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Is verbal harassment common at the gym? And do women or men catch more of it?
Replies
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We have15 circuit machines and if everyone is moving from circuit to circuit you can get a 20minute workout. I watched someone yelling at a person for playing on their I-phone and not even using the machine. They sat there in a daze on there phone for at least 10 minutes before the person said anything. I didn't speak up and say anything because I felt the person was right to say something. If your not there to workout and just mess around on your phone, go sit in a chair out of others way.1
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jseams1234 wrote: »
Meh, guy just sounds like a jackhole. I'm pretty big on "gym etiquette" and really really get bent out of shape when people don't rack their weights or try to run circuits during prime time in the main areas. However, I've never blinked an eye at what attachments are left on the cable machines. Sometimes it's the one I want to use sometimes I have to switch it out. It never occurred to me worry about it. All of ours are just usually sitting in a pile in this little depression off to the side anyhow.
Yeah I just brushed him off but it did make me wonder whether he would do the same to the more egregious gym etiquette offenders or if he just went after me because I was smaller than him and probably wouldn't stand up for myself. If I see him again I will watch and see!3 -
The folks at the gyms I've been to have always been awesome. They're generally courteous, helpful, and big into MYOB. I've been asked out a few times which is no big deal- I tell them I'm married and they are friendly about it. There was only one guy (there's always THAT guy that ruins things for everyone else!) who kept making inappropriate comments to my friend and me, staring and commenting even after I tried to shut him down. He said some BS about being a guy and unable to help himself. I made sure my next objections were made loudly within earshot of the staff. He never did it again.1
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I have 100% never seen verbal harassment at the gym and can't imagine how it would actually occur.4
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This isn't really this particular man's fault but it's something that really annoyed me recently.
I am a very mild mannered and non-confrontational person and I never complain about what others are doing in the gym. Not when people don't rerack their plates and I (a small women) has to move multiple 25kg plates before my workout even starts. Not to the guy who repeatedly lines up fixed barbells of various weights when doing pyramid sets rather than just taking the one he needs for that particular set. Not when groups of men sit on the benches in the weight area just watching and taking pictures of their friends so that other people can't use those benches. I just sigh and do something different until that equipment becomes available.
I've never seen anyone challenge this sort of behaviour.
Yet last week a man (who, to be fair to him, has never displayed this type of behaviour). Crossed the gym to call me inconsiderate for forgetting to detach the handle I was using from the cable machine. Something that would have taken him seconds to do, unlike the time it takes me to unload 150kg from a barbell. I know I'm being a bit hypocritical here but why do these bros get away with everything repeatedly and I get harassed for a small one time mistake?
I guess the answer is to try and channel that man and speak up more but it is really hard for me.
I don't even see how what you did is an issue. No one can predict which handle (rope, bar, etc.) the next person using the cable machine is going to want. If you leave it on, there's a 20% or 25% chance (depending on whether the gym has four or five different choices) that the next person will be able to use it without changing anything. If you take the handle off, there's a 100% chance that they're going to have to add a handle, even if they wanted to use the same one you just used.
Yes, I'm "guilty" of this "mistake," but it seems like at least 90% of the people who use the cable machine in my gym are also guilty of it, because I would estimate that at most 10% of the time that I go to use it, there's no handle attached to the cable loop.
Not removing the plates is just wrong. But I don't speak up to the people that do it, either. To be fair, it doesn't happen very often.0 -
jseams1234 wrote: »This isn't really this particular man's fault but it's something that really annoyed me recently.
I am a very mild mannered and non-confrontational person and I never complain about what others are doing in the gym. Not when people don't rerack their plates and I (a small women) has to move multiple 25kg plates before my workout even starts. Not to the guy who repeatedly lines up fixed barbells of various weights when doing pyramid sets rather than just taking the one he needs for that particular set. Not when groups of men sit on the benches in the weight area just watching and taking pictures of their friends so that other people can't use those benches. I just sigh and do something different until that equipment becomes available.
I've never seen anyone challenge this sort of behaviour.
Yet last week a man (who, to be fair to him, has never displayed this type of behaviour). Crossed the gym to call me inconsiderate for forgetting to detach the handle I was using from the cable machine. Something that would have taken him seconds to do, unlike the time it takes me to unload 150kg from a barbell. I know I'm being a bit hypocritical here but why do these bros get away with everything repeatedly and I get harassed for a small one time mistake?
I guess the answer is to try and channel that man and speak up more but it is really hard for me.
