What nobody tells you about losing weight
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RelCanonical wrote: »gradchica27 wrote: »Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »A few stores I went to lately don’t even carry my size in pants. The smallest they sell is size 4, which are more like an 8 with vanity sizing. 😩 I got a few gift cards for my birthday to Christopher and banks but their clothes are too big. It’s kind of sad that stores don’t even carry below size 4 anymore because of how overweight the population is.
I'm starting to run into that, which is ridiculous because I'm not even that small. I like Worthington pants from JCPenney for work, but the smallest size they carry (in my local store at least) is 4 and those are getting baggy on me. Plus I need petite, which are even more limited. I can order them, but I hate not being able to try on pants first because 9 times out of 10 they don't fit right in one way or another.
(I know, what a problem to have. But it really is annoying :grumble: )
Yep. I have the same problem...there are a few stores in which I’m a zero, and sometimes those dresses are too big. Yeah, right. I’m 5’4”, 130ish, I am in no way “tiny”, but in some stores for the 30-40 something crowd, it’s hard to find my size (bc it’s too small or bc they don’t carry many).
And I’m not interested in junior’s clothes bc they’re usually cheaply made, often see-through, or the placement of the waist or shoulders is for a teen, not a woman. (Plus the styles don’t speak to me, even if things didn’t fit wonky)
Where are you shopping? I'm the same size as you roughly and I'm wearing 8s.
I also weigh 130. Ran into this at JC Penney today. Possible higher end stores haven't fallen prey to the same level of vanity sizing.
JC Penney is def a vanity offender. I already wear a 6 there when at other department stores like Macy’s, I’m an 8 leaning towards 10.
Makes sense, because 4s there are too big on me now but I'm reliably a 6US or 10UK in the stuff I order from Modcloth (way too much stuff
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RelCanonical wrote: »gradchica27 wrote: »Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »A few stores I went to lately don’t even carry my size in pants. The smallest they sell is size 4, which are more like an 8 with vanity sizing. 😩 I got a few gift cards for my birthday to Christopher and banks but their clothes are too big. It’s kind of sad that stores don’t even carry below size 4 anymore because of how overweight the population is.
I'm starting to run into that, which is ridiculous because I'm not even that small. I like Worthington pants from JCPenney for work, but the smallest size they carry (in my local store at least) is 4 and those are getting baggy on me. Plus I need petite, which are even more limited. I can order them, but I hate not being able to try on pants first because 9 times out of 10 they don't fit right in one way or another.
(I know, what a problem to have. But it really is annoying :grumble: )
Yep. I have the same problem...there are a few stores in which I’m a zero, and sometimes those dresses are too big. Yeah, right. I’m 5’4”, 130ish, I am in no way “tiny”, but in some stores for the 30-40 something crowd, it’s hard to find my size (bc it’s too small or bc they don’t carry many).
And I’m not interested in junior’s clothes bc they’re usually cheaply made, often see-through, or the placement of the waist or shoulders is for a teen, not a woman. (Plus the styles don’t speak to me, even if things didn’t fit wonky)
Where are you shopping? I'm the same size as you roughly and I'm wearing 8s.
I also weigh 130. Ran into this at JC Penney today. Possible higher end stores haven't fallen prey to the same level of vanity sizing.
JC Penney is def a vanity offender. I already wear a 6 there when at other department stores like Macy’s, I’m an 8 leaning towards 10.
Makes sense, because 4s there are too big on me now but I'm reliably a 6US or 10UK in the stuff I order from Modcloth (way too much stuff )
With a user name like @pinuplove you're forgiven for ordering lots from Modcloth
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That you'll hit a bit of a roadblock 4 months into losing, when you'll feel that nothing makes sense any more. Take a deep breath, reset your mind and keep going. You didn't get this far to stop now.15
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That you'll hit a bit of a roadblock 4 months into losing, when you'll feel that nothing makes sense any more. Take a deep breath, reset your mind and keep going. You didn't get this far to stop now.
Those roadblocks are crazy for real. I was really psyching myself out midlife-crisis style when I was halfway to my goal.3 -
RelCanonical wrote: »gradchica27 wrote: »Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »A few stores I went to lately don’t even carry my size in pants. The smallest they sell is size 4, which are more like an 8 with vanity sizing. 😩 I got a few gift cards for my birthday to Christopher and banks but their clothes are too big. It’s kind of sad that stores don’t even carry below size 4 anymore because of how overweight the population is.
