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Thoughts on getting old vs aging
Phirrgus
Posts: 1,894 Member
in Debate Club
I've wanted to discuss this for a while now as my wife and I (both late 50s) are surrounded by people who seem to view advancing in age beyond a certain number as a license to just...stop. One of the most common questions I hear at family gatherings, because when I play with the kids I play like crazy 
is "Don't you know how old you are?" I usually answer "Well, yes. Yes I do." With a smile lol.
A 20 something year old friend of my daughter in law told me it was great to see the "elderly" trying to stay fit! I was mortified!
I stumbled across this article on Marketwatch and thought it might be a good basis to work from here.
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/growing-old-vs-aging-the-5-cs-to-successful-aging-2013-12-23
I've been told I'm in denial. I'm not. If I don't feel 80 why should I act like it? My job has taken me to numerous nursing homes - I quite literally hate it. It's heart breaking to see so many people who I do not believe should have to live like that, and so many do because they bought into the myth that "They're too old to live any other way."
I'd like to hear others thoughts on this.
signed,
The 35 year old 59 year old
is "Don't you know how old you are?" I usually answer "Well, yes. Yes I do." With a smile lol.A 20 something year old friend of my daughter in law told me it was great to see the "elderly" trying to stay fit! I was mortified!
I stumbled across this article on Marketwatch and thought it might be a good basis to work from here.
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/growing-old-vs-aging-the-5-cs-to-successful-aging-2013-12-23
Look around you and you will see the role spirit and attitude play in relationship to the concept of being old. Do you know any 75 year-olds that act like they’re 35? Do you know any 40 year-olds that act like they’re 80? If you answered “yes” to either question you are affirming the attitudinal and spiritual source of what separates those who are aging from those who are old. This distinction was described by Paul the apostle in his letter to Corinth where he stated, "though our outward man perishes, our inward man is renewed day by day."
There is no denying the effects of time on our bodies. Though we can slow certain physical impacts we cannot prevent them altogether. Hair turns gray or falls out. Skin wrinkles. Senses can begin to dull as can short term memory. As George Burns once quipped, "you know you're getting older when everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work."
Choosing to live an engaged life until the day we die is no accident; it is the purposeful and intentional discipline of those souls who choose to live every day they are living. They are not in denial of the inevitability of death; they simply have chosen to not give it a head start.
I've been told I'm in denial. I'm not. If I don't feel 80 why should I act like it? My job has taken me to numerous nursing homes - I quite literally hate it. It's heart breaking to see so many people who I do not believe should have to live like that, and so many do because they bought into the myth that "They're too old to live any other way."
I'd like to hear others thoughts on this.
signed,
The 35 year old 59 year old
79
Replies
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I hear you! I once read somewhere a comment to the effect that most of the symptoms of aging were down to down to reduced activity. Reduced activity seems rarely to be accompanied by reduced eating so obesity is the inevitable result. Given that there is a direct correlation between overweight and a myriad of complaints that start out niggling, become seriously debilitating, and end up with being housebound and immobile in your older years, I say keep going!
Now that I am 52 and looking down the barrel of old age, I'm taking all this very seriously. I can't cheat death, but I at least hope to lead it a bit of a dance. I can live with grey hair and wrinkles but I see no reason that I have to relinquish my active life or stop having fun. There's nothing wrong with hanging with the young people, as long as you don't overstep the bounds of decency or worry about their view of the elderly (what the hell do they know?!). And 59 isn't old. 109 is old. Keep on trucking!25 -
Exactly!hypocacculus wrote: »I hear you! I once read somewhere a comment to the effect that most of the symptoms of aging were down to down to reduced activity. Reduced activity seems rarely to be accompanied by reduced eating so obesity is the inevitable result. Given that there is a direct correlation between overweight and a myriad of complaints that start out niggling, become seriously debilitating, and end up with being housebound and immobile in your older years, I say keep going!
Now that I am 52 and looking down the barrel of old age, I'm taking all this very seriously. I can't cheat death, but I at least hope to lead it a bit of a dance. I can live with grey hair and wrinkles but I see no reason that I have to relinquish my active life or stop having fun. There's nothing wrong with hanging with the young people, as long as you don't overstep the bounds of decency or worry about their view of the elderly (what the hell do they know?!). And 59 isn't old. 109 is old. Keep on trucking!
