Is it appropriate for my boyfriend to ask me to pay him to live with him?
Replies
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He could've just not worded his thoughts correctly. Happens to us humans sometimes. I think you're looking into it a little too deeply... Try communicating with your boyfriend. Usually direct communication clears any misunderstandings up.
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WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »Can you just have kids to lower your share of the rent some? If they each pony up, your part will be pretty small
LOLLLLLLLL1 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »Have you never paid rent before?
It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more?
I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here.
Usually when people move in together, they don't keep another place of their own...so, like you wouldn't have your own place anymore...
When my wife and I moved in together I moved out of my apartment and into hers...I didn't keep my apartment. I paid her too because she was the one who wrote the check for the rent...so I'd pay her half the rent and half the utilities.
I don't think you're interpreting things correctly...also, how old are you? I ask because this all seems like ordinary adulting...14 -
@bknewtype - if you pay me, I will be your friend.1
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Yeah.... how long have you been dating? Maybe ask him if he means splitting the rent and living together? I'm gonna back out of this now. I'm soooo not qualified to give any relationship advice.
Way too cynical. hahaha 1 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »Have you never paid rent before?
It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more? I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here.
Usually when people move in together, they don't keep another place of their own...so, like you wouldn't have your own place anymore...
When my wife and I moved in together I moved out of my apartment and into hers...I didn't keep my apartment. I paid her too because she was the one who wrote the check for the rent...so I'd pay her half the rent and half the utilities.
I don't think you're interpreting things correctly...also, how old are you? I ask because this all seems like ordinary adulting...
When my mom moved in with my dad, she kept her apartment until they got engaged.
My dad also never asked her to help pay his morgage, so she could afford to do that.3 -
It sounds like you are looking for someone who wants to take care of you financially, and this guy is looking for more of a partner. Of course, it's perfectly appropriate of him to ask, and it's perfectly appropriate for you to decide that paying rent is not the life you want. You might find it tough, but it's your life.6
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Yeah.... how long have you been dating? Maybe ask him if he means splitting the rent and living together? I'm gonna back out of this now. I'm soooo not qualified to give any relationship advice. Way too cynical. hahaha
Please don't laugh but we've only been together for 3 weeks, we are both emotional people. And by the way the reason I am so broke now is that he spent a loooot of my money, I didn't even keep track....so I'm not using him at all!1 -
Yeah.... how long have you been dating? Maybe ask him if he means splitting the rent and living together? I'm gonna back out of this now. I'm soooo not qualified to give any relationship advice. Way too cynical. hahaha
Please don't laugh but we've only been together for 3 weeks, we are both emotional people. And by the way the reason I am so broke now is that he spent a loooot of my money, I didn't even keep track....so I'm not using him at all!
Are you 12? Do people really do this?12 -
CoffeeAndContour wrote: »How would it cost more to share rent when you’re paying full rent right now? And when he said to pay him it’s likely cause he’s putting his name on the lease. If you’re living there get your name on the lease too. But as for paying rent while living with him. Yes you should pay your half. He shouldn’t have to pay for you. All shared bills should be split 50:50.
I have my own place that I own right now is that I'm saying, sorry for the confusion0 -
It sounds like you are looking for someone who wants to take care of you financially, and this guy is looking for more of a partner. Of course, it's perfectly appropriate of him to ask, and it's perfectly appropriate for you to decide that paying rent is not the life you want. You might find it tough, but it's your life.
The thing is that my parents support me and I also support myself in the sense that I have stocks so I do not need money off of him but for him to tell me I need to pay him in order for us to live together and get married does not make sense. If he said okay I cannot afford the rent okay fine but you are saying I need to pay you like it is your job or something 1 -
Yeah.... how long have you been dating? Maybe ask him if he means splitting the rent and living together? I'm gonna back out of this now. I'm soooo not qualified to give any relationship advice. Way too cynical. hahaha
Please don't laugh but we've only been together for 3 weeks, we are both emotional people. And by the way the reason I am so broke now is that he spent a loooot of my money, I didn't even keep track....so I'm not using him at all!
