THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS.

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Replies

  • deannalfisher
    deannalfisher Posts: 5,601 Member
    So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.

    My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.

    However, I just need to say two things:

    DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.

    And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

    I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?

    the worse part of this when i was military - of them springing the random pee test on you right after you pee'd in the morning - our ROTC unit used to select people to pee before PT and then you would have to sit and wait in the unit until you could go...

    I love when Marines come in and expect that I'll be on pee pee patrol while they do their business. They're always so visibly relieved when I tell them that we aren't as gung-ho as the military.

    lol - you mean you don't like watching people actually Pee in a cup...because I just "love" doing that...
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.

    My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.

    However, I just need to say two things:

    DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.

    And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

    I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?

    the worse part of this when i was military - of them springing the random pee test on you right after you pee'd in the morning - our ROTC unit used to select people to pee before PT and then you would have to sit and wait in the unit until you could go...

    I love when Marines come in and expect that I'll be on pee pee patrol while they do their business. They're always so visibly relieved when I tell them that we aren't as gung-ho as the military.

    lol - you mean you don't like watching people actually Pee in a cup...because I just "love" doing that...

    I think a few of my patients would enjoy it far too much.
  • Sadlyinwar
    Sadlyinwar Posts: 859 Member
    Timshel_ wrote: »
    Less talk, more golden showers.

    Yes... clearly 65 posts aren't enough! :D
  • bobtater1
    bobtater1 Posts: 172 Member
    cee134 wrote: »
    aeloine wrote: »
    FINANCE IS NOT ACCOUNTING
    FINANCE IS NOT ACCOUNTING
    FINANCE IS *NOT* ACCOUNTING

    That is all.

    That's weird I always thought fiance was accounting.

    There is no accounting for finance.
  • ilfaith
    ilfaith Posts: 16,524 Member
    cee134 wrote: »
    aeloine wrote: »
    FINANCE IS NOT ACCOUNTING
    FINANCE IS NOT ACCOUNTING
    FINANCE IS *NOT* ACCOUNTING

    That is all.

    That's weird I always thought fiance was accounting.

    xdtqers2u1tz.png

    But what if you're engaged to a CPA?
  • Sadlyinwar
    Sadlyinwar Posts: 859 Member
    ilfaith wrote: »
    cee134 wrote: »
    aeloine wrote: »
    FINANCE IS NOT ACCOUNTING
    FINANCE IS NOT ACCOUNTING
    FINANCE IS *NOT* ACCOUNTING

    That is all.

    That's weird I always thought fiance was accounting.

    xdtqers2u1tz.png

    But what if you're engaged to a CPA?

    Then it's the same
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    Sadlyinwar wrote: »
    ilfaith wrote: »
    cee134 wrote: »
    aeloine wrote: »
    FINANCE IS NOT ACCOUNTING
    FINANCE IS NOT ACCOUNTING
    FINANCE IS *NOT* ACCOUNTING

    That is all.

    That's weird I always thought fiance was accounting.

    xdtqers2u1tz.png

    But what if you're engaged to a CPA?

    Then it's the same

    Obv.
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    I am all the rage2yw8094j00qk.jpg
    vdpfjyvk02wd.jpg

    Function AND fashion.

    You’re my favorite person, ever.

    I had to measure my pee in those after giving birth. That’s a good time.

    Hahaha. Oh, bless.
  • outbound2017
    outbound2017 Posts: 5 Member
    People who insist that they "don't come from monkeys." That is not how evolution works! Nobody said that! Drives me crazy.
  • ptcampgymokc
    ptcampgymokc Posts: 318 Member
    So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.

    My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.

    However, I just need to say two things:

    DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.

    And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

    I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?

    So does this me we are all getting urine test now? That was not in the terms and conditions of the site.
  • fatcity66
    fatcity66 Posts: 1,556 Member
    FYI, saliva tests are much easier to pass than urine, especially if you're smoking the cheeba. And drinking a ton of water 1 hour before does help.
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.

    My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.

    However, I just need to say two things:

    DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.

    And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

    I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?

    So does this me we are all getting urine test now? That was not in the terms and conditions of the site.

    I'm waiting with your cup. Come on.
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    fatcity66 wrote: »
    FYI, saliva tests are much easier to pass than urine, especially if you're smoking the cheeba. And drinking a ton of water 1 hour before does help.

    Thankfully, my clinic is super THC friendly so long as you're honest about it. It's a pain clinic, and the parallels between pain relief and marijuana are pretty clearly drawn. It's more the hard stuff like cocaine, or non-compliance with Sch II prescription meds we look for.
  • beagletracks
    beagletracks Posts: 5,957 Member
    Sure, some people like to pee in front of others, on others, in others, but most people hate going to the doctor -- in part because they feel vulnerable and exposed. This thread reinforces the idea that when we go to the doctor, nurses and techs are laughing about us and even posting about how stupid and gross we are on the Internet.

    Sincerely,

    tenor.gif
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    lstrat115 wrote: »
    What does it do?!

    What doesn't it do?!

    It sits on the rim of the toilet, and catches ze pee pees, and then if I'm very lucky the elderly woman with whom I'm collecting from will allow me to pour it in the cup for her.

    My job is very glamorous.

    Late to this party, but I thought you weren't supposed to catch all the pee? Like I pee some into the toilet and then pee some into the cup and then finish in the toilet. That is the directions they have on the wall anyway

    Depends on the facility and what kind of testing they're doing. We will take what we can get.
  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    Sure, some people like to pee in front of others, on others, in others, but most people hate going to the doctor -- in part because they feel vulnerable and exposed. This thread reinforces the idea that when we go to the doctor, nurses and techs are laughing about us and even posting about how stupid and gross we are on the Internet.

    Sincerely,

    tenor.gif

    Or perhaps it reinforces the notion that we are all human and have grievances at our jobs? I'm sorry for whatever negative healthcare experiences you have had that make you think that way. I think you'd be surprised how little time is spent laughing about patients, and how much time is spent working our butts off to make sure they get the care they need in the time they need, -- even the difficult ones. And how many tears are shed when things don't work, and how many group hugs there are when someone has a breakthrough with pain relief that enables them to live a more enriched life.

    But everyone has to vent from time to time. Not ashamed to admit to being human.

  • iamthemotherofdogs
    iamthemotherofdogs Posts: 562 Member
    lstrat115 wrote: »
    lstrat115 wrote: »
    What does it do?!

    What doesn't it do?!

    It sits on the rim of the toilet, and catches ze pee pees, and then if I'm very lucky the elderly woman with whom I'm collecting from will allow me to pour it in the cup for her.

    My job is very glamorous.

    Late to this party, but I thought you weren't supposed to catch all the pee? Like I pee some into the toilet and then pee some into the cup and then finish in the toilet. That is the directions they have on the wall anyway

    Depends on the facility and what kind of testing they're doing. We will take what we can get.

    That is right you will! You are lucky I am allowing you any of it at all. By giving it up I am clearly risking encountering a shortage that I need for...... Oh. I have said too much.....

    sccljzprqd97.png
  • marrkyo
    marrkyo Posts: 1 Member
    edited October 2017
    So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.

    My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.

    However, I just need to say two things:

    DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.

    And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

    I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?

    so how do you get out of it?

    Ya find someone with clean urine (not a pregnant woman) and use theirs. But make sure it's body temperature and ya give it to them.
    I had great plans to leave a bottle on the radiator before I went down to give a sample, but then drama happened that morning so was walking around with a bottle full of someone else's and had to go straight to give sample from town.
    Then got a call a few minutes after I left saying it was cold