WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR OCTOBER 2017

Thanks Karen for the link to the Resilience article. I think everybody should have a Plan B and be nimble enough to find the positive in what seems a bleak or negative experience.

Evie – I know that anything that concerns a ‘baby’ or ‘baby anything’ isn’t going to go over well with either of them. Flowers? She got bunches from her clientele and said it was appreciated; but, she wouldn’t be able to keep them alive. I think what her Mother said to her was most insensitive … I want to go ‘whoop her @$$’; but, it won’t change anything. I don’t think she approved of the IVF; but, short of a miracle, she can’t have one on her own. Fallopian tubes are completely blocked. She showed me the pictures of them. The specialist said that they would probably have to come out at some point in the future. But they are not needed to do the IVF. I hope she and Will don’t disagree about whatever choice they make. He went with her to every appointment but one. When they were going to implant the one that was perfectly formed, he did a scrapping of the inside of her uterus. OMG – she said it hurt worse than anything she had gone through, even labor with Mallory. I think she lost a couple before having Mallory (or after, it isn’t the first time she has gone through this – but, I think it was the only time she did so with a man that she actually loves. I try not to ask questions of either; but, I think my asking Will if they were going to try again, did not go over very well either. I, personally, have not talked to him since he told me she had lost the baby. Of course, I had a GYN appointment and fell apart. I know that one’s body tends to reject things that might otherwise not be without its problems. But, that would not be something I would ever say to her. She did call me the other day and she has texted me … that one I could tell she was upset because she sent it in spurts. I did send her a story, actually a speech, of a man giving a commencement speech about learning things from a 3rd grade dropout. He said at the end that his 3rd grade dropout gave him many things that made him want to do whatever he needed to do to accomplish some he wanted. He said only 3 words to him at his DnL’s (actually he saw her as his daughter) funeral and that was “Son, stand Up!” For some reason, I thought what he said was something we all need to learn. I think I also saw it on FB.

Michele – Thank, you! Is the comb for her hair? I don’t blame you – I would just say, the hairdresser put it in, to hold her hair back. I’d order the most expensive meal and eat before I went. But, you have the right idea. It’s a shame that Denise cannot see through all this; but, maybe she will once she is married. I don’t think Pete will make any decisions as long as Maria is around. Taylor came down to tell us ‘goodbye’; but, this wasn’t one of her better weekend because Jenn ‘*kitten*’ all the time. Mostly about her sister coming out to visit with her and sleeping the entire time. She told her it wasn’t any different than her being ‘gone’ all the time when she came home or being on the phone while Madison was driving, then yelling at her when she did.

We’re having gumbo tonight. Will makes some ‘kick @$ Chicken and Sausage’ and whatever else he has hanging around Gumbo. I’ll make some rice to put it over. It’s been a while since I have made shrimp gumbo (I put crab meat in mine, too). It takes a lot of shrimp because they shrink up so much.
Our dishwasher which was ‘new’ when we built the house has died. Louis wants to see about getting someone to fix it. Thinking of Clint; but, he hasn’t called since we got an estimate on the glassed-in porch (but, I thought Louis was going to call him when we are ready – I don’t think he has. I don’t think it would be much more expensive than to go ahead and get a new one. Randy, the guy who owns the land right across from us is a plumber and maybe he will also come and put it in … it would already have power to hook it to. He told us we needed to remove the disposal because whoever put it in did not slant the pipes the correct way, and he wasn’t able to get to them, in order to fix them.

I’d love a heated toilet; but, getting one that sits up higher than ours does would be something important to me. Even Louis hasn’t done that either. He needs to take the one out of the ½ bath and put this one in there and then get one for our bathroom.

Allie – Hanging pictures, especially if you have a grouping … I would suggest laying them out on a sheet of Kraft paper, even if you have to tape 2 pieces together and lay the pictures on it so you can get the best arrangement. Then turn them over and see where the wire is at the highest point or where the zagged metal clip is and measure down on the box you make around the picture – then they will hang correctly. My GYN has moved a couch that he had under a grouping of golf course. I told him the last time I saw him, that now that the couch has been move, they needed to come down about 8” because they were too high. You should be able to sit in chair in the room and not have to move you head when you look at them; only your eyes; and no higher than a 45°. And about 5" off any piece of furniture that might be in front of them, such as a sofa. Mirrors or other pictures hung in room where you would be more likely to be standing, such as a foyer or hallway, they should be hung at eye’s level.

I know you must be enjoying you new-found freedom and I hope you will continue to do so and sooner or later decide to get out from under anything associated with TomCat.

Is TomCat telling he can’t touch his 401K because it is one that ‘rolls over’? Let him take the ‘tax hit’ … you might not get a 2nd chance to get at it. For you, it should NOT be taxable … like inherited money being invested isn’t taxed. It is viewed as a ‘settlement’. Like if our sons inherited our little bit of money – they don’t have to pay taxes on that; but, they would still have to file an income tax return for us for that last year. The money has already been taxed. It was taxed, like income, when they took it out of his check or when he took his check and put some in the 401K.