OK, time out. You guys should not be moving in with each other. And if you are both the type of person who is willing to uproot his/her life for someone you barely know (I know you don't think you barely know him but, trust me, you barely know him), you honestly shouldn't be together. Do some growing up (I'm assuming you are early 20s and God help you if you are 30+), date some guys who don't have the exact same immaturity/quirks as you, and for the love of all that is good, never move in with someone who hasn't even farted in front of you yet.27 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »Have you never paid rent before?
It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more? I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here.
Usually when people move in together, they don't keep another place of their own...so, like you wouldn't have your own place anymore...
When my wife and I moved in together I moved out of my apartment and into hers...I didn't keep my apartment. I paid her too because she was the one who wrote the check for the rent...so I'd pay her half the rent and half the utilities.
I don't think you're interpreting things correctly...also, how old are you? I ask because this all seems like ordinary adulting...
When my mom moved in with my dad, she kept her apartment until they got engaged.
My dad also never asked her to help pay his morgage, so she could afford to do that.
I don't think that's the norm though...certainly for my wife and I, there's no way we could have financially done that considering I was in my last semester of college and my wife had just graduated and we had jobs that paid just above minimum wage...
I'd wager that most people who move in with someone else don't keep a separate residence...certainly not when they're broke.5 -
Yeah.... how long have you been dating? Maybe ask him if he means splitting the rent and living together? I'm gonna back out of this now. I'm soooo not qualified to give any relationship advice. Way too cynical. hahaha
Please don't laugh but we've only been together for 3 weeks, we are both emotional people. And by the way the reason I am so broke now is that he spent a loooot of my money, I didn't even keep track....so I'm not using him at all!
In that case, I take back everything I said. You two should totally move in together. It sounds like a great idea. 11 -
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Oh my Lord...1
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So you guys know you want to get married after 3 weeks of dating?
Well, when you know, you know. I say pull the trigger now. All in.
With a love as pure as yours, nothing could possibly go wrong.10 -
This stuff cracks me up!2
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My boyfriend has said he wants to marry me and has asked me to live with him. He is looking for a place right now. The first many times he brought it up, he said I wouldn't have to pay but now he is saying I need to pay him to live there. This makes me hesitate because it feels like a business transaction. If we have kids, will the kids have to pay to live there too? Plus in the past when he wasn't working I would pay for his ticket to museums or transportation and didn't ask him to pay me.
At this point if he views the relationship as a business deal I am thinking I may have to break it off even though everything has been great so far and he has been a great partner. If he is only with me in hopes of getting paid, it seems really inappropriate. I don't want to be mean, maybe I understood him wrong, but after he finds a place if he again voices that I have to pay him to live there, I'll tell him this is not the relationship I'm looking for and that I have enough self-respect to stay single.
My father for instance took care of the whole family and my mother volunteers. He never charged her anything!
I thought marriage was a business deal?2 -
Yeah.... how long have you been dating? Maybe ask him if he means splitting the rent and living together? I'm gonna back out of this now. I'm soooo not qualified to give any relationship advice. Way too cynical. hahaha
Please don't laugh but we've only been together for 3 weeks, we are both emotional people. And by the way the reason I am so broke now is that he spent a loooot of my money, I didn't even keep track....so I'm not using him at all!
OK, time out. You guys should not be moving in with each other. And if you are both the type of person who is willing to uproot his/her life for someone you barely know (I know you don't think you barely know him but, trust me, you barely know him), you honestly shouldn't be together. Do some growing up (I'm assuming you are early 20s and God help you if you are 30+), date some guys who don't have the exact same immaturity/quirks as you, and for the love of all that is good, never move in with someone who hasn't even farted in front of you yet.
