man to 'be more than just an animal'??
Exactly what I thought when I read that.. What does that even mean? "if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal" ?! What? Why?0 -
Gloriam_Sanguinis wrote: »But I just wanna add.. your profile photo is amazing. If that's you then kudos cause you look great and it doesn't look like you have any weight to lose.
I think you're beautiful and I hope you think so as well. Confidence is key. Don't let his opinion matter to you.. cause it's you who's gonna live in that body of yours and you deserve to love it.
Again.. you look beautiful
Yes that's me and thank you. I have about 28lb to lose. I need that confidence and I have to do positive things for me to achieve it. Thank you.0 -
Gloriam_Sanguinis wrote: »But I just wanna add.. your profile photo is amazing. If that's you then kudos cause you look great and it doesn't look like you have any weight to lose.
I think you're beautiful and I hope you think so as well. Confidence is key. Don't let his opinion matter to you.. cause it's you who's gonna live in that body of yours and you deserve to love it.
Again.. you look beautiful
Yes that's me and thank you. I have about 28lb to lose. I need that confidence and I have to do positive things for me to achieve it. Thank you.
personally i think you need to work on your self esteem regardless of your weight... otherwise you fall into the trap of thinking 'when i weigh xxx pounds everything will be perfect' but actually its the same *kitten* you're just wearing smaller clothes...7 -
Poor guy.0
-
abetterme9366 wrote: »Not being complimented by your partner isn't quite the same as body shamed.
I didn't say I was being body shamed, I feel body shame.0 -
Run4fitness12 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »BrendanMcGroarty wrote: »It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.
:huh: in what way exactly should a woman help a man to 'be more than just an animal'??
I just mean humans have consciousness in a more profound way than other animals. We are not prisoners of our instincts. We can choose to not stare at it other people and we can choose to be more aware of those close to us.1 -
How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?1 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »Poor guy.
Yes poor guy. He's got such a bad life, meals made for him, giving him support in everything he does, keep his home clean, moved from all my family and friends to be with him and because maybe I feel a bit insecure and sometimes in life everyone needs reassurance he's a poor guy.3 -
I got married pretty young, I had just turned 21 a few days before hand. and I know my husband is not the type of guy to give compliments, I dont see him ever turning into that person either. I've gotten upset about it a few times, but i've made peace with the fact thats just how some guys are. If he knows I spent a long time doing my hair or make up he will occasionally say something but its rare.
I'd like to comment on a few things that you posted, you had a baby, and gained 9 pounds, thats really not much. I gained quite a bit of weight after I got married, I dont have an exact number because I never was really thin but when I started I definitely wasn't as thin as when I met him. Gaining weight can cause a lack of attraction which can cause a lack of intimacy, however with you it was only 9 pounds. Have you tried to talk to him about it? Telling him how you feel and seeing what he says?
I'd also like to comment on the staring on other women thing. Im completely on your side about that. I know alot of people (not just on MFP but in the world in general) feel that "looking" is fine as long as you come home to your SO. I'm glad that some people feel that way, and maybe its because im overweight and probably insecure but im not cool with it. I vaguely remember saying something to him about this before we started dating, I cant remember the exact conversation but I can be a little too blunt sometimes so it probably was something like "I cant stand when guys with girlfriends or wives are checking out other girls, Its fine to look but to stare especially infront of your SO is so disrespectful I would never let a guy do that to me" and who knows if my husband remembers this conversation (probably not) but i've never seen him "check out" another woman infront of me, I'm sure someone catches his eye when im not with him, but hes never made me feel disrespected or that I wasnt enough for him (even at my heaviest) Are you comfortable sitting down and talking to him about everything you have been feeling? It might be helpful to even write a list of everything you are feeling and see if you can talk through it. Sometimes the other person you have all of these problems with isnt even aware they are doing anything wrong, in their eyes they are just acting normal.6 -
BrendanMcGroarty wrote: »Run4fitness12 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »BrendanMcGroarty wrote: »It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.
:huh: in what way exactly should a woman help a man to 'be more than just an animal'??
I just mean humans have consciousness in a more profound way than other animals. We are not prisoners of our instincts. We can choose to not stare at it other people and we can choose to be more aware of those close to us.
I agree the way it was worded before is confusing. This does make sense to me and actually is probably something my husband would say I think its all about choice, and honestly respect. BUT it also depends on your relationship, some women and men are upfront about it being okay to look but not touch so looking at others is the norm for their relationship. But in this case OP isnt comfortable with it, so IMO hes not respecting her either.2 -
grayblackmfp wrote: »How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?