Meh, guy just sounds like a jackhole. I'm pretty big on "gym etiquette" and really really get bent out of shape when people don't rack their weights or try to run circuits during prime time in the main areas. However, I've never blinked an eye at what attachments are left on the cable machines. Sometimes it's the one I want to use sometimes I have to switch it out. It never occurred to me worry about it. All of ours are just usually sitting in a pile in this little depression off to the side anyhow.
My gym is so much classier. The attachments are piled in a milk crate (which, inexplicably, is kept about 20 feet away next a rack of barbells, instead of next to the cable machine).0 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »jseams1234 wrote: »This isn't really this particular man's fault but it's something that really annoyed me recently.
I am a very mild mannered and non-confrontational person and I never complain about what others are doing in the gym. Not when people don't rerack their plates and I (a small women) has to move multiple 25kg plates before my workout even starts. Not to the guy who repeatedly lines up fixed barbells of various weights when doing pyramid sets rather than just taking the one he needs for that particular set. Not when groups of men sit on the benches in the weight area just watching and taking pictures of their friends so that other people can't use those benches. I just sigh and do something different until that equipment becomes available.
I've never seen anyone challenge this sort of behaviour.
Yet last week a man (who, to be fair to him, has never displayed this type of behaviour). Crossed the gym to call me inconsiderate for forgetting to detach the handle I was using from the cable machine. Something that would have taken him seconds to do, unlike the time it takes me to unload 150kg from a barbell. I know I'm being a bit hypocritical here but why do these bros get away with everything repeatedly and I get harassed for a small one time mistake?
I guess the answer is to try and channel that man and speak up more but it is really hard for me.
Meh, guy just sounds like a jackhole. I'm pretty big on "gym etiquette" and really really get bent out of shape when people don't rack their weights or try to run circuits during prime time in the main areas. However, I've never blinked an eye at what attachments are left on the cable machines. Sometimes it's the one I want to use sometimes I have to switch it out. It never occurred to me worry about it. All of ours are just usually sitting in a pile in this little depression off to the side anyhow.
My gym is so much classier. The attachments are piled in a milk crate (which, inexplicably, is kept about 20 feet away next a rack of barbells, instead of next to the cable machine).
at my gym the milk crates with all the cable attachments are literally just 3 to 5 steps away against the wall, but everyone leaves the attachments on the floor. same with the plates at the squat racks and power racks, people that takes the weights off would not just hang them back, instead they'll leave the plates piling up on the floor(not even neatly either) when the when the things to hang the plates is right there, just half a step away. sometimes i have to dig through the pile of 5, 10, 25, and 45 lbs plates to find the clip to clip on the weights when i squat, LMAO!0 -
In 30 years of training in different gyms I’ve only had to complain once about someone not putting weights back. When I thought about it I could’ve just done it myself but one has to draw a line somewhere.
In regards to harassment or verbal abuse I guess I’ve been lucky never to have seen it or had it towards me. I suppose it’s down to the sort of person you are if you need to give others grief1 -
I have had guys stand near me at the gym and talk about me. (Hello? I can hear you)
Running on the street I have been harassed pretty regularly.3 -
lil_puggeth wrote: »Nope, never. I kind of wish someone would start a conversation because it gets pretty boring in the gym sometimes.
American/Canadian male gym goers are condition not to talk to the fall less they come across as creeps, meanwhile in other parts of the world, when this happens it's just part of being human beings.1 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »ImSoSquishy wrote: »This is a pretty easy one -
Have you ever witnessed, participated in, or been a victim of, verbal harassment at a gym? How often - frequently, sometimes, occasionally, almost never?
If yes, what type? Sexual harassment, verbal intimidation, insults or derogatory comments, something else?
And, was the victim of said harassment a man or a woman (or someone who reads as a man or woman)?
And if anyone wishes, bonus question: are you a man or woman (or read like one) - just to see if we pay more attention to when people within our own perceived group are harassed, vs. other groups.
Bonus bonus question: if this is something you see sometimes or frequently, do you do anything about it when you see it? Or what do you think should be done about it, if anything?
i've never personally experienced verbal harassment or seen/heard it in person. but up until recently there was a guy who constantly tries to intimidate me by trying to one-up every exercise i do. on the days i do squats, he would stop his workout, loads up the same amount of weight i'm using on the power rack next to mines without warming up, then he gets under the bar and starts grunting loudly, like he didn't even unrack the bar off the rack, he's just standing under it. from the mirror in front of me, i see him staring directly at me and grunting loudly. he would not shut up and start his set until i look at him. everytime the timer on my phone goes off, i get under the bar and he stands there to watch me squat, once my set is done i sit on the floor, start the timer, and read the news on my phone app, then he goes back under the bar and starts grunting again while waiting for me to watch him squat, and he would do this continuously. on the days i really don't want to deal with him, i would just turn my head over to pretend like i looked, and then he starts doing his quarter squats. i've reported him, to a different manager and they had him banned.
