What do I do?

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  • Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings
    Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings Posts: 5,545 Member
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    Ask him firmly and politely to leave you alone, No need for emotions running high, stay centered. Then ignore him. You don't owe him *kitten*. If you feel your safety is being threatened in any way then it may be wise to remove yourself from the situation. This does not mean you forfeit, it means you're being smart.
    If your intuition tells you he is a serious threat, report him.
  • CaptainFantastic01
    CaptainFantastic01 Posts: 9,557 Member
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    A.) Hooray for not being the youngest!

    B.) As stated let management know, also I'd bring up the secretary telling him stuff about your schedule. That is not her business,
  • makinemjellis
    makinemjellis Posts: 91 Member
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    Men suck.
    You have every right to be creeped out by this. I'm creeped out just by reading it. Tell him to leave you alone. If it's really bad, record him being creepy af and report him to someone. DEFINITELY tell the lady at the front not to tell the guy about when you come to the gym.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,506 Member
    edited March 2018
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    huntersvonnegut wrote: »
    I have to disagree with those who advised you to find another gym. Maybe if the situation escalates and you worry about your safety. Otherwise, he's the one who needs to leave.

    This.

    Is the guy creepy?
    Yeah, no doubt about it.

    That's quite the age gap and age gap or not, he's crossing a line.

    Talking to the gym management is your first step.

  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    Be calm, be tough and be very clear.

    Don't worry about hurting his feelings Just tell him "You are old enough to be my grandfather and you should be ashamed of yourself for making these kind of comments to someone as young as me. I won't be speaking to you anymore so keep away from me"

    Tell the management what you have said to him and why and that you will expect them to act if his behavior doesn't change.


  • xFunctionalStrengthx
    xFunctionalStrengthx Posts: 4,928 Member
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    Solid advice by many people in here. Just be short, 'n quick to point out that you do not appreciate his advances, comments and behaviour. Followed with a very blunt "Please leave me alone" and walk away from him.

    Be sure to bring it to management's attention. Don't tell anyone but a manager, or assistant manager since it appears that some people may be either proactively giving him info, or not realizing the are feeding his actions. Let management handle it, as there may have been other complaints, and it is their responsibility to inform employees that they should not share clientelle information.

    As someone else mentioned, be on your guard for a little while. Best defense is awareness. I don't think he'll do anything. But, it's a good idea to be aware of your surroundings.

    Take note of the dates and times that you can remember for his actions. As well as when you discuss this with management. If it continues, report it to the police.
  • SamBoling
    SamBoling Posts: 93 Member
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    nexangelus wrote: »
    I doubt the lady at the desk told him your regular times, he wanting to look in control is making you feel uncomfortable and saying someone else told him, he has been watching and looking. Just tell him to leave you alone. You do not owe a stranger anything. If someone is being creepy I move away and do not say anything. Tell the staff there that something is not right and ask if anyone did give your regular times out to some random...do not leave the gym, he needs to know he is out of order as we say here in the UK.

    He is being inappropriate and you need to let him know it!


    How else would he know that I was there at 1? I’m not saying regular times were given out because it’s obvious when I go. But he wasn’t even there when I went on Wednesday so how would he know without someone telling him?
  • SamBoling
    SamBoling Posts: 93 Member
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    Avocado_Angel wrote: »
    Not saying it's your fault in any way but letting him regularly join you to play volleyball has probably given him the impression that you like him ? Maybe he has read into this. He obviously likes you. But he sounds rather annoying so I would tell him straight that from now on you just want to work out alone and would rather he just does his own thing. Walk away and then if he continues to talk to you I would speak to management and complain that this dude won't leave you alone. I wouldn't give it anymore head space after that. You've told him to leave you alone and spoke to management you can't really do more than that. If his behaviour escalates I would call the police. But I wouldn't have anymore contact with him id just completely avoid him.

    I understand what you mean but when I initially agreed to him letting him join, it was because he said he had played before and could give some pointers (which he has) and he hadn’t started acting weird at that point, he was ‘normal’. After about a week of him practing with me is when he started acting different.

  • SamBoling
    SamBoling Posts: 93 Member
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    And to the people saying switch gym, I can’t. The gym I go to is right by house and with both parents working and I don’t have a vehicle. I have no way of going to another one on a regular basis. So it’s either I put up with the crap or don’t go at all. And then my parents question why I’m not going to the gym and I’d rather not tell them because they would blame me for it.