I'm starting to run into that, which is ridiculous because I'm not even that small. I like Worthington pants from JCPenney for work, but the smallest size they carry (in my local store at least) is 4 and those are getting baggy on me. Plus I need petite, which are even more limited. I can order them, but I hate not being able to try on pants first because 9 times out of 10 they don't fit right in one way or another.
(I know, what a problem to have. But it really is annoying :grumble: )
Yep. I have the same problem...there are a few stores in which I’m a zero, and sometimes those dresses are too big. Yeah, right. I’m 5’4”, 130ish, I am in no way “tiny”, but in some stores for the 30-40 something crowd, it’s hard to find my size (bc it’s too small or bc they don’t carry many).
And I’m not interested in junior’s clothes bc they’re usually cheaply made, often see-through, or the placement of the waist or shoulders is for a teen, not a woman. (Plus the styles don’t speak to me, even if things didn’t fit wonky)
Where are you shopping? I'm the same size as you roughly and I'm wearing 8s.
I also weigh 130. Ran into this at JC Penney today. Possible higher end stores haven't fallen prey to the same level of vanity sizing.
JC Penney is def a vanity offender. I already wear a 6 there when at other department stores like Macy’s, I’m an 8 leaning towards 10.
Makes sense, because 4s there are too big on me now but I'm reliably a 6US or 10UK in the stuff I order from Modcloth (way too much stuff )
With a user name like @pinuplove you're forgiven for ordering lots from Modcloth The FedEx guy probably thinks I need an intervention, based on the number of packages he delivers here. 6 -
Thank you for this. I'm a lot farther in than 4 months, but I've been at a roadblock all summer, and the scale has been stagnant.That you'll hit a bit of a roadblock 4 months into losing, when you'll feel that nothing makes sense any more. Take a deep breath, reset your mind and keep going. You didn't get this far to stop now.7 -
Strangers will treat you differently... usually better. It's F'd up, but true. I've had my ups and downs with my weight over the last 10 years.... 220lb down to 145lb, back up to 180lb, down to 150lb again, had 2 babies and got back up to 200lb, now I'm back down to 160lb.... I have always been treated better when I weighed less. Especially by men... all smiles and wanting to make small talk. When I'm heavier, not so much.
*shrugs* 9 -
brittgreenlikethecolor88 wrote: »Strangers will treat you differently... usually better. It's F'd up, but true. I've had my ups and downs with my weight over the last 10 years.... 220lb down to 145lb, back up to 180lb, down to 150lb again, had 2 babies and got back up to 200lb, now I'm back down to 160lb.... I have always been treated better when I weighed less. Especially by men... all smiles and wanting to make small talk. When I'm heavier, not so much. *shrugs*
I've been finding this too! It's tough because I've been chubby my whole life, so this new side of things is tricky to navigate. On one hand it's flattering, but on the other hand it really makes me bitter toward society, and wonder what life would have been like if I had made the life changes sooner.20 -
I am childfree (don't have a life partner & figure if I can't maintain an adult relationship I shouldn't be raising a kid without an example of a socially adept parent). Was shocked when I took my niece shopping with me how much better I was treated than when shopping alone (everyone assumed she was my daughter).
Not weight related, just another observation of unfair social behaviors.16 -
I am childfree (don't have a life partner & figure if I can't maintain an adult relationship I shouldn't be raising a kid without an example of a socially adept parent). Was shocked when I took my niece shopping with me how much better I was treated than when shopping alone (everyone assumed she was my daughter).
Not weight related, just another observation of unfair social behaviors.
One of the reasons I actually like going out and shopping on Mother's Day now is so when cashiers/etc. reflexively say "Happy Mother's Day" to me without thinking I can reply "Thanks; I don't have any children." completely deadpan and without any explanation as to why to make them squirm. Was it her choice? Is she widowed? Is she barren? Etc., etc., etc.
Yes, I am an ahole...but only because the cultural stereotypes in this country/world have made me so.
Don't ask the fat woman when she's due and don't assume all woman over 35 have children unless there are some hanging off/around her that could be hers, with her.25 -
brittgreenlikethecolor88 wrote: »Strangers will treat you differently... usually better. It's F'd up, but true. I've had my ups and downs with my weight over the last 10 years.... 220lb down to 145lb, back up to 180lb, down to 150lb again, had 2 babies and got back up to 200lb, now I'm back down to 160lb.... I have always been treated better when I weighed less. Especially by men... all smiles and wanting to make small talk. When I'm heavier, not so much. *shrugs*
I've been finding this too! It's tough because I've been chubby my whole life, so this new side of things is tricky to navigate. On one hand it's flattering, but on the other hand it really makes me bitter toward society, and wonder what life would have been like if I had made the life changes sooner.