this one guy who would purposely wait until i unrack the barbell to start bench press or squats and he will come over to grab weights just to spite me or something. like i walk out for squats, i take a huge breathe in, brace my core, and just when i am about to break my hips and knees to start the first rep for the set, the guy will come rushing over, squeezing/dodging between the barbells, trying to get to the back to get weights by the mirrors in front of me, and then i'm just standing there with over 255 lbs sitting on my traps/scapulas, i'm standing there waiting for him to get out, but he would just stand around to fiddling with the 5 lbs and 10 lbs. for bench press the guy would wait until i unracked the bar and moved it above my shoulders, then he would come swooping in, acting like he's grabbing weights beside me with his side of the body almost bumping into the barbell, it's so scary and i'm just holding the bar up until he leaves because with his body there, i can't even put the barbell back on the hooks. the gym only have 2 types of plates, the metal ones and the rubber ones, same color and brands, they're hanging on all the smith machines, squat racks, deadlifts platforms, bench press, they're just all over the entire gym, but he would purposely come over to where i'm trying to start my set, to come over to grab weights. on some days when i'm not in a good mood, feeling annoyed/frustrated, i really just want to smash his face with a plate.
there are many other things, like i literally have a fan club at gym. i always have a bunch of dudes following me around the gym and they just straight up stare at me while i'm lifting. no matter where i moved to in the gym, they will always show up near me within 60 seconds. they just stand or sit on a machine close to where i am and they just stare without ever doing any exercises themselves.
If supposedly having a 'fan club' bothers you so, move gyms.
If I had a 'fan club' following me around the gym and sitting there watching me lift, the first thing I'd do is check myself to make sure it wasn't something I was doing. To say that's highly unusual is a gross understatement.
Unbelievable, even, some would say.2 -
Yes I’ve experienced it and yes I’ve seen it, my experience was particularly horrible in that some idiot (male) was taking the milk out of me to his mate and his mate egged him on, I later discovered he had recorded me on the tread mill (very very slow jogging, I’m morbidly obese) and uploaded it to a local Facebook page, the comments were abhorrent. I never went back.
I’ve seen it also, a man trying to lift weights, he was obviously new to it and instead of helping, a cpl (man and woman) burst out laughing when he was struggling with what I assume was considered a poor weight. As it happened that time a staff member also saw and told them off, then went to help him as he was lifting wrong.
I’ve also been Hollered at whilst jogging in the street (usually by men in white vans) “ run fatty run” whilst peeing themselves laughing.
That time I was 6 stone down but again gave up as my mental health is poor due to things in my past and all it takes to knock me to rock bottom again sometimes is some dick like that.21 -
Seems like a lot of these problems could be solved by prohibiting phone usage in gyms. Phones should be turned in at the front desk and kept in individual locked and labeled boxes.
Then at least no one would be filmed for laughs and uploaded onto the internet. Short attention span morons wouldn't be sitting on the equipment fingering their phones, etc.9 -
I've been grabbed by the shoulder by a stranger I'd never seen, who proceeded to demand I remove my earbuds so I can hear him, and when I reflexively pulled away he got all offended, and started shouting at me that all he wanted was to tell me not to look so serious and that I didn't have to be such a b***h.
I had a man follow me around the weight room while I was trying to work out, trying to convince me to give him my phone number. Despite saying I'm not interested, he persisted. When I finally pulled out the "i have a boyfriend" (which at the time, I didn't), he said "he doesn't have to know". It felt like forever for him to tire himself out.
I've have enough men provide unwarranted and entirely unprompted comments on my physical shape (in shape, not in shape), some of which had been lewd, but it's happened periodically over the years so much that honestly it's become a non-event.
I still go to the gym, but at this point I expect the occasional sexual harassment, unwarranted comments, and unprovoked touching. Yay.
(different gyms over the years)12 -
Seems like a lot of these problems could be solved by prohibiting phone usage in gyms. Phones should be turned in at the front desk and kept in individual locked and labeled boxes.
Then at least no one would be filmed for laughs and uploaded onto the internet. Short attention span morons wouldn't be sitting on the equipment fingering their phones, etc.
I use my phone as a stopwatch to time my breaks and intervals while doing cardio. I also note my reps/weight while lifting.6 -
Seems like a lot of these problems could be solved by prohibiting phone usage in gyms. Phones should be turned in at the front desk and kept in individual locked and labeled boxes.
