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    Is it appropriate for my boyfriend to ask me to pay him to live with him?

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    Replies

    • Posts: 10,477 Member
      Just_J_Now wrote: »
      I seriously doubt OP is 29 or a grown up.

      ObN1L.gif
    • Posts: 2 Member
      I think you are mis-interpreting the words pay to live with him. Of course you should contribute to living with your boyfriend. Its the responsible thing to do.
      Sit down and talk about how the relationship is going to work. What other costs apart from power, rent, food and insurances you will be sharing.
    • Posts: 131 Member
      So it’s 2018, the cost of living is high, and wages haven’t moved much. It generally takes a two person income to make a household run. If you’re looking for someone to take care of you, perhaps you should consider becoming a Sugar Baby.
    • Posts: 9 Member
      I see a problem right off the bat. And it's in the way your framed your predicament. You are already involved in a power struggle, and power struggles in marital relationships are not good. When you marry, you legally have rights to property and your finances are mingled. There's no "pitching in" to pay rent: you pay it as a couple. What's next? He argues that you need to make more money because you're not putting up 50%? That dog don't hunt. My advice is GTFO. If that's not an option, marraige before cohabitation. The nit picky stuff and "who pays what and what is fair and your fair share and that's mine and not yours" stuff ruins marriages. Starting off that way? There's your sign.
    • Posts: 172 Member
      It is intriguing to me that a lot of married people here don't treat their marriage as a unit. Like dump all money into one pot and plan together how it will leave the pot. Does the person who brings in more money have more say - proportionally? Whatever works I think. But for OP" best to nail that sort of thing down before you live together - much less marry and have children. Most fights in marriage are about money. 15 pages plus pages... Whew.
    • Posts: 1,831 Member
      This thread is HOT, certified fresh.
    • Posts: 3,082 Member
      3 weeks. I read 3 weeks together, yes? Grow up first.
    • Posts: 772 Member
      silkmouse wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      I do contribute to the relationship by speaking English (Jasiek can't speak English at all), telling Jasiek that I love him, spending time with him, and coming up with cool places to go to like parks and museums.

      *blown away*
    • Posts: 4,286 Member
      edited January 2018
      nevermind im in jail i dont wanna carry that on longer. Lol
    • Posts: 1,831 Member
      silkmouse wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      I do contribute to the relationship by speaking English (Jasiek can't speak English at all), telling Jasiek that I love him, spending time with him, and coming up with cool places to go to like parks and museums.

      I just want a girl who will mooch off me, tell me she loves me in English, spend some time with me in English and find cool places to go on dates like parks and museums because I'm absolute rubbish at planning dates.
    • Posts: 9,562 Member
      Help get him into a school that gives language lessons.
      It looks like you two have different backgrounds and expectations about partnership/marriage.
      Do the guy a favor and let him go soon.
    • Posts: 1,831 Member
      OP, if you're reading this

      giphy.gif
    • Posts: 772 Member
      edited January 2018
      silkmouse wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      In essence Jasiek works 8 pm - 5 pm daily approximately in construction 5 days a week and then for me I wake up, go to the gym, read books from the library, hang out with people during the day, and then meet up with Jasiek. Sometimes I also study Polish, I listen to music and watch TV as well.

      #goals
    • Posts: 138 Member
      poetic_cell wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      #goals

      No kidding this chicks got it made!
    • Posts: 772 Member
      Can you tell us how you two met? I think it's relevant for this discussion.
    • Posts: 5,864 Member
      MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »
      You're gonna have to put out a lot

      I put out and pay my way

      God I'm a mug.
    • Posts: 3,574 Member
      I swear to God this is a troll thread. I called it pages back. It *kitten* has to be!
    • Posts: 1,519 Member
      xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Saving money is a good thing. But, for one to not put any financial effort into a relationship while saving all theirs and the other pays for everything isn't right. Because it sets a precedence when/if a divorce occurs. I don't care if someone makes a small percentage of what the other does, still should be some financial responsibility.

