Is it appropriate for my boyfriend to ask me to pay him to live with him?
Options
Replies
-
Bebe you’re 29, you been had grownup status.4
-
Ah, I get it...spoiled rich girl still getting an allowance from her parents at age 29...3
-
lisawolfinger wrote: »Married and have always helped with the bills. My husband is even a six figure wage earner. I don't make peanuts myself but not nearly his salary...yet we PROPORTIONETLY share household bills. He is a good man and terrific father and deserves to have me contribute, regardless of income difference. Could I not pay...sure! I just have more respect for him then to laden him with all the expenses when I am capable. I also have more respect for myself. I would feel like such a moocher.
Different if you have talked and have an agreement...like not working while attending Grad school or caring for kids, but in reality, this is not the 1950's. If you wanted to be treated like a modern women, then be one...pay up.
My bigger question-what is going on with the OPs emotions that makes her consider this is a business arrangement? I think that whole thing needs to be checked. Insecurity is the out cry of deeper issues in a relationship.
Bottom line this is not about money because I could be getting plenty of money from my parents if I asked them for it. I am a little broke right now because I spent 2 months' money from my parents because I was sightseeing like crazy and bought a lot of souvenirs, but in the long run this is not about money. I will have less money with Jasiek than with my parents and on vacations we will have to go to cheap places since he works in construction. However it is a matter of principle, I would feel extremely uncomfortable if he expected me to pay if we went somewhere. I mean I would like to go with him to America in the future so we can go to Disneyland but it would be incredibly inappropriate of him to expect me to pay for my own ticket or worse, for his one, so even though my parents wouldn't mind paying for it we will probably have to stay in London but we may go to Poland from time to time.
It is nice of you to contribute to the bills and stuff and it is wonderful that your husband is such a good guy
I will do nice things for Jasiek though, sometimes I might look up a recipe and make it and I will say nice things to him which I currently do. Plus I helped him out big time when I went with him to the job centre because he does not know English so I helped him. Another time he was in trouble and I helped him out as well. Also when we went to the London aquarium, London Dungeon, and Greenwich he was really happy looking at all the stuff there. So I can plan places to go to that would be enjoyable but he is deluded if he thinks I am going to pay for it, yes I did pay for him before when he was not working but now that he has a job he has no right to ask me for 1 pence.
You life sounds so hard, 29 and expecting to live off your boyfriend for free or take money and live off your parents for free.
How about you contribute to the relationship? I would have never moved in with my boyfriend expecting to not pay half the expenses. I guess financial responsibility is not a thing where you come from.
It is nice that you are living with your boyfriend
I do contribute to the relationship by speaking English (Jasiek can't speak English at all), telling Jasiek that I love him, spending time with him, and coming up with cool places to go to like parks and museums.
While livin off your parents' money.
Call me stupid. But, if your life is that well off, and he's not working or making much and you're paying for things now (from money your parents give you), I'm thinking he's setting himself up to live well for the rest of his life.
I'd say you're going to get taken. Best to cut 'n run now while you can.0 -
WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »A guy that’s known you less a month has given you his bank account and pin? Girl, he dumb
Haha well honestly I think he SHOULD give me that since we are together so in principle you would think I would be able to buy things if he has leftover money after paying the rent. Not that I want to buy anything other than flowers but for example when I live with him I shouldn't have to ask my parents for money for food etc since at that point I will be a grown up so I should not need money from my parents.
Do we use the phrase "jumped the shark" around here? We totally should. If ever a thread has qualified for that phrase, this is it, and I believe this post right here is the actual moment of sharkjumpiosity.3 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »Have you never paid rent before?
It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more?
I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here.
If he uses the words "You need to pay me to live with me"... then no.
That's a red flag in my opinion. if he said, lets get a place and split it and live together, that is a whole other and totally acceptable story.
But "You need to pay me to live with me"? The hell I do. Pay me and move into my place, damn it.
