"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?

T1DCarnivoreRunner · June 2018

Yes, I heard that a lot about a year ago when I was around 15% body fat and my goal was <10%. I figure that the average American is overweight or obese (based on statistics, this describes 2/3 of Americans) and I can see that when I look around. The new "normal" is overweight and healthy is considered to be underweight or thin. It's a common perception that I should be overweight. I disagree. So I will take care of me and let others go along on their fat merry way. My typical response is that I actually need to lose more and then go into a description about the average American's size regarding their perception. In the end, they don't have much to argue with (usually these are also "average American size" people).

mk2fit · June 2018

My neighbor and I weigh very close to the same - 116-118#. We are the same height. She constantly tells me I am too skinny. Maybe because I am 10ish years older than she and have the squiggly arm thing? People are so funny.

SummerSkier · June 2018

midwesterner85 wrote: »

Yes, I heard that a lot about a year ago when I was around 15% body fat and my goal was <10%. I figure that the average American is overweight or obese (based on statistics, this describes 2/3 of Americans) and I can see that when I look around. The new "normal" is overweight and healthy is considered to be underweight or thin. It's a common perception that I should be overweight. I disagree. So I will take care of me and let others go along on their fat merry way. My typical response is that I actually need to lose more and then go into a description about the average American's size regarding their perception. In the end, they don't have much to argue with (usually these are also "average American size" people).

Yeah - I even see that here at MFP. LOL. MK2fit, you are probably the same weight as your neighbor but I bet you are in much better shape! Muscle takes more space than fat, right?

allisonlane161 · June 2018

Considering the obesity epidemic in the US, I think most people wouldn't recognize a healthy-sized person if one bit them in the rear. When you're used to overweight being average, normal looks too skinny.

bikecheryl · June 2018

I had an interesting conversation with my best friend (She's known me for over 30 years) while we were on holidays together last week.

Some quick background..... I've been overweight my whole adult life. In 2004 I decided enough was enough, started watching my calories and took up running. I lost 105 lbs. Then I had a couple of knee surgeries, kind of lost myself and gained all that weight back and more. April 2017 I hit 288 lbs and knew I had to get my *kitten* together..... I've lost 111 lbs since then.

So..... back to the conversation. She was saying how proud she was of me for losing the weight again - lol she really is great. And then I mentioned how I still needed to lose another 20 or so lbs.

She was aghast! She thought I looked great and said I would look too gaunt if I lost anymore weight.
She was clearly worried my weight loss had gotten out of control and I would get too skinny!

So I asked her how much she thought I weighed? I'm 59 years old and 5'4".

150-155 lbs she said............. no.. I'm 180 I replied. She looked at me dumbfounded.

Weight is all relative.... all she really knew was that I had lost a whole lot and looked healthier and thinner than before so gee I mustn't need to lose anymore.

I don't have this conversation with everyone, but it puts things in perspective for me and don't get upset when I hear the same thing from other people.

My BMI will still be in the "over weight" range at 160lbs but I'll reassess when I get there.

cinnabondelights · June 2018

Yes, of course. I get this a lot from my family.

When I was overweight at 151lbs (I'm 5'1''), my parents would say to "watch my weight" and whatnot. But when I got down to 100lbs, they say I'm just "skin and bones," even though I look perfectly healthy and don't look underweight at all. \:

My mom and sister-in-laws aren't that bad, they also comment on how small I am now and how they wish they were my size.

ryenday · June 2018

In the past month a couple of people have said (unasked) that they think I should stop losing weight. I smile and say thank you. I know what they mean to do is clumsily compliment how well I’m looking NOW.

I don’t even think about it.

(and strength training FTW! I actually stopped actively dieting and losing weight a couple of months beforehand. Lol, they were really more noticing me getting fitter.)

CarvedTones · June 2018

I think I am going to start saying "We have just gotten so used to seeing people overweight that we think of it as normal. My BMI is around 24. I am actually toward the upper end of the healthy range for my height."

amymatteucci · June 2018

This is a hot button for me and I'm glad you posted. Of course, in any other forum, there is very little sympathy for those of us who choose to be--and work to be--"small". I've just come to the point where I don't respond at all. To be honest, it's completely inappropriate for someone to make the comment in the first place! I don't walk up to people who are heavy or who have gained weight and proclaim, "Wow! You're getting FAT! Are you okay? Maybe you should lay off the snacks!" So why in the world is it okay for someone to comment on the reverse situation? Making comments about other people's bodies is a boundary issue and it's something I don't appreciate beyond, "Hey, you look great." Anything else is just not cool. At all.

iowalinda · June 2018

I choose to believe that most people mean well with their "helpful" comments, so I take what they say with a grain of salt, thank them for sharing their opinion, and then change the subject.
And, btw, I agree that, with the obesity epidemic, most people don't even recognize "normal size" anymore.