      Just like I think there should also be equal amounts of work done. The exception to this is if there's a work difference. For example, if one works part-time, then they should do more than the other to help offset the time the other is commuting or working. If there's an agreement that one stays at home while the other does financial support, then there's a significant different in amount of time doing work around the house.

      Yes, life's not fair and partnerships are never equal. I tried to explain this to my ex when she'd *kitten* about my not helping to do the dishes, bathroom or vacuum when I had a one hour commute each way, worked 10+ hours a day, did all of the outside work such as mowing, shoveling snow (not just ours but two other neighbor driveways because they were elderly and had medical complications), as well as did the laundry. Oh, and did I mention repair the cars and other things? She worked a mile away, and for maybe ten hours a week. She also "worked" for free, which we never agreed upon.

      Yeah, *kitten* that *kitten*.

      I'm sorry you've been in such an unfair relationship. Sounds like my dad and stepmom. I'm nice enough to do everything at home in exchange for my zero monetary contribution. It's funny that my husband's coworkers think I'm lazy because I don't work, while my neighbors think he is lazy because I'm always the one shoveling snow and mowing the lawn.

      I didn't know you were a rich girl, OP. I'd take your parents' offer to buy you a house and any cash wedding present they offer. It will make living on a construction worker's income a lot easier. Also, if you aren't working cook and take care of the house. If he's taking care of you financially, you should be taking care of him.
    • Posts: 492 Member
      eccomi_qui wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      I just want a girl who will mooch off me, tell me she loves me in English, spend some time with me in English and find cool places to go on dates like parks and museums because I'm absolute rubbish at planning dates.

      If you throw in some sausage for dinner... That I will cook occasionally but will probably not clean up.... Then I'm your girl.
      Ill even pick out spices you have to buy for our home.
    • Posts: 492 Member
      I can't believe this thread is still going.
    • Posts: 213 Member
      Whybelesswhenyoucanbmore wrote: »
      I can't believe this thread is still going.

      I can't believe it keeps getting better!
    • Posts: 879 Member
      Oh My God. . that's all i got. . .speechless. maybe she's gunning for her own reality show?
    • Unknown
      Unknown
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    • Posts: 1,831 Member
      Whybelesswhenyoucanbmore wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      If you throw in some sausage for dinner... That I will cook occasionally but will probably not clean up.... Then I'm your girl.
      Ill even pick out spices you have to buy for our home.

      I made lasagna for dinner sorry
    • Posts: 492 Member
      eccomi_qui wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      I made lasagna for dinner sorry

      Homemade? Or freezer?
      It matters ya know.
    • Posts: 492 Member
      _seahorses5ever wrote: »
      Haven't read all replies.

      Don't get married.

      Amen to that.
    • Posts: 1,831 Member
      Whybelesswhenyoucanbmore wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Homemade? Or freezer?
      It matters ya know.

      I’m Italian, I don’t sin like that.
    • Posts: 13,499 Member
      Wow. How the F ck is this still a conversation?? Lol. Didn’t you hear her...she contributes by choosing where they hang out and stuff. Geez guys. Giver her a break.
    • Posts: 492 Member
      eccomi_qui wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      I’m Italian, I don’t sin like that.

      Sorry I didn't know.
      I usually date polish men.
    • Posts: 9,409 Member
      Zoedogmom wrote: »
      It is intriguing to me that a lot of married people here don't treat their marriage as a unit. Like dump all money into one pot and plan together how it will leave the pot. Does the person who brings in more money have more say - proportionally? Whatever works I think. But for OP" best to nail that sort of thing down before you live together - much less marry and have children. Most fights in marriage are about money. 15 pages plus pages... Whew.

      I have been married for over 30 years - but we dont dump all money into one pot and plan together how it will leave- we like having our own accounts and using our finances how we each want.

      We have a joint account too - and proportionately contribute to that and we both proportionately contributed when we had a mortgage and we dont buy big things without discussion and consensus - to which the person bringing in more money just has equal say.

      OP is 29 and lives in a house supplied by her parents and has no children but does not work or study and is planning to marry a man who speaks no English and whom she has known for 3 weeks.

      Of course this must be a true story....... :*B):s:D
    This discussion has been closed.

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