Girl... same here!! In my childhood/highschool years I was a bigger girl who barely got a second glance from anybody. I decided to lose weight and change my lifestyle after graduating. 3 years & -60lbs later, I run into classmates at the bar who barely recognize me & all the sudden want my number & to hangout..... Flattering, yes... but at the same time... F YOU DUDE!!!! I'm still the same person. You obviously didnt care to get to know me back when I was heavier, hilarious you think it's going to happen now. Superficial jerks. ( I didnt say any of this to them of course. But, I did flirt and entertain the idea. Then just walked out of the bar like a boss. Selfishly I felt the need to get revenge... but it was SO SWEET!)..... yeah... I guess you can say I'm a little bitter as well.... haha21 -
When I lost 20kg I went down a shoe size (two in heels). Everyone laughs but it's true!
I also remember mixed feelings about going down bra sizes.
However you can't assume weight loss will change how you think about yourself or how you talk to yourself. The hardest change is in your brain and I don't think I got it right first time, which is why I'm back here working on losing 11kg (still the same shoe size though!)10 -
dhiammarath wrote: »Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »A few stores I went to lately don’t even carry my size in pants. The smallest they sell is size 4, which are more like an 8 with vanity sizing. 😩 I got a few gift cards for my birthday to Christopher and banks but their clothes are too big. It’s kind of sad that stores don’t even carry below size 4 anymore because of how overweight the population is.
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Sidebar: Did anybody else here read the Sweet Valley High novels in the 80s and remember that the Wakefield twins were described as being a perfect size 6? Hello vanity sizing: if their size 6 were my current size 6—wherein I can still pinch not just an inch but full handfuls from my torso—I'm not sure they'd have been considered quite the specimens of physical perfection they were being represented as being.
Haha, I read all the sweet valley high books!!! I’ve never been a six. Was an 8 once. I’m a 14-16 now, but down from 22 - so I’ll take it. maybe one day I will be a 10 again...1 -
Tops I own in size small are now too big. Whaaat? Am I going to have to start shopping i. The junior’s dept? A leather jacket I’ve owned since I was in my 30s - when I was a size 4 - is now too big. Not happy about that one. Losing weight when you’re older is really weird.6
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brittgreenlikethecolor88 wrote: »Strangers will treat you differently... usually better. It's F'd up, but true. I've had my ups and downs with my weight over the last 10 years.... 220lb down to 145lb, back up to 180lb, down to 150lb again, had 2 babies and got back up to 200lb, now I'm back down to 160lb.... I have always been treated better when I weighed less. Especially by men... all smiles and wanting to make small talk. When I'm heavier, not so much. *shrugs*
I've been finding this too! It's tough because I've been chubby my whole life, so this new side of things is tricky to navigate. On one hand it's flattering, but on the other hand it really makes me bitter toward society, and wonder what life would have been like if I had made the life changes sooner.
Very much the same here.
I do sometimes wonder how my life would have been different if my path through it had been as smooth as it is now, rather than constantly having to deal with disapproval and bias.12 -
Tops I own in size small are now too big. Whaaat? Am I going to have to start shopping i. The junior’s dept? A leather jacket I’ve owned since I was in my 30s - when I was a size 4 - is now too big. Not happy about that one. Losing weight when you’re older is really weird.
I have definitely already picked some things up in the juniors by accident, lol (through thrifting), they were larges, fortunately, but they fit perfectly. I still have about 25 to lose and I'm quite petite, so I'll be needing those junior sizes.3 -
brittgreenlikethecolor88 wrote: »Girl... same here!! In my childhood/highschool years I was a bigger girl who barely got a second glance from anybody. I decided to lose weight and change my lifestyle after graduating. 3 years & -60lbs later, I run into classmates at the bar who barely recognize me & all the sudden want my number & to hangout..... Flattering, yes... but at the same time... F YOU DUDE!!!! I'm still the same person. You obviously didnt care to get to know me back when I was heavier, hilarious you think it's going to happen now. Superficial jerks. ( I didnt say any of this to them of course. But, I did flirt and entertain the idea. Then just walked out of the bar like a boss. Selfishly I felt the need to get revenge... but it was SO SWEET!)..... yeah... I guess you can say I'm a little bitter as well.... haha
I'm so glad I'm not the only one dealing with this!! Not that I like that this is happening, but I'm glad we can commiserate. I'm in the exact same demographic as you, and it's so polarizing running into guys I knew previously. You said it so well! I'm still the same person - if anything I was even more willing to go out of my way previously for guys because, well, I felt like I had to.