Machka – I like my skinny jeans and yoga pants with long tunics. I think I have 2 dresses hanging in my closet that I have worn once each. One has long sleeves, the other is sleeveless. But, for some reason, I feel like it is too short-waisted.

My weight did not change this last time, and I think it would have if I had worn the shorts that I normally wear; but, I picked out what I thought weighed the least.

Beth – Sorry to hear about the trouble your niece is having with her twins. Even if she isn’t thriving as she should; I would NOT allow her to scream for hours on end. I’d pick her up as soon as she made any noise and try to feed her then. She, like a baby who is nursing, should be fed ‘on command’ and not on ‘schedule’ … they will eventually settle into their own ‘schedule’. Having twins is twice the work unless you have someone helping you; at least until you fall into a ‘schedule’ that works for you. Has she tried to ‘swaddle her’ … that is how they are in the nursery in a hospital. There are several YTube videos on how to do this; maybe she isn’t feeling ‘tucked in’ like she was in the hospital. This keeps her from swinging her arms and legs. Her Pediatrician should have little tips to do. I know my boys’ Pediatrician had little things to do to get them to stop a bad behavior. He also had printed out forms about what they should be doing by the time they reach a certain age. At times, his suggestions seemed really crazy; but, every one of them worked. I would be concerned about her weight as well; that is serious enough to make an appointment with her Pediatrician. It’s possible that she has the ‘colic’; but, some babies have it, others don’t. She probably is finding that the breastfed baby isn’t because Mother’s breast milk is best. Since she is older, has she attempted to breastfeed her as well? If she can suck on a bottle, she should have that down pat. Maybe she is having to ‘suck too hard’ on the nipples that come with bottle that are designed for milk; maybe using a nipple that is designed for juice would help. If she is having a difficult time ‘sucking’, the nipple might be the cause of her colic. She would be sucking in a lot of air and this is one cause for ‘colic’.

I'd consider changing MDs (especially if the Pediatrician is not concerned about it, he/she should be. Baby girl should not be at her birth weight.

Especially, if she put cereal in her formula … you will definitely have to have a nipple with a larger hole. She would definitely need to be burped after using the larger sized hole in the nipple. I found that putting my boys on their stomachs and bouncing them on my knees got them to burp, when nothing else would. Patting their back to get them to burp from the waist up to the shoulders will also help bring up a burp. Just patting her on the back will not always do it, rubbing up her back (or gently on her stomach) will also help. Hope this helps some. She definitely (actually both) need to ‘burp’ before laying them down on their backs. Things have change since my sons were babies; back then, they were suggesting that you lay them on their side; with something keeping them in that position – they had little sheets with a lump the length of the sheet over a piece of foam. When my oldest sister had her babies, they were putting them on their tummies. That is not a good way because if they throw up, they could smother. On their backs, they tend to turn their heads to one side or the other. I think that was why someone came up with the idea of keeping them on their sides. Holding her against her naked body might comfort her as well. Like breastfeeding their heads are against the bare breasts. Other than that I don’t know if I have any other suggestions. Maybe this will help. Since she doesn’t seem to be thriving they might put her into the hospital and feed her intravenously. I agree that she ought to look for a different MD – you said she had gone to a GastroMD, does she have a Pediatrician (or did he refer her to the GastroMD?). If you put cereal in her formula I would only put a very little. It ‘might’ help or it ‘might’ make it worse – since she is so young. A running dryer or washing machine with her strapped in (and put far back on it) has worked for some people. Will she allow your niece to ‘rock her’? Trey loved rocking (when I nursed him) … Will ‘hated’ it. He wanted to be totally still when I nursed him.

Is there a La Leche League where she lives or near her? They come up with a lot of information and also will help her get to the point she could probably nurse both. My BFs were twins and growing up were ‘nursed’ by their mother which she did both at the same time … held them like footballs under her arms. It let them ‘feel warm’ and although one was a bit sickly … nursing was relaxing to all. Le Leche League could tell her about ‘milk banks’ as well. She'd hold one in one arm, then hold her in the opposite arm the next time. That way, if the milk is more nutritious in one side, each get to nurse on that side.

Joyce – I think Will and Tami have been able to communicate their feelings about the loss; she says that Will is really taking it hard. When it first happened I wrote them a letter telling them that men and women grieve in different ways. I hoped that he could understand how she feels, like she hasn’t succeeded at something she says is Biblical. When the first few days she just had her period the next month she would get upset because she felt like she had failed as a wife and woman. She told him (and me – he also said the same) that ‘he needed to file for a divorce and find a woman who could give him a baby. I told her that was NOT going to happen, they are ‘family’ and he ‘fell in love with her’ and also ‘fell in love with Mallory’ … she did NOT have to worry about that. We felt like Mallory was the same grandchild that the other three are and we’d never treat her any differently. Louis also told her the same and I think ‘she took it better from him’ because she said she would never forget what he said to her’. She shouldn’t worry about him going back to work; because that might be ‘how he grieved’. She just went back to work a couple of weeks ago. But, that has been difficult because she said there were 1000’s off things that women could talk about other than babies and that seemed like all she heard. I told her that she is probably a little sensitive to that; when I lost my baby – it seemed like all I ever saw were pregnant women or women with small babies. Her Mother got angry when she did not want to go see her niece’s baby who was born that same week (or within 10 days). She hasn’t spoken to her since. One of the reasons is that she is partial to her sister, her niece and now the great-grandchild. Said that even Mallory saw it in her. That is pitiful, if you ask me. But, she did say, that she was ‘her Daddy’s baby’. I’m not sure he has said much to her about what they’ve gone through.

