Why did you get married?
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btw big family reunion coming up. I will have relatives there who have been married for 30,40-50 years. They may have something to drink and then I'll pose this question. Muahhha
If your parents were married, stayed married and you were born within wedlock you should make sure any kid you bring into the world has those same advantages. There should be no other concern about marriage. Just make sure you marry first before you have a kid and you marry the right woman so you don't have to inflict divorce on your kid. If you want no children, don't have children and don't worry about marriage.
Research on your own about the difference between having kids raised by biological parents who are married versus kids who are raised by one parent after a divorce or by a single parent who never married. The generalized difference in outcomes, specifically the circumstances that decide health/wealth/happiness later in life say it all.
Woo me all you want MFP.
You left out one scenario in co-parenting - parents that, while not married or not married anymore, are committed to the health and well-being of the kids and put their differences aside for that mutual goal. This approach is becoming much more common and will probably throw those generalized differences for a loop with it's impact.
Anyhoo... I got married young because I live in the Midwest and things are still pretty traditional. There was commitment and what we thought at time was love, but it may have been more respect, common background social pressure to do what is typically done. I have no strong desire to get married again, but if I found that my feelings on that had changed or I find myself in a relationship with someone that strongly wants or needs that (reason isn't as important as as their feelings), very, very in-depth premarital counseling will be a requirement for me to get to the point of actually going through with it. I think I could be equally as happy with a long term, committed relationship.
I don't think that the "why" you get married matters to anyone other than yourself and your partner/spouse. Know your own reasons, stand in them even if others disagree and be able to communicate them to those people that you choose to share your reason with.3 -
cause he gave me his whole check every week5
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Meh, I don’t know. Growing up, I didn’t want to be a parent and had no interest in marriage in a “formal” sense. Then I fell pregnant and I had the choice of making a huge commitment , so I chose. Then , later on, I found someone( or they found me), who I just kinda knew that I wanted to go through life with, good and bad.
I regret neither choice.🙂2 -
I love my wife, even though we are very different in many ways. We still fundamentally believe in the value of the same things and want them to flourish.
I think we got married in faith that we would, over time, compliment each other and help each other reach higher than alone.
It's a dare. Personal dare. To each other and the universe I guess...to yourself. Take somebody through their best and worst day, and say goodbye to them at the end of life.
Very irrational, and as we all know it often doesn't prove to work for the best forever.
But perhaps it creates possibilities that wouldn't otherwise exist, to build your character and soul, to keep something good alive and make it stronger.
I'm not a sceptic on marriage. I'm a believer. I just hope my worst days turn to strong days when I can be there I full with my own issues resolved. I will. One way or the other, we are indeed wed and will support the other until our last in our best way.
There are good years and bad years. I want more good years and am going to reach for them.5 -
Where's the OP? There's several positive marriage posts he hasn't taken a big steaming shite over yet.5
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For the meatloaf every Wednesday night. Duh.9
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Married once, divorced once. Not planning on doing it again. You can still find happiness with someone without being in a marriage. To each their own though. 🤷♀️6
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Temporary insanity3
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I would like to get married. I want to have that life partner and have kids
What's stopping you from not being able to do all these things without being "married"?
Does getting married "unlocks" some special powers or features in life? Why is being "married" a prerequisite?
P.S- I'm not trying to offend you -i'm sorry if I come that way- I'm just asking and curious.
I believe it would be best for children to have two parents. Also, I don't want to have kids with some random guy. I believe in the institute of marriage.
I don't think you answered @vm007 's question. It sounds like you're simply reciting something that you've been told over the years. The institution of marriage is actually quite fluid. You don't need a legal document to have all the things you want. There are many people in committed decades long relationships who never officially married. That's why Common Law Marriage laws are still on the books.
Maybe you needed it 50 years ago, but today, people get married and divorced almost as quickly as they change their clothes. Whose to say that the person you marry won't turn into "some random guy." A friend's husband filed for divorce when she was eight months pregnant with their second child. He moved from NYC to Seattle with his new wife and she hasn't heard from him since. Finding the right person is far more important than getting married.
I did answer the question. Those are my reasons why. Of course marriage is about finding the right person. I wouldn't marry just anyone. The right person for me would want to marry me too.4 -
KeepRunningFatboy wrote: »30 years and going strong. #Blessed
Same here. Strange how those who're not married can think of all the negative reasons to justify their position!!3 -
KeepRunningFatboy wrote: »30 years and going strong. #Blessed
Same here. Strange how those who're not married can think of all the negative reasons to justify their position!!
