You're not good enough..
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Yep. Try the dating world as a fat girl, it's really really bad for your self esteem. Like, I know I have a good personality and I have most my shiit together but every time a dating situation doesn't work out or go anywhere, I just know it's because I'm not hot enough. Like there is always gonna be someone better out there so they think that I'm not worthy enough of investing time in.
Hot is relative and if someone's only interested in your "hotness" then they're not worth wasting your time with. The only relationships that work are ones that go beyond the shallow and ephemeral layers of our looks and to who we truly are. Once you find that person who sees you as you, you'll realise why it never worked with anyone else.
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I have worked my way up into a job where all of my coworkers have college degrees and I do not. I do twice as much work as all of them because I feel like that’s how I make up for not having a degree. Im always the first person at work and never call in sick like a lot of them do on a weekly basis. Not bragging and just trying to explain my situation but I am the top performer there but still feel like I’m not good enough because of the college degree.8
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Many people have college degrees and learnt jack-schitt. The ability to do what you do counts more than a piece of paper to show some studying off in the distant past. Keep on rocking it @PruneJuice2point0!
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Because of the cruel, strange family doctor I had as a child, I spent most of my teen & young adult years (actually...til my mid 30s) believing I wasn't good enough for regular medical treatment. He berated me (and my mom) about my weight and was horrible to me. In addition to causing some phobias and other issues, this made me think that I needed to be thin or "normal" in order to take proper care of my health. It's sad, but I didn't start consistently seeing a doctor for preventative medical treatment & tests until after I'd lost a LOT of weight and this is why. Every story someone shared about their doctor saying they needed to lose x number of pounds was one more reason I wouldn't go, even when I was sick.
Another big change...I always felt inferior to other employees at work who were fitter, or had degrees in the area of my job. Even though I have always been a good employee and do have a degree, I've usually worked in other fields. Finally now in my early forties, I've come to see that I offer a lot in the workplace and I've started asking for raises and such...15 or even 10 years ago, I think I felt that I wasn't good enough and didn't fit as well in the professional world (weight being one of several reasons). It's taken a long time to get over that and finally I'm proud of my position and compensation. I honestly never thought I would reach this point. I am shocked and pleased with how much things have changed, honestly.7 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »Because of the cruel, strange family doctor I had as a child, I spent most of my teen & young adult years (actually...til my mid 30s) believing I wasn't good enough for regular medical treatment. He berated me (and my mom) about my weight and was horrible to me. In addition to causing some phobias and other issues, this made me think that I needed to be thin or "normal" in order to take proper care of my health. It's sad, but I didn't start consistently seeing a doctor for preventative medical treatment & tests until after I'd lost a LOT of weight and this is why. Every story someone shared about their doctor saying they needed to lose x number of pounds was one more reason I wouldn't go, even when I was sick.
Another big change...I always felt inferior to other employees at work who were fitter, or had degrees in the area of my job. Even though I have always been a good employee and do have a degree, I've usually worked in other fields. Finally now in my early forties, I've come to see that I offer a lot in the workplace and I've started asking for raises and such...15 or even 10 years ago, I think I felt that I wasn't good enough and didn't fit as well in the professional world (weight being one of several reasons). It's taken a long time to get over that and finally I'm proud of my position and compensation. I honestly never thought I would reach this point. I am shocked and pleased with how much things have changed, honestly.
I'm so happy that you have come to realize your worth girl!👊❤....and I'm so sorry to hear about that atrocious quack you had to deal with early on....but look at you now chica!!! ❤...seriously made me smile🤗😁2 -
Thank you tinydancer106!! That's very sweet.1
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Nope I’m not good enough, I’m over weight still and have along way to go. According to current standard I’m an ugly pos6 -
DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
I have 4 and I think the best advice is to just spend time with them. It is hard to remember but my kids are happiest when I make sure my phone is away, TV is off and I am just wrestling or running around with them. You got this. Have fun with it! Good luck3 -
your_future_ex_wife wrote: »DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
I couldn’t believe they let me leave the hospital with my baby.
Even good parents feel the way you describe fairly often. And even good parents *kitten* up. And your kids will definitely blame you for something no matter what you do.