Joyce – Wait until one of your grandchildren graduates form college! My middle sister leans so far to the left we are surprised she doesn’t fall over. She is the first one to bring up politics at the beach and my oldest sister put her ‘in her place’; so the conversation ended with her bashing Trump and anybody who voted for him. Both our oldest son and our oldest grandchild have ‘challenged’ her for the posts she makes on FB. Even a couple of her HS and college friend have. I’ve probably said more than I should; but, normally I just read them and don’t respond. Like him, or not, he is the POTUS … if you cannot respect him; then, respect the office. Obama did not have much, if any, political experience when he came into office; but, I’ve never seen a ‘former’ POTUS be as politically charged once they left office. They just have not said anything about their predecessors. Or better yet, just don’t talk politics.

Lanette – Cracker had a “Cone of Shame” after she was spayed (at 4 months). The only way she could sleep was the sleep with it on the other side of the bed. I think that is why she sleeps that way still. Or on her back, I cannot imagine she could possibly be comfortable in some of the positions she sleeps in. Some are downright hysterical!

NY Karen – Enjoyed the article.

Felicia and Rye – I like waffles but can’t stand pancakes. Which is pretty crazy since they are basically pretty much the same thing, just cooked differently; but, I also like my waffles crispier than most. Not hard as a rock; just so it doesn’t taste too ‘pancakey’.

Terry in VT – I found having a walking buddy made me walk faster most of the time because we were walking faster.

Lenora

I a, wondering if one of the infant carriers that the baby is front carried all the time would help the twin. You always have the Mom's heart beat, you have the constant of the Mom or whoever is carrying the baby and if they do fall asleep, you must leave them alone. Plus it is just so easy to give them a kiss on the head!!!!!

Wow, church was empty this morning. But there were a lot of late arrives and althoug the sanctuary didn't fill up, it did look better. The pastor was out of town doing a wedding and I guess everyone decided not to be there. Well fall break did start this break. Maybe that affected it. Our choir looked like the bowling pins, we were row in the front row, three then five I the back row. But it was a simple song. We have a missionary in our church, he is old and has Parkinson's that use to substitute for our preacher until we had the former preacher join our church. But then he died two weeks ago so the missionary preached. He does a devotional at one of the local nursing homes every asunder afternoon and that's about how long the sermon was. I was home and done eating by noon.

There is a game I play on the internet I play. So,e people play to win and that is the only reason to play, others play for fun. The club I am in is kind of half and half. We enjoy winning and rasping the benefits of winning but we aren't cutthroat. We have two members in the military and they both had weekend last weekend so they didn't play. Their scores consistently show that. Our club does have rules, they wee the same rules when these two girls requested to join. Our club administrator has left it alone and our ranking slip lower and lower every week. So this week, the were deleted. So today our highest ranked player removed herself and said that it was because these two ladies were removed. I am torn. I respect that anyone wants to be in the National Guard and they are our weekend warriors. The nation needs them. But if you know you will not be able to make the minimum of space out,index when you request to join, why even ask to begin with. But yet the administrator has made two members who serve our country upset along with another player.

Rainy and dismal today:(

Joyce, indiana

P

Thanks for the input ladies! I have been sharing your responses with my niece. She has another appointment with her pediatrician Wednesday (gastro doctor was at the pediatrician's suggestion) and plans to discuss where to go from here. Her mother (my ex SIL) was visiting this weekend and did nothing but tear her down for being an incompetent mother ... sigh ...

This week promises to be a busy one ... and I'm hoping to really get my meal prep and eating under control. While it will make not one bit of difference on how I look for Saturday's wedding, I will feel better ... and my self-esteem will be a little higher ...if I'm not bloated!

Beth near Buffalo

Oooo

Margaret ... isn't that the truth!! Couldn't believe my ears.

My third daughter had colic for three months. She was born with a large umbilical hernia that the doctors warned might need to be closed with an operation. Luckily it closed by itself as she grew. But man, those first three months were terrible and I think the hernia was part of the cause. The doctor had told us if she screamed non stop and seemed in terrible distress to take her to emergency because her intestine might have gotten twisted and trapped in the hernia. My husband took her up to emergency once fearing that it was twisted because she would not stop crying. I stayed home with the other children and slept. I was so exhausted from the constant screaming! We took turns an hour at a time walking her around jiggling her and trying various holding/swaddling positions to relieve her pain. My mother was staying with us and was a wonderful help with this time consuming job. She was fully breast fed. I can remember that time as one of the most physically difficult in my life. She did gain weight though, so at least I didn't have to worry about that. Lack of weight gain is certainly one of the big indicators of a problem that needs to be thoroughly investigated. Wendy PS. My daughter Georgia is a beautiful 19 year old now and perfectly healthy.