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I’m down 90lbs and I’ve never been more miserable

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  • Running_and_CoffeeRunning_and_Coffee Member Posts: 811 Member Member Posts: 811 Member
    You have so much stress and so little sleep....that is a lot to shoulder! Did you used to eat for comfort (“stress eat”) and now you don’t have a physical relief from the stress in your life?
  • ErnestineBorgnineErnestineBorgnine Member, Premium Posts: 15 Member Member, Premium Posts: 15 Member
    I’m a fulltime carer, too, and it can be very isolating. It’s also hard not having local support. If you’re ever interested, we could talk via Skype. Obviously I can’t take the day to day load off, but maybe talking with someone in a similar position could help with a bit of the emotional load.
  • ahoy_m8ahoy_m8 Member Posts: 2,500 Member Member Posts: 2,500 Member

    Since I was in my early twenties. My insomnia is nothing new. It’s just getting WORSE. I’ve been on all different types of sleep meds throughout the years. I’m currently on restoril and it’s a real hit or miss. There’s one sleeping pill I wish I could try, but my insurance doesn’t cover it and it’s too expensive to pay out of pocket. My insurance doesn’t cover many sleeping pills.

    Restoril worked wonders for me. I’m sorry it’s hit or miss for you. I understand the bit about sleeping with your ears on alert. That’s really hard. How does your night go when you’re not “on duty” with your mom? Does getting a break from night care giving give you relief?

  • bootyrubsandtacosbootyrubsandtacos Member Posts: 775 Member Member Posts: 775 Member
    ahoy_m8 wrote: »

    Since I was in my early twenties. My insomnia is nothing new. It’s just getting WORSE. I’ve been on all different types of sleep meds throughout the years. I’m currently on restoril and it’s a real hit or miss. There’s one sleeping pill I wish I could try, but my insurance doesn’t cover it and it’s too expensive to pay out of pocket. My insurance doesn’t cover many sleeping pills.

    Restoril worked wonders for me. I’m sorry it’s hit or miss for you. I understand the bit about sleeping with your ears on alert. That’s really hard. How does your night go when you’re not “on duty” with your mom? Does getting a break from night care giving give you relief?

    I’m never not on duty 😩 I take care of her alone. I don’t have any family or close family friends to help out. I don’t get sleepy like “normal” people do. It’s like my brain is programmed to get up every few hours to check on her. The mornings are the worst. I hold my breath before I leave my room, because I’m anticipating finding her dead or collapsed on the floor. I get severe anxiety in the morning.
  • bootyrubsandtacosbootyrubsandtacos Member Posts: 775 Member Member Posts: 775 Member
    I’m a fulltime carer, too, and it can be very isolating. It’s also hard not having local support. If you’re ever interested, we could talk via Skype. Obviously I can’t take the day to day load off, but maybe talking with someone in a similar position could help with a bit of the emotional load.

    I don’t have skype, but you can message me whenever you want.
  • kew1952kew1952 Member, Premium Posts: 53 Member Member, Premium Posts: 53 Member
    debtay123 wrote: »
    Will be praying for you- hold on- change has to be coming- so glad you are trying to help yourself by seeking therapy. Are you sure now is a good time to continue to try to lose weight- maybe you should take a diet break- and just care for your mom and do what you MUST- continue to seek help- You MATTER!!!!

    Thanks. I really appreciate that. My mom has been disabled for 10 years. I’ve been doing this for a loooooong time. She’s been having a lot of health problems recently, so the stress has been getting to me more then usual. I also have no real support system. I take care of her alone. It’s can get very overwhelming.

    Without a support system, it is understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed. You have a lot on your plate right now. Without knowing what your mom's current health issues are, are there any local support groups that you can turn to? Or maybe support through a church? It sounds like your mom is fortunate to have you caring for her. Lifting you up in prayer.
  • ErnestineBorgnineErnestineBorgnine Member, Premium Posts: 15 Member Member, Premium Posts: 15 Member
    I totally understand the “being on 24/7,” even when you’re “off.” There’s no off when you’re the sole caregiver. Do you have any local in-person-flesh & blood support?