That's what I'm saying he used the words I need to pay him. If he would have said okay so the rent is X and you can pay half, that would be fine but when he said I need to pay him, it sounded as if it was a transaction. Maybe I'm overreacting. I'm going to wait and see but at this point I'd rather be single than pay to be in a relationship with someone.
Pay your share. End of story.0 -
I’m thinking jasiek who has been employed for all of 2 weeks may disappoint you and I fear that you won’t come back here and update us on the saga1
-
I seriously doubt OP is 29 or a grown up.10
-
Just_J_Now wrote: »I seriously doubt OP is 29 or a grown up.
Yeah, I question that too...
ETA: that said, my sister was friends with this chick who was from a very well off family...she was basically a little princess that never had to do anything for herself and was getting an allowance in her 30s...she was very much out of touch with reality and sounds a bit like this OP in many ways...but on the other hand, she would have never even thought about dating riff raff like a construction worker...1 -
Of course you need to split expenses. You are not a child, adults pay their own way. Even when married you split expenses. Do not expect anyone to support you as if you were 10 years old.0
-
Wait...What?? this is a joke right?? In what universe don't you pay your share of the living expenses??? I'm sure once you let him know you expect to be "kept" he will run for the hills1
-
4
-
I think you are mis-interpreting the words pay to live with him. Of course you should contribute to living with your boyfriend. Its the responsible thing to do.
Sit down and talk about how the relationship is going to work. What other costs apart from power, rent, food and insurances you will be sharing.1 -
So it’s 2018, the cost of living is high, and wages haven’t moved much. It generally takes a two person income to make a household run. If you’re looking for someone to take care of you, perhaps you should consider becoming a Sugar Baby.0
-
I see a problem right off the bat. And it's in the way your framed your predicament. You are already involved in a power struggle, and power struggles in marital relationships are not good. When you marry, you legally have rights to property and your finances are mingled. There's no "pitching in" to pay rent: you pay it as a couple. What's next? He argues that you need to make more money because you're not putting up 50%? That dog don't hunt. My advice is GTFO. If that's not an option, marraige before cohabitation. The nit picky stuff and "who pays what and what is fair and your fair share and that's mine and not yours" stuff ruins marriages. Starting off that way? There's your sign.2
-
It is intriguing to me that a lot of married people here don't treat their marriage as a unit. Like dump all money into one pot and plan together how it will leave the pot. Does the person who brings in more money have more say - proportionally? Whatever works I think. But for OP" best to nail that sort of thing down before you live together - much less marry and have children. Most fights in marriage are about money. 15 pages plus pages... Whew.1
-
This thread is HOT, certified fresh.4
-
3 weeks. I read 3 weeks together, yes? Grow up first.3
-
lisawolfinger wrote: »Married and have always helped with the bills. My husband is even a six figure wage earner. I don't make peanuts myself but not nearly his salary...yet we PROPORTIONETLY share household bills. He is a good man and terrific father and deserves to have me contribute, regardless of income difference. Could I not pay...sure! I just have more respect for him then to laden him with all the expenses when I am capable. I also have more respect for myself. I would feel like such a moocher.
Different if you have talked and have an agreement...like not working while attending Grad school or caring for kids, but in reality, this is not the 1950's. If you wanted to be treated like a modern women, then be one...pay up.
My bigger question-what is going on with the OPs emotions that makes her consider this is a business arrangement? I think that whole thing needs to be checked. Insecurity is the out cry of deeper issues in a relationship.
Bottom line this is not about money because I could be getting plenty of money from my parents if I asked them for it. I am a little broke right now because I spent 2 months' money from my parents because I was sightseeing like crazy and bought a lot of souvenirs, but in the long run this is not about money. I will have less money with Jasiek than with my parents and on vacations we will have to go to cheap places since he works in construction. However it is a matter of principle, I would feel extremely uncomfortable if he expected me to pay if we went somewhere. I mean I would like to go with him to America in the future so we can go to Disneyland but it would be incredibly inappropriate of him to expect me to pay for my own ticket or worse, for his one, so even though my parents wouldn't mind paying for it we will probably have to stay in London but we may go to Poland from time to time.