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Age can be a positive or negative thing depending on perspective and how you deal with it (or not).
Heading to 53 myself. Aging well is my goal. I try to do things accordingly which will help me in doing that.
A balanced - moderate exercise program is part of it, but not the only thing I do. I also engage in other activities that have been proven to help the brain exercise as well. Which is equally important as the physical conditioning.
Fortunately much of the effects of the lifestyle I lived in my 30's and 40's have been reversed. I'm in better shape today physically and lighter in weight.6 -
Age is just a number.. do what you wish as long you have the energy and attitude for it. 👍👍13
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I think age is defined in the "mind's eye". If you feel old, you act old. I too know people who seemed to have slowed right down and they haven't even reached 50 yet.
I also know some people who are in their 80's that still have a vigorous life.
I have a renewed sense of staying "young" because I just lost a brother. He was 55. Way too young to have died considering he was not in ill health. He was a kind and decent person and his passing was a complete shock.
I'll be damned if I don't try living "younger". When something tragic like this happens you really start to get a better perspective on the way you live.19 -
64 here. A friend of ours was at the fitness center where we go, and a trainer asked him what his goal for the year was. His answer: "To die healthy". I changed my views on aging 7 yrs ago when I read a book "Younger Next Year".14
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I think age is defined in the "mind's eye". If you feel old, you act old. I too know people who seemed to have slowed right down and they haven't even reached 50 yet.
I also know some people who are in their 80's that still have a vigorous life.
I have a renewed sense of staying "young" because I just lost a brother. He was 55. Way too young to have died considering he was not in ill health. He was a kind and decent person and his passing was a complete shock.
I'll be damned if I don't try living "younger". When something tragic like this happens you really start to get a better perspective on the way you live.
I am so sorry to hear about your brother, that's so hard to deal with. I also think your way of thinking is the best way to honor his memory.
You also touched on that perspective we carry, and the thought that "I can die at any moment" is largely what fuels my attitude many days. I've lost quite a few people who were so important to me, all of them died when they were younger than I am now.
Having a sense of my own mortality can go a long way towards living in the moment. Thanks for sharing.6 -
I've known people who claim those effects can't be reversed lol. I don't listen to them. And it's that mindset that I'm primarily thinking about. Why would I want to do that to myself? Because others think I ought to?anothermfpuser wrote: »Age can be a positive or negative thing depending on perspective and how you deal with it (or not).
Heading to 53 myself. Aging well is my goal. I try to do things accordingly which will help me in doing that.
A balanced - moderate exercise program is part of it, but not the only thing I do. I also engage in other activities that have been proven to help the brain exercise as well. Which is equally important as the physical conditioning.
Fortunately much of the effects of the lifestyle I lived in my 30's and 40's have been reversed. I'm in better shape today physically and lighter in weight.
Nah
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snowflake954 wrote: »64 here. A friend of ours was at the fitness center where we go, and a trainer asked him what his goal for the year was. His answer: "To die healthy". I changed my views on aging 7 yrs ago when I read a book "Younger Next Year".
I still think of my coaches parents. He was 85 and she was 90. Didn't stop them from coming to the gym to work out 3 days a week. 7 -
Aging happens. Getting old is a choice. And, for the record, late 50's is NOT elderly. Chick needs to be schooled. I know plenty of people in their late 60's and well into their 70's who live healthy, fit, active lives. You wouldn't guess their ages. And, honestly just as many who don't...it is all about choices and attitude. Does it hurt to get up in the morning? Hell, yeah. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop...because stopping is quitting. And as long as we're alive, we should be LIVING.15
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@Phirrgus The Blue Zones researchers make it really clear that while the diets of people in the BZs are important, there is a pretty good chance that their healthy longevity comes from their lifestyles - they still work, play, socialize, etc right through their 90s and past 100. In the book they talk to a 100+ man who still herds his animals walking several miles with them every day. Our assumption that being past a certain age means becoming a dependent lump I think really handicaps us in western society.
