My worst nightmare

torabelle79
torabelle79 Posts: 63 Member
edited November 2024 in Motivation and Support
I have arranged a swim party for my son's 8th birthday party. My ex husband will be there will his stunning girlfriend. 10 years younger than me, and never had children.
I have to be in a swim suit in front of both of then as I have to assist in the pool.
This man once told me I was fat. I'm dreading it!! I've lost 36lb and look okay, but I do not have the courage to do this!!te2lnfi7mnks.jpeg
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Replies

  • torabelle79
    torabelle79 Posts: 63 Member
    This is me today. Getting there but have belly that clearly isn't toned.....
    My body image is always dreadful. I cant bear to be seen by him in a swim suit.....
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,303 Member
    Try not to let this man pass a cloud over what should be a happy event for your son. I know its much easier said than done, I've had more than the crises. In the time you and your son have been away from the toxic situation you have both come such a long way. You can only have grown in your knowledge, understanding and experience. He needs the flattery of someone much younger to sooth his ego, I suspect you have no need of someone in your life as a decoration. That person would have to add so much more to your lives than you would loose by simply in having "someone" there especially one who knows how to be so deeply hurtful.

    If you really need to be in the pool, how about one of those wetsuits. I've no idea if you an hire one, or if there are inexpensive ones to buy, it would let you still feel dressed for the occasion. I know they are old fashioned, could something like a cat-suit be dual purpose? Who's the character I'm thinking of, *kitten* Galore, was it?

    Most of all, be proud of the life you are achieving for yourself and your son. (Bet he said you could not manage on your own too.) Go for it, with deep pride.
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    Agree with the other posters. You look great. Maybe a one piece swimsuit with tummy control?!?(only if you're uncomfortable about that area). It would just accentuate the area more, diverting the eyes, usually with some kind of bust area emphasis and elevation. Hair, mani-pedi and light waterproof makeup ... BooM!!

  • fraukazi
    fraukazi Posts: 614 Member
    You look amazing, be proud of what you have achieved.
    And definitely read the thread suggested by @Lounmoun
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    don't worry. enjoy the time with your son. your ex is your ex and all that is needed at this point is to keep a good working relationship for your son.

    there are so many cute suits. enjoy. it can be trying to go suit shopping. don't get stuck in your head :smile:
  • Twinkiestaaar
    Twinkiestaaar Posts: 4 Member
    Therapy. ‘Cause you’re a hot mama and it isn’t anything remotely having to deal with what your body actually looks like that is making you feel this way. I totally relate- and I can see it in you put not in me.
  • Evelyn_Gorfram
    Evelyn_Gorfram Posts: 706 Member
    edited September 2018
    torabelle79 wrote: »
    I have arranged a swim party for my son's 8th birthday party. My ex husband will be there will his stunning girlfriend. 10 years younger than me, and never had children.
    I have to be in a swim suit in front of both of then as I have to assist in the pool.
    This man once told me I was fat. I'm dreading it!! I've lost 36lb and look okay, but I do not have the courage to do this!!te2lnfi7mnks.jpeg
    (PS. I hope you don't mind my mentioning how much your belly button reminds me of a Kokopelli dancer. :) )

  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,393 Member
    sounds like you're not totally over the divorce. and you can't make that happen until time does the trick.

    In the meantime you need a game plan. So, you've lost weight..and you look good. The old Ex will notice that!

    So, get some money.. buy a great swimsuit and sexy cover up.... make it colorful and outstanding..bring a good friend with a sense of style with you. Get you hair done.. get hi lights and great style and maybe even a new color.. I think I see red hair..so have your stylist rev it up. Get a manicure and pedicure.

    Then.. plaster a smile on your face and be as nice as you can be to his young girlfriend ... be the hostess in charge. and .the hostess with the mostest. Have great food.. beautiful cake.. and surround yourself with adoring friends. Don't let them see you sweat!

    And I also suggest you watch "It's complicated"
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    Evelyn_Gorfram wrote: »
    777Gemma888 wrote: »
    Agree with the other posters. You look great. Maybe a one piece swimsuit with tummy control?!?(only if you're uncomfortable about that area). It would just accentuate the area more, diverting the eyes, usually with some kind of bust area emphasis and elevation. Hair, mani-pedi and light waterproof makeup ... BooM!!
    I recently had to see a relative I had refused to have contact with for 30 years. I severed contact because it was the only way I knew of to avoid his verbal and emotional abuse - he definitely knew how to hit all my buttons. But my nephew was getting married, and I wanted to be there - and I couldn't stop the dreaded relative from coming.

