The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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Good morning friends! This weekend we are going out to a nice restaurant with another couple. This is my friend who first took me to AA a month ago. I was also reflecting how the waiter will probably get disappointed, because the four of us won't be drinkng but I guess that's how it goes. (My husband may have some wine.)
I also remember back three years ago going to this restaurant, and I drank three lemon drop martinis that were huge. Guess what ? I had to throw up on the side of the road on the way home. My husband was driving, and I was so embarrassed. Bad memory- but I'll replace it with a good memory tomorrow.15 -
@RubyRed427 Don't worry about the server. When I was a server only about half the people drank. I honestly did not care or notice. Plus nowadays people are more conscious about alcohol (driving drunk etc). Aren't you happy you will replace that bad memory with a much better one?! Have fun!5
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I'm going on a beach vacation with the family (my husband, daughter, son-in-law, 2 grand daughters) tomorrow and I am SO looking forward to doing this sober!!! My daughter and SIL can go out partying with the knowledge and trust that Granny will take good care of their sweet babies. Looking forward to watching the sunrise and feeling great the entire time.12
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Thanks everyone for the welcome!
@joha5603, I've always been a big time beer girl. Once I discovered craft beer, it was all down hill from there. I successfully gained 40 pounds in the past 2.5 years as a result...lol. I will admit, weight loss and feeling better in general is my impetus for exploring an AF lifestyle. I've had my "problem drinking" phases throughout my adulthood, I currently don't feel that I'm in one of those phases, but for some reason I just really feel the need to experience life in complete control. I'm kind of the same mind set, not sure if this is forever, but it's sure worth a try.6 -
Dang! aren't we a bunch of early birds?
@Orphia ... I've noticed that too! On social media, so many drinks in hand, so many pictures of JUST DRINKS. Weird.
@lorrainequiche59 ... Sadly, I've not seen my social circle as much as I used to, but much of that is by choice (too busy and not interested in the drunken silliness). We are, however, all still friends and supportive of one another, but our socializing has shifted and I think for the better. I don't think it's necessarily the drinking but more of an age thing for us: we are all busy mamas these days, professionals, and juggling a lot. HOWEVER, I have also enhanced my sober social skills by joining 2 hiking clubs and a running buddy and focusing on socializing that is health-focused. I'm lucky enough to live in a gorgeous part of CA, (altho' the smoke has put a damper on August), but still... finding outdoor activities is easy here. So, that's how I'm handling it.5 -
Happy Friday all!3
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I read this on the Alcohol Experiment Website this morning. The words are not mine but I love the message:
I have been AF for 140 days give or take a few. One of the most eye opening and freeing realizations has been that, the "I need a drink" feeling that would hit me every. single. day, at different times and in various circumstances, was really just life or my body trying to communicate something to me like: You need more water, You need to eat a big healthy green salad, Kid # 4 needs a hug, Kid # 2 needs you to have a conversation with her, You need to take a nap, You need to exercise, You need to address that 'to do' list, You and hubby need a night out, you need to stop thinking about yourself and do something kind for someone else. You need to call your mother!
I certainly did not need a shot of poison! That 'I need a drink' feeling is a lie that I had allowed to overshadow every other real need in my life. It was an excuse to not deal with life. Now when 'that' feeling hits, I take a moment and analyze exactly what is going on around me and within me and figure out what I really need. It is definitely NOT "I need a drink!"
Hi! Great to read this! I so can relate. Last day of work was yesterday for 3 weeks. For the newcomers, btw, welcome, glad you are here. I am almost 7 months without a drink!! Anyways after work, which has been horrid most of the time, for about 10 months now, I thought I would like a drink. The clients that I have now have driven me fricken out of my mind, Dad died in May, his would have been birthday this week etc. So I reasoned it out again. No drink. Do I really want to sleep my vacation away and have nothing to show for it?? Do I want to gain weight as with drinking the diet pretty much goes out the window as with exercise. Do I want to give up how happy and overall calmer that I have been? Do I want to look sickly again. Even throwing up in the morning, rooting around where I left the last bottle? Fo I want to spend time getting rid of all the evidence etc etc. I wasn't always like that either. As the problems kept coming, so the drinking increased. Then I drank for every reason there was. I told myself that I am beyond exhaustion, I will look for new work, I need to drink water, feel free to do what I want, drink my water when I want, too, get a lunch break, process Dad leaving and do nothing for a change. That is more like it. Thanks for listening. Maybe it can help you in some way.8 -
Dang! aren't we a bunch of early birds?
