Tell me a joke! :D

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Replies

  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    bubble10005 wrote: »
    Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table, and then a chair

    thats hysterical
  • KBjimAZ
    KBjimAZ Posts: 369 Member
    How much do pirates pay for their earrings?

    A buccaneer
  • yourradimradletshug
    yourradimradletshug Posts: 964 Member
    Q:What is Forrest Gump's password?

    A: 1Forrest1

    Q:What's the difference between being hungry and being horny?

    A: Depends on where you put the cucumber! :D
  • Omar_Apocrypha
    Omar_Apocrypha Posts: 794 Member
    Ok this is translated I hope you enjoying , it's little bit >:)
    There was a wallet seller took his son to circumcision specialist , after the specialist did his work , he is throwing the ring of leather in a bucket , full with it .
    -The seller asked the specialist : what do you do by all these ,
    -The specialist answer , I throw it
    -The seller said , I want it's
    -He said ok ,
    The seller took the rings and make a very small wallet , and put it in his displaying racket.
    A woman come shopping for a wallets , asked about the tiny lether wallet price
    He said it'100000 $$ :o
    She asked why it's so expensive
    He answered , this is special wallet when you scratch it , it's become a big bag
  • gatorgirlgot8
    gatorgirlgot8 Posts: 55 Member
    Someone painted the numbers 1, 2 ,& 4, on
    three different possums , then turned them loose inside a school....they caught 1,2 & 4,
    Long story short, school was shut down for days while they searched for the 3d & last one.
  • dlbohl1991
    dlbohl1991 Posts: 786 Member
    When I was a kid I had to walk 5 miles to school uphill both ways, I never learned anything though, school was six miles away
  • phoenixrising5721
    phoenixrising5721 Posts: 2,252 Member
    What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend? About 45 minutes

    What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 45 pounds

    Hahahaha. That kills me.
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    The other day a homeless man asked me for some change so I got my wallet out and realized I only had a $20.

    I thought to myself, "Do I really want this money being spent on alcohol?"

    I decided I didn't so I gave him the money.
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    What are a ninja’s favorite type of shoes?
    Sneakers
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    a duck walks into a bar. he orders a beer and tells the bartender, "put it on my bill".

    the bartender stares at him. the duck, with a smile, repeats "i said put it on my bill"

    the bartender, realizing something is amiss within this reality, wakes from the dream he's been experiencing.
    he turns over to tell his wife about the strange dream he just had.
    she pretends to remain asleep as he gently shakes her by the shoulder.

    the bartender rolls back over and cries himself softly back to sleep as he laments his failing marriage.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    iMago wrote: »
    a duck walks into a bar. he orders a beer and tells the bartender, "put it on my bill".

    the bartender stares at him. the duck, with a smile, repeats "i said put it on my bill"

    the bartender, realizing something is amiss within this reality, wakes from the dream he's been experiencing.
    he turns over to tell his wife about the strange dream he just had.
    she pretends to remain asleep as he gently shakes her by the shoulder.

    the bartender rolls back over and cries himself softly back to sleep as he laments his failing marriage.

    Ducks love this joke.....


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  • babygurl48
    babygurl48 Posts: 1,237 Member
    Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."

    So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."

    "Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

    So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"


    "Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."

    So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.

    "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"

    "Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!
  • babygurl48
    babygurl48 Posts: 1,237 Member
    A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

    When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where's the money? The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "where's the money?" Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about"

    The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's temple and says, "Ask him again!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido signs back, "OK.! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house." The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

    Don't you just LOVE Italian lawyers?
  • lorri71
    lorri71 Posts: 95 Member
    I keep shouting out broccolli and cauliflower in public, I think I have florettes.....
  • queen4evr125
    queen4evr125 Posts: 20 Member
    Why did the chicken go to KFC? Because it wanted to see chicken strip !!!😎🤑🤗🥳😜
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    What do you call a lame person who has telepathy?
    Telepathetic
  • lauragreenbaum
    lauragreenbaum Posts: 1,017 Member
    A guy walks into a bar and sits next to a giant grasshopper. He says, "Hey! Did you know they named a drink after you?" And the grasshopper responds, "They named a drink 'Kevin'?"
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