    Fortunately, I was able to enlist my siblings to run "interference" for me. Maybe a couple of your friends could be enlisted to keep any eye on Mr. *kitten*hole and Ms. Arm Candy. Arrange a secret signal, and ask your friends to be ready to butt into any conversation that starts heading south with compliments about things like how well his Geritol seems to be working, and how cute she looks now that her braces are off.

    I also went for "full armor" - making myself as physically good-looking and pulled-together as I could get. I got my hair colored, eyebrows plucked, mani-pedi, new outfit* - the whole nine yards. If it had been a swim party, I would have also gone for salon hair removal for the bikini area and possibly a light application of professional spray tan.

    (*In addition to your new swimsuit, you might also want to get some sort of stunning pareo or other cover-up. Not that you need it - you're gorgeous, and your tummy area looks fantastic to me. But a nice cover-up could help bolster up your feelings of confidence and self-esteem.    )

    My nephew's wedding was difficult at times, with seeing and avoiding my relative. But I was mostly able to concentrate on the event: I got to see my nephew overjoyed at marrying the love of his life, and participate in his celebration.

    I hope your party goes at least that well, and that you are able to mostly ignore your ex and his GF and have fun playing and celebrating with your son and his friends.

    Agree. 👌
  • Stockholm_Andy
    Stockholm_Andy Posts: 802 Member
    torabelle79 wrote: »
    This is me today. Getting there but have belly that clearly isn't toned.....
    My body image is always dreadful. I cant bear to be seen by him in a swim suit.....

    You look amazing. *kitten* him :D

    Losing 36lbs is an amazing achievement and you should be proud of the new you. Besides who cares what he thinks you've moved on right. Show him you don't care and aren't phased.

    Also you might want to bribe some of the kids with candy to push him and his girlfriend into the pool.

    Now go and tidy up your bedroom ;)
  • pogiguy05
    pogiguy05 Posts: 1,583 Member
    #1 and most important this is your sons 8th Birthday Party and that is #1.

    #2 you look just fine now and just like the rest of us are a WORK IN PROGRESS.

    #3 stop caring what he says or thinks cause he is your EX and PAST.

    #4 my magic way of dealing with anything is well i cannot say that here or i would be banned for life. ;-) I just dont let what other people think or say effect me. I dont have time or energy for that kind of negativity and i will not allow it.Besides that I am my own worse enemy..........
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,303 Member
    To the person who suggests the situation comes down to not being over the divorce, its not so much that but the effects it has on the child/children. (I may be reading more into some of this because of friends experiences) Things said to you are one thing, how the relationship between child and non resident parent progresses is up to the adult, too often I have seen the non resident not make a real effort to maintain a good relationship with their child. The absent adult seeing their situation as paramount. In my view, flaunting a new partner in the child's personal party is a step much too far.
  • torabelle79
    torabelle79 Posts: 63 Member
    Stockholm_Andy wrote: »
    torabelle79 wrote: »
    This is me today. Getting there but have belly that clearly isn't toned.....
    My body image is always dreadful. I cant bear to be seen by him in a swim suit.....

    You look amazing. *kitten* him :D

    Losing 36lbs is an amazing achievement and you should be proud of the new you. Besides who cares what he thinks you've moved on right. Show him you don't care and aren't phased.

    Also you might want to bribe some of the kids with candy to push him and his girlfriend into the pool.

    Now go and tidy up your bedroom ;)

    Hahaha!! Ah the bedroom was noticed!! Promise I don't live like a slob...... House is a show home....bedroom isn't!!
  • Candyspun
    Candyspun Posts: 370 Member
    You look hot, either for someone who has or hasn't had kids, for starters. Secondly, this dude called you fat. This is your big chance to stick it to him! Find the most flattering swimsuit you possibly can and enjoy showing off your new bod! You're allowed to enjoy this. After having children myself, I sincerely hope I can get my stomach looking halfway close to looking as good as yours!
  • torabelle79
    torabelle79 Posts: 63 Member
    Candyspun wrote: »
    You look hot, either for someone who has or hasn't had kids, for starters. Secondly, this dude called you fat. This is your big chance to stick it to him! Find the most flattering swimsuit you possibly can and enjoy showing off your new bod! You're allowed to enjoy this. After having children myself, I sincerely hope I can get my stomach looking halfway close to looking as good as yours!

    Such kind words (from everyone). They weren't even small babies. 10lb each!!
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