    Someone up the thread mentioned respite care. Is it possible to take advantage of that, if only for a few hours?

    As far as weight loss goes, I’ve found it helpful to pack a lunchbox with a variety of different foods that I may or may not eat but it gives me healthy & tasty options if I can grab a bite between doing this, that, and the other thing. I prep it after my grandfather goes to bed at night and before I attempt to sleep.
  • LiveInLeggingsLiveInLeggings Member, Premium Posts: 222 Member Member, Premium Posts: 222 Member
    I was a caregiver for my Mom too, I totally understand. You need some time off, I hope you can get some help and take care of yourself.
  • pinuplovepinuplove Member Posts: 12,903 Member Member Posts: 12,903 Member
    Have you explored options for respite care or hospice in your area? It's possible the cost will be covered, depending on her condition. You NEED a break. This isn't just for funsies. Neither of you will be better off with you completely burned out.
  • kshama2001kshama2001 Member Posts: 24,911 Member Member Posts: 24,911 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    Have you explored options for respite care or hospice in your area? It's possible the cost will be covered, depending on her condition. You NEED a break. This isn't just for funsies. Neither of you will be better off with you completely burned out.

    Yes, before they went into nursing homes, my OH's parents got services from a local elder care service that were mostly covered by Medicare. His father was eligible for services for a few hours every day. It was less for his mother, but a big help to have someone come in several times per week to assist her in the shower, etc.
  • kshama2001kshama2001 Member Posts: 24,911 Member Member Posts: 24,911 Member
    lililomo wrote: »
    i'm sorry you're under such duress. i wonder if perhaps your doctor can order a full set of bloodwork to make sure that something else isn't awry? i was taking care of my dying mother when my children were toddlers, and was a complete wreck, so i completely understand what that is all about regarding caregiving. it sounds like you need a break in a few ways. my best wishes to you... and please keep us posted. we're rooting for you! <3

    I agree. I had low iron once which made everything feel terrible

    @bootyrubsandtacos have you had your iron levels tested? When my anemia gets out of control I have crippling fatigue and everything is terrible.
  • fitoverfortymomfitoverfortymom Member, Premium Posts: 3,453 Member Member, Premium Posts: 3,453 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    lililomo wrote: »
    i'm sorry you're under such duress. i wonder if perhaps your doctor can order a full set of bloodwork to make sure that something else isn't awry? i was taking care of my dying mother when my children were toddlers, and was a complete wreck, so i completely understand what that is all about regarding caregiving. it sounds like you need a break in a few ways. my best wishes to you... and please keep us posted. we're rooting for you! <3

    I agree. I had low iron once which made everything feel terrible

    @bootyrubsandtacos have you had your iron levels tested? When my anemia gets out of control I have crippling fatigue and everything is terrible.

    And also Vitamin D.
  • urloved33urloved33 Member Posts: 3,361 Member Member Posts: 3,361 Member
    TheHawk007 wrote: »
    Stay the course. Be strong.

    I agree w this!!!!

  • saragd012saragd012 Member Posts: 706 Member Member Posts: 706 Member
    I saw you mentioned you are confident that your meds are fine, but I've known a few people who struggled through major issues after drastic weight loss, because the dosage was no longer appropriate for their new bodyweight. If that's already been addressed with your doctors, disregard, just something to consider if you haven't already. Also, I find that my periods become far more frequent and more painful when my iron is low (or perhaps, my iron is low because my periods want to kill me, who's to say). It wouldn't hurt to get tested for iron and other vitamin/mineral deficiencies, but most of all you probably just need rest. Is there anyway you would be able to reach out to community volunteer organizations (or churches) that could offer some kind of assistance with your mother? You need to be able to take a break, you cant give someone/something your all when you've run completely empty. It's not selfish to ask for help.
  • bootyrubsandtacosbootyrubsandtacos Member Posts: 775 Member Member Posts: 775 Member
    kew1952 wrote: »
    debtay123 wrote: »
    Will be praying for you- hold on- change has to be coming- so glad you are trying to help yourself by seeking therapy. Are you sure now is a good time to continue to try to lose weight- maybe you should take a diet break- and just care for your mom and do what you MUST- continue to seek help- You MATTER!!!!

