My worst nightmare
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Evelyn_Gorfram wrote: »
I recently had to see a relative I had refused to have contact with for 30 years. I severed contact because it was the only way I knew of to avoid his verbal and emotional abuse - he definitely knew how to hit all my buttons. But my nephew was getting married, and I wanted to be there - and I couldn't stop the dreaded relative from coming.777Gemma888 wrote: »Agree with the other posters. You look great. Maybe a one piece swimsuit with tummy control?!?(only if you're uncomfortable about that area). It would just accentuate the area more, diverting the eyes, usually with some kind of bust area emphasis and elevation. Hair, mani-pedi and light waterproof makeup ... BooM!!
Fortunately, I was able to enlist my siblings to run "interference" for me. Maybe a couple of your friends could be enlisted to keep any eye on Mr. *kitten*hole and Ms. Arm Candy. Arrange a secret signal, and ask your friends to be ready to butt into any conversation that starts heading south with compliments about things like how well his Geritol seems to be working, and how cute she looks now that her braces are off.
I also went for "full armor" - making myself as physically good-looking and pulled-together as I could get. I got my hair colored, eyebrows plucked, mani-pedi, new outfit* - the whole nine yards. If it had been a swim party, I would have also gone for salon hair removal for the bikini area and possibly a light application of professional spray tan.
(*In addition to your new swimsuit, you might also want to get some sort of stunning pareo or other cover-up. Not that you need it - you're gorgeous, and your tummy area looks fantastic to me. But a nice cover-up could help bolster up your feelings of confidence and self-esteem.)
My nephew's wedding was difficult at times, with seeing and avoiding my relative. But I was mostly able to concentrate on the event: I got to see my nephew overjoyed at marrying the love of his life, and participate in his celebration.
I hope your party goes at least that well, and that you are able to mostly ignore your ex and his GF and have fun playing and celebrating with your son and his friends.
Agree. 👌2 -
torabelle79 wrote: »This is me today. Getting there but have belly that clearly isn't toned.....
My body image is always dreadful. I cant bear to be seen by him in a swim suit.....
You look amazing. *kitten* him
Losing 36lbs is an amazing achievement and you should be proud of the new you. Besides who cares what he thinks you've moved on right. Show him you don't care and aren't phased.
Also you might want to bribe some of the kids with candy to push him and his girlfriend into the pool.
Now go and tidy up your bedroom
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#1 and most important this is your sons 8th Birthday Party and that is #1.
#2 you look just fine now and just like the rest of us are a WORK IN PROGRESS.
#3 stop caring what he says or thinks cause he is your EX and PAST.
#4 my magic way of dealing with anything is well i cannot say that here or i would be banned for life. ;-) I just dont let what other people think or say effect me. I dont have time or energy for that kind of negativity and i will not allow it.Besides that I am my own worse enemy..........4 -
You look great! The guy's an idiot. He'll end up dumping miss "10 years younger" as soon as something else catches his eye. You're the clear winner here. Focus on your son and enjoy your freedom and thrive! The best revenge...is living well!7
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To the person who suggests the situation comes down to not being over the divorce, its not so much that but the effects it has on the child/children. (I may be reading more into some of this because of friends experiences) Things said to you are one thing, how the relationship between child and non resident parent progresses is up to the adult, too often I have seen the non resident not make a real effort to maintain a good relationship with their child. The absent adult seeing their situation as paramount. In my view, flaunting a new partner in the child's personal party is a step much too far.2
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Worst case scenario: If he opens his mouth with any negativity about you, his new gf will get a lovely insight into how he will be speaking to/about her when the honeymoon period is over. Let the trash-leopard show her his real spots
You're gonna look fab no matter what you wear. The best thing for any woman to have on is confidence and a give-no-kittens attitude. Hope you have a great day!5 -
Stockholm_Andy wrote: »torabelle79 wrote: »This is me today. Getting there but have belly that clearly isn't toned.....
My body image is always dreadful. I cant bear to be seen by him in a swim suit.....
You look amazing. *kitten* him
Losing 36lbs is an amazing achievement and you should be proud of the new you. Besides who cares what he thinks you've moved on right. Show him you don't care and aren't phased.
Also you might want to bribe some of the kids with candy to push him and his girlfriend into the pool.
Now go and tidy up your bedroom
Hahaha!! Ah the bedroom was noticed!! Promise I don't live like a slob...... House is a show home....bedroom isn't!!2 -
You look hot, either for someone who has or hasn't had kids, for starters. Secondly, this dude called you fat. This is your big chance to stick it to him! Find the most flattering swimsuit you possibly can and enjoy showing off your new bod! You're allowed to enjoy this. After having children myself, I sincerely hope I can get my stomach looking halfway close to looking as good as yours!0
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You look hot, either for someone who has or hasn't had kids, for starters. Secondly, this dude called you fat. This is your big chance to stick it to him! Find the most flattering swimsuit you possibly can and enjoy showing off your new bod! You're allowed to enjoy this. After having children myself, I sincerely hope I can get my stomach looking halfway close to looking as good as yours!