I don't know about you, but there were times when I was heavier that I could see the tension in my guy friends. On one hand they were attracted to my personality, but they weren't attracted to my appearance, so I could see that debate on whether to ask me out or not. Now that tension is fading, but it makes me not want to go out with the guys that I previously fawned over after seeing how shallow they can be.14 -
Very much the same here.
I do sometimes wonder how my life would have been different if my path through it had been as smooth as it is now, rather than constantly having to deal with disapproval and bias.
I agree...the thing I'm focusing on though is that it made me who I am today, and I like that girl a lot. I feel like I developed my personality and strengths a lot, which I may not have done if life had been easier.10 -
That as your once HUGE tummy and surrounding area was the bane of (one's) existence, that as time goes on, and it begins to shrink and shrink more and more, as you get closer to your goal weight, your tummy may still not be "flat" or as flat as you may want...BUT you will come to LOVE your much smaller tummy and humbly wait with patience and JOY for it to become flatter and flatter--and if it never does get to the place you want, you'll still be THRILLED with the way it looks and feels. I LOVE my tummy now, even if it's not completely flat yet.13
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brittgreenlikethecolor88 wrote: »Girl... same here!! In my childhood/highschool years I was a bigger girl who barely got a second glance from anybody. I decided to lose weight and change my lifestyle after graduating. 3 years & -60lbs later, I run into classmates at the bar who barely recognize me & all the sudden want my number & to hangout..... Flattering, yes... but at the same time... F YOU DUDE!!!! I'm still the same person. You obviously didnt care to get to know me back when I was heavier, hilarious you think it's going to happen now. Superficial jerks. ( I didnt say any of this to them of course. But, I did flirt and entertain the idea. Then just walked out of the bar like a boss. Selfishly I felt the need to get revenge... but it was SO SWEET!)..... yeah... I guess you can say I'm a little bitter as well.... haha
I'm so glad I'm not the only one dealing with this!! Not that I like that this is happening, but I'm glad we can commiserate. I'm in the exact same demographic as you, and it's so polarizing running into guys I knew previously. You said it so well! I'm still the same person - if anything I was even more willing to go out of my way previously for guys because, well, I felt like I had to.
I don't know about you, but there were times when I was heavier that I could see the tension in my guy friends. On one hand they were attracted to my personality, but they weren't attracted to my appearance, so I could see that debate on whether to ask me out or not. Now that tension is fading, but it makes me not want to go out with the guys that I previously fawned over after seeing how shallow they can be.
Exactly! Becuase of this, I'm at a constant battle with myself trying to let go of these feelings. I can't put people who meet me now on any higher pedisal than people from the past... People I meet now might have looked at me the same way if I was still +60lbs..... My husband.... would he have even asked me out?? Who knows!!! He says he's attracted to my personality and that's what really got him interested. BUT honestly I still don't think he would have looked past my weight if I was still a heavy girl.... It blows my mind on how much of a LIFE CHANGER this journey has been. SO many "What if's..."9 -
I am on a rollercoaster in terms of body image. If I look in the mirror or try on clothes, and sometimes when I catch a glimpse of my thighs when biking, I see that I am smaller. However, if I just look down at my naked belly, it looks the same as ever.
As to the guys, I have notices some guys checking me out over the last week or two. I did not miss that feeling. However, I am lucky in knowing that my husband met me at about the weight I am now, perhaps a bit more and married me at a heavier weight.7 -
My sister (who was thin at the time) dated a guy for a couple of years who the entire family thought she should marry, he asked, she turned him down because he was fat, and told him so. Devastated, over the next 3 years he slimmed down, started doing triathlons, and married someone else.
My sister is a dumbass....26 -
There seems to be many assumptions about what other people thought. those 'Do I, Don't I' situations when it comes to dating / asking out were far more complex than that. Once you got to know someone you either fancied someone or you didn't, if you did - well then it got complicated. Did they fancy you? Do you want the rejection? What if it goes south and you lose a good friend? What if your mate fancies them? What about their friend who you also have feelings for? Etc., etc.