Maybe some have been married and it wasn't all wedded bliss.2 -
I have a dream of being married, does that count here? Actually, I want a relationship where marriage is an obvious decision, I won't marry just anyone. There have been two previous relationships where I wanted to marry them but it didn't happen, I'm hoping that 3rd time's a charm. Let's see for my current girlfriend.1
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I got married because we have had a lot of challenges and it was our way of showing each other and others how united we are, how we are a team. My sister in law lost her partner, they were madly in love and together a year. He suddenly became sick and died. She spent every miniute possible next to his bed side. His family came and took him and everything he owned away. She had to steal a couple of his shirts to make into keepsake cushions. His ex wife took what she could even though he hated her. So this was also a deciding factor so no one could do the same to either of us.4
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I was with my partner for 10 years before we got married. We did it as we were starting to plan having children and we wanted them to feel secure and safe in their environment. They often come home from school and say things like 'X's mum and dad are getting a divorce' or 'Z's dad let's him do this at the weekend but his mum doesn't like him staying at his dads'
Kids pick up on everything. If a boy has a lazy dad he will think it's ok, if he has a dad that takes care of himself and others then that will be his normality.4 -
My mom never married. She lived with my step dad. She didn't need a piece of paper to get the benefits.
Me personally i would like to do the whole wedding once
My older brother is on his second marriage. He seems happy but who knows4 -
I was guilted into it..
my boyfriends grandparents were a force to be reckoned with.
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Basically what I posted in the first post.
I guess I was looking for something which doesn't exist. All the posted answers suggest that it's just a very simple thing. You either do it or not. I just assumed there was something beyond which I didn't understand because I am not married and never had a relationship in a conventional sense. I've had "encounters" and "dates" they were both good and bad. I have memories from them which I cherish. I've had friends good and bad as well. I do not hate anyone or dislike anything- I forgive and move on because I get to learn from everything. After all a situation is good or bad depending on how we perceive it.0 -
Basically what I posted in the first post.
I guess I was looking for something which doesn't exist. All the posted answers suggest that it's just a very simple thing. You either do it or not. I just assumed there was something beyond which I didn't understand because I am not married and never had a relationship in a conventional sense. I've had "encounters" and "dates" they were both good and bad. I have memories from them which I cherish. I've had friends good and bad as well. I do not hate anyone or dislike anything- I forgive and move on because I get to learn from everything. After all a situation is good or bad depending on how we perceive it.
You'll find someone and you will both want to spend every waking minute together. Eventually you'll make longer term plans and financial commitments, at that point you may decide to show that commitment through marriage - you don't have to and many people have perfectly happy long relationships without marriage.
Love always comes around when you're not looking for it in my experience. Enjoy yourself and one day you'll just get hit by Cupid
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Btw- this is how marriage works in my culture. There are exceptions now because times have changed but what I will be describing is how things operate in traditional families.
1. My grand parents will be told about a possible family,
2. They will vet the family- as in who they are and what family they come from, how old is the family and how back the roots go,
3. They will speak with the girl's parent's
After that,
1. Girl's family- They shouldn't be related closely. Theory is- if it's closely related and there is an issue prevalent in the family it may pass on to future offspring- as in genetic disorders or something so it's better to be not related. Is the family free from addictions etc etc.
2. Girl's future plans- as in, if she is even ready to get married? what are her life goals? Is she ready to make a commitment or she is 50-50 and family is forcing. What's life long goals? Kids? Career? etc - would she and I compromise or we are 100% opposite or we are 100% similar both scenarios are a "no-no".
3. Girl's background/upbringing- Was she raised in a family where they earned through jobs, business or political? Since jobs in theory have less stress because you will get paid at the end of the month, however little it may be-you'd get paid. Business the income stream is up and down and political families have times of very high stress then smooth sailing then up again. If she comes into a family which was total opposite -it'll be hard for her to transition and that would suck for newly weds.
4. Girl's family's financial status- Are they "too" rich as in total out of league or "too" poor. Since if they are very well off and I am not- it'll be hard for her to transition and adapt to our "level" and if she's too poor- she won't be able to adjust fully either.