Our son is 17 months, he's had to take on a lot, I have 3 older children so kind of remember how it goes. He's terrible at talking he tells you what he thinks you want to hear, when I first met him he lied so much but he's got so much better, he would go all around the houses before he lied but not quiet telling the truth straight away, he's hard work. I do want to be with him and I do find him attractive, the most attractive man I have ever had as a partner.0 -
CoffeeAndContour wrote: »Is this you in the profile pic? Is this story about you?
This is me1 -
grayblackmfp wrote: »How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?
Our son is 17 months, he's had to take on a lot, I have 3 older children so kind of remember how it goes. He's terrible at talking he tells you what he thinks you want to hear, when I first met him he lied so much but he's got so much better, he would go all around the houses before he lied but not quiet telling the truth straight away, he's hard work. I do want to be with him and I do find him attractive, the most attractive man I have ever had as a partner.
Are there some trust issues at play here? You mentioned a few times he used to be a not very good guy and he used to lie all the time. Do you trust him?0 -
laurenebargar wrote: »grayblackmfp wrote: »How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?
Our son is 17 months, he's had to take on a lot, I have 3 older children so kind of remember how it goes. He's terrible at talking he tells you what he thinks you want to hear, when I first met him he lied so much but he's got so much better, he would go all around the houses before he lied but not quiet telling the truth straight away, he's hard work. I do want to be with him and I do find him attractive, the most attractive man I have ever had as a partner.
Are there some trust issues at play here? You mentioned a few times he used to be a not very good guy and he used to lie all the time. Do you trust him?
It is hard to trust someone who has lied, he says the most a full things when we have fallen out, he told me he was going to cheat on me, he told me he still loves his ex and would do anything for her, he has been not nice at all but this last year he has changed a lot and I am still trying to see last these things but it's hard sometimes.0 -
BrendanMcGroarty wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »BrendanMcGroarty wrote: »It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.
:huh: in what way exactly should a woman help a man to 'be more than just an animal'??
I just mean humans have consciousness in a more profound way than other animals. We are not prisoners of our instincts. We can choose to not stare at it other people and we can choose to be more aware of those close to us.
but you said women should help men do this...? how?0 -
laurenebargar wrote: »grayblackmfp wrote: »How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?
Our son is 17 months, he's had to take on a lot, I have 3 older children so kind of remember how it goes. He's terrible at talking he tells you what he thinks you want to hear, when I first met him he lied so much but he's got so much better, he would go all around the houses before he lied but not quiet telling the truth straight away, he's hard work. I do want to be with him and I do find him attractive, the most attractive man I have ever had as a partner.
Are there some trust issues at play here? You mentioned a few times he used to be a not very good guy and he used to lie all the time. Do you trust him?
It is hard to trust someone who has lied, he says the most a full things when we have fallen out, he told me he was going to cheat on me, he told me he still loves his ex and would do anything for her, he has been not nice at all but this last year he has changed a lot and I am still trying to see last these things but it's hard sometimes.
Im going to second couples therapy. Are you guys married?1 -
CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »Is this you in the profile pic? Is this story about you?
This is me
I don't get his deal? What isn't he attracted too? You're gorgeous.
I thought this was more of a what if scenario. So I apologize for the bluntness of my original post. And my post was more so referencing someone who has completely let them self go and no longer cares for their own health. Again I'm sorry.
Have you considered couples therapy?
That's ok, in a way I have let myself go, I was married for 16 years to a horrible man I got the confidence to leave but now I feel I have let myself slip into someone I don't like. No we haven't thought about therapy, I think if I suggested it he would say it's a good idea for me, he's said similar before.0 -
laurenebargar wrote: »laurenebargar wrote: »grayblackmfp wrote: »How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?
Our son is 17 months, he's had to take on a lot, I have 3 older children so kind of remember how it goes. He's terrible at talking he tells you what he thinks you want to hear, when I first met him he lied so much but he's got so much better, he would go all around the houses before he lied but not quiet telling the truth straight away, he's hard work. I do want to be with him and I do find him attractive, the most attractive man I have ever had as a partner.
Are there some trust issues at play here? You mentioned a few times he used to be a not very good guy and he used to lie all the time. Do you trust him?
It is hard to trust someone who has lied, he says the most a full things when we have fallen out, he told me he was going to cheat on me, he told me he still loves his ex and would do anything for her, he has been not nice at all but this last year he has changed a lot and I am still trying to see last these things but it's hard sometimes.
Im going to second couples therapy. Are you guys married?
No not married.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 395 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 960 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions