What nobody tells you about losing weight
Replies
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gymprincess1234 wrote: »kbivins1031 wrote: »How jealous people get who are overweight but don’t want to make changes. They shoot your happiness down.
Literally experienced this the other day. It's like you lost the weight and put it on them or something and should be blamed for their struggle.
Isn’t that strange?? People who are supportive generally and love me will look at me and not say a word. Some will say something mean about my clothes or shoes, and skip over the 80 pound loss. My favorite is the diet lecture from people who are fatter than I am—my diet is unsustainable or unhealthy, etc.. Why aren’t they just happy for me? I asked one family member how much weight she had lost, and when she told me I told her how good she looked, how great it was that she had gotten so far, etc. and she said NOTHING about me. I never would have expected that.
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pennoxford wrote: »
Why aren’t they just happy for me?
I get the ones who don't say anything. Some of my closest friends would only say 'you look amazing' when I post a picture, or 'Good job' when I mention my weight loss progress. Otherwise they think and know it's quite a sensitive topic to a lot of people. One friend told me she didn't want to ask me how I lost the weight, cause she was afraid I might be ill, cause the initial loss was so big.
For the others.. maybe they don't want to mention your weight loss, because they are ashamed to talk about their, or just pure jealousy.
Anyways, it's a tricky thing. Never in my life thought weight loss would impact existing friendships and relationships, but boy I was wrong. I think it's the fact you succeeded in something, that makes others reflect about themselves, maybe makes them feel bad - they lack your determination, motivation or strength to do something.
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Jancandoit7 wrote: »I think my face is going to look older once it deflates more- I'm 60 and had decent skin and few wrinkles- now I'm seriously starting to see lots of them-bummer- but at least I'll have good cheekbones! And yes, I already use really good skin care products so I guess I'll get what I get!
When I was thinner, I def had more wrinkles. If I get that thin again, I'm going to treat myself to facial fillers/botox whatever!1 -
While I was fat, my body was changing/aging. So I was trim in my twenties and up to mid-thirty. I'm now losing weight in my late forties and the body under that fat is a surprise/shock! I realise now that I was expecting to go back to what I was. Weird. I just found a dent in my thigh that Google explains is probably an injury site that was hidden under subcutaneous fat. And my now-thinner upper arms have fat wings. Lovely! You mean I have to diet AND exercise?16
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Sooooo many things...but here's just a few:
How that "swollen" look (in your face/neck/arms and over all your body really) disappears slowly but surely--you start looking so much healthier and "cuter" too.
How your arms go from flabby (underneath, when you swing them (batwings?)...the fat literally hangs and swings and looks and feels not too good) to getting muscle on top of your arms (biceps?) even if you're not exercising nor lifting weight...muscles still start forming as you lose weight/fat (at least it does for me--I've got what they call "guns" now--these "guns" were produce BEFORE I started exercising now, I just started moderate/low level exercising recently) and again, the flab underneath start disappearing as you lose fat--that is sooo much FUN to see and feel.
How for years the mirror and taking pictures was to be avoided at all cost, too painful/scary/discouraging to look at yourself or be photographed--no more, now it's FUN to be included in pics and looking in the mirror is fun now too.
How now, when you're looking for something to wear, a lot of your old clothes are super loose or too big, where before the journey, everything was too tight or just looked/hanged awful on you. Now, all those outfits and clothes you purchased maybe years ago are looking/hanging fabulous on you--that is SUPER FUN!
How you increase your smiling more and more as each new day goes by, so much more smiling now (on the inside and out) and it's no longer a smile of "grinning and bearing it"...but instead it's a smile of JOY, strength and genuine cheerfulness. Smiling is soooo much FUN!
You entire outlook on what's fun, cool and important completely changes--I LOVE that!
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bump-1
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That I would look for more ways to be active.9
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One of the best things is when I hear 'Welcome to the gun show' by In This Moment I get this uncontrollable urge to flex
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Hungry_Shopgirl wrote: »Nobody told me that regardless of how much I lost, it would not be enough to please everybody.