netitheyeti · June 2018

I had people say that - when I was roughly 120lbs at 5'2 (and even more so at my lowest weight which was still a BMI of 19)
Mind you, I think it might be because I'm pear shaped so my shoulders and chest DO get fairly skinny, plus everyone around me was used to me in the BMI 30-35 range.. curious to see if it happens again, I'm dropping from 160s back to 120s, halfway there at the moment

DragonHasTheSapphire · June 2018

My own mother says it looks like I have cancer, which in my opinion was way too far. I personally don't think I look 'too skinny' at all, sure I could probably gain some weight and still be healthy/look healthy, but when it starts getting to the point of feeling insecure is where I draw the line.

AudreyJDuke · July 2018

Great sharing, I needed this!

luvmygrls77 · July 2018

Yeah it’s super annoying when people ask if you’re sick or say you’re too skinny. I get more people that say I look really good but those mean comments stick out in your brain more than the nice ones. I’m just shy of 5’4” and I loved being around 115lbs. Now that I’m older and had a kid, I feel like being too thin makes your face look older and other areas not look as good (boobs) but I love feeling healthy and energetic.

deaddawn · July 2018

If you are within a healthy BMI range, their comments say more about them than they do about you.

Some people don't know how to word a nice compliment like, "wow you have slimmed down" or as I asked a coworker several years ago, "Are we seeing less of you?" (after a brief exchange of details) "I bet it feels great! I suspect we will be seeing even less of you!" (coworker had bypass surgery and was still losing).

Other may feel threatened by the change. If you lose weight, you may have inadvertently made them reflect on their own size in a negative way. You have proved that someone like them can do it. You walking around thinner is a reminder that they are still failing at it or that they too should make hard changes. For some you would be an inspiration, for others, a threat to the way they feel about themselves.

A good comeback would be to say you feel awesome and have a ton of energy and, if applicable, that your joints/feet/whatever no longer hurt all the time. Being able to <fill in something you can easily do now> is the best feeling of freedom.

JohnnyQBelleville13 · July 2018

recently found out that a friend has been asking other friends if I have started doing hard drugs to lose weight (for the record, no). I figure the proper response, if she ever brings it up to me (won't happen) is "no, i've just stopped doing so many cheeseburgers"

HeyJudii · July 2018

Got that talk this morning. I am not even at my maintenance weight yet - .6lbs over highest weight for my age, height, gender. I am in the cutting phase of my resistance training, so I am sure I will hear more in the future.

therealmichele · July 2018

wow, you are all so polite.

i was naturally very thin for most of my life-- fiiiinally filled out in my 30s and stopped being mistaken for a 12 year old boy. i was (and am!) thrilled.

but after 3 decades of people minding my body's business, i got really good at the dead stare. and if they pushed, i stopped feeling shy about saying things like, "this is what a healthy body looks like on me. is there a problem."

it's the same thing when people comment on how i look "for my age" etc. "this is what 30/35/40/__ looks like on me." if the person is sort of a delicate flower and i have to interact closely with them and it's better to be nice, i just say "asian genes" and let them sit with it, mystified, and move on.

i am really not okay with one-size-fits-all templates for body size, shape or age progression etc b/c although there are general norms, obviously there is a ton of everyday evidence that there is a huge range out there. it's why i kinda wish all women would be much more frank and open about their weight and age. there is no shame in what we are. we work within our possible ranges... but there is a huge variability in what is possible. and it's all cool.

chantelboudreau · July 2018

I used to have this problem. I was underweight but in my family that's very normal. I had lots of energy and felt healthy. People would constantly tell me I need to eat more when I was full and one even told the school nurse she worried. It was really annoying. Once I hit my 30's I put on some weight but it was very upsetting in high school and middle school. I did not have an eating disorder. Sometimes people just don't know better. If you feel great and have lots of energy than I don't see the problem. Plus I checked your BMI and it's not even under weight. Personally, I would say if the doctor says your healthy that's what matters.

HeyJudii · July 2018

It's interesting to me, that when I was in the obese range for my age & height, no one was worried about me then. No heart to heart talks about perhaps I should do something about my eating and inactivity. But, now that I am in a healthy weight range, and getting fit and lean (runner) so much concern is expressed.

ETA: The concern comes from individuals that complain about their weight and inactivity regularly. They will say something like, "You are getting so skinny. I wish I had your will power, but, I (fill in reason of choice). But, you know, enough is enough." Etc.
I would feel differently about this expressed "concern" if it was coming from an active person, satisfied with their weight and appearance. But, when it comes from someone that is in their own admission, overweight and unhealthy, it makes me wonder at the true motive.

"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?

Replies

Categories