It is nice of you to contribute to the bills and stuff and it is wonderful that your husband is such a good guy
I will do nice things for Jasiek though, sometimes I might look up a recipe and make it and I will say nice things to him which I currently do. Plus I helped him out big time when I went with him to the job centre because he does not know English so I helped him. Another time he was in trouble and I helped him out as well. Also when we went to the London aquarium, London Dungeon, and Greenwich he was really happy looking at all the stuff there. So I can plan places to go to that would be enjoyable but he is deluded if he thinks I am going to pay for it, yes I did pay for him before when he was not working but now that he has a job he has no right to ask me for 1 pence.
You life sounds so hard, 29 and expecting to live off your boyfriend for free or take money and live off your parents for free.
How about you contribute to the relationship? I would have never moved in with my boyfriend expecting to not pay half the expenses. I guess financial responsibility is not a thing where you come from.
I do contribute to the relationship by speaking English (Jasiek can't speak English at all), telling Jasiek that I love him, spending time with him, and coming up with cool places to go to like parks and museums.
*blown away*
3 -
nevermind im in jail i dont wanna carry that on longer. Lol2
-
lisawolfinger wrote: »Married and have always helped with the bills. My husband is even a six figure wage earner. I don't make peanuts myself but not nearly his salary...yet we PROPORTIONETLY share household bills. He is a good man and terrific father and deserves to have me contribute, regardless of income difference. Could I not pay...sure! I just have more respect for him then to laden him with all the expenses when I am capable. I also have more respect for myself. I would feel like such a moocher.
Different if you have talked and have an agreement...like not working while attending Grad school or caring for kids, but in reality, this is not the 1950's. If you wanted to be treated like a modern women, then be one...pay up.
My bigger question-what is going on with the OPs emotions that makes her consider this is a business arrangement? I think that whole thing needs to be checked. Insecurity is the out cry of deeper issues in a relationship.
Bottom line this is not about money because I could be getting plenty of money from my parents if I asked them for it. I am a little broke right now because I spent 2 months' money from my parents because I was sightseeing like crazy and bought a lot of souvenirs, but in the long run this is not about money. I will have less money with Jasiek than with my parents and on vacations we will have to go to cheap places since he works in construction. However it is a matter of principle, I would feel extremely uncomfortable if he expected me to pay if we went somewhere. I mean I would like to go with him to America in the future so we can go to Disneyland but it would be incredibly inappropriate of him to expect me to pay for my own ticket or worse, for his one, so even though my parents wouldn't mind paying for it we will probably have to stay in London but we may go to Poland from time to time.
It is nice of you to contribute to the bills and stuff and it is wonderful that your husband is such a good guy
I will do nice things for Jasiek though, sometimes I might look up a recipe and make it and I will say nice things to him which I currently do. Plus I helped him out big time when I went with him to the job centre because he does not know English so I helped him. Another time he was in trouble and I helped him out as well. Also when we went to the London aquarium, London Dungeon, and Greenwich he was really happy looking at all the stuff there. So I can plan places to go to that would be enjoyable but he is deluded if he thinks I am going to pay for it, yes I did pay for him before when he was not working but now that he has a job he has no right to ask me for 1 pence.
You life sounds so hard, 29 and expecting to live off your boyfriend for free or take money and live off your parents for free.
How about you contribute to the relationship? I would have never moved in with my boyfriend expecting to not pay half the expenses. I guess financial responsibility is not a thing where you come from.
I do contribute to the relationship by speaking English (Jasiek can't speak English at all), telling Jasiek that I love him, spending time with him, and coming up with cool places to go to like parks and museums.
I just want a girl who will mooch off me, tell me she loves me in English, spend some time with me in English and find cool places to go on dates like parks and museums because I'm absolute rubbish at planning dates.
1
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 388 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 917 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions