What's with the diet shaming?
Replies
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stanmann571 wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »tennisdude2004 wrote: »stanmann571 wrote: »tennisdude2004 wrote: »stanmann571 wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »This thread started with people in real life and turned into slamming other MFP members. Very disappointing.
It went from complaining about woo peddling at the workplace to defending woo peddling on MFP. Really sad.
Some of the problem is when the MFP faithful categorize LCHF, Keto and IF as 'fad diets'.
Maybe people need to expand their views on a healthy diet approach. Too much of a 'one size fits all' approach going on in these forums.
The actual problem is that each of those are 'fad diets' when advertised as "eat this way and you'll lose weight no matter how much you eat"
Yes, some people have chosen them as a preferred WOE, but most have found them from diet disciples who present them as the magical cure for everything that ails you from obesity to cancer. Even if the diet has no benefit for that whatsoever.
If it works for you great, but it's not going to help you in your weight loss journey if you persist in overeating. Ditto Vegan, etc.
9 out of 10 new posters first post is "I'm eating xxx program and I hate it, how do I lose weight without this program"
Answer-Dump the program, eat less move more, find a WOE that works for you.
I'm calling *kitten* on the bolded statement.
Either your definition of 'fad diet' is different to others or you are claiming LCHF / KETO are unhealthy ways of eating. I know you've seen the meta analysis which proves they are equal to Calorie Counting / Moderation.
I read his use of 'fad diet' to be mirroring your use of it in your post. There are most certainly people who claim that with keto they can eat more than they burn and still lose weight.
ETA: @stanmann571, if I'm wrong, correct me.
Exactly, There's nothing wrong with keto, but it's not a magical cure either. There's nothing wrong with IF, and if I had access to a full kitchen I might experiment with one of the more exotic IF programmings to see if it helped with my satiety and mental clarity. By exotic I mean the 24/26/28/36 hour variants. Skipping breakfast isn't really all that much of a alternative WOE. But I wouldn't be doing it for its weight loss benefits but rather for improved clarity and satiety.
We did a form of it when I was in Thailand. I was doing a 4 week meditation retreat, and we ate on the same schedule as the monks. Nothing after noon. So breakfast, lunch, and snacking between. I lost 15 lbs in that time. I don't attribute the loss to IF though. It's because I was likely only getting about 800 calories per day. It took about a week to get used to going to bed with my stomach growling. I will occasionally follow that eating pattern for a day here as well as follow the other precepts that were were following while there.0 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »100_PROOF_ wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
Are you talking about this thread?
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10676598/advice/p1
I don't see where anyone suggested you are "some lying slob whose sitting on the couch binge eating and lying about what their intake is" (your words from your next post).
Agreed.
A lot of people seem to read into things that aren't there. They take things the wrong way.
Communication though message boards is much different than real life. In real life you can see someones facial expressions and see that they are being cheerful, snarky, sad and such. It's much different on a message board and some people seem to take things the wrong way and read into things that aren't there. They may be assuming that a member is being condescending when in reality they're not. Some people are putting emotions places that they don't belong and getting hurt over things that where never intended on being hurtful.
Sometimes it's hard to decipher so I think it's best to take things with a grain of salt.
It's just a message board after all. How can some anonymous stranger online hurt my feelings when they don't know me? They can't. I take the information that is useful and disregard the rest. No feelings involved.
Absolutely. I will add that how we are feeling about the world around us is frequently colored by past experiences and how we feel about ourselves.
It's like having a sunburn. When you don't have one, you barely even feel your clothing, but when you do have one, not only is clothing irritating, but people touching you is irritating, taking a hot shower is irritating. Your perception is colored by that sunburn.
So true! The sunburn analogy is perfect.
If a person is very insecure about their weight they could project those feelings and insert them in conversations about weight that are not intended to be hurtful.
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nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
Are you talking about this thread?
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10676598/advice/p1
I don't see where anyone suggested you are "some lying slob whose sitting on the couch binge eating and lying about what their intake is" (your words from your next post).
No, it was another thread someone else posted. However, I do feel that plenty were quite rude in that thread. I do feel it is rude t assert that someone is using a disease as a “crutch” because they have the same condition and aren’t having those issues. No two people are exactly the same. The way our bodies respond to conditions, good are bad are not always going to be the same. This is what started my feeling this way, but not what I was referencing.1 -
AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
Are you talking about this thread?
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10676598/advice/p1
I don't see where anyone suggested you are "some lying slob whose sitting on the couch binge eating and lying about what their intake is" (your words from your next post).
No, it was another three someone else posted. However, I do feel that plenty were quite rude in that thread.
I'm sorry that that's been your perception. If you feel people are attacking or insulting you, then report the posts to the mods and let them sort it out. I don't see how complaining about people here is helping to contribute to a better forum environment.0 -
I did not start this thread. I was merely contributing my feelings on the topic of conversation. Is that not allowed? Plenty of other people have chimed in with their feelings. For some reason I’m excluded from sharing my experiences because you don’t share my point of view on it? My feelings and contributions are just as valid as yours and everyone else’s.nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
Are you talking about this thread?
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10676598/advice/p1
I don't see where anyone suggested you are "some lying slob whose sitting on the couch binge eating and lying about what their intake is" (your words from your next post).
No, it was another three someone else posted. However, I do feel that plenty were quite rude in that thread.
I'm sorry that that's been your perception. If you feel people are attacking or insulting you, then report the posts to the mods and let them sort it out. I don't see how complaining about people here is helping to contribute to a better forum environment.
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People seem to be strangely averse to admitting that they don't know something for sure. "I don't know" isn't sexy, even though it's often true. Nutrition is one of those areas where a lot of people have bizarrely strong opinions on claims that are too new to have been fully studied and verified, or that are just straight up unverified. I chalk this up to a few things:
- Lack of solid scientific education (don't really understand the scientific method that well, and this isn't helped by piss-poor scientific journalism)
- A perception that your diet and your weight say something about your values/morals/personality. Performing some feat of deprivation or arbitrary restriction will surely show others that you are committed/disciplined/strong-willed!
- Fear of the uncontrolled -- people fear pain, death, and disease, so they overemphasize the impact of the things they can control (food, exercise, sleep) to soothe that anxiety (regardless of whether it actually works or has a significant impact relative to the effort and cost). It's not hard to find people who obsess with "clean eating" (whatever that means) because they think it'll keep them from getting cancer or whatever, even though realistically most cancers and a lot of other ailments are not preventable (or curable) with food alone (or with food at all). Simply put, it's just nice to think we have that much control, even though we probably don't.**
**In the US, I have a hunch that this anxiety is worsened with the increasingly awful state of health care and health care affordability. Woo-y home remedies are appealing because they're easily accessible -- they're cheap, and they're usually simple to understand (1 or 2 ingredients). If you believe that they work then you don't have to think about how seriously f***'d you are that you can't afford/access actual treatment. This is NOT helped by the distrust shady doctors/insurance companies/pharmaceutical companies have sowed in the general public -- people do not perceive their doctors as having their patients' best interests in mind, and I can't blame them for that. Without access and trust, people will turn to disreputable sources, because even if it's just a placebo, it's better than confronting the grim and bleak circumstances we find ourselves in.4 -
AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »
I did not start this thread. I was merely contributing my feelings on the topic of conversation. Is that not allowed? Plenty of other people have chimed in with their feelings. For some reason I’m excluded from sharing my experiences because you don’t share my point of view on it? My feelings and contributions are just as valid as yours and everyone else’s.nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
Are you talking about this thread?
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10676598/advice/p1
I don't see where anyone suggested you are "some lying slob whose sitting on the couch binge eating and lying about what their intake is" (your words from your next post).
No, it was another three someone else posted. However, I do feel that plenty were quite rude in that thread.
I'm sorry that that's been your perception. If you feel people are attacking or insulting you, then report the posts to the mods and let them sort it out. I don't see how complaining about people here is helping to contribute to a better forum environment.
Wow! You took that way out of perspective. I see my sunburn analogy fits well here.
I was disappointed to see that this thread turned into complaining about the forums (which didn't start with you). The only reason I specifically asked you was because I have seen you in several threads and you seem to be getting some great help and advice. I was wondering what specifically has been coloring your perceptions of the forums, because I haven't seen the kind of gong show with your posts as I have with some people. At no point in time was I suggesting that you shouldn't contribute to the forums. I'm just trying to understand your perspective. But hey, let's make this about something it's not.14 -
I think 'diet' has a negative association. People don't think of it as 'the food you eat' but rather 'the food you can't eat'. Maybe a simple word change will help, such as nutrition.1
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stlbluefansarah wrote: »I recently restarted my quest to lose weight, and after almost 2 months, I am down about 16 pounds. In the past, I've tried traditional diets and less popular diets, and I finally found one that's working for me (i.e. I'm losing weight and pretty easily able to stick to it.) I am proud of myself. Some have commented on my jeans fitting more loosely, and it feels good. With that loss, a few have asked how I'm doing it, so I tell them. Diet and exercise, of course. But then when I tell them the diet, 90% of people tell me I should be doing this, instead of that, and I'm not doing it right, etc., etc.
It feels like if I were to tell 147 people about my diet, I would get 147 different opinions on what I should be doing instead. And each of those 147 people is somehow an all-knowing nutrition expert who knows THE ONLY healthy way to lose weight, be it low-carb, low-cal, IF, vegan, gluten-free, etc.
Why can't people just say, "Keep up the good work!" and keep their opinions to themselves anymore? I'm not looking for an answer to this question. I guess I'm just looking to vent and commiserate with anyone else who is experiencing the same.
I had some similar experiences with people around the topic of lifting weights when I posted some questions on the Community boards regarding strength training. I had some sincere and helpful answers, but I also had some condescending (arrogant) and/or just plain mean responses.
For me anyway, I think the key here is that I just take it all in -- all of this input, the good and the bad, process it for how I think it can help me to do better, thank the person, and move on.2 -
I am sorry that I misunderstood you. Again, the post that really upset me wasn’t about me. I didn’t even post in the thread, because I didn’t want to get into an argument. Which I why I abandoned my origin thread. Maybe my perception of how I was spoken to there is I’ll perceived, and perhaps the same with the other thread, albeit there was a lot of arguing going on in to. However, it doesn’t change the way it made me feel. It kind of like when someone used the terms “no offense but” or “I’m not judging you but” etc saying those conditionary phrases before your statement doesn’t mean that the person will not feel offended, or judged. You know what I mean? I have received quite a bit of help, to which I am grateful for. Also, in one of my early posts in this thread I mentioned that those kind people are the ones that lead me to believe that the rude ones are more few and far between, and that is not the common culture here.nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »
I did not start this thread. I was merely contributing my feelings on the topic of conversation. Is that not allowed? Plenty of other people have chimed in with their feelings. For some reason I’m excluded from sharing my experiences because you don’t share my point of view on it? My feelings and contributions are just as valid as yours and everyone else’s.nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
Are you talking about this thread?
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10676598/advice/p1
I don't see where anyone suggested you are "some lying slob whose sitting on the couch binge eating and lying about what their intake is" (your words from your next post).
No, it was another three someone else posted. However, I do feel that plenty were quite rude in that thread.
I'm sorry that that's been your perception. If you feel people are attacking or insulting you, then report the posts to the mods and let them sort it out. I don't see how complaining about people here is helping to contribute to a better forum environment.
Wow! You took that way out of perspective. I see much sunburn analogy fits well here.
I was disappointed to see that this thread turned into complaining about the forums (which didn't start with you). The only reason I specifically asked you was because I have seen you in several threads and you seem to be getting some great help and advice. I was wondering what specifically has been coloring your perceptions of the forums, because I haven't seen the kind of gong show with your posts as I have with some people. At no point in time was I suggesting that you shouldn't contribute to the forums. I'm just trying to understand your perspective. But hey, let's make this about something it's not.
My apologies to the OP for hyjacking your thread.
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AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »
I am sorry that I misunderstood you. Again, the post that really upset me wasn’t about me. I didn’t even post in the thread, because I didn’t want to get into an argument. Which I why I abandoned my origin thread. Maybe my perception of how I was spoken to there is I’ll perceived, and perhaps the same with the other thread, albeit there was a lot of arguing going on in to. However, it doesn’t change the way it made me feel. It kind of like when someone used the terms “no offense but” or “I’m not judging you but” etc saying those conditionary phrases before your statement doesn’t mean that the person will not feel offended, or judged. You know what I mean? I have received quite a bit of help, to which I am grateful for. Also, in one of my early posts in this thread I mentioned that those kind people are the ones that lead me to believe that the rude ones are more few and far between, and that is not the common culture here.nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »
I did not start this thread. I was merely contributing my feelings on the topic of conversation. Is that not allowed? Plenty of other people have chimed in with their feelings. For some reason I’m excluded from sharing my experiences because you don’t share my point of view on it? My feelings and contributions are just as valid as yours and everyone else’s.nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
Are you talking about this thread?
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10676598/advice/p1
I don't see where anyone suggested you are "some lying slob whose sitting on the couch binge eating and lying about what their intake is" (your words from your next post).
No, it was another three someone else posted. However, I do feel that plenty were quite rude in that thread.
I'm sorry that that's been your perception. If you feel people are attacking or insulting you, then report the posts to the mods and let them sort it out. I don't see how complaining about people here is helping to contribute to a better forum environment.
Wow! You took that way out of perspective. I see much sunburn analogy fits well here.
I was disappointed to see that this thread turned into complaining about the forums (which didn't start with you). The only reason I specifically asked you was because I have seen you in several threads and you seem to be getting some great help and advice. I was wondering what specifically has been coloring your perceptions of the forums, because I haven't seen the kind of gong show with your posts as I have with some people. At no point in time was I suggesting that you shouldn't contribute to the forums. I'm just trying to understand your perspective. But hey, let's make this about something it's not.
I learned a long time ago to not read tone or intention into any of the posts. I don't know what kind of day someone is having. I don't know their background. I don't know if they had two seconds to post, or maybe they have been answering the same question 500 times and don't have patience for it anymore, or they are posting from their cell phone and that one sentence was what they had in them.
I do know that the back and forth conversations are rich with information, regardless of who they are coming from. So using a Kermit the frog voice to read them can take a lot of the perceived edge out of them. Keep an open mind, keep reading, and keep learning.3 -
AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »
100% agree with everything you have said. Honestly, for the most part, I have been met with nothing but niceness irl about my diet. I do Welcome tips from other people. That doesn’t bother me, I think all of it has been constructive. I have never had a moment where I thought someone was talking down the way I was doing it etc. but people do get much more bold behind the safety of a screen. However, I really do hope that they don’t realize they are being hurtful, and that it’s not intentional.AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
I think some people just aren't aware how brashly they come off... At least I hope they are unaware.
I don't think they realize that saying,
"I disagree with your approach because of a, b, c."
Might be more effective than,
" What a bunch of woo. The So-and-so approach won't be magic. Mr Diet is just peddling the next scam to the mindless masses. All you need to do is a, b, c. Period."
Some believe they need (what I see as rude or brash) bluntness to get through to every body. It works for some. Some, like me, find it distracting and unpleasant. After a time, you'll discover what posts to skip, and what members to block. Just like in real life - there are people and situations I avoid there too.... I do find diet shaming much more common on MFPand other places on the web than I do in real life. People in my life may discuss diet with interest or concern. And tact. The people on the webz don't care for you the same, or at all. JMO
I think most are good intentioned. Most. Some will somehow make their advice feel like a personal veiled attack. If it is starting to feel like a purposeful attack, you can use the flag button report trolling or even abuse if it is very blatant.
The boards actually are a bit friendlier than they used to be due to reporting (sometimes that's what it takes for people to realize they are being hurtful) and some getting banned from the site entirely. The block feature can simplify things if there are some people's post which you'd rather avoid.
I find looking into the groups is a helpful way to find support on less mainstream topics too. The equivalent of discussing duet with only certain people in real life. 2 -
janejellyroll wrote: »Interesting reading the posts above, I generally find most people demonise fat over carbs, and the shops are full of 'low fat' options.
Where do you live? Here in the US, low carbohydrate has been the preferred diet method since the Atkins craze of the late 1990s. In fact, ketogenic diets (which are prioritize fat) are probably the trendiest thing in the fitness community right now.
Right. I think low fat went out of style in the '80s here in the US. Keto and IF is the big fad now.
Hi, I live in the UK and have been LCHF (<30g carbs) for around 10 months (and 40 lbs)
I suppose my point would be that on this thread, subject of 'whats with the diet shaming' there are a plenty of folk diet shaming!
It's good to know that I'm not the only one who thought that. LOL2 -
AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »
I did not start this thread. I was merely contributing my feelings on the topic of conversation. Is that not allowed? Plenty of other people have chimed in with their feelings. For some reason I’m excluded from sharing my experiences because you don’t share my point of view on it? My feelings and contributions are just as valid as yours and everyone else’s.nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
Are you talking about this thread?
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10676598/advice/p1
I don't see where anyone suggested you are "some lying slob whose sitting on the couch binge eating and lying about what their intake is" (your words from your next post).
No, it was another three someone else posted. However, I do feel that plenty were quite rude in that thread.
I'm sorry that that's been your perception. If you feel people are attacking or insulting you, then report the posts to the mods and let them sort it out. I don't see how complaining about people here is helping to contribute to a better forum environment.
The opinions of other users are just that -- opinion. They aren't going to exclude you from anything or keep you from posting your thoughts. But when you post your thoughts, there is always the possibility that someone will respond with their thoughts. You can post your thoughts about others, others may post their thoughts about you.
@nutmegoreo is as "allowed" to respond to your criticism of other people as you are to criticize.1 -
I just tell people I did a *kitten* ton of cocaine
8 -
janejellyroll wrote: »Interesting reading the posts above, I generally find most people demonise fat over carbs, and the shops are full of 'low fat' options.
Where do you live? Here in the US, low carbohydrate has been the preferred diet method since the Atkins craze of the late 1990s. In fact, ketogenic diets (which are prioritize fat) are probably the trendiest thing in the fitness community right now.
I agree with you, people embark in this keto train. I always get people telling me that carbs and sugar are bad, it's annoying.5 -
AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »
I did not start this thread. I was merely contributing my feelings on the topic of conversation. Is that not allowed? Plenty of other people have chimed in with their feelings. For some reason I’m excluded from sharing my experiences because you don’t share my point of view on it? My feelings and contributions are just as valid as yours and everyone else’s.nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
Are you talking about this thread?
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10676598/advice/p1
I don't see where anyone suggested you are "some lying slob whose sitting on the couch binge eating and lying about what their intake is" (your words from your next post).
No, it was another three someone else posted. However, I do feel that plenty were quite rude in that thread.
I'm sorry that that's been your perception. If you feel people are attacking or insulting you, then report the posts to the mods and let them sort it out. I don't see how complaining about people here is helping to contribute to a better forum environment.
The irony .... Where did anyone say you are excluded because you feel differently? Who said your feelings aren't valid ? Nobody here would say that. You can't control who responds to you on message board. You can only control how you react/ reply.
Sometimes it's helpful not to read intent and sometimes it may even be helpful to take a step away if you find yourself getting upset over something that may not even be meant to be hurtful.
3 -
AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »
100% agree with everything you have said. Honestly, for the most part, I have been met with nothing but niceness irl about my diet. I do Welcome tips from other people. That doesn’t bother me, I think all of it has been constructive. I have never had a moment where I thought someone was talking down the way I was doing it etc. but people do get much more bold behind the safety of a screen. However, I really do hope that they don’t realize they are being hurtful, and that it’s not intentional.AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
I think some people just aren't aware how brashly they come off... At least I hope they are unaware. I don't think they realize that saying,
"I disagree with your approach because of a, b, c."
Might be more effective than,
" What a bunch of woo. The So-and-so approach won't be magic. Mr Diet is just peddling the next scam to the mindless masses. All you need to do is a, b, c. Period."
Some believe they need (what I see as rude or brash) bluntness to get through to every body. It works for some. Some, like me, find it distracting and unpleasant. After a time, you'll discover what posts to skip, and what members to block. Just like in real life - there are people and situations I avoid there too.... I do find diet shaming much more common on MFPand other places on the web than I do in real life. People in my life may discuss diet with interest or concern. And tact. The people on the webz don't care for you the same, or at all. JMO
I think most are good intentioned. Most. Some will somehow make their advice feel like a personal veiled attack. If it is starting to feel like a purposeful attack, you can use the flag button report trolling or even abuse if it is very blatant.
The boards actually are a bit friendlier than they used to be due to reporting (sometimes that's what it takes for people to realize they are being hurtful) and some getting banned from the site entirely. The block feature can simplify things if there are some people's post which you'd rather avoid.
I find looking into the groups is a helpful way to find support on less mainstream topics too. The equivalent of discussing duet with only certain people in real life.
I have not looking into groups. But I think that’s a really good idea. Thank you for that!
0 -
AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »
100% agree with everything you have said. Honestly, for the most part, I have been met with nothing but niceness irl about my diet. I do Welcome tips from other people. That doesn’t bother me, I think all of it has been constructive. I have never had a moment where I thought someone was talking down the way I was doing it etc. but people do get much more bold behind the safety of a screen. However, I really do hope that they don’t realize they are being hurtful, and that it’s not intentional.AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
I think some people just aren't aware how brashly they come off... At least I hope they are unaware. I don't think they realize that saying,
"I disagree with your approach because of a, b, c."
Might be more effective than,
" What a bunch of woo. The So-and-so approach won't be magic. Mr Diet is just peddling the next scam to the mindless masses. All you need to do is a, b, c. Period."
Some believe they need (what I see as rude or brash) bluntness to get through to every body. It works for some. Some, like me, find it distracting and unpleasant. After a time, you'll discover what posts to skip, and what members to block. Just like in real life - there are people and situations I avoid there too.... I do find diet shaming much more common on MFPand other places on the web than I do in real life. People in my life may discuss diet with interest or concern. And tact. The people on the webz don't care for you the same, or at all. JMO
I think most are good intentioned. Most. Some will somehow make their advice feel like a personal veiled attack. If it is starting to feel like a purposeful attack, you can use the flag button report trolling or even abuse if it is very blatant.
The boards actually are a bit friendlier than they used to be due to reporting (sometimes that's what it takes for people to realize they are being hurtful) and some getting banned from the site entirely. The block feature can simplify things if there are some people's post which you'd rather avoid.
I find looking into the groups is a helpful way to find support on less mainstream topics too. The equivalent of discussing duet with only certain people in real life.
I implemented the ignore button for a while some time ago. I kept clicking on the posts anyway, so it doesn't work for nosy people. :laugh:3 -
I have been through alot-lost 2 children, and other things. The best advise I ever heard was to tell the people that say "you should" or "you shouldn't" is "Stop shoulding all over me!" Not up to them its up to you Carry on and don't let the turkeys opinions matter stay with the eagles and soar above it all12
-
CarvedTones wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »melichalupa wrote: »I might be late to this conversation but.... I recently have had some Mfp folks do some “diet shaming” and the New York in me wanted to check the heck outta them and then I thought that most people say and do things that they feel they have control over-the particular person that spoke out of turn about my choice to go heavy vegetable eating for a few days to just help my tummy and intestinal issues felt the need to say that I am following a “quack”. I mean really? Could this just be a keyboard bully that feels that she has control over other’s choices? I don’t know-I think I might block her later on today.
I am happy to be around positive happy people that are doing them in this struggle-I am proud of you.
Girl, you are not the only one! I almost stopped posting here after I was made to feel like garbage on the first thread I posted asking for help. I was either gonna leave, or snap on someone and get myself banned so I chose to take the high road and just let the whole thread die. Thankfully, I have found a lot of really nice people on here that prove that those types of people are not the majority. Feel free to add me! We can motivate each other with out being a holes.
I let myself get pulled down to their level sometimes and go toe to toe. I know I shouldn't, but...
From the other side, I try to avoid posting to plateau or "gaining when I should be losing" threads because it's hard to walk that tight rope between questioning and accusing and I don't want to come across as a bully. Some people have less compassion and dive right in pointing out the most likely problem (consuming more than what's logged). But that's not always the problem and even if it is, a lot people are doing it without realizing it.
When I joined mfp, I was in free-fall on a unsustainable very low calorie diet. I posted about my success expecting pats on the back and didn't get a single one. I got hammered about how unhealthy it was. I learned that they were right. I lost some muscle and it took some effort to get it back.
I get slammed a lot about eating a lot of natural sugar from a cane that grows in the tropics or a yellow grain grown in much of the US.
Never mind that I lost 65 pounds, have been in maintenance for 4 months and I am fitter than I have been in decades.
I get slammed for the amount of evil processed food in my diet. 1) I lost more than I weigh and am the healthiest I've been in nearly 20 years, so my diet is obviously working for me 2) unless someone is willing to come to my house and cook for me, they get no say in what I can or cannot eat (with the exception of my doctor).
The whole "help, plateau" thing. I just try to be supportive, I'm currently stuck between 170-173 for the past two weeks and it's no big deal as I've have a bazillion plateaus and unexpected weight gains.
Yeah, to me "eating clean" means going with maybe only 3 seconds instead of the 5 second rule. I eat a fair amount of processed food also. I quit considering only two or three weeks as a plateau after it happened a couple of times but looking across a couple of months, the calorie math for weight loss was pretty accurate. I didn't/don't use a trending app, so a lot of my plateaus were from accepting a low spike (probably dehydrated) as my new weight.
Same. My dinner was "clean", I rinsed off the tomatoes I used to top my tostadas. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with "refueling" with a McDouble! I guess it's just been so long for my journey that I know to ignore plateaus.2 -
In quite a few threads here, I consider vegetarianism to count as a fad diet, even though I've been vegetarian for 44 years. If something is a named way of eating, is trendy in certain social circles, is advocated by evangelical blogs/IGers, and is spoken of as something that has magical powers beyond reason, it's - in the relevant context - a "fad diet".
I've got nothing against low carb/keto, vegan, paleo, IF, or anything else that allows for decent nutrition as per reasonable scientific research, if it helps someone eat happily and achieve their goals. I have nothing against people describing what any of those have done for them, personally. Using bad science to do that advocacy, or claiming the "special" diet is essential for all - that's fair game for criticizing the ideas.
I try to talk people out of vegetarianism, if they think it's a magical weight loss method, when they have no ethical reasons to go that route. There's a difference between happily following a way of eating, and believing any given rationale for that way of eating. It's possible to support people in the former, and argue with the latter. Sometimes it's even necessary, IMO (because of other readers, if nothing else).
Edited: missing word.13 -
I've had many more negatively-charged discussions in real life about my eating than I've encountered here on MFP, and I have (what "the MFP faithful", whoever they are, would probably consider) some seriously woo-y habits that I've freely discussed on numerous threads without getting much criticism, let alone "slamming": I drink ACV every day, I've been vegetarian for decades, I mostly prefer foods humans have eaten for centuries to new and complicated food products (the things many people call "hyperpalatable", "processed", "junk food", etc.), I eat probiotic foods multiple times daily, and more.
In real life, I get push back on weight loss and calorie counting ("weight cannot be lost without cutting carbs" - from multiple people; "it's obsessive/compulsive to weigh food and count calories"; accusations of anorexia (while eating 2000+ calories daily) and even worries that I'm purging (WTFlip??); "you're too skinny"; the whole meatatarian advocacy thing; more).
The idea that people criticize/disagree more here just hasn't been true for me. The mode of disagreement differs, sure: We're writing, not talking. Maybe people IRL are a little less blunt, a little more superficially polite, but only in some ways, not all ways. Polite phrasing can mask a much ruder payload: I don't expect strangers to automatically understand that (say) I'm not purging, but I would've expected actual friends and relatives to understand that my relationship with food is more well-ordered than that.6 -
I've had many more negatively-charged discussions in real life about my eating than I've encountered here on MFP, and I have (what "the MFP faithful", whoever they are, would probably consider) some seriously woo-y habits that I've freely discussed on numerous threads without getting much criticism, let alone "slamming": I drink ACV every day, I've been vegetarian for decades, I mostly prefer foods humans have eaten for centuries to new and complicated food products (the things many people call "hyperpalatable", "processed", "junk food", etc.), I eat probiotic foods multiple times daily, and more.
In real life, I get push back on weight loss and calorie counting ("weight cannot be lost without cutting carbs" - from multiple people; "it's obsessive/compulsive to weigh food and count calories"; accusations of anorexia (while eating 2000+ calories daily) and even worries that I'm purging (WTFlip??); "you're too skinny"; the whole meatatarian advocacy thing; more).
The idea that people criticize/disagree more here just hasn't been true for me. The mode of disagreement differs, sure: We're writing, not talking. Maybe people IRL are a little less blunt, a little more superficially polite, but only in some ways, not all ways. Polite phrasing can mask a much ruder payload: I don't expect strangers to automatically understand that (say) I'm not purging, but I would've expected actual friends and relatives to understand that my relationship with food is more well-ordered than that.
I suspect that many folks who are sensing pushback are posting limited context comments or questions and are perceiving a quest for context as pushback.
Hypothetical-not all that hypothetical below
OP-"I'm going keto for weightloss and it sucks and I hate it"
MFP-"Why have you chosen Keto for weightloss?"
OP-"Because I know it's the only way to lose weight?"
MFP-Why do you think that way. Any WOE works if you maintain a reasonable calorie deficit
Fork in the road
OP-"Well I'm yyyy condition"
MFP-Oh, well then maybe you should try sodium/electrolyte replacement and messing around with your fat/protein balance and different fat sources/recipes at this group/that group
Other Fork
OP-Well I read zzzzz quackawoodle doctor say that carbs cause insulin and insulin causes weightloss
MFP-Forheadsmack. Link to examine.com and various studies disputing assertion
*** Replace keto with vegan and quackawoodle doctor with Netflix documentary.
11 -
Quackawoodle is my new favorite word.
I do think what some of the new and newish users who feel picked on have experienced is in reality probing for more information. How many vague-threads and pleas for help are posted here with no context? Rather than pretty it up with 500 words explaining why they need more information, most veterans simply ask for the relevant stats so they can attempt to offer up some meaningful advice.4 -
I've had many more negatively-charged discussions in real life about my eating than I've encountered here on MFP, and I have (what "the MFP faithful", whoever they are, would probably consider) some seriously woo-y habits that I've freely discussed on numerous threads without getting much criticism, let alone "slamming": I drink ACV every day, I've been vegetarian for decades, I mostly prefer foods humans have eaten for centuries to new and complicated food products (the things many people call "hyperpalatable", "processed", "junk food", etc.), I eat probiotic foods multiple times daily, and more...
From having read a lot of your posts, I suspect the lack of pushback stems from the fact that you rationally discuss these things in the context of being your personal preferences for your own reasons, as opposed to breathlessly hyping them as the bestest thing ever that everybody should do. You also acknowledge (implicitly or explicitly) that there's nothing magical or supernatural about them, and gently reinforce that a caloric deficit and reasonable/sustainable diet are the keys to weight loss. I've never seen anything even remotely 'woo-ey' in your posts, I've always considered your advice as solid and on the mark.
IMO, the 'woo' aspect comes into play when somebody ascribes powers/properties to something that are beyond belief, or have been not proven/disproved by research. For example, claiming that one particular diet/way of eating is the One True Way for weight loss, health, etc.6 -
stanmann571 wrote: »I've had many more negatively-charged discussions in real life about my eating than I've encountered here on MFP, and I have (what "the MFP faithful", whoever they are, would probably consider) some seriously woo-y habits that I've freely discussed on numerous threads without getting much criticism, let alone "slamming": I drink ACV every day, I've been vegetarian for decades, I mostly prefer foods humans have eaten for centuries to new and complicated food products (the things many people call "hyperpalatable", "processed", "junk food", etc.), I eat probiotic foods multiple times daily, and more.
In real life, I get push back on weight loss and calorie counting ("weight cannot be lost without cutting carbs" - from multiple people; "it's obsessive/compulsive to weigh food and count calories"; accusations of anorexia (while eating 2000+ calories daily) and even worries that I'm purging (WTFlip??); "you're too skinny"; the whole meatatarian advocacy thing; more).
The idea that people criticize/disagree more here just hasn't been true for me. The mode of disagreement differs, sure: We're writing, not talking. Maybe people IRL are a little less blunt, a little more superficially polite, but only in some ways, not all ways. Polite phrasing can mask a much ruder payload: I don't expect strangers to automatically understand that (say) I'm not purging, but I would've expected actual friends and relatives to understand that my relationship with food is more well-ordered than that.
I suspect that many folks who are sensing pushback are posting limited context comments or questions and are perceiving a quest for context as pushback.
Hypothetical-not all that hypothetical below
OP-"I'm going keto for weightloss and it sucks and I hate it"
MFP-"Why have you chosen Keto for weightloss?"
OP-"Because I know it's the only way to lose weight?"
MFP-Why do you think that way. Any WOE works if you maintain a reasonable calorie deficit
Fork in the road
OP-"Well I'm yyyy condition"
MFP-Oh, well then maybe you should try sodium/electrolyte replacement and messing around with your fat/protein balance and different fat sources/recipes at this group/that group
Other Fork
OP-Well I read zzzzz quackawoodle doctor say that carbs cause insulin and insulin causes weightloss
MFP-Forheadsmack. Link to examine.com and various studies disputing assertion
*** Replace keto with vegan and quackawoodle doctor with Netflix documentary.
Yup. Also, thick skin is a useful adaptation to strive for, in adulthood, for many reasons . . . not that said striving is uniformly comfortable or easy. 1 -
There is a post at the top of this section right now about 2 shakes plus a normal meal. I haven't looked yet, but i suspect that poster will hear that a method that millions have lost weight with (and some kept it off by changing their habits once they reached goal; never worked for me) just plain doesn't work instead of reasons why mfp has proved more beneficial for many of us.2
-
CarvedTones wrote: »There is a post at the top of this section right now about 2 shakes plus a normal meal. I haven't looked yet, but i suspect that poster will hear that a method that millions have lost weight with (and some kept it off by changing their habits once they reached goal; never worked for me) just plain doesn't work instead of reasons why mfp has proved more beneficial for many of us.
Actually no. He's just getting the (reasonable) advice to make sure he's eating enough (he's losing really quickly). Nobody has said anything (yet) about shakes not working. It seems to be working for him, he just needs to eat more because he's got an active job.5 -
janejellyroll wrote: »CarvedTones wrote: »There is a post at the top of this section right now about 2 shakes plus a normal meal. I haven't looked yet, but i suspect that poster will hear that a method that millions have lost weight with (and some kept it off by changing their habits once they reached goal; never worked for me) just plain doesn't work instead of reasons why mfp has proved more beneficial for many of us.
Actually no. He's just getting the (reasonable) advice to make sure he's eating enough (he's losing really quickly). Nobody has said anything (yet) about shakes not working. It seems to be working for him, he just needs to eat more because he's got an active job.
Generally the biggest issue with shake diets is whether it’s long term sustainable followed closely by is it a scammer selling overpriced crap and taking advantage3
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