I'm tall, western, and live in Asia. I also happen to speak the local language, which the lady behind me at the supermarket checkout obviously didn't imagine as she chatted up the checkout girl with phrases like: "Look at this fat foreigner. And she's buying so much chicken! No wonder she's huge".
So many things went through my head. The main one was: "Lady, you think I'm huge now, you should have seen me 50 lbs ago!" But the truth is I'm at a healthy BMI, I'm lighter, more toned, fitter than I've ever been in my entire life. And yet it was still not enough to make the random stranger not look down on me and my food choices.
I know it shouldn't bother me, but really, I felt gutted.
This happens to me as well. I'm 5'5 and am now in the low 140's for weight so I'm not large by any means. I'm actually the shortest of my friends and don't stick out like a sore thumb from being so overweight anymore! However I'm Albanian and well, Albanians are tiny. I have so many aunts refer to me as a "large woman". Mind you they're all under 5' and I probably do look huge to them but it's still so rude to say. I've just learned to say "kitten you" in my head and smile at them and move on haha. It's still a bit discouraging though. Moments like that make me wish I was only 5' and had tendencies to stay small, but I'm glad for my "height" (lol I'm not even tall) and I'm glad the Albanian short genes somehow bypassed me!14 -
When I realized size L was way too big and had to ask for size M .. disappointed did not find the size but it was a bitter sweet moment13
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How even after reading this whole thread and posts about relationships (so I was actually told about it) that I will not know how to go about this subject with my friend who also wants (and needs) to lose weight.
Our thing was that we would have these sort of "plans" like what we would do if we won the lottery or let's not drink alcohol for a while and one of the latest was - let's sort ourselves out weight-wise. So I stuck with it and she didn't. She doesn't have a lot to lose but because of her health problem she would benefit a lot. Now I'm totally into this and I think it's actually my consistency that she finds surprising more than anything. She is supportive and says things like "great job" but it's me who doesn't know how to balance my wanting to talk to her about my little wins and losses on the one hand and not wanting her to feel bad about herself, to feel like I'm pressuring her or being a smart *kitten*. It took a while for me to feel ready to actually log and exercise seriously so I can understand that she's not there yet. It's not affecting our friendship but sometimes I wish I could do it for her. And in a strange way I find my strength to be consistent because I secretly hope that if I follow through, she will be lead by my example.
Also, a few other people mentioned, the discipline and resolve do spill over into other areas of life which is definitely an added bonus.15 -
@sign_painter, sounds like your and your friend have a sweet and wonderful relationship that's mutually loving and supportive. Personally, I always believe that open communication is key to any healthy relationship. So, how would it be of you were to ASK HER how or if she wants you to talk with her abbot this issue? Maybe say something like, "Mary, I've been thinking about how we both embarked on this weight loss journey and now we seem to no longer be on the same page about it. Are you open you a conversation about it? If so, can you maybe tell me how you feel about it at your end? Feel free you tell me to shut up if you don't want to talk..." something like that. Potentially opens the line of communication without you sounding judgemental our critical. At least that would be my hope, and I would definitely want to pepper my end of the conversation with plenty of statements of "I really don't want to offend, and PLEASE tell me if I'm stepping over the line..." It's delicate! But sounds like you two really care about each other, so maybe worth a very CAREFUL try. Good luck! And CONGRATS TO YOU!!!13
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pennoxford wrote: »gymprincess1234 wrote: »kbivins1031 wrote: »How jealous people get who are overweight but don’t want to make changes. They shoot your happiness down.
Literally experienced this the other day. It's like you lost the weight and put it on them or something and should be blamed for their struggle.
Isn’t that strange?? People who are supportive generally and love me will look at me and not say a word. Some will say something mean about my clothes or shoes, and skip over the 80 pound loss. My favorite is the diet lecture from people who are fatter than I am—my diet is unsustainable or unhealthy, etc.. Why aren’t they just happy for me? I asked one family member how much weight she had lost, and when she told me I told her how good she looked, how great it was that she had gotten so far, etc. and she said NOTHING about me. I never would have expected that.
WTH?!?! You must look really good!!!! They just refuse to recognize it!
What mean things could they say about shoes and your clothes?
I had a very good friend and coworker and she had told me I am angry at you! I asked her Why?
She proceeded to tell me that now that you are losing all this weight and are changing it makes me feel like I should too!
Not many people can step back and verbalize those feelings.11 -
I tried to post this the other day for all my fellow cold all the time peeps, Wrangler makes fleece lined cargo pants, you can get them at Meijer in Michigan these days. First time I’ve been warm since August.12
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My alcohol tolerance has dropped significantly. I used to able to drink about 3 glasses of wine and any mixed drink before I get a buzz, but now after just 1 glass of wine I'm feeling almost drunk!
I had no idea my fats cells were "helping" me with my drinks. Also i can feel the effect of alcohol much more faster than before within 10-15 minutes. I'm so scared to take a shot of alchohol when I go out with friends. My friends offer to buy me second drinks and I always so no. I'm officially a cheap date thanks to the weight loss. 18 -
@birgitkwood
I agree with you regarding the importance of communication and thank you for your kind advice on how to actually start it!
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pennoxford wrote: »gymprincess1234 wrote: »kbivins1031 wrote: »How jealous people get who are overweight but don’t want to make changes. They shoot your happiness down.
Literally experienced this the other day. It's like you lost the weight and put it on them or something and should be blamed for their struggle.
Isn’t that strange?? People who are supportive generally and love me will look at me and not say a word. Some will say something mean about my clothes or shoes, and skip over the 80 pound loss. My favorite is the diet lecture from people who are fatter than I am—my diet is unsustainable or unhealthy, etc.. Why aren’t they just happy for me? I asked one family member how much weight she had lost, and when she told me I told her how good she looked, how great it was that she had gotten so far, etc. and she said NOTHING about me. I never would have expected that.
WTH?!?! You must look really good!!!! They just refuse to recognize it!
What mean things could they say about shoes and your clothes?
I had a very good friend and coworker and she had told me I am angry at you! I asked her Why?
She proceeded to tell me that now that you are losing all this weight and are changing it makes me feel like I should too!
Not many people can step back and verbalize those feelings.
I guess that’s it, because it doesn’t make sense in any other way. It’s just so strange to see people unhappy about my happiness—I don’t get it and yet I guess it’s a natural reaction.4 -
How suddenly people, whom have terrible eating habits, feel compelled to give me all of this dieting advice after they've seen my progress.13
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MrsPinterest34 wrote: »My alcohol tolerance has dropped significantly. I used to able to drink about 3 glasses of wine and any mixed drink before I get a buzz, but now after just 1 glass of wine I'm feeling almost drunk! I had no idea my fats cells were "helping" me with my drinks. Also i can feel the effect of alcohol much more faster than before within 10-15 minutes. I'm so scared to take a shot of alchohol when I go out with friends. My friends offer to buy me second drinks and I always so no. I'm officially a cheap date thanks to the weight loss.
Your cells get used to alcohol. They also get used to the lack of alcohol.
A friend of mine can pack away vodka like you wouldn't believe (she's 168cm and 50kg soaking wet). Me... one shot and I'm under the table. I haven't really touched alcohol in 2 years and I used to be at around 1 bottle of red wine per day. Now one glass makes me tipsy.
It just means I end up as designated driver more often than not
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Nobody told me that while I may begin to get used to my new size, the anxiety over getting weighed at the doctor's office does not go away, or that suddenly a .4 or .6 uptick between appointments (a week or 2 apart) would start a new round of anxiety about whether I was going to face a lecture. It's silly but old habits die hard. I was berating myself for eating and drinking before the appointment, like that makes a huge difference.13
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ladyreva78 wrote: »MrsPinterest34 wrote: »My alcohol tolerance has dropped significantly. I used to able to drink about 3 glasses of wine and any mixed drink before I get a buzz, but now after just 1 glass of wine I'm feeling almost drunk! I had no idea my fats cells were "helping" me with my drinks. Also i can feel the effect of alcohol much more faster than before within 10-15 minutes. I'm so scared to take a shot of alchohol when I go out with friends. My friends offer to buy me second drinks and I always so no. I'm officially a cheap date thanks to the weight loss.