You're right I got into a relationship with him the 2nd day I knew him but he is from Poland and I have been in that community for a long time and I think that things happen faster in this culture. I am 29 yes. And he has farted in front of me and snored which has made it hard for me to sleep so honestly it may be best if I don't live with him if he expects me to pay him!8 -
You're boyfriend is a *kitten* genius.3
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MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »You're gonna have to put out a lot
I was gonna make this comment
Also this thread is silly3 -
CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »How would it cost more to share rent when you’re paying full rent right now? And when he said to pay him it’s likely cause he’s putting his name on the lease. If you’re living there get your name on the lease too. But as for paying rent while living with him. Yes you should pay your half. He shouldn’t have to pay for you. All shared bills should be split 50:50.
I have my own place that I own right now is that I'm saying, sorry for the confusion
Ahh okay! Have you talked to him about sharing your mortgage? I’d be hesitant to give up my home to go rent one seeing that the home is suitable for the both of you.
Oh um my dad paid for the place so I don't owe a mortgage or anything, sorry for not being very very clear first time
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Yes , PARTNERSHIP =50/50 You should pay 1/2 the rent and bills. Welcome to adulting and being in a serious relationship. Normal thing.1
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Did your Dad fart on your Mom too?5
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If you don't want to pay him, don't move in with him.
I've lived with two boyfriends. The first one, we had decided to live together, found a place, and split the costs. This sounds kind of what your situation is, and is totally normal, you should expect to pay rent in this situation.
The other one already had his own place. He asked me to move in, and I was not required to pay rent/utilities as he was already covering them on his own. This man is now my husband, and although I do contribute to things like groceries, vacations, etc, he has never once asked me to give him money to live there.
Basically if you don't want to pay to live with him I recommend you hold off and let him live on his own for a while, then if he asks you to move in again I personally believe you shouldn't have to pay rent.
So you get the benefit of all your income goes to you, and he gets no financial benefit whatsoever for you living with him? I would at least hope you buy all the groceries and power bills if you are not "paying" for the place itself. it would be nice if both parties get to benefit financially from living together, not just one half.4 -
I can’t stop thinking about OP. I’m incredibly jealous of her boyfriend.3
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Yeah.... how long have you been dating? Maybe ask him if he means splitting the rent and living together? I'm gonna back out of this now. I'm soooo not qualified to give any relationship advice. Way too cynical. hahaha
Please don't laugh but we've only been together for 3 weeks, we are both emotional people. And by the way the reason I am so broke now is that he spent a loooot of my money, I didn't even keep track....so I'm not using him at all!
OK, time out. You guys should not be moving in with each other. And if you are both the type of person who is willing to uproot his/her life for someone you barely know (I know you don't think you barely know him but, trust me, you barely know him), you honestly shouldn't be together. Do some growing up (I'm assuming you are early 20s and God help you if you are 30+), date some guys who don't have the exact same immaturity/quirks as you, and for the love of all that is good, never move in with someone who hasn't even farted in front of you yet.
You're right I got into a relationship with him the 2nd day I knew him but he is from Poland and I have been in that community for a long time and I think that things happen faster in this culture. I am 29 yes. And he has farted in front of me and snored which has made it hard for me to sleep so honestly it may be best if I don't live with him if he expects me to pay him!
Snored. No way.3 -
CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »How would it cost more to share rent when you’re paying full rent right now? And when he said to pay him it’s likely cause he’s putting his name on the lease. If you’re living there get your name on the lease too. But as for paying rent while living with him. Yes you should pay your half. He shouldn’t have to pay for you. All shared bills should be split 50:50.
I have my own place that I own right now is that I'm saying, sorry for the confusion
Ahh okay! Have you talked to him about sharing your mortgage? I’d be hesitant to give up my home to go rent one seeing that the home is suitable for the both of you.
Oh um my dad paid for the place so I don't owe a mortgage or anything, sorry for not being very very clear first time
You should make him pay you to live there. Tell him rent costs you like $5000 and that he needs to pay half.2
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