My parents are in their 70s and just retired to VA. They had a 2 story house built on a decent sized piece of land, and everyone told them they were nuts to make their retirement home with stairs and a big yard to care for. But their philosophy is use it or lose it. If I have to get up the stairs, I'll prioritize being capable of getting up the stairs.18 -
One of the common traits with the Blue Zones is being active into the 80s, 90s and even beyond. I'm a fairly sedentary 40 year old and this is my one area of weakness that I really want to work on. I see my elderly neighbors out walking twice a day in all sorts of weather conditions, while I sit on my bum
My big goal this year is to start walking regularly. Yesterday I did 1.5 miles and it felt great, now to just keep at it! 19 -
snowflake954 wrote: »64 here. A friend of ours was at the fitness center where we go, and a trainer asked him what his goal for the year was. His answer: "To die healthy". I changed my views on aging 7 yrs ago when I read a book "Younger Next Year".
I had to run and didn't explain about the book. I was in my late 50's then and my OA was always a little worse. I have always been active-swimming, acquagym, walking, etc. I was having trouble going down stairs. I remember telling my BIL, a doctor, that at this rate I'd be in a wheelchair in 5 years. I was thinking "well, what do you expect, you're getting older. Have to slow down". Then my mother gave me the book to read and it was an eye-opener. I realized that I should be doing MORE not LESS. So I changed my mindset and started to step up my pace. I discovered MFP and learned a lot on the forums and tried new things and PUSHED myself always a little more. I can now skip down stairs, walk the hills here in Rome without feeling winded, and am generally in better shape than I was 7 yrs ago. I still wake up stiff and sore, and long car trips do me in, but hey, I'll take it over a wheelchair.24 -
Hi Kimney72 - I'm glad you posted this, especially the bold as that is exactly what I'm referencing. The prevalent attitude that at (fill in the age) years old we should stop enjoying life and carrying on with what we enjoy because *reasons*@Phirrgus The Blue Zones researchers make it really clear that while the diets of people in the BZs are important, there is a pretty good chance that their healthy longevity comes from their lifestyles - they still work, play, socialize, etc right through their 90s and past 100. In the book they talk to a 100+ man who still herds his animals walking several miles with them every day. Our assumption that being past a certain age means becoming a dependent lump I think really handicaps us in western society.
My parents are in their 70s and just retired to VA. They had a 2 story house built on a decent sized piece of land, and everyone told them they were nuts to make their retirement home with stairs and a big yard to care for. But their philosophy is use it or lose it. If I have to get up the stairs, I'll prioritize being capable of getting up the stairs.
I love the way your parents think
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One of the common traits with the Blue Zones is being active into the 80s, 90s and even beyond. I'm a fairly sedentary 40 year old and this is my one area of weakness that I really want to work on. I see my elderly neighbors out walking twice a day in all sorts of weather conditions, while I sit on my bum My big goal this year is to start walking regularly. Yesterday I did 1.5 miles and it felt great, now to just keep at it!
The freedom is intoxicating in some instances. I think everyone loves a good rest, but I've seen people (my dad) rest his way right into existing>living.
Totally bass-ackwards if you ask me. Yet it was accepted by everyone in his age group because....that number.1 -
I agree that we can be proactive and intentional about living an active life as we age. Anecdotally, I often hear that things start to "break" around age 50.
A big eye opener for me about being proactive about my health and staying on top of any issues was watching a family member go downhill in his mid-50's. He went from running marathons and chasing grandkids in his 50's to basically sedentary and all because he ignored a health issue. It was almost like he was going through stubborn adolescence again and denied his own mortality by making stupid choices. Well, the health issue turned into a massive infection, which turned a simple surgery into a very complicated one, which led to a surgical accident and years of complications and near-death, and now he's 63 and will never be the same. The last time I saw him he was just OLD. I know this is ultimately not what he wanted for himself, but it's almost like he denied the inevitability of getting old altogether and it cost him so much.