Then at least no one would be filmed for laughs and uploaded onto the internet. Short attention span morons wouldn't be sitting on the equipment fingering their phones, etc.
I use my phone as a stopwatch to time my breaks and intervals while doing cardio. I also note my reps/weight while lifting.
You would have to buy a real stop watch and a note pad and a pen.15 -
shrinkingletters wrote: »I've been grabbed by the shoulder by a stranger I'd never seen, who proceeded to demand I remove my earbuds so I can hear him, and when I reflexively pulled away he got all offended, and started shouting at me that all he wanted was to tell me not to look so serious and that I didn't have to be such a b***h.
I had a man follow me around the weight room while I was trying to work out, trying to convince me to give him my phone number. Despite saying I'm not interested, he persisted. When I finally pulled out the "i have a boyfriend" (which at the time, I didn't), he said "he doesn't have to know". It felt like forever for him to tire himself out.
I've have enough men provide unwarranted and entirely unprompted comments on my physical shape (in shape, not in shape), some of which had been lewd, but it's happened periodically over the years so much that honestly it's become a non-event.
I still go to the gym, but at this point I expect the occasional sexual harassment, unwarranted comments, and unprovoked touching. Yay.
(different gyms over the years)
Or maybe you should learn self defense and knock these guys on their *kitten*. Especially anyone who touches you without your consent.12 -
Females cant go anywhere anymore without guys bothering them in some way it’s pretty pathetic, not even driving in your own car. Harassing you with their eyeballs and speeding up next to you.22
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shrinkingletters wrote: »I've been grabbed by the shoulder by a stranger I'd never seen, who proceeded to demand I remove my earbuds so I can hear him, and when I reflexively pulled away he got all offended, and started shouting at me that all he wanted was to tell me not to look so serious and that I didn't have to be such a b***h.
I had a man follow me around the weight room while I was trying to work out, trying to convince me to give him my phone number. Despite saying I'm not interested, he persisted. When I finally pulled out the "i have a boyfriend" (which at the time, I didn't), he said "he doesn't have to know". It felt like forever for him to tire himself out.
I've have enough men provide unwarranted and entirely unprompted comments on my physical shape (in shape, not in shape), some of which had been lewd, but it's happened periodically over the years so much that honestly it's become a non-event.
I still go to the gym, but at this point I expect the occasional sexual harassment, unwarranted comments, and unprovoked touching. Yay.
(different gyms over the years)
Or maybe you should learn self defense and knock these guys on their *kitten*. Especially anyone who touches you without your consent.
This sounds amazing and it feels even better putting it into action...Speaking from personal experience I’ve given a guy a busted lip for being very entitled- I didn’t know I had it in me until then, defense mode natural reaction kicked in.
When ppl start putting hands on you all bets are off.10 -
Females cant go anywhere anymore without guys bothering them in some way it’s pretty pathetic, not even driving in your own car. Harassing you with their eyeballs and speeding up next to you.
Anymore? This has been an issue for women forever!
I actually think it's been getting a bit better in the last decade since a lot of men are becoming educated that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable.
YMMV.15 -
Or maybe you should learn self defense and knock these guys on their *kitten*. Especially anyone who touches you without your consent.
Or maybe men could just leave us alone? Just a suggestion.27 -
Or maybe you should learn self defense and knock these guys on their *kitten*. Especially anyone who touches you without your consent.
Or maybe men could just leave us alone? Just a suggestion.
Agreed but apparently that's not happening. And it really didn't sit well that the poster has come to expect the unprovoked touching. Words are words but unwanted touching is a little bit more serious in my book.3 -
Females cant go anywhere anymore without guys bothering them in some way it’s pretty pathetic, not even driving in your own car. Harassing you with their eyeballs and speeding up next to you.
Just throwing it out there.....but if it's in traffic, are you sure it isn't just your driving?
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I have never seen or experienced any type of harassment in a gym. Actually I've had great experiences with people of both sexes being helpful and kind!!!10
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cogirljb55 wrote: »I have never seen or experienced any type of harassment in a gym. Actually I've had great experiences with people of both sexes being helpful and kind!!!
Same here.6 -
Females cant go anywhere anymore without guys bothering them in some way it’s pretty pathetic, not even driving in your own car. Harassing you with their eyeballs and speeding up next to you.
Just throwing it out there.....but if it's in traffic, are you sure it isn't just your driving?
Nothing wrong with my driving I know the difference between someone being annoyed vs someone with a cocky smirk on their face telling me to roll my window down. Thanks.