@Orphia ... I've noticed that too! On social media, so many drinks in hand, so many pictures of JUST DRINKS. Weird.
@lorrainequiche59 ... Sadly, I've not seen my social circle as much as I used to, but much of that is by choice (too busy and not interested in the drunken silliness). We are, however, all still friends and supportive of one another, but our socializing has shifted and I think for the better. I don't think it's necessarily the drinking but more of an age thing for us: we are all busy mamas these days, professionals, and juggling a lot. HOWEVER, I have also enhanced my sober social skills by joining 2 hiking clubs and a running buddy and focusing on socializing that is health-focused. I'm lucky enough to live in a gorgeous part of CA, (altho' the smoke has put a damper on August), but still... finding outdoor activities is easy here. So, that's how I'm handling it.
I have had more time on my hands as well, so I am thinking of signing up for a weekly exercise class to go with my weekly painting class. I also notice that on a Friday night like this, I have gotten a lot accomplished: went jogging/walking for 40 min in the woods nearby, grabbed a bite to eat with husband and daughter, read the newspaper, cooked dinner for my son who got home late from work, and more. If it were a “typical” Friday night from a year ago, I would have hit a happy hour with friends and then came home and kept pouring drinks and going to bed early because I would be exhausted.
I’m happy you joined the hiking clubs and are enjoying your environment around you in CA. Cheers!7 -
salleewins wrote: »I read this on the Alcohol Experiment Website this morning. The words are not mine but I love the message:
I have been AF for 140 days give or take a few. One of the most eye opening and freeing realizations has been that, the "I need a drink" feeling that would hit me every. single. day, at different times and in various circumstances, was really just life or my body trying to communicate something to me like: You need more water, You need to eat a big healthy green salad, Kid # 4 needs a hug, Kid # 2 needs you to have a conversation with her, You need to take a nap, You need to exercise, You need to address that 'to do' list, You and hubby need a night out, you need to stop thinking about yourself and do something kind for someone else. You need to call your mother!
I certainly did not need a shot of poison! That 'I need a drink' feeling is a lie that I had allowed to overshadow every other real need in my life. It was an excuse to not deal with life. Now when 'that' feeling hits, I take a moment and analyze exactly what is going on around me and within me and figure out what I really need. It is definitely NOT "I need a drink!"
Hi! Great to read this! I so can relate. Last day of work was yesterday for 3 weeks. For the newcomers, btw, welcome, glad you are here. I am almost 7 months without a drink!! Anyways after work, which has been horrid most of the time, for about 10 months now, I thought I would like a drink. The clients that I have now have driven me fricken out of my mind, Dad died in May, his would have been birthday this week etc. So I reasoned it out again. No drink. Do I really want to sleep my vacation away and have nothing to show for it?? Do I want to gain weight as with drinking the diet pretty much goes out the window as with exercise. Do I want to give up how happy and overall calmer that I have been? Do I want to look sickly again. Even throwing up in the morning, rooting around where I left the last bottle? Fo I want to spend time getting rid of all the evidence etc etc. I wasn't always like that either. As the problems kept coming, so the drinking increased. Then I drank for every reason there was. I told myself that I am beyond exhaustion, I will look for new work, I need to drink water, feel free to do what I want, drink my water when I want, too, get a lunch break, process Dad leaving and do nothing for a change. That is more like it. Thanks for listening. Maybe it can help you in some way.
Great post! You are inspiring. And I love how you share your thoughts- sorry about Dad’s passing. Xo3 -
@JenT304 Have a GREAT vacation with your Fam & tons of fun with your grandbabies...I love being a Granny!! I get to be with my youngest (10 yr old) grandson this weekend for a folk festival in a neighboring city. So much more enjoyment being sober to actually engage in stuff instead of being preoccupied with drinking.
@joha5603 I really like your way of dealing with socializing by focusing on healthy activities. I need to get more active. My job is relatively physical, but apparently your body gets used to the movement so it's important to change it up. That is really where I need to progress. Just even walking. Anyway, sounds like you have a good grip.
@RubyRed427 Have fun making good memories on your night out!!
@whitpauly Happy Friday (almost over LOL)
Hope everyone has a great weekend!!
