The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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@lorrainequiche59, your "rant" makes perfect sense to me. I'm coming to similar realizations. Here's an example: Yesterday while working out, I said to my trainer (who has also become a friend with whom I can joke and share fairly intimately), "I haven't had any alcohol for 21 days." He replied, "I haven't had any alcohol for 58 years" (his age; he's never even tasted alcohol). I said, "And this time, I'm finally getting to the place where I don't even think about alcohol for a whole day!" He said, "I haven't thought about alcohol for a whole lifetime!"
OK. I know he was joking around . . . but I felt so dismissed and not validated by a person who is supposedly working to help me get to ultimate health. It just niggled at first, but as the day went on, it started to make me a bit angry and upset. My "normal" response would be to have some wine and forget about it . . . but probably continue to resent him a little . . . until that resentment was triggered by maybe another insensitive thing . . . followed by either blowing up and bringing up yesterday's situation or, more likely, more wine and growing resentment.
This morning while walking, I thought, "What a concept! I'm going to be direct and clear with him." Tomorrow at our workout, I'm going to say, "Elmer (not his real name), you hurt my feelings Tuesday, and I want to tell you about it so it doesn't become a thing between us and lead to unnecessary resentment." Then I'm going to tell him about it. And I know him well enough to know he will say, "Oh, geez, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking." End of story, and maybe a bit of insight for him, who has never had a drink, about how important this is to someone who has had a drinking issue.
This kind of honesty and directness would NEVER happen if I were using alcohol to cope. I know this is a little thing, but it's a start. I consider it a gift of AF living.7 -
I went to an Alanon meeting the other day because a friend who is in AA invited me (his wife was in alanon and the lead speaker ). Anyway , it was good to hear from a speaker who lived with an alcoholic. But it had a different dynamic there than an AAmeeting . I haven't been to that many AA meetings due to time, but when I'm there I feel relief. Because I know they every person there know precisely how I feel and mourn the loss of drinkng (initially).
I think a non drinker (like Dominfp's trainer ) can't understand that we depended on alcohol
To cope with life.- good and bad. It was a daily presence.
I'm on day 30 AF so it's still
Like an open wound for me that is healing.Like my therapist said "it was the love of your life and best friend you turned to ". I'm so thankful this thread because I know some of you are in the same boat and must stop drinking, and can relate to my mood swings and depression. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs with me; I know I'm
Not alone feeling angry or depressed at times. Love you all!7 -
So glad to have found this thread. I’m new around here and am at the beginning stages of my journey. Atleast once a month I say “ok no more alcohol that’s it.” Then the weekend comes and bam, I’m slouched over the toilet after having one too many beers and feeling like a failure the next morning. I also think alcohol is the blame for awful anxiety attacks that I’ve never had before until this year. They are specially bad during hangovers. It sucks but for some reason I do it all over again. I have tried cutting back, but like others in this thread have said, I can’t have just one. So it’s better to just avoid it. One of the problems also is my family loves alcohol. Anytime I visit them or go out somewhere with them, I get pressured into drinking. Or I watch them all having fun and feel left out. Another thing is I also feel like I’m a very boring person, and alcohol makes me more interesting. As weird as that’s sounds...
Lately tho, exercise has been keeping me preoccupied a lot. I’ve been doing kick boxing and it’s and excellent stress releaver to replace stress drinking. And counting calories has also made me stop and think before having a beer. I think to myself “all that hard work you just did and you want to throw it away with a drink?” It’s slowly helping. I drank too much this weekend so I’m back to the start. This time I’m determined, for my health and well-being. I won’t let others pressure me and I won’t give up.9 -
I've found i need to be particular to which al anon meetings i attend. i have found good ones but they too need to work they steps and not just whine. whine to your sponsor. get a sponsor. get some desperation.
how many temporary insanity inmates were in need of a 12 step program?
Chris R used to say that a meeting should be a pep rally. i'm having issues with that locally so i just listen to speaker tapes on the Tube1 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »I went to an Alanon meeting the other day because a friend who is in AA invited me (his wife was in alanon and the lead speaker ). Anyway , it was good to hear from a speaker who lived with an alcoholic. But it had a different dynamic there than an AAmeeting . I haven't been to that many AA meetings due to time, but when I'm there I feel relief. Because I know they every person there know precisely how I feel and mourn the loss of drinkng (initially).
I think a non drinker (like Dominfp's trainer ) can't understand that we depended on alcohol
To cope with life.- good and bad. It was a daily presence.