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snickerscharlie wrote: »Females cant go anywhere anymore without guys bothering them in some way it’s pretty pathetic, not even driving in your own car. Harassing you with their eyeballs and speeding up next to you.
Anymore? This has been an issue for women forever!
I actually think it's been getting a bit better in the last decade since a lot of men are becoming educated that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable.
YMMV.
I think it's more nuanced than that, over a longer term. In my youth/adolescence (1960s), it was IME more unusual to be harrassed in general public life (walking down the street). The culture as a whole was mostly more restrained (limited salacious material in popular arts, TV squeaky clean, euphemisms in song lyrics, pornography in the closet and looked at as a vice generally). There was a bit of "women on a pedestal" thinking that affected "respectable" women outside the home. ("Respectable" is in quotes for a reason: Lots of class and racial baggage, if you unpack it, so positive impacts far from universal, and "respectable" also encompassing the idea of "acting like a lady" - not assertive, demanding, whatever).
At that point, it was probably more common than now to be severely harrassed when being "nontraditional", like major hazing of women who went to gyms to lift (some of the Olympic women rowers reported men gathering around them in groups catcalling and spitting on them, in the 1960s, while they were lifting), or hazing of women "taking a man's place" in education or the workplace (doctors, lawyers, other professionals) and that sort of thing. You probably know about Katherine Switzer being physically assaulted by a race official when she snuck into the men-only Boston Marathon in 1967: Pretty typical.
The late 60s/early 70s loosened the cultural strictures a bit, with things pretty volatile through the 70s, maybe into 80s - popular culture being "freed", incorporating a coarser vernacular, so you'd hear more coarse comments on the street, including different catcalling expectations. Still, this was somewhat seen by average people as abnormal or bad behavior. (This was the era of the "Moral Majority", a political movement, but an interesting example of public promotion of decency and traditionalism, while bad stuff was very much happening in the home and workplace including being practiced by those with a straitlaced public face.)
After that, I think the ubiquity of the internet came to be kind of a force for evil. It led to "pornification" of women's image and inter-gender relationships in some ways that hadn't mostly been generally expected/accepted in earlier decades; and it fostered (I think) more separation between people (less empathy) by giving people more exposure, on average, to their perceived peer group, and less to dissimilar people - also related to the political polarization we see now. We exacerbate that, IMO, by the super-strong emphasis on age-peers in activities these days (children's/adolescents' reference groups are popular culture and their peers, more than in my youth, when mixed-age activities were more common, so more opportunity to model on adults).
Still, actual decent people (i.e. men) didn't think it was OK to harrass women (never have, never will). But those who thought it was OK were more open about it, I think. The emphasis on self-expression, and the frequency of misogynistic expression in pop culture (e.g., song lyrics) may've led people not to call out some kinds of bad social behavior, besides.
More lately, the "me too" movement, and generally more self-actualization by women, more women in the workplace, etc., have driven bad behavior more underground a bit again. The men who viscerally think women are people, and have empathy and respect for others, still don't do this nonsense. And it's becoming socially less accepted for people who have different inclinations to express those in public via catcalling and such. I feel like we're still in a bit of "underground backlash" mode as a culture, though (incel, red pillers, etc.), just not out in the light of day as much.
So, public expression changes, expectations about what's acceptable in public change, pop culture changes, and underlying attitudes change, and all of that interacts in complicated ways. But I don't think they all necessarily go in the same direction at the same time. And I don't know whether we're actually improving now, or not. I hope we are.14 -
Does watching a spotter say "come on, one more, I know you can do it" when the guy's face is red count? I laughed my *kitten* off.
Otherwise, no.0 -
I have never seen or heard any sort of harassment or bullying in any gym I've been in (and that's quite a few). Do guys sometimes check out girls? Sure. And vice versa. For that matter, if a female with an awesome physique walks by, do females also take a look? Yes. Just like a totally jacked dude will get looks from other guys ("mirin"). Looking is not touching. The only teasing I've even been around in gyms is among friends.6
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Females cant go anywhere anymore without guys bothering them in some way it’s pretty pathetic, not even driving in your own car. Harassing you with their eyeballs and speeding up next to you.
Just throwing it out there.....but if it's in traffic, are you sure it isn't just your driving?
Nothing wrong with my driving I know the difference between someone being annoyed vs someone with a cocky smirk on their face telling me to roll my window down. Thanks.
Eh...none of us think anything is wrong with our driving. I've seen people try to get others to roll their window down just to tell them about their driving skills. Just food for thought ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . Thanks.11
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