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I am back to teaching and sat with my best friend at lunch; she and I discussed that I quit drinking. She is supportive but also reflective. She said to me “you know, you didnt always get drunk when we went out. Sometimes, you only had two and we went home fine.” I said yes that may be true but the point of me quitting is that MOST of the time I did get drunk, and I typically had a viscous hangover the next day.
But I do get where she’s coming from. I think both of us are thinking to ourselves “we sure had some fun times and adventures when we went out”. And that was true! Some funny , happy memories were made. But I don’t kid myself, there were some bad memories too. Too bad drinking couldn't have stayed fun. It become an albatross around my neck. I do sometimes mourn the loss of my pal “alcohol” , but I also know that I was tempting fate if I would have continued drinking. And I needed to quit while I was ahead... still healthy, no huge disruption on my family, didnt hurt anyone, etc. Thanks for listening. Tonight is one of those nights, I’m feeling a little lost.
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@salleewins We must have been posting at the same time cause as I posted mine, I noticed you & Julie had commented....Sorry about your Dad...dates definitely trigger the loss. I like your reasoning process working through the consequences of drinking & think you covered all the bases. 7 months is fantastic & to go back to that monkey on your back....NOT worth it as you concluded!! I'm sending you a hug 4
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Hey there! I use to drink daily from morning to night time.. one day after drinking so much on my 23rd bday I woke up with so much pain and then went to the hospital and was told I have a damaged liver so since the day after I haven’t drank at all! I’m going to be 25 in dec so that will be two years without alcohol and lemme tell ya.. I think bout it constantly and I’m surrounded by it and all I wanna do is pick up a nice cold beer and enjoy these hot summer days it’s been a rough year and 8 months but I’m hanging in there 🙄😭13
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And I needed to quit while I was ahead... still healthy, no huge disruption on my family, didn't hurt anyone, etc. Thanks for listening. Tonight is one of those nights, I’m feeling a little lost.
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I'm new to this and don't know how the quote function works so forgive me if I screw it up... Yes, same for me. Most of the time, no problem (I think this is called "maintenance drinking" , then about once a week, tie one on and go big... before you know it, hangovers on a Tuesday. NOT COOL. And me too... no DUI, never hurt anyone (except myself), and I drove drunk at least 3 times with my kids in the car. I had a feeling my luck was running out and SOON I'd probably hurt somebody, so I said STOP. I don't know how long my STOP with last, but it's what I need for now. I've heard (from AA) that it can be harder for folks like us b/c we didn't have a big traumatic event that has triggered out desire to quit, just an awakening.
Dont feel lost, @RubyRed427 ... we're in it together.
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talialovely wrote: »Hey there! I use to drink daily from morning to night time.. one day after drinking so much on my 23rd bday I woke up with so much pain and then went to the hospital and was told I have a damaged liver so since the day after I haven’t drank at all! I’m going to be 25 in dec so that will be two years without alcohol and lemme tell ya.. I think bout it constantly and I’m surrounded by it and all I wanna do is pick up a nice cold beer and enjoy these hot summer days it’s been a rough year and 8 months but I’m hanging in there 🙄😭
You are so strong and determined. So proud of you! Keep it up and when you miss it just think in small terms, “just for today I wont drink. “. Hang in there! You are amazing!1 -
talialovely wrote: »Hey there! I use to drink daily from morning to night time.. one day after drinking so much on my 23rd bday I woke up with so much pain and then went to the hospital and was told I have a damaged liver so since the day after I haven’t drank at all! I’m going to be 25 in dec so that will be two years without alcohol and lemme tell ya.. I think bout it constantly and I’m surrounded by it and all I wanna do is pick up a nice cold beer and enjoy these hot summer days it’s been a rough year and 8 months but I’m hanging in there 🙄😭
@talialovely
Wow, that sounds really tough!
But liver failure would be even tougher!
And do you think you were drinking to avoid responsibilities, or avoid social stress?
I've learned that the problems look even worse when you can't think clearly from drinking.2 -
To everyone here I understand that this is a personal problem and journey I am 70 years old and so most of the people I associate with who are AF are older and have been AF longer and most relate a common trend. We don’t think about alcohol at all anymore. We go out in mixed groups some including my wife still enjoy wine at dinner, a lot don’t. We don’t alter our social life except I am generally the driver for one of the cars in our group.
The biggest change I remember when we have good times before I was told that we had good times.
