Engagement rings
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the_conspicuous_quesadilla wrote: »TheRoadDog wrote: »TheRoadDog wrote: »
there was no keeping score, the watch was her idea. I thought it was a very nice sentiment. she thought, why should she be the only one getting something. wasn't keeping score at all.
I misspoke. Sorry. There is no way to put a value on what's important. If you marry and are still happily married 30 years later, you will look back on the happiest moments of your life and discover money had little to do with it. It will not be the vacations you save for. It will be the memories and who you shared them with.
Let me give you an example and then I will stay quiet. My wife and I are retiring together on July 31st. We are currently getting our house ready to sell because we are going to relocate. Saturday, we were doing some stuff in the backyard, while a guy was tiling the bathroom. We finished what we were doing hours before the Handyman did. We stayed outside for a couple hours while he finished. We were sitting there talking about things in the past. And our immediate future. Funny projects we have taken on over the years. It was one of the best afternoons I have had. I realize my life has been so happy because of her. Everything I have is because of her.
Something real with someone is never guaranteed in this life nor are we entitled to it. You're a lucky man that you have it.
Reality sucks quesadilla...let me pretend like I’m entitled. 😉0 -
TheRoadDog wrote: »TheRoadDog wrote: »
there was no keeping score, the watch was her idea. I thought it was a very nice sentiment. she thought, why should she be the only one getting something. wasn't keeping score at all.
I misspoke. Sorry. There is no way to put a value on what's important. If you marry and are still happily married 30 years later, you will look back on the happiest moments of your life and discover money had little to do with it. It will not be the vacations you save for. It will be the memories and who you shared them with.
Let me give you an example and then I will stay quiet. My wife and I are retiring together on July 31st. We are currently getting our house ready to sell because we are going to relocate. Saturday, we were doing some stuff in the backyard, while a guy was tiling the bathroom. We finished what we were doing hours before the Handyman did. We stayed outside for a couple hours while he finished. We were sitting there talking about things in the past. And our immediate future. Funny projects we have taken on over the years. It was one of the best afternoons I have had. I realize my life has been so happy because of her. Everything I have is because of her.
This is goals 😭1 -
the_conspicuous_quesadilla wrote: »TheRoadDog wrote: »TheRoadDog wrote: »
there was no keeping score, the watch was her idea. I thought it was a very nice sentiment. she thought, why should she be the only one getting something. wasn't keeping score at all.
I misspoke. Sorry. There is no way to put a value on what's important. If you marry and are still happily married 30 years later, you will look back on the happiest moments of your life and discover money had little to do with it. It will not be the vacations you save for. It will be the memories and who you shared them with.
Let me give you an example and then I will stay quiet. My wife and I are retiring together on July 31st. We are currently getting our house ready to sell because we are going to relocate. Saturday, we were doing some stuff in the backyard, while a guy was tiling the bathroom. We finished what we were doing hours before the Handyman did. We stayed outside for a couple hours while he finished. We were sitting there talking about things in the past. And our immediate future. Funny projects we have taken on over the years. It was one of the best afternoons I have had. I realize my life has been so happy because of her. Everything I have is because of her.
Something real with someone is never guaranteed in this life nor are we entitled to it.You're a lucky man that you have it.
That’s an interesting prospective that I’ve never really thought about until I saw this comment. Many people do in fact act as if love is an entitlement and hence force it with the wrong people and even at the wrong times.0 -
There're many women who don't need any diamonds to be happy.
Personally I don't like the way you put the question. I give the best gifts I can find to people I love without expecting anything in return no matter how much it costs me.
Now tell me what you will give her in return for a child labor? Cut off your arm?
Yup. This. Do something out of love or just dont do it.3 -
I dont know the value or my ring, nor do i care. What i care about is the fact my fiance designed it FOR me, and its so much more than i could have ever imagined. To me its the love and heart he poured into the process that has proven to me really quite how much i mean to him and how seriously he takes it commitment.
I have offered him a "gift" in return but in the form of something i know he wants but wouldn't buy himself, and were still working on this.
I will never be able to match the value of the ring, emotionally or i expect in a monetary sense. I earn a lot less than him, and i know in the coming years ill earn even less as i raise our family. What i lack in financial balance with him i make up for in love, support, team work and effort in our lives together and that's what matters.