If I could do the baby time over again, I’d get/accept help so I could sleep more, I’d cuddle and look my babies in the eyes and smile a lot more, and I’d communicate my needs more clearly and forcefully to my partner.
Great advice1 -
AmbitiousButRubbish wrote: »DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
I have 4 and I think the best advice is to just spend time with them. It is hard to remember but my kids are happiest when I make sure my phone is away, TV is off and I am just wrestling or running around with them. You got this. Have fun with it! Good luck
until they get older and your very presence is either an embarrassment or enough to start an argument over basically anything4 -
Hi,
I'm new. I don't feel good enough for me so nothing else matters.......but......i plan on changing that 🙂6 -
bishopjulia wrote: »
Nope I’m not good enough, I’m over weight still and have along way to go. According to current standard I’m an ugly pos
FWIW to me you look very pretty, young & sorta tough in a good way.
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bishopjulia wrote: »
Nope I’m not good enough, I’m over weight still and have along way to go. According to current standard I’m an ugly pos
i'm the one who disagreed on this. you have beautiful hair and gorgeous skin. be gentle and kind to yourself.
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More days than not.2
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Sometimes, I like to pretend I'm John Snow. But deep down, I know I'm not. Maybe parts of him, but then I wonder: How much Ramsey Bolton? And really, I'm good with not being John Snow. Still coming to terms with my inner Bolton though. Its going to take time.0
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bishopjulia wrote: »
Nope I’m not good enough, I’m over weight still and have along way to go. According to current standard I’m an ugly pos
Couldn't be further from the truth. Screw "standards". You look great.1 -
Pandemonium_ wrote: »Sometimes, I like to pretend I'm John Snow. But deep down, I know I'm not. Maybe parts of him, but then I wonder: How much Ramsey Bolton? And really, I'm good with not being John Snow. Still coming to terms with my inner Bolton though. Its going to take time.
Flaying is a hard limit2 -
I feel like "I'm good enough", just not 'lucky enough' or 'fortunate enough' or 'ambitious enough' or 'driven enough' or 'school smart enough', or 'stable enough', or 'social enough'4
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your_future_ex_wife wrote: »Pandemonium_ wrote: »Sometimes, I like to pretend I'm John Snow. But deep down, I know I'm not. Maybe parts of him, but then I wonder: How much Ramsey Bolton? And really, I'm good with not being John Snow. Still coming to terms with my inner Bolton though. Its going to take time.
Flaying is a hard limit
I've never tried it. Withholding judgement.2 -
Pandemonium_ wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »Pandemonium_ wrote: »Sometimes, I like to pretend I'm John Snow. But deep down, I know I'm not. Maybe parts of him, but then I wonder: How much Ramsey Bolton? And really, I'm good with not being John Snow. Still coming to terms with my inner Bolton though. Its going to take time.
Flaying is a hard limit
I've never tried it. Withholding judgement.
🤦♀️0 -
I've had social phobia, which is a poorly named anxiety disorder where you avoid social activities that other people can take part in. As a result, I never had a girlfriend until the age of 24. As a man, that had a significant affect on me. I wondered why I couldn't get a girlfriend, I hadn't connected the dots from anxiety to never dated.
I always had two sayings in my head, that I wasn't good enough to get a girlfriend, and that I didn't deserve love. That took a long time to get those thoughts out of my head, maybe 10-15 years4 -
@threewins wrote: »I've had social phobia, which is a poorly named anxiety disorder where you avoid social activities that other people can take part in. As a result, I never had a girlfriend until the age of 24. As a man, that had a significant affect on me. I wondered why I couldn't get a girlfriend, I hadn't connected the dots from anxiety to never dated.
I always had two sayings in my head, that I wasn't good enough to get a girlfriend, and that I didn't deserve love. That took a long time to get those thoughts out of my head, maybe 10-15 years
I hugged this0 -
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Reckoner68 wrote: »Joanna2012B wrote: »I am that friend that checks in on everyone, but when I go silent for a month no one reaches out. I am not a good enough friend. That is precisely why I think friends are overrated.
@pizzamyheart you deserve to buy yourself something nice. Even if you aren't at your "ideal" weight.
@LyndaBSS just because you don't look like other woman doesn't mean you aren't beautiful!!