For me the journey has so many more benefits than regrets
My liver enzymes have returned to normal my BP is now normal with out meds my resting pulse is now in the 40s not the 80s and the Drs who told me my life expectancy was approaching zero if I kept drinking now tells me I am in the top 10% for fitness for my age. Oh and I lost over 175 pounds
I am a new person11 -
Sorry I hit post prematurely
I wanted to finish by saying as hard as it may be now it improves and becomes more manageable and the remarkable changes in your life will reinforce your choice daily7 -
And I needed to quit while I was ahead... still healthy, no huge disruption on my family, didn't hurt anyone, etc. Thanks for listening. Tonight is one of those nights, I’m feeling a little lost.
I'm new to this and don't know how the quote function works so forgive me if I screw it up... Yes, same for me. Most of the time, no problem (I think this is called "maintenance drinking" , then about once a week, tie one on and go big... before you know it, hangovers on a Tuesday. NOT COOL. And me too... no DUI, never hurt anyone (except myself), and I drove drunk at least 3 times with my kids in the car. I had a feeling my luck was running out and SOON I'd probably hurt somebody, so I said STOP. I don't know how long my STOP with last, but it's what I need for now. I've heard (from AA) that it can be harder for folks like us b/c we didn't have a big traumatic event that has triggered out desire to quit, just an awakening.
Dont feel lost, @RubyRed427 ... we're in it together.
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You're forgiven about the quote thing. I had the same issue & was helped by someone here, so it's my turn. It appears that you deleted the quote indicator (in brackets) at the beginning along with whatever else of the quote you meant to delete. Easy enough done. So as long as you stay within the 'quote' in brackets at the beginning & the end of the quote, you can delete whatever within that, just don't delete THAT.
As for your response to @joha5603 that was my experience also this last time...no major screw up in my life, in fact most around me would assure me that I didn't have a problem...of course some of those have their own so not exactly able to judge mine too accurately. Anyway, I too drove drunk (that's the first time I've actually said "drove drunk" usually i'd say I had too much to drink AND drove, like somehow that sounds better LOL) and with my grandkids in the car a few times when I was DUI worthy, not "drunk" but had I gotten pulled over I would have gotten a DUI, arrested, hauled to jail, court, lost my business because I need my vehicle to work, the fine & lawyer fees $20,000 + & on & on & on!! OR WORSE crashed & hurt or killed someone.....eeek!! Hard to even think about that. Just shaking my head!!!!
SO, I started drinking home alone more & it's SO much easier to fool yourself than a room full of people. I'm rambling now....Anyway, my brother recently asked me if my reason for quitting was consequence driven & I was able to let him know I have a problem & realized it's time to STOP before there are any serious consequences that would haunt me for many days to come. Not how I want to spend my future!!! Like you said, "I needed to quit while I was ahead." And am SO thankful I had my "awakening."
OMG as I'm previewing my lengthy rant, I noticed that my quote thing doesn't look quite right...and I'm not going to try to fix it cause I may just mess it up more....How the H..E..double hockey sticks I messed that up, I have no idea....If anyone actually KNOWS what they're doing please advise.
Oh BTW @joha5603, I'm a self-professed Techno-tard so I'm warning you now. Anyway, in theory what I said works, but.....I have many OTHER redeeming qualities LOL 4 -
ME AGAIN!! I'm having a weird morning in true Techno-tard form. I've just lost 2 posts somehow. A reply to @talialovely earlier. Please check out Craig Beck or Annie Grace's videos. You're courage & strength is evident in your ability to stop drinking, yet it seems that you're white-knuckling it a bit when you say, "I just want to pick up a nice cold beer & enjoy the hot summer days." There's a lot of support online to make it easier to continue AF. I hope you are able to get some useful information that will help you continue your journey & focus on the benefits rather than on how much you're feel you're missing. AND @joha5603 I realized after I hit "post" that you were responding to @RubyRed427 so I kinda misquoted....
Has this happened to anyone else or is it JUST ME!! LOL I'm thinking the latter If I hit post this time and see the blurbs I think I've lost, I'm going to commit myself!! 
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I am a new person
This is my goal!! What an inspiration you are! I really feel a determination this round that I never had before in any of my other attempts, but I never had the goal of stopping for good. It was always with the goal of drinking "moderately next time." OH & proving if I could quit for a bit, I didn't have a problem. I was proved wrong!!
Anyway, your experience is such a benefit on this thread & I'm so glad that you share your insights with us.