There were a myriad of reason why I didn't ask out certain people and it wasn't because of weight or anything else re appearance and most men/boys would be the same.12 -
concordancia wrote: »I am on a rollercoaster in terms of body image. If I look in the mirror or try on clothes, and sometimes when I catch a glimpse of my thighs when biking, I see that I am smaller. However, if I just look down at my naked belly, it looks the same as ever.
As to the guys, I have notices some guys checking me out over the last week or two. I did not miss that feeling. However, I am lucky in knowing that my husband met me at about the weight I am now, perhaps a bit more and married me at a heavier weight.
I have had your exact same experience with body image. Looking down at myself, I see no difference, even though it's obvious in the mirror. I'm only now just starting to see it while looking at myself, but I still have my up and down days. Usually that has to do with my period, lol.2 -
I've been finding this too! It's tough because I've been chubby my whole life, so this new side of things is tricky to navigate. On one hand it's flattering, but on the other hand it really makes me bitter toward society, and wonder what life would have been like if I had made the life changes sooner.[/quote]
It’s hard not to wonder how things would’ve been different. But here’s one thing I’m thankful for (among many!)- having always been somewhat heavy (more or less at times), I never put that much value on my looks, and neither did most anyone else. My husband loved me for me, not just my appearance. Now that I’m in my mid 50’s, I’m in shape and feel the best I’ve ever felt about my appearance (although still not my main focus of my fitness). All around me, my friends, who I think are still very attractive, are becoming very insecure as their looks inevitably change somewhat. It doesn’t make sense, but it happens all the same. I’m thankful I put my insecurities about appearance to bed long, long ago. Confidence in your mid 50’s is pretty great!
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Getting older will sort out the male attention thing quicker than being fat, haha. Only downside I've noticed to losing weight is having a crepey tummy instead of a smooth one.
"Your morning breath will be just horrific!" That got hundreds of likes, but it's not something I've noticed, and no evidence to back it up. Why so, people on low carb diets?
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/12/071213124931.htm7 -
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TheMrWobbly wrote: »
There were a myriad of reason why I didn't ask out certain people and it wasn't because of weight or anything else re appearance and most men/boys would be the same.
As someone who didn't have a weight problem until her late 20s, then did, then didn't, then did again, then didn't again, and now is working on not for the last time, I am calling this out.
I have lived it. Enough times now that it wasn't some weird outlier experience or just me being anecdotal. With the same men, even, who were attracted/then not/then attracted again/etc. It most definitely is indeed a thing. It happens. I understand why, which is why I personally don't hold it against those who do it. Their loss, not mine. Bullet = dodged. Etceteras, etceteras, and so on. Whatever I have to tell myself/it takes to make myself feel better and ultimately get over it, since I've been rejected based on my personality just as much as my weight at this point in my life, lol.
At the same time other women may not and I understand why, too. I even possess empathy for overweight or obese men who have been rejected due to degree of adiposity as well. Or looks when not. Or something else physical/tangible. It may not be as prevalent, but some women value/rank initial visual sexual attraction just as high as some men. Whatevs.
You - YOU - may not be that way, sure. But must I really have to type in 2019 that of *course* it's #NotAllMen? Kinda been a given, that one, since, oh, 2017 or so. But there are indeed enough for whom it is true that you cannot dismiss out of hand multiple women's experiences with a post like this. Well, you can try; but then it generates responses like this. 
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I suppose I was making a generalism in the same way.
My experience of me talking to people I fancied also varied based on how I felt about myself. I had bad acne as a lad which came and went and how I talked to those people was very much a reflection of how I felt about myself and their reaction, or at least my perception of their reaction, was driven as much by how I came across as what they actually felt.
Don't get me wrong we majoritively subscribe to a standard view of beauty, whole industries rely on it, if you don't fit that view then you will receive different reactions though my experience is that it was generally with strangers or people who don't know you well. When I had outbreaks there was a general change in how I was treated but mostly from people I didn't care about - to be fair I avoid social gatherings at those times so kind of difficult to truly know.
I am no spring chicken now and the proliferation of social media images has changed what people seem to accept and there is definitely a more self serving approach with my son's friends as to how they can be seen or who with - a shame really.5
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