@J_NY_Z I am sorry that you feel that way! I don't know you, but I bet you have a lot to offer as a friend!!
@your_future_ex_wife There are plenty of successful people that didn't even start College. Just keep plugging away, your chance will come!!!
You are all good enough.....you're more than enough!!!!
I feel this pretty hard. This has always been me, too...and sometimes I just stop talking to people to see if they'll reach out, and every time I lose friends that way it hurts. I've always been the person who reaches out.
I guess, on the flip-side, when people have reached out to me to check in (a few of you folks are on here and you know who you are) I'm so appreciative I probably gush about it to a point of making them uncomfortable. Oops. But I don't care, it means a lot.
I lost my best friend of over a decade because of this. I was accused of "never being around" when in fact, the opposite was true. If anything, he never reached out to me except when something was wrong. Never once was I checked in on, even when he knew I was isolated and alone and going through a really bad time. Less close friends checked up on me more than he did.
And in the end, he accused me of being a fair weather friend and flipped out on me, only to abandon me even though he said he never would.
All I've learned is that people can't be trusted, so everyone is held at arm's length or further now.3 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »Reckoner68 wrote: »Joanna2012B wrote: »I am that friend that checks in on everyone, but when I go silent for a month no one reaches out. I am not a good enough friend. That is precisely why I think friends are overrated.
@pizzamyheart you deserve to buy yourself something nice. Even if you aren't at your "ideal" weight.
@LyndaBSS just because you don't look like other woman doesn't mean you aren't beautiful!!
@J_NY_Z I am sorry that you feel that way! I don't know you, but I bet you have a lot to offer as a friend!!
@your_future_ex_wife There are plenty of successful people that didn't even start College. Just keep plugging away, your chance will come!!!
You are all good enough.....you're more than enough!!!!
I feel this pretty hard. This has always been me, too...and sometimes I just stop talking to people to see if they'll reach out, and every time I lose friends that way it hurts. I've always been the person who reaches out.
I guess, on the flip-side, when people have reached out to me to check in (a few of you folks are on here and you know who you are) I'm so appreciative I probably gush about it to a point of making them uncomfortable. Oops. But I don't care, it means a lot.
I lost my best friend of over a decade because of this. I was accused of "never being around" when in fact, the opposite was true. If anything, he never reached out to me except when something was wrong. Never once was I checked in on, even when he knew I was isolated and alone and going through a really bad time. Less close friends checked up on me more than he did.
And in the end, he accused me of being a fair weather friend and flipped out on me, only to abandon me even though he said he never would.
All I've learned is that people can't be trusted, so everyone is held at arm's length or further now.
Seventh grade for me; I don't remember the incident, but I trusted someone at school with a secret and they let it out and I swore that I'd never let myself feel like that again. I can't tell if I don't trust anybody now, or if I just try to hold as much as I can in an open-hand so I don't care if it gets out, but I still remember that day and deciding I'd never let myself get burned like that again.
Since then it's just been me trying to keep in touch with folks and when it hits a point where I feel like I'm the sole-reason communication is alive, I just let it go. No animosity, but I know that people will keep talking to be polite and if they don't want to converse with me, I'm just saving everybody time
It does get lonely tho, sometimes, but <shrugs> such is life2 -
Reckoner68 wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »Reckoner68 wrote: »Joanna2012B wrote: »I am that friend that checks in on everyone, but when I go silent for a month no one reaches out. I am not a good enough friend. That is precisely why I think friends are overrated.
@pizzamyheart you deserve to buy yourself something nice. Even if you aren't at your "ideal" weight.
@LyndaBSS just because you don't look like other woman doesn't mean you aren't beautiful!!
@J_NY_Z I am sorry that you feel that way! I don't know you, but I bet you have a lot to offer as a friend!!
@your_future_ex_wife There are plenty of successful people that didn't even start College. Just keep plugging away, your chance will come!!!
You are all good enough.....you're more than enough!!!!
I feel this pretty hard. This has always been me, too...and sometimes I just stop talking to people to see if they'll reach out, and every time I lose friends that way it hurts. I've always been the person who reaches out.
I guess, on the flip-side, when people have reached out to me to check in (a few of you folks are on here and you know who you are) I'm so appreciative I probably gush about it to a point of making them uncomfortable. Oops. But I don't care, it means a lot.