If you feel hard done by for not getting an item in return i feel marriage isn't what you think it is.3 -
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1. If you feel pressured to buy an expensive ring, then that person isn't right for you and you shouldn't marry her. 2. I'd rather spend that money on something else, like the wedding or honeymoon. The big thing now is couples spending thousands on a stupid ring then begging their wedding guests for money to pay for their wedding or honeymoon. 3. I'm a woman, never married (by choice), but if I was proposed to with a ring, I would know this man didn't know me at all, just like any woman you would want to marry would know you well enough to know not to expect a ring.1
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i never wanted an expensive ring and i definitely didn't want a real diamond. i got both.0
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I wanted to start our life. Instead of dropping an insane amount of money on a wedding, ring, and honeymoon we decided to worry less on one day that neither of us were going to remember all the small details. My ring is simple. Something I don't have to worry about taking off anytime I want to do something and something I never took off until it became too big, but everyone is different.0
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the_conspicuous_quesadilla wrote: »Can i just buy "said future sweetheart" a car and forget the ring?
Diamonds are literally virtually worthless. For a diamond ring I maaay want something. For a car i would expect absolutely nothing in return, just want her to have dependable transportation.
This might work if you also warm it up, clean off the snow, defrost the windows, dig out the tires and take care of oil changes.
I just realized I’m high maintenance. 😬2 -
your_future_ex_wife wrote: »the_conspicuous_quesadilla wrote: »Can i just buy "said future sweetheart" a car and forget the ring?
Diamonds are literally virtually worthless. For a diamond ring I maaay want something. For a car i would expect absolutely nothing in return, just want her to have dependable transportation.
This might work if you also warm it up, clean off the snow, defrost the windows, dig out the tires and take care of oil changes.
I just realized I’m high maintenance. 😬
I just about died lol...also filling the tank with gas.....2 -
I'll put it this way, the ring I bought my wife was probably less expensive than the ones given by my closest 20-25 friends. 15 years later my wife and are both still happily married with two kids a good life together. The top 10% most expensive rings purchased in our group, they are all divorced. And probably at least 50% of the remaining ones. So I'm not saying a cheap ring gets a lasting relationship, but finding someone who loves you for you, and not some fancy ring is what does. Hollywood would be another prime example where everyone has to have the most outrageous ring, yet most of their marriages are likely to fail in the first 5 years. Find a woman that would rather spend the money on you as a couple, doing things, building things that will last, and that will translate into a marriage that will last.3
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your_future_ex_wife wrote: »the_conspicuous_quesadilla wrote: »Can i just buy "said future sweetheart" a car and forget the ring?
Diamonds are literally virtually worthless. For a diamond ring I maaay want something. For a car i would expect absolutely nothing in return, just want her to have dependable transportation.
This might work if you also warm it up, clean off the snow, defrost the windows, dig out the tires and take care of oil changes.
I just realized I’m high maintenance. 😬
Not really, I do this all the time for my wife. Not that she expects me to, or needs me to. I'm just the first to leave in the mornings and we live in a very cold climate. She takes my two precious children to day care before heading to work so I make sure its cleaned off and warmed up for them. I also do the maintenance, tire changes, etc.
And my wife is the furthest thing from high maintenance. She doesn't even wear makeup!3 -
1. OK
2. Too much property nails a soul to the earth when it would rather fly
3. I’ll help
4. Oof1 -
I think there's a problem with anyone feeling pressured into anything ever. Maybe just find someone who has the same ideas about what engaged and married life should be like.
I'm pretty traditional and definitely wanted a ring, but I don't like diamonds, so I gave a list of my favorite stones in order of preference. Then we picked out wedding rings to match though to be fair I don't remember who paid for those or if we split the cost. He didn't get an engagement gift, but he did get a very nice cigar case for a wedding gift, and I also got a necklace to match the ring.
There doesn't have to be a ring. There doesn't have to be a diamond. There probably does need to be some level of compatibility with regards to expectations.2 -
TheRoadDog wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I just got engaged last night. My ring is bigger than I would have thought I would like, but perfect all the same, because it was bought with love from someone who loves me, and that’s really what is important. It didn’t have to be a diamond at all and it still would be special to me.
Congratulations. That's one lucky guy.
Thank you, my friend
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