Your cells get used to alcohol. They also get used to the lack of alcohol.
A friend of mine can pack away vodka like you wouldn't believe (she's 168cm and 50kg soaking wet). Me... one shot and I'm under the table. I haven't really touched alcohol in 2 years and I used to be at around 1 bottle of red wine per day. Now one glass makes me tipsy.
It just means I end up as designated driver more often than not
Oh, I know for me I've become much more of a lightweight with the weight loss. I used to have no issue killing a couple bottle of wine when I was 330+ (might be part of the reason I was 330+). Did not do it daily or even weekly, but had no trouble doing it at times.
No more. And I notice when I do drink a bit (4-5 beers), it takes me 2 days to recover.
Christmas party this week and I will definitely drink a lot less than last year.6 -
I was able to wear my daughter's skinny jeans! She now wants to wear my clothes.15
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What do people mean when they say sleeping/sitting will become more and more uncomfortable? Isn't it the opposite? Lots of obese people have sleep disorders that go away after weight loss.
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What do people mean when they say sleeping/sitting will become more and more uncomfortable? Isn't it the opposite? Lots of obese people have sleep disorders that go away after weight loss.
You're right in regards to weight related sleep disorders, but other things come into play instead. Because your 'padding' disappears, bones make everything more uncomfortable. That harder mattress digs into your hip bones, your knees knock when you lie on your side, your coccyx/tailbone hurts if you sit on a hard surface or slouch in your chair.
Also, the being cold all the freakin' time thing doesn't help when trying to sleep in Winter.
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Speaking of sleeping, I've had this weird thing happen where the sides of my waist have shrunk but my shoulders and hips have stayed the same. The padding I used to have on my waist is gone so it kind of collapses when I sleep on my side (always). I've had pretty serious back/muscle pain at just the waist level for about three weeks now. Seems I'm finally going to have to become a back sleeper.6
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Speaking of sleeping, I've had this weird thing happen where the sides of my waist have shrunk but my shoulders and hips have stayed the same. The padding I used to have on my waist is gone so it kind of collapses when I sleep on my side (always). I've had pretty serious back/muscle pain at just the waist level for about three weeks now. Seems I'm finally going to have to become a back sleeper.
Try a pillow between your knees.6 -
Love this post! 2
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Speaking of sleeping, I've had this weird thing happen where the sides of my waist have shrunk but my shoulders and hips have stayed the same. The padding I used to have on my waist is gone so it kind of collapses when I sleep on my side (always). I've had pretty serious back/muscle pain at just the waist level for about three weeks now. Seems I'm finally going to have to become a back sleeper.
Try a pillow between your knees.
I've had the same issues. But I haven't built up my back/core muscles enough yet, and my shoulders collapse in forward when I lay on my side, as well. I've taken a king sized pillow and used it as a body pillow to not only support between my knees, but to prop up my chest/shoulders as well. That seems to help.3 -
mangrothian wrote: »What do people mean when they say sleeping/sitting will become more and more uncomfortable? Isn't it the opposite? Lots of obese people have sleep disorders that go away after weight loss.
You're right in regards to weight related sleep disorders, but other things come into play instead. Because your 'padding' disappears, bones make everything more uncomfortable. That harder mattress digs into your hip bones, your knees knock when you lie on your side, your coccyx/tailbone hurts if you sit on a hard surface or slouch in your chair.
Also, the being cold all the freakin' time thing doesn't help when trying to sleep in Winter.
Yeah, being cold and feeling my tailbone all the time isn't nearly the same as things like sleep apnea. Still it's a thing.1 -
Speaking of sleeping, I've had this weird thing happen where the sides of my waist have shrunk but my shoulders and hips have stayed the same. The padding I used to have on my waist is gone so it kind of collapses when I sleep on my side (always). I've had pretty serious back/muscle pain at just the waist level for about three weeks now. Seems I'm finally going to have to become a back sleeper.
Me too!
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