    Thanks. I really appreciate that. My mom has been disabled for 10 years. I’ve been doing this for a loooooong time. She’s been having a lot of health problems recently, so the stress has been getting to me more then usual. I also have no real support system. I take care of her alone. It’s can get very overwhelming.

    Without a support system, it is understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed. You have a lot on your plate right now. Without knowing what your mom's current health issues are, are there any local support groups that you can turn to? Or maybe support through a church? It sounds like your mom is fortunate to have you caring for her. Lifting you up in prayer.

    The place she goes to for water therapy has a caregiver support group. I’ve had the flier in my bag for weeks. I’ve just been hesitant to go. I’m worried about being judged. I went to a “support” group a few years back and I didn’t feel very welcomed.
    I totally understand the “being on 24/7,” even when you’re “off.” There’s no off when you’re the sole caregiver. Do you have any local in-person-flesh & blood support?


    Someone up the thread mentioned respite care. Is it possible to take advantage of that, if only for a few hours?

    As far as weight loss goes, I’ve found it helpful to pack a lunchbox with a variety of different foods that I may or may not eat but it gives me healthy & tasty options if I can grab a bite between doing this, that, and the other thing. I prep it after my grandfather goes to bed at night and before I attempt to sleep.

    My mom actually said that she would be willing to hire someone to come in a couple of times a week to help with chores. I don’t know how I feel about tbh. My grams was bedridden when I was kid and I have vivid memories of all the awful home health aides we went through. I remember being 13 and showing several aides how to give a bed bath. Most of them are jokes.

    That’s a good idea. My diet is actually really good. I love to cook and get creative in the kitchen. It’s just sleep deprivation that’s making my life torture.

    I was my moms caregiver for 8 years, she died at age 93 so had a long life. But something you wrote really jumped out at me. I can understand your mom not liking aides. However the subject is how burned out you are, your anxiety and depression and what you need now. So your mom may just need to have a few days a week with aides, so that you can get some down time. Recharge, get some rest, take care of yourself. Because a caregiver that is on 24/7 365 days year after year. Is not a caregiver that is in topform for either herself or the person she is caring for. So if there is no family or friends or organizations to help, then you really should consider aides. Here in the USA we have something called Care.com where you could hire a companion company/person as well, that way you can interview them, have your mom meet them to decide if they are the type of person that would work out.


    Years ago I had some of those PMS issues, I feel your pain and yes you need a Dr. who will listen to you and get you some medication and relief for that. As you have so many different big issues just raining down on you. Hoping the clouds clear soon for you, and some sunshine starts to shine on you.

    I’m familiar with the website. My mom is willing I just don’t like the idea. I’m not sure an aide would even help, because the physical part of caregiving isn’t as hard as the emotional part. I’m an excessive worrier and I definitely have ptsd (I’ve witnessed a lot of sickness and death in my life). I don’t know maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad ideas. Thanks for your kind words.
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    lililomo wrote: »
    i'm sorry you're under such duress. i wonder if perhaps your doctor can order a full set of bloodwork to make sure that something else isn't awry? i was taking care of my dying mother when my children were toddlers, and was a complete wreck, so i completely understand what that is all about regarding caregiving. it sounds like you need a break in a few ways. my best wishes to you... and please keep us posted. we're rooting for you! <3


    I agree. I had low iron once which made everything feel terrible

    @bootyrubsandtacos have you had your iron levels tested? When my anemia gets out of control I have crippling fatigue and everything is terrible.

    That’s my next step. I plan to look for dr’s tomorrow and get the ball rolling. I’m due for a physical.
    Psychgrrl wrote: »
    debtay123 wrote: »
    Will be praying for you- hold on- change has to be coming- so glad you are trying to help yourself by seeking therapy. Are you sure now is a good time to continue to try to lose weight- maybe you should take a diet break- and just care for your mom and do what you MUST- continue to seek help- You MATTER!!!!

    Thanks. I really appreciate that. My mom has been disabled for 10 years. I’ve been doing this for a loooooong time. She’s been having a lot of health problems recently, so the stress has been getting to me more then usual. I also have no real support system. I take care of her alone. It’s can get very overwhelming.