Such kind words (from everyone). They weren't even small babies. 10lb each!!2 -
Take it from an old guy, I knew little about anything important until we had kids. Kids change a lot of people. I’m surprised it doesn’t change everyone, but it doesn’t.
The ex sounds kind of shallow in your telling. Maybe at one time you had values in common. But you’re a mom now. You moved on, he went backwards.
You’re having a flashback. Tell the voice in your head that’s causing this stress to pipe down.
It’s a kid birthday party. It will be a blast. Attach yourself to a couple of your mom pals and have some laughs. Have fun with the kids. Breath. Picture the end, everyone is gone. What do you want? You want your kid, and the other kids, to have had fun. Picture that. The kids had fun. You too.
You look great BTW.
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Thinking about another angle-
You have kids watching how you and other adults dress and act. Do you want your sons or young girls to think a woman has to cover up or stress about how others view their bodies? Do you want to model that a woman can and should wear whatever they want or that only those with "perfect" bodies should show them?
What would you tell an 8 year old if they told you someone said something mean about their body and now they did not want to wear shorts or a normal swim suit in public? Would you be sad if a child covered up and was anxious instead of swimming happily because of a dumb bully? How would you help them?
Your ex was hurtful and mean to you. You posted your photo on the internet on a public forum for an app that has millions of users though. Your ex seeing you in a swimsuit is nothing compared to that. Take that to heart and show those kids that you are real and happy with yourself and they can be too.
Buy a cute suit and look your best because you deserve to enjoy/pamper yourself not because this person matters.8 -
You look great, hold your head high, wear whats appropriate for you and the occasion be cordial to the ex and concentrate on your son. He's and ex for a reason, don't give him that power.
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If I may be so bold as to assume that is you in your profile pic then he is CLEARLY and idiot 😉
You have nothing to be ashamed of regardless. Keep working on you! You look awesome!! Enjoy the party!!3 -
You do look fantastic, it's his loss for leaving you. Try to ignore whatever influence he still has on you, it will not do you any good and will give all the power back to him. It's your party for your son, enjoy, have fun. I second that it's probably inappropriate for him to bring his new gf to his son's birthday party, but it's between you, guys. Be as confident as you can possibly be, and that will enhance your beauty even more. Fwiw, you look hot. Show it, be proud of who you are and how you look now.1
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You look amazing! Rock that new bod with grace and confidence. As others have said being a happy kind hostess will show him that you have decided that HE doesn't have power over you and your feelings anymore. Sometimes when we want to be a particular way, like brave or confident, and we're not feeling that way we just have to pretend. Do all you can to make yourself feel good and then stand tall and proud in who you are and how far you've come. Also, I love cute coverups and would be far more comfortable running around in that then just a bathing suit. You got this 😁1
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As others have said I think you look great as you are. Enjoy shopping to find the swimwear that looks great and you feel comfortable in. Don't let their presence spoil your celebration.
The one thing that jumped out to me, when I first read your post (as a mum myself). That you have the one very special "thing" that the new girlfriend doesn't and that's "Your SON". Rejoice in this special relationship as you celebrate his birthday.1 -
^ This. Absolutely this.Wendyanneroberts wrote: »As others have said I think you look great as you are. Enjoy shopping to find the swimwear that looks great and you feel comfortable in. Don't let their presence spoil your celebration.
The one thing that jumped out to me, when I first read your post (as a mum myself). That you have the one very special "thing" that the new girlfriend doesn't and that's "Your SON". Rejoice in this special relationship as you celebrate his birthday.
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You look fantastic - no kidding and no false building you up. Take back your power. This is your life. Live it to the fullest. Do NOT let him own the space in your head! You are beautiful and strong and he has no power over you. Revel in that!2
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Stockholm_Andy wrote: »torabelle79 wrote: »This is me today. Getting there but have belly that clearly isn't toned.....
My body image is always dreadful. I cant bear to be seen by him in a swim suit.....
You look amazing. *kitten* him
Losing 36lbs is an amazing achievement and you should be proud of the new you. Besides who cares what he thinks you've moved on right. Show him you don't care and aren't phased.
Also you might want to bribe some of the kids with candy to push him and his girlfriend into the pool.
Now go and tidy up your bedroom
OMG! GREAT idea! I'm picturing something involving a wayward inflatable pool toy ...1
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