So all of that is to say, I want to live an active life as I age, but I also know I'm going to age and need to be proactive about any issues that could hurt my quality of life in the future. It's all about choices, sometimes very complicated ones.6 -
So very true. I'm sorry about your family member - I know that feeling, and it's primarily his example that demands I not make the choices he did, so there's that at least.DomesticKat wrote: »I agree that we can be proactive and intentional about living an active life as we age. Anecdotally, I often hear that things start to "break" around age 50.
A big eye opener for me about being proactive about my health and staying on top of any issues was watching a family member go downhill in his mid-50's. He went from running marathons and chasing grandkids in his 50's to basically sedentary and all because he ignored a health issue. It was almost like he was going through stubborn adolescence again and denied his own mortality by making stupid choices. Well, the health issue turned into a massive infection, which turned a simple surgery into a very complicated one, which led to a surgical accident and years of complications and near-death, and now he's 63 and will never be the same. The last time I saw him he was just OLD. I know this is ultimately not what he wanted for himself, but it's almost like he denied the inevitability of getting old altogether and it cost him so much.
So all of that is to say, I want to live an active life as I age, but I also know I'm going to age and need to be proactive about any issues that could hurt my quality of life in the future. It's all about choices, sometimes very complicated ones.
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I'm going to be 57 this May, and have been working towards being in the best shape (healthier and fitter) than I have ever been. People are living to 100 - so we aren't even "old", just middle-aged We do live in a youth-obsessed society. All we can do is show 'em how us 50+ folks rock!!! 21
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Love it! I'm 48 and my wife would probably grant me a solid 13.
I see much of this as focusing on the wrong things. There is no diet that is going to fundamentally change society. Supplying that which has not been earned is an insult.
Man requires purpose to thrive. If you drill down to every negative act it comes down to loss of purpose.
I do an annual run with my teammates and those leading the pack are well into their 60's. These are men who never lost their sense of purpose, but transitioned this from work to something else that they can do as they age.12 -
Susanna527 wrote: »I'm going to be 57 this May, and have been working towards being in the best shape (healthier and fitter) than I have ever been. People are living to 100 - so we aren't even "old", just middle-aged We do live in a youth-obsessed society. All we can do is show 'em how us 50+ folks rock!!!
Don't ever stop. 4 -
I love that statement.Love it! I'm 48 and my wife would probably grant me a solid 13.
I see much of this as focusing on the wrong things. There is no diet that is going to fundamentally change society. Supplying that which has not been earned is an insult.
Man requires purpose to thrive. If you drill down to every negative act it comes down to loss of purpose.
I do an annual run with my teammates and those leading the pack are well into their 60's. These are men who never lost their sense of purpose, but transitioned this from work to something else that they can do as they age.
You know, I saw an article yesterday - people are buying young peoples plasma in the hopes that having it introduced to their systems it will slow down aging...Here it is.
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-02-19/beware-of-buying-young-people-s-blood-to-prevent-aging-fda-says
Why for Gods sake? I might miss being able to bounce the way I used to, but I really do like where I'm at and have no fear of the future. ugh.
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My Dad's 90, and he's extremely active, on a personal level and in his community. He goes to the gym 3 days a week, meets friends for breakfast and lunch most days, is very involved with his church and taking care of members who need support or just company (most of them are younger than him). He belongs to two senior groups and goes on overnight trips with them twice a month.
I want to emphasize that he is blessed with very good genetics and has no chronic diseases or debilitating injuries that would make it harder for him to maintain this level of activity - the point I'm making is that just the fact that he's 90 hasn't caused him to alter his lifestyle to conform to anyone's stereotype of what being elderly looks like. I believe continuing to do what we love to the degree possible as long as we can (and finding new things to love if we have to give up old ones) even if would be considered inappropriate for our chronological age is key to living vs existing, as @Phirrgus has noted.20 -
Fabulous topic! I have been in a position to see people of all ages, stages, activity levels, and health levels. It seems to me that those who heal faster from injuries/illness/surgeries are those who are more active. Poor nutrition (particularly low protein intake) can also impact healing. Many factors influence health and aging healthy, but why not influence those factors as best as we can. I love seeing someone who is staying active at an age where many would tell them not to anymore. I think keeping physically engaged is important to keeping you emotionally engaged. All part of aging as healthy as possible.3
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My Dad's 90, and he's extremely active, on a personal level and in his community. He goes to the gym 3 days a week, meets friends for breakfast and lunch most days, is very involved with his church and taking care of members who need support or just company (most of them are younger than him). He belongs to two senior groups and goes on overnight trips with them twice a month.