    But thank you all for your advice:)
  • SamBoling
    SamBoling Posts: 93 Member
    edited March 2018
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    Let me ask this-I’m going to be leaving in about a month to go back to the mainland (I live in Hawaii) and won’t be returning because of college. He knows this (yes I regret telling him. Don’t judge) because when I had said something about leaving one day he asked what I meant, I told him. (This was before he even started regularly doing volleyball with me so not weirdness at that point) Should I just ignore it until I leave? Seeing as it’s not much time left?

    And with being short and blunt in telling him to go away, it’s not that I don’t want to...but with me being silent when he has made those comments for the past couple weeks, I think he thinks I’m okay with. And I know that that is my fault, I should’ve said something, but it’s usually not my kind of personality. And then on top of that, he’s talked about how he gets angry/has anger problems. He said once about how was angry when a girl turned him down and how he was so angry he could’ve done something. (That convo was the first to send up red flags everywhere!) So I’m concerned about his response to me telling him to “back off” or “leave me alone”.
  • orangegato
    orangegato Posts: 6,570 Member
    edited March 2018
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    SamBoling wrote: »
    And to the people saying switch gym, I can’t. The gym I go to is right by house and with both parents working and I don’t have a vehicle. I have no way of going to another one on a regular basis. So it’s either I put up with the crap or don’t go at all. And then my parents question why I’m not going to the gym and I’d rather not tell them because they would blame me for it.

    But thank you all for your advice:)

    NO. I don't think anyone would blame you for what is happening to you. All of this is on him.
  • go_cubs
    go_cubs Posts: 1,183 Member
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    Report it to a worker, and just make sure you not being followed Home!
  • betty_veronica4
    betty_veronica4 Posts: 196 Member
    edited March 2018
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    sportychic87 wrote: »
    Definitely not overreacting. Find another gym asap. Or file a complaint with the gym, ask for the manager and state that you’re being harassed. If he approaches you can always say something like ‘I’m busy and don’t have time’ and walk away. That should get the message across clearly. Or you could *loudly* say ‘Not interested!’
    You do not owe it to be polite in this situation. If none of that works, file a police report.

    NO! Don't find another gym. He is the one being creepy and inappropriate. As women, we are subtly trained to not make a scene. So, we change gyms, we change seats at a bar if a dude keeps "accidentally" brushing our leg, we laugh off inappropriate come-ons when we are really creeped out. No. We should not have to accommodate an asshat. The asshat should have to make the change.

    I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I suggest first directly telling him that while you are flattered by his attention, you are not interested. If he continues to be aggressive, report him to the gym. If the gym refuses to do something, then let's talk about pushing it higher.

    And yes, if he continues to be an asshat, file a police report. Women do not have to change their lives because a man doesn't have boundaries.
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,176 Member
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    sportychic87 wrote: »
    huntersvonnegut wrote: »
    I have to disagree with those who advised you to find another gym. Maybe if the situation escalates and you worry about your safety. Otherwise, he's the one who needs to leave.

    In a perfect world, she should not have to switch gyms, I agree with you. But sometimes, even if the police are notified, that guy might still be around. He might even get a power trip once reported, it’s impossible to know what his reaction to being reported will be. Safety first, I think.

    Sorry but I think I made it clear that she needs to be concerned about her safety. If it comes to that. But her having to automatically be the one to leave (and she’s since stated that it isn’t an option) because of his grossly inappropriate behavior? Great Bolshy Yarblockos to that.
  • tirowow12385
    tirowow12385 Posts: 698 Member
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    What's so hard about telling an elderly man you're not interested? He'll leave you alone.
  • xFunctionalStrengthx
    xFunctionalStrengthx Posts: 4,928 Member
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    SamBoling wrote: »
    And with being short and blunt in telling him to go away, it’s not that I don’t want to...but with me being silent when he has made those comments for the past couple weeks, I think he thinks I’m okay with. And I know that that is my fault, I should’ve said something, but it’s usually not my kind of personality. And then on top of that, he’s talked about how he gets angry/has anger problems. He said once about how was angry when a girl turned him down and how he was so angry he could’ve done something. (That convo was the first to send up red flags everywhere!) So I’m concerned about his response to me telling him to “back off” or “leave me alone”.

    It's not your fault that he's doing it. Even if you haven't said anything. He should know better than to make said comments. Or, to stop after the first one or two didn't get a response. Given he's told you he has anger issues, skip telling him entirely and go straight to management of the gym.

    This is not your fault, and no one should blame you for any of it.

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