The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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I want to share the lesson I learned today: Taking care of myself can be something as lame as saying, "I changed my mind, I am not able to do that now." OR before I agree to do someone a favor, "Let me think about that, & get back to you...." OR "NO!! But, if I change my mind, I'll let you know."
Is anyone else out there recovering from people pleasing??
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@JenT304 and @RubyRed427...I've said it before, BUT will again, I totally admire anyone who chooses to remain sober while living with others who drink. It's obviously much easier to control your environment to lessen temptation when you live alone. Either way though, it takes determination to remain sober and you ladies along with others on this thread have that and it is truly an inspiration to me.
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lorrainequiche59 wrote: »I want to share the lesson I learned today: Taking care of myself can be something as lame as saying, "I changed my mind, I am not able to do that now." OR before I agree to do someone a favor, "Let me think about that, & get back to you...." OR "NO!! But, if I change my mind, I'll let you know."
Is anyone else out there recovering from people pleasing??lorrainequiche59 wrote: »@JenT304 and @RubyRed427...I've said it before, BUT will again, I totally admire anyone who chooses to remain sober while living with others who drink. It's obviously much easier to control your environment to lessen temptation when you live alone. Either way though, it takes determination to remain sober and you ladies along with others on this thread have that and it is truly an inspiration to me.
I don't know what to say but it's interesting hearing what your saying 1 -
@carvedTones RubyRed and I aren't bothered much by controlled drinkers either. We are bothered by our husbands that do not seem to be supporting us much at this time. Nevertheless we have each other (we text all the time) and we are strong and face this challenge with determination and a bit of humor.8
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lorrainequiche59 wrote: »I want to share the lesson I learned today: Taking care of myself can be something as lame as saying, "I changed my mind, I am not able to do that now." OR before I agree to do someone a favor, "Let me think about that, & get back to you...." OR "NO!! But, if I change my mind, I'll let you know."
Is anyone else out there recovering from people pleasing??
Yes and I have been saying, "Let me think about it" a lot now. It is my thing to do. Otherwise I say I will do it and get overwhelmed quite a bit and have the potential to drink or overeat.....4 -
To all the January Birthday 🎂 celebrations
Happy birthday
I am celebrating on the 25th the 10th AF birthday for me
I started a tradition on my 65th running 1/10th of a mile per year
This year I will run 🏃 7.1 miles to celebrate 71 years
This is what my sobriety and weight loss has given me the ability to do every year
Fortunately I am celebrating this year at my daughters house in California
I hope to continue this till I am 80 and run 8 miles
You are inspiring! Happy Birthday, too!2 -
@RubyRed427 I feel ya. My husband has never expressed a desire to quit drinking along with me, even for a little while. It is discouraging but I too am trying to just take care of me at this point. I must admit I feel slightly smug as I bounce out of bed all cheery in the morning while he is lying there bleary eyed. It more than makes up for the slight jealously I may have felt the night before, watching him have a few drinks.
My hubs has no desire to quit either,it doesn't really bother me cuz he seems to have it under control,what DOES bother me is his stinky beer breath when hes all trying to kiss me,feel like barfing!6 -
104 days for me, alcohol & substance free.15
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@razorcut. AWESOME!!!2
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@carvedTones RubyRed and I aren't bothered much by controlled drinkers either. We are bothered by our husbands that do not seem to be supporting us much at this time. Nevertheless we have each other (we text all the time) and we are strong and face this challenge with determination and a bit of humor.
My wife is a mix. She doesn't drink much and rarely at home but she doesn't react at all wen I tell her how I am doing. We have other issues outside of this. Really not sure why we are still together; she made up her mind that it was too late, will no longer trust me or be physically or emotionally intimate. But then goes about day to day as if everything is fine. There are things worse than drinking around you that can threaten sobriety.9 -
I would highly recommend the following book if you are looking for a fun activity bookto replace alcohol! You should check it out! FUN!
A Book That Takes Its Time: An Unhurried Adventure in Creative Mindfulness (Flow) Hardcover – October 3, 2017
by Irene Smit (Author), Astrid van der Hulst7 -
@RubyRed427 @JenT304
I agree with you and its very difficult when you are making all these changes of not drinking and you DO want encouragement and support from your spouse. Verbal and also action based. It has not been easy of hearing everything you have done wrong while you have been drinking, thus, this is my desire to want change within my own life, please recognize it. Not when is she going to slip again. My husband and I have been drinking buddies and this is a big change for him of me not drinking.
Wishing everyone all the best! Happy Tuesday!