    In case you haven't, please look into state and county health resources (I creeped your profile and saw you're in the US) and Medicare options. There's a lot of stuff covered by Medicare they never tell you about until you ask. We were able to get my mom a nurse visit daily as well as a social worker. And my mom's diabetic which means a free podiatrist check every three months to make sure she's not losing circulation in her feet. I had no idea. She recently broke her ankle and the in-home PT was free for us (covered by medicare).

    It's really tough to see our parents that frail. Must be how they felt when we were sick. :disappointed:

    As for the monthly stuff, mine got worse as I lost weight, too. Hormonal birth control helped, though it took a little time to find the right pill. I also took it constantly with no week off, as the week off was a disaster. However, my age (over 35) got up to the point where stroke was a concern (though I've never smoked) and we had to look into other options.

    I also let myself wallow a little bit, which might not be the best strategy for you, so check with your therapist. I always push myself out of the doldrums. "C'mon, you're better than this," "You can DO this," and my all time favorite, "People are counting on you! Get it together" blah, blah, blah. Which sometimes meant I wasn't really dealing with stuff, I was just suppressing the emotions and pushing on. They come through eventually.

    So I have my "wallowing" tools. A playlist, a couple movies, my journal, and lots of kleenex. I give myself an evening-ish to let it all out. For me, it really is cathartic. But it might not be a tool for you as some folks could get stuck in the wallowing. And that's not a place you want to live.

    You will get through this and come out the other side. You'll find care for your mom and get your groove back. It's OK if it takes time. And it's OK if you let some stuff fall away while you work on other stuff. You get to prioritize what you do with your energy and should cut yourself some slack if some/most of the balls drop for a little while. They'll still be there when you're ready to pick hem up again. Or you can just throw them at someone who pisses you off. That works for me, too. :wink:

    I’ve been wallowing in reason lol. I decided I wasn’t going to workout for the rest of the week. I got some chores done, went to therapy. That’s enough for now. I’m tryin not to be too hard myself. I just wish I could lose the rest of my weight in peace, but my body really hates me.
    edited September 2018
  • bootyrubsandtacosbootyrubsandtacos Member Posts: 775 Member Member Posts: 775 Member
    saragd012 wrote: »
    I saw you mentioned you are confident that your meds are fine, but I've known a few people who struggled through major issues after drastic weight loss, because the dosage was no longer appropriate for their new bodyweight. If that's already been addressed with your doctors, disregard, just something to consider if you haven't already. Also, I find that my periods become far more frequent and more painful when my iron is low (or perhaps, my iron is low because my periods want to kill me, who's to say). It wouldn't hurt to get tested for iron and other vitamin/mineral deficiencies, but most of all you probably just need rest. Is there anyway you would be able to reach out to community volunteer organizations (or churches) that could offer some kind of assistance with your mother? You need to be able to take a break, you cant give someone/something your all when you've run completely empty. It's not selfish to ask for help.

    I would be skeptical about the meds if I felt like this all the time. When my period comes I feel normal’ish for about a week and then and there’s a ...........Shift. I can tell immediately when I’m starting to PMS. I turn into a complete and utter BASKET CASE. I usually manage to push through, but this past week I completely crashed. I couldn’t workout, I barely kept up with the chores. I felt like I was recovering from a 5 day bender.
    edited September 2018
  • bootyrubsandtacosbootyrubsandtacos Member Posts: 775 Member Member Posts: 775 Member
    I totally understand the “being on 24/7,” even when you’re “off.” There’s no off when you’re the sole caregiver. Do you have any local in-person-flesh & blood support?

    I see my therapist once a week. That’s as much support as I get. She’s been really irritating me lately too, because she keeps saying I “chose” this life and that I have “options”. I told her I didn’t choose SH$! I end up in this situation due to circumstances! It’s like she’s essentially shaming me for having a SOUL and doing the RIGHT thing. I understand what she’s getting at, but it still annoys me.

    Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply to my post and offering great advice. I’ve been taken everything you guys have posted to heart.
    edited September 2018
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