I'm on day 30 AF so it's still
Like an open wound for me that is healing.Like my therapist said "it was the love of your life and best friend you turned to ". I'm so thankful this thread because I know some of you are in the same boat and must stop drinking, and can relate to my mood swings and depression. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs with me; I know I'm
Not alone feeling angry or depressed at times. Love you all!
Happy 30 days Julie. In the beginning of my sobriety I mourned alcohol so much. Then one day the switch hit that really alcohol wasn't my friend... It was my master and I was it's slave. That's when the sadness and missing of my "friend" started to go away.
I hope you can get to more meetings and get to work in the steps. HUGS friend. Super proud of you for the last 30 days, that is no small task5 -
@Kenni94 Ditto for me. I work out, watch what I eat during the week only to destroy any gains over the weekend. Then that piles up.. Similar challenge with friends all pretty much heavy drinkers (by my standards). I've tried, but really didn't have any support to really succeed. Hoping that this works for me, I am just over it.. No desire as NOTHING good comes of it. Only thing in my yetti is water & ice!
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@xrsize4dad Yes! It’s so hard to stay focused when those around you don’t take your struggle seriously. And I agree, absolutely nothing good comes from alcohol. So why do we do it?! I hope you achieve your goal, I believe in you (:4
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@tifano, that mindset is what is helping me so much. Allen Carr makes a distinction between the "little monster" and the "big monster." The "little monster," he says, is those brief cravings/temptations and fairly easy to tame. The "big monster" is the lie that alcohol provides pleasure and support. Defeating that monster and truly internalizing the truth that the so-called "pleasure and support" are lies, and that alcohol actually creates misery, is the most important goal. This idea has helped me realize that when the little monster rears its little head, it doesn't have much power if I remind myself that alcohol is such a negative thing and definitely not worth giving into the cravings for. It would be like returning to prison "just this once." Why would I want to do that?7
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Congrats Julie on Day 30 AF!!! You Go Girl!
Hello & welcome to all the supportive newbies...this thread is AWESOME!!!
@donimfp describing alcohol as a monster & distinguishing between the little & big monster is an interesting depiction of the nature of the "beast" we are all trying to conquer. And giving into a craving once like returning to prison just once. EEEEK!! No thank you!
Also, ditto to the comments about alcohol sabotaging the efforts we make to shed weight. WE CAN DO THIS!! We ARE doing this!!!
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@amymoreorless I have learned I absolutely cannot moderate. I've been trying for years. I cannot have that first one. Alcohol wants more alcohol. At least you know you can quit....you did so for 7 months last year! Best of luck and we are here for you.
I can identify. The story is the same for many of us. That’s what makes groups like this so wonderful. We are not alone.3 -
Hello! I have been teetotaling for over two years (July was my 2 year anniversary)!! It’s been the best two years of my life and it has been so freeing and enjoyable. I had very painful hangovers and one of the best things in the world is knowing that I will never feel like that again when I wake up. I love to run/hike/swim/camp/flyfish/yoga/do anything and everything with my two dogs and husband etc. I still battle with lots of regret and shame from the days when I used to binge drink-but I try to remind myself that I can’t change what happened! I hope you are all enjoying your sobriety as much as I am
!! 11 -
So glad to have found this thread. I’m new around here and am at the beginning stages of my journey. Atleast once a month I say “ok no more alcohol that’s it.” Then the weekend comes and bam, I’m slouched over the toilet after having one too many beers and feeling like a failure the next morning. I also think alcohol is the blame for awful anxiety attacks that I’ve never had before until this year. They are specially bad during hangovers. It sucks but for some reason I do it all over again. I have tried cutting back, but like others in this thread have said, I can’t have just one. So it’s better to just avoid it. One of the problems also is my family loves alcohol. Anytime I visit them or go out somewhere with them, I get pressured into drinking. Or I watch them all having fun and feel left out. Another thing is I also feel like I’m a very boring person, and alcohol makes me more interesting. As weird as that’s sounds...
I used to get THE WORST anxiety attacks with hangovers. The last one, the one that finally sunk in for me... was when I had to take an anti-anxiety pill for the anxiety that was caused by alcohol... and I thought "what's next? This is a slippery slope." I would blackout and I got THE WORST hangovers (barfing and trying to sleep it off), and eventually it got to about 2-4 times a month, and it sure was dangerous. I took my until I was 42 to figure out that I was simply a terrible drinker... and that I'd been trying to "do better next time" (ie drink in moderation) since I first started drinking in my late teens. I hope you figure it out sooner than I did! LISTEN TO THOSE TINY VOICES INSIDE OF YOU -- they know what's best. Big hugs to you!