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talialovely wrote: »I think bout it constantly and I’m surrounded by it and all I wanna do is pick up a nice cold beer and enjoy these hot summer days it’s been a rough year and 8 months but I’m hanging in there 🙄😭
That must be so hard! I would not have been able to make it as long as you have if I were thinking about alcohol constantly. You must have an iron will! May I suggest books by Annie Grace, Jason Vale, and Allen Carr? All three of these writers emphasize the JOY of going alcohol free. It was only after reading all of them that it finally "clicked" for me, and somehow my mind shifted from seeing alcohol as something precious that I lost to seeing it as a prison I escaped from. Once my mind shifted from "I'm depressed that I can't drink" to "I'm so happy I don't have to drink," my relationship to alcohol changed. I feel stupid giving you any advice at all because I've only been AF for 27 days, and you have been AF for almost 2 years, so forgive me if I seem to be overstepping. It's just that one mental piece that I'm commenting on. It would be so nice for you to feel freedom rather than white-knuckling it.3 -
Great posts by everyone! Thank you I've been at this whole trying to quit for good for awhile now so I know at this point it's all a mental game and how you think really effects how you stay sober or choose to drink,,some days it's easy,some days are atrocious! Have a great day all 3
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Hope your day is better today Ruby Red. It will come together more and more for you.2
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talialovely wrote: »Hey there! I use to drink daily from morning to night time.. one day after drinking so much on my 23rd bday I woke up with so much pain and then went to the hospital and was told I have a damaged liver so since the day after I haven’t drank at all! I’m going to be 25 in dec so that will be two years without alcohol and lemme tell ya.. I think bout it constantly and I’m surrounded by it and all I wanna do is pick up a nice cold beer and enjoy these hot summer days it’s been a rough year and 8 months but I’m hanging in there 🙄😭
@talialovely
Wow, that sounds really tough!
But liver failure would be even tougher!
And do you think you were drinking to avoid responsibilities, or avoid social stress?
I've learned that the problems look even worse when you can't think clearly from drinking.talialovely wrote: »Hey there! I use to drink daily from morning to night time.. one day after drinking so much on my 23rd bday I woke up with so much pain and then went to the hospital and was told I have a damaged liver so since the day after I haven’t drank at all! I’m going to be 25 in dec so that will be two years without alcohol and lemme tell ya.. I think bout it constantly and I’m surrounded by it and all I wanna do is pick up a nice cold beer and enjoy these hot summer days it’s been a rough year and 8 months but I’m hanging in there 🙄😭
@talialovely
Wow, that sounds really tough!
But liver failure would be even tougher!
And do you think you were drinking to avoid responsibilities, or avoid social stress?
I've learned that the problems look even worse when you can't think clearly from drinking.
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I think it was a huge part of my depression.. my mom had just been diagnosed with cancer around my 23rd so I went all out! Before then I always drank a reasonable amount!3
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talialovely wrote: »I think it was a huge part of my depression.. my mom had just been diagnosed with cancer around my 23rd so I went all out! Before then I always drank a reasonable amount!
Yes I can understand how such a trauma can affect you. It was a trigger.0 -
My resting pulse is now in the 50s. Almost 7 mo. AF and exercising regularly. Wonder what it would be without caffeine? I don't think it has ever been in the 50s.3
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salleewins wrote: »My resting pulse is now in the 50s. Almost 7 mo. AF and exercising regularly. Wonder what it would be without caffeine? I don't think it has ever been in the 50s.
We quit at the same time.
Mine was 49 before I quit, and it still is, but I've been exercising regularly for 3 and a half years.
But interesting you should say that about caffeine. I've recently cut back from 5 coffees a day to 3, just in the past week.
I'll have to check on my RHR and maybe try and drink even less coffee. Had a look just now and it could have gone down, but it might still be too soon to tell for certain, plus a 30 km run on Friday has skewed the past few days.2 -
My dad got sick and passed away (prior to that I helped him with his chemo for 5 months), I told my husband I wanted a divorce, then I bought a house and we began living in separate households (along with our two lovely children, under 10), all within a 6 month period. Yeah... you think I had reason to drink !?!?!??? Ha ha! I never would have said it at the time, however. If you'd asked me than I would've said I was doing just fine b/c I was still going to work, holding it together, swimming 3-4 days/wk and recently took up running. Sure, I was FINE. Lol.
Needless to say, I'm doing much better now. 4
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