I lost my best friend of over a decade because of this. I was accused of "never being around" when in fact, the opposite was true. If anything, he never reached out to me except when something was wrong. Never once was I checked in on, even when he knew I was isolated and alone and going through a really bad time. Less close friends checked up on me more than he did.
And in the end, he accused me of being a fair weather friend and flipped out on me, only to abandon me even though he said he never would.
All I've learned is that people can't be trusted, so everyone is held at arm's length or further now.
Seventh grade for me; I don't remember the incident, but I trusted someone at school with a secret and they let it out and I swore that I'd never let myself feel like that again. I can't tell if I don't trust anybody now, or if I just try to hold as much as I can in an open-hand so I don't care if it gets out, but I still remember that day and deciding I'd never let myself get burned like that again.
Since then it's just been me trying to keep in touch with folks and when it hits a point where I feel like I'm the sole-reason communication is alive, I just let it go. No animosity, but I know that people will keep talking to be polite and if they don't want to converse with me, I'm just saving everybody time
It does get lonely tho, sometimes, but <shrugs> such is life
Probably a little bit of both, honestly.
That wasn't the first incident, but it was the most recent and most meaningful. It definitely ended up being a one-sided relationship with me going so far as to drive 12 hours to pick him up, drop him off at a friend's wedding (he was the best man, I was merely a guest).. flew out another time to help him deal with massive depression and help clean up his apartment to pass inspection.. yet I'm a "fair weather" friend. Riiiiiight.
And yes, it gets lonely.. but at least no one can hurt you if you live on an island.2 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »Reckoner68 wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »Reckoner68 wrote: »Joanna2012B wrote: »I am that friend that checks in on everyone, but when I go silent for a month no one reaches out. I am not a good enough friend. That is precisely why I think friends are overrated.
@pizzamyheart you deserve to buy yourself something nice. Even if you aren't at your "ideal" weight.
@LyndaBSS just because you don't look like other woman doesn't mean you aren't beautiful!!
@J_NY_Z I am sorry that you feel that way! I don't know you, but I bet you have a lot to offer as a friend!!
@your_future_ex_wife There are plenty of successful people that didn't even start College. Just keep plugging away, your chance will come!!!
You are all good enough.....you're more than enough!!!!
I feel this pretty hard. This has always been me, too...and sometimes I just stop talking to people to see if they'll reach out, and every time I lose friends that way it hurts. I've always been the person who reaches out.
I guess, on the flip-side, when people have reached out to me to check in (a few of you folks are on here and you know who you are) I'm so appreciative I probably gush about it to a point of making them uncomfortable. Oops. But I don't care, it means a lot.
I lost my best friend of over a decade because of this. I was accused of "never being around" when in fact, the opposite was true. If anything, he never reached out to me except when something was wrong. Never once was I checked in on, even when he knew I was isolated and alone and going through a really bad time. Less close friends checked up on me more than he did.
And in the end, he accused me of being a fair weather friend and flipped out on me, only to abandon me even though he said he never would.
All I've learned is that people can't be trusted, so everyone is held at arm's length or further now.
Seventh grade for me; I don't remember the incident, but I trusted someone at school with a secret and they let it out and I swore that I'd never let myself feel like that again. I can't tell if I don't trust anybody now, or if I just try to hold as much as I can in an open-hand so I don't care if it gets out, but I still remember that day and deciding I'd never let myself get burned like that again.
Since then it's just been me trying to keep in touch with folks and when it hits a point where I feel like I'm the sole-reason communication is alive, I just let it go. No animosity, but I know that people will keep talking to be polite and if they don't want to converse with me, I'm just saving everybody time
It does get lonely tho, sometimes, but <shrugs> such is life
Probably a little bit of both, honestly.
That wasn't the first incident, but it was the most recent and most meaningful. It definitely ended up being a one-sided relationship with me going so far as to drive 12 hours to pick him up, drop him off at a friend's wedding (he was the best man, I was merely a guest).. flew out another time to help him deal with massive depression and help clean up his apartment to pass inspection.. yet I'm a "fair weather" friend. Riiiiiight.
And yes, it gets lonely.. but at least no one can hurt you if you live on an island.
Heh, nobody else can anyway :P1
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