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@joha5603 I wish I could have figured it out as soon as you did. I had a health issue when I was 60 before I figured out I had to quit or face the possibility of a stroke from extreme hypertension and sitting in the corner drooling 🤤 on myself
I made the switch when I was 26, but I managed to fit 60 years worth of stupidity into those short years
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😀I am only counting age years, 40 years of drinking. Besides I don’t remember half of what went on during the drinking years5
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great posts all my easy quit drinking app gave me a 1,000 hours sober badge today haha,that sounds pretty good
,in days I'm on day 50 yeah! 10 -
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,7 months today. What a huge difference in the person I am.12
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July 1 st 1990. I was sitting in a bar. I put down my beer and dropped my last cigarette in it. Quit both vices that day ... 28 years clean and sober. It took me a thousand tries. I'd be long dead if I hadn't stopped. It's never too late. I did it you can too people don't give up...please.15
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So glad to have found this thread. I’m new around here and am at the beginning stages of my journey. Atleast once a month I say “ok no more alcohol that’s it.” Then the weekend comes and bam, I’m slouched over the toilet after having one too many beers and feeling like a failure the next morning. I also think alcohol is the blame for awful anxiety attacks that I’ve never had before until this year. They are specially bad during hangovers. It sucks but for some reason I do it all over again. I have tried cutting back, but like others in this thread have said, I can’t have just one. So it’s better to just avoid it. One of the problems also is my family loves alcohol. Anytime I visit them or go out somewhere with them, I get pressured into drinking. Or I watch them all having fun and feel left out. Another thing is I also feel like I’m a very boring person, and alcohol makes me more interesting. As weird as that’s sounds...
I used to get THE WORST anxiety attacks with hangovers. The last one, the one that finally sunk in for me... was when I had to take an anti-anxiety pill for the anxiety that was caused by alcohol... and I thought "what's next? This is a slippery slope." I would blackout and I got THE WORST hangovers (barfing and trying to sleep it off), and eventually it got to about 2-4 times a month, and it sure was dangerous. I took my until I was 42 to figure out that I was simply a terrible drinker... and that I'd been trying to "do better next time" (ie drink in moderation) since I first started drinking in my late teens. I hope you figure it out sooner than I did! LISTEN TO THOSE TINY VOICES INSIDE OF YOU -- they know what's best. Big hugs to you!
Sounds exactly like me. The worst hangovers ever - and about a decade binging more (2 times a month) where I would throw up and spend the next day worth my body nauseous and quivering. That is a silver lining for sure not Having a hangover.
Last night , went to a concert downtown - beautiful clear night . Since I didn't drink, I enjoyed the band and music so much. I saw the line for beer was still active at the end of the show. I also saw a beautiful lady stumbling and her boyfriend extending his hand to help. And she would push it away. I woke up
After only five hours of sleep and am ready for work. Sober living is freedom.8 -
Hi everyone! This popped up in my side bar so I thought I'd pop in and say hi. I've been sober since 9/14/95. After I got sober, I struggled a lot with weight. Lost 100 pounds a few years back and kept it off, then overwork and a broken leg put some weight back on. I'm committed--down 16.8 pounds and 2.2% body fat since July 13. My goal is 27 more pounds off by my 50th birthday in December. With losing the weight, I never did hit my goal and want to do that now. If anyone has questions about dealing with sobriety, feel free, I'm here to help.11
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This was all over the news this morning. I'm sure the alcohol industry will try to dilute the findings.
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Hello, first time checking in, over from One Day at a Time. I'm happy to day I'm embarking on day 12! Haven't said that since February. My intention when I started was just to see if I could go 30 days (my last longest stretch was 28), but now I'm not certain I want to stop there. 30 days takes me to my 40th birthday, and I was planning to celebrate with all of the yummy fall beers I've been waiting all year for, but now I'm wondering if it's worth it. I feel so much better, like a fog has lifted. I'm sleeping through the night...no more abrupt 2am sweaty wake-ups for no reason. My 5am workouts, runs, and rides are considerably easier when I'm not nauseous and don't have a headache. I can remember conversations I've had with people again, and haven't had to hide any empty bottles for nearly two weeks! So I'm still just taking this new adventure a day at a time, but I think I like where I'm heading.9
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@JenT304 Thank you for that article...VERY interesting, but just more confirmation for what I already believe & YES someone who is raking in the big bucks from poisoning everyone will have some verbal poison to spew to keep the masses drinking!!