Once this is set and done- girl would be shown my picture and given my details and whatever she needs from my side and her parents. If she approves -I'd be told alright this is this- and as a family we would go meet. If she's ok on that then it'll continue from there.
P.S- keep in mind, some things don't apply here in western culture so it may be a head scratcher.
I may have missed few details but this is how the process usually is- it's not just a union of two people it's a union of two families. Community comes together to unite them. Times have changed and now things are done in a similar way it gets done in Western society however, in my case it'll be like I've mentioned here. I have zero issues with this process. I ain't even against marriage I just wanted to know WHY YOU did it.
Like I said before, I was all for marriage and all when I was young but the more I've meditated the more I feel like why though. That whole "partner for life" and those things just don't justify. Since WE created this why can't we be together without this "marriage". Also, "thick and thin" so where one person would be going through struggle now there would be two of us drudging along.
Only thing I am totally against for now is, spending a lavish amount on wedding and the events which my family and extended family is looking towards. I just want court marriage and party that's it. Not like 4 functions before then wedding then party. However, the girl may have other plans so who knows where it'll all end up.
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Basically what I posted in the first post.
I guess I was looking for something which doesn't exist. All the posted answers suggest that it's just a very simple thing. You either do it or not. I just assumed there was something beyond which I didn't understand because I am not married and never had a relationship in a conventional sense. I've had "encounters" and "dates" they were both good and bad. I have memories from them which I cherish. I've had friends good and bad as well. I do not hate anyone or dislike anything- I forgive and move on because I get to learn from everything. After all a situation is good or bad depending on how we perceive it.
You'll find someone and you will both want to spend every waking minute together. Eventually you'll make longer term plans and financial commitments, at that point you may decide to show that commitment through marriage - you don't have to and many people have perfectly happy long relationships without marriage.
Love always comes around when you're not looking for it in my experience. Enjoy yourself and one day you'll just get hit by Cupid
Yeah, you may be totally right bro. I am open-minded and still learning-who knows how life will unfold.
edited- to add a comma1 -
I'll put myself out there, just this time with a more real answer.
Because I loved him. Because I believed in a future with him. Because I believed all the good things he said to me and big plans he wanted for us.
I realized after all was said and done, and when I finally was really honest with myself that love shouldn't make you hate yourself or feel like *kitten* most of the time.
That just because you loved them, it doesn't mean they're good for you.8 -
I'll put myself out there, just this time with a more real answer.
Because I loved him. Because I believed in a future with him. Because I believed all the good things he said to me and big plans he wanted for us.
I realized after all was said and done, and when I finally was really honest with myself that love shouldn't make you hate yourself or feel like *kitten* most of the time.
That just because you loved them, it doesn't mean they're good for you.
Sounds like my ex. 5 years post divorce and he's still a narchole to me and our kids.2 -
I'll put myself out there, just this time with a more real answer.
Because I loved him. Because I believed in a future with him. Because I believed all the good things he said to me and big plans he wanted for us.
I realized after all was said and done, and when I finally was really honest with myself that love shouldn't make you hate yourself or feel like *kitten* most of the time.
That just because you loved them, it doesn't mean they're good for you.
This is so very true! So sorry that happened to you. We all deserve to be happy.2 -
To be useful. Thought I can help.
And I could indeed.1 -
I'll put myself out there, just this time with a more real answer.
Because I loved him. Because I believed in a future with him. Because I believed all the good things he said to me and big plans he wanted for us.
I realized after all was said and done, and when I finally was really honest with myself that love shouldn't make you hate yourself or feel like *kitten* most of the time.
That just because you loved them, it doesn't mean they're good for you.
Thanks for sharing.0 -
there was an awesome thread on this a few months back, but I think the OP was one of the people who deactivated a bit ago and had all their content deleted, I am not finding it
Anyone remembering the "should marriage go out of style" thread. was that the name of it?
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4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »there was an awesome thread on this a few months back, but I think the OP was one of the people who deactivated a bit ago and had all their content deleted, I am not finding it
Anyone remembering the "should marriage go out of style" thread. was that the name of it?
I vaguely remember it but not the exact name.0 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »there was an awesome thread on this a few months back, but I think the OP was one of the people who deactivated a bit ago and had all their content deleted, I am not finding it
Anyone remembering the "should marriage go out of style" thread. was that the name of it?
I remember this thread and I think this is the name or very close to it. If my memory serves me correctly it was created by @Ilovetrees145.0
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