I want to emphasize that he is blessed with very good genetics and has no chronic diseases or debilitating injuries that would make it harder for him to maintain this level of activity - the point I'm making is that just the fact that he's 90 hasn't caused him to alter his lifestyle to conform to anyone's stereotype of what being elderly looks like. I believe continuing to do what we love to the degree possible as long as we can (and finding new things to love if we have to give up old ones) even if would be considered inappropriate for our chronological age is key to living vs existing, as @Phirrgus has noted.
Thank you for sharing about your Dad. I find that very inspiring and (yes I'm going to say it) want to be like that when I grow up
Thanks @mph323 7 -
My Dad's 90, and he's extremely active, on a personal level and in his community. He goes to the gym 3 days a week, meets friends for breakfast and lunch most days, is very involved with his church and taking care of members who need support or just company (most of them are younger than him). He belongs to two senior groups and goes on overnight trips with them twice a month.
I want to emphasize that he is blessed with very good genetics and has no chronic diseases or debilitating injuries that would make it harder for him to maintain this level of activity - the point I'm making is that just the fact that he's 90 hasn't caused him to alter his lifestyle to conform to anyone's stereotype of what being elderly looks like. I believe continuing to do what we love to the degree possible as long as we can (and finding new things to love if we have to give up old ones) even if would be considered inappropriate for our chronological age is key to living vs existing, as @Phirrgus has noted.
Thank you for sharing about your Dad. I find that very inspiring and (yes I'm going to say it) want to be like that when I grow up
Thanks @mph323
Me too!4 -
I'm 49 and decided a year ago that I was going to hit 50 in the best shape of my life and am working towards that goal. I'm actually loving this age because my son is old enough now that I can refocus my energy on myself which is awesome. I firmly believe you are only as old as you believe and I seriously cannot grasp that I'm going to be 50. I picked up mountain biking last year and most of the women I bike with are half my age which surprises them when they find out. I keep up with them and in some case bike better and longer than they do.
I actually got my son into mountain biking and have more endurance than he does!
I have goals for biking and plans to try new things in the coming years. I think the minute you give up either physically or mentally, you get old. I train dogs for my other hobby and if that doesn't keep you on your toes, nothing does.
This is a great thread!12 -
I'm 64. Played Indoor Soccer competitively until I was 62. Retiring in 6 months. Plan to do a lot of Hiking.
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I'm 49 and decided a year ago that I was going to hit 50 in the best shape of my life and am working towards that goal. I'm actually loving this age because my son is old enough now that I can refocus my energy on myself which is awesome. I firmly believe you are only as old as you believe and I seriously cannot grasp that I'm going to be 50. I picked up mountain biking last year and most of the women I bike with are half my age which surprises them when they find out. I keep up with them and in some case bike better and longer than they do.
I actually got my son into mountain biking and have more endurance than he does!
I have goals for biking and plans to try new things in the coming years. I think the minute you give up either physically or mentally, you get old. I train dogs for my other hobby and if that doesn't keep you on your toes, nothing does.
This is a great thread!
I completely agree - and dogs are awesome
It is so nice hearing others who feel like I do ....1 -
I find that hard to believe. As we age, our kids are older and on their own more and work becomes less of a competition. We actually have the time to take care of ourselves ... and at some point, if we don't, we get a wake-up call to do so.
54 years old here - and I'm usually the oldest one in my group fitness classes at the gym, too - and have been for years now.
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MostlyWater wrote: »I find that hard to believe. As we age, our kids are older and on their own more and work becomes less of a competition. We actually have the time to take care of ourselves ... and at some point, if we don't, we get a wake-up call to do so.
54 years old here - and I'm usually the oldest one in my group fitness classes at the gym, too - and have been for years now.
I played soccer for almost 40 years. By the time I quit, I had played with this one guy, his son AND his grandson. I was easily 20 years older than anyone in the League.9
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