Interesting Annie Grace blurb on Day 15...I'm still playing catch up!! Anyway, she talks about cognativedissonance (or conflicted thinking about drinking-my definition btw) which is anxiety that results from holding beliefs that contradict each other eg Red wine is good for you vs alcohol is a toxin. The dissonance is incredibly painful so the brain looks at ways to ease the pain. How? By looking for confirmation one way or the other. She adds that sharing slogans such as, "Red wine is good for me" eases the conflict in our brain OR we may have funny plaques such as "A day without wine is...just kidding, I have NO idea" One of my faves used to be "TODAY I will live in the moment, unless it is unpleasant in which case I will drink some WINE!!" That was my mantra for a long time. The behavior makes us feel better because it's funny, But really what we're doing is admitting we're addicted, & it's contributing to us feeling WEAK because we're confirming that we're are addicted. I can SO relate to this!!!!!! I developed an expression that I repeated every time something or someone stressed me out, "You're/it's driving me to drink." Never in a million years would I view that as actually blaming stress for my drinking, but it is the same idea...now I think it was just another slogan I used to justify my drinking
Anyway, the point is this: One of my 1st major steps in committing to being AF was pouring all my liquor down the sink awhile back & the next was re-gifting a bottle of champagne which I shared with y'all...NOW, I am unloading all my wine paraphernalia (and YES, it's spelled that way cause I had to look it up LOL) So my cute funny signs that enabled me to feel ok about my addiction & at the same time was making a BLATANT confirmation of my addiction, are being gifted to my former drinking buds...all my winestopper collection etc some of which are beautiful!!...the ONLY thing I am keeping is most of my wineglasses...Most were gifts & are not only like beautiful pieces of art, but have a sentimental attachment. I figure I can drink my fave NA mocktails from a Fancy Schmantzy (YES, that's spelled correctly cause I said) glass as well as I can from a Plain Jane one.
This may not seem like a big step to anyone else, but it definitely is for me because when I think about gifting these things, there is a pull inside me to hang on to them....what is with THAT?? SO, they MUST GO!! Anyhoo, it's the same tug I felt when I thought about pouring the booze down my drain & re-gifting the other booze...AFTERWARD though it was freeing!! And I'm all about freedom from being chained to the "monster." WOO HOO!! Day 84, hour10, according to my not-drinking app, but who's counting LOL...
Hope everyone has a great weekend & stays free 8 -
Welcome @veganlad and anyone else new I may have missed while I am on vacation! We are happy to have you and your voices here! Please feel free to give us tips and feedback. We are a non judgmental and supportive group, striving for AF living.2
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Hope everyone has a great and AF weekend!5
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Great thread name JenT. And I see many familiar faces on here. Think I will follow along for added support.5
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Just wanted to relate a short story since so many of us are so aware of how much better we are feeling. This past winter I came down with a flu or virus bug. The room was spinning my body ached like I was hit with a bat and thrown down the stairs and I was weak to the point standing was a chore. It was a realization that this felt just like the hundreds of hangovers I had suffered thru in my 40 years of drinking. The relief that I wouldn't ever do this to myself again, and intentionally cause this was wonderful beyond words.
There are so many benefits I enjoy being AF and so I want to encourage and support all of you to continue your journey in an AF world7 -
I made delicious Chicken Marsala last night. It didn't even occur to me until I was well into it that Marsala is wine (duh). I went ahead with it. The Marsala cooks out--at least the alcohol does--so I enjoyed as usual. I'm thinking this is fine, but I believe my friend who is in AA avoids even foods where wine is used to deglaze the pan or whatever. I'm still considering myself AF even though I used Marsala in the process. I hope that's not a problem. I certainly didn't feel that it was. I mean, technically vanilla extract has a little alcohol in it, right?
I was counting my AF days from July 23, but then I realized I had a few sips of [others'] drinks at some point between then and Aug. 1, so now I'm "re-counting" from August 1 because I absolutely haven't had any alcohol since then. So today is Day 25, and I sure don't want to have to start over because of Chicken Marsala. I think maybe I'm being too Puritanical in my thinking, but I don't want to be naive.4
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