@Rubyred427 How is duolingo, any more lessons? We head to Italy in May and thought I would start doing some Italian lessons again. 😊 💃 🇮🇹5 -
Also! Happy we went out for a Mexican lunch and I usually also have a margarita or a beer, not today! My hubby had a beer and I had a hot tea. Happy!6
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@Fitness327wk It definitely sounds like you hear where I am coming from. My husband and I were also drinking buddies so this is a big change for him. I get that. He is not actively trying to sabotage me at least. I'll be grateful for that much.4
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Status check: Day 3 AF free for me.
After nearly 3 months AF (what I thought of as a "reset"), my experiment with my sister to moderate at a concert in mid-December led to others... and I had a head-check recently and realized that I'd drank 4 times in 30 days, and 3 of them were doozies (memory lapses, hangovers, etc).
I'm back to attending AA 2-3 times a week and while I am still not 100% committed to never having another drink again for the rest of my life, I am committed to today, and cautiously committed to the self-exploration that AA encourages. There are a lot of things in my past to take a look at (nothing BRUTAL but certainly a fair amount of pain), a lot of inner dialogue that needs addressing, and if nothing else, I know that I need to address my need to avoid being vulnerable. This fear of vulnerability has led to too many dark days, and really, what's so scary about taking a long, hard look in the mirror and taking stock? Some truths are harder to come to than others, I guess.11 -
Hey everyone! TODAY is the day I have decided to live a sober life! I'm excited and very scared. I'm hoping I can find support in here and suggestions or advice on how to avoid the temptation to drink. Alcohol is a big part of my life. I drink at the breweries after my work day. I fill growlers up and drink those on the weekend. I'm involved in a lot of group activities where alcohol is a main part of the picture. I have an upcoming girls weekend that was planned to have a lot of drinking and shenanigans......
I tend to turn to the bottle when I'm sad, stressed, tired and that seems like an every day occurrence lately. I need to find something to replace beer. What do you guys drink now that you're not having alcohol? I would love any advice to make this change a reality. Thank you!10 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »I want to share the lesson I learned today: Taking care of myself can be something as lame as saying, "I changed my mind, I am not able to do that now." OR before I agree to do someone a favor, "Let me think about that, & get back to you...." OR "NO!! But, if I change my mind, I'll let you know."
Is anyone else out there recovering from people pleasing??
It is just in these last couple years that I've been able to see what a ridiculous people pleaser I was. I say "no thanks" with ease now, and feel no need to explain why/why not. But, if questioned, I have a go-to answer: I don't have a lot of down-time and I require it for my mental health and recovery. BAM. That usually stops the conversation. Lol.
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@Fitness327wk It definitely sounds like you hear where I am coming from. My husband and I were also drinking buddies so this is a big change for him. I get that. He is not actively trying to sabotage me at least.
I do! Thanks for your understanding!2 -
Status check: Day 3 AF free for me.
After nearly 3 months AF (what I thought of as a "reset"), my experiment with my sister to moderate at a concert in mid-December led to others... and I had a head-check recently and realized that I'd drank 4 times in 30 days, and 3 of them were doozies (memory lapses, hangovers, etc).
I'm back to attending AA 2-3 times a week and while I am still not 100% committed to never having another drink again for the rest of my life, I am committed to today, and cautiously committed to the self-exploration that AA encourages. There are a lot of things in my past to take a look at (nothing BRUTAL but certainly a fair amount of pain), a lot of inner dialogue that needs addressing, and if nothing else, I know that I need to address my need to avoid being vulnerable. This fear of vulnerability has led to too many dark days, and really, what's so scary about taking a long, hard look in the mirror and taking stock? Some truths are harder to come to than others, I guess.
This may not apply to your situation, but for me, finally making the commitment has made it easier, not harder, this time. I am done. I don't have to worry about it, let it bother me when others are doing it or whatever. It's just something I don't do anymore. I am protecting my sobriety as if my life depended on it because it very well might.
As an aside, I have never known anyone who drank to memory loss 3 times in a month as an adult and was ever able to drink responsibly and I have known a number of people who drink that much. Regrettably, most still do and it hasn't gotten any better.5 -
Watching more YouTube videos...the latest is Gabor Mate - Childhood Trauma Creates Addiction...for anyone interested in the psychology underlying addiction. This guy has lived it, he's walked the walk and can relate to those he is trying to help.
@joha5603 It's not easy to delve into our past to see what's boiling under the surface...hard to face the pain we've tried to stuff down & avoid through alcohol and other behaviors that end up harming us more in the process. I'm so thankful that there is so much information now and more acceptance toward mental/emotional issues that need to be healed. I personally want to start thriving instead of just surviving...onward & upward 6
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