How to deal with sweet's in the home

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Replies

  • lgfrie
    lgfrie Posts: 1,445 Member
    edited November 2019
    vanityy99 wrote: »
    lgfrie wrote: »
    How are you gonna go out with friends for a meal then try to dictate what they can and cannot order. Unless they ordered the food for you specifically where does that entitlement come from?

    I was dealing with situations where I was out with someone who had pre-ordered food for BOTH of us before I even got to the restaurant. As in, "I ordered us some chicken wings...." I was sitting down at tables that were already covered in food which I was (a) supposed to partake in, and (b) would end up paying half of.

    I brought the hammer down on that. I had to.

    What people order for themselves at a restaurant is of no concern to me. But when I go out to eat with people, there's very often shared food and a shared check, and that I'm not gonna be part of unless there's some shared understandings about what's OK to order and what isn't.

    Being shy about one's needs doesn't always work with dieting.

  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,575 Member
    lgfrie wrote: »
    vanityy99 wrote: »
    lgfrie wrote: »
    How are you gonna go out with friends for a meal then try to dictate what they can and cannot order. Unless they ordered the food for you specifically where does that entitlement come from?

    I was dealing with situations where I was out with someone who had pre-ordered food for BOTH of us before I even got to the restaurant. As in, "I ordered us some chicken wings...." I was sitting down at tables that were already covered in food which I was (a) supposed to partake in, and (b) would end up paying half of.

    I brought the hammer down on that. I had to. No choice.

    What people order for themselves at a restaurant is of no concern to me. But when I go out to eat with people, there's very often shared food and a shared check, and that I'm not gonna be part of unless there's some shared understandings about what's OK to order and what isn't.

    Being shy about one's needs doesn't always work with dieting.

    Ok I thought you were telling peeps what to order for themselves I was like 😳😳😳.


  • lemurcat2
    lemurcat2 Posts: 7,867 Member
    edited November 2019
    lgfrie wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    lgfrie wrote: »
    "Honey, I weigh 400 pounds. I am trying to do something about that before I fall over dead - I want to be here and healthy for you. If I had the ability to resist temptation, I wouldn't be this weight, so I need your support. No more sweets in the house. Can you do that for me?"

    Right?

    .... and if her answer is "No." , what then ??

    Really.... not wisecracking here.

    How does one deal with an enabler ??

    Not many people in a close relationship will flat-out refuse a heart-felt, direct appeal for help in doing something with life-or-death consequences.

    A 400 lb person whose nascent efforts to lose weight are being sabotaged by a spouse needs to sit down with said spouse, lay out the problem, and insist that they work together as a team.

    A "no" answer would hint at a deeper problem in the relationship than junk food, and that could be addressed in various ways, but my starting position would simply be: I need your help with this.

    Dieting has many challenges, and I've learned that one of them is getting control of the situation with other people who aren't tuned in. I've dealt with more than my fair share of going to meet a friend for a meal and sitting down to a table full of fried onion rings and such. I've tried and tried to hint and get my needs across in a myriad subtle ways, to no avail. Eventually, I just got to a point where I would say, "I'm morbidly obese. I am trying to save my own life. It's a big project. Being surrounded by junk food makes it much harder. So what I need from you is to not make it even harder than it already is by putting crap food right in front of my face."

    It works. In fits and starts, and not necessarily on the first rev. But by the 2nd or 3rd iteration, it sinks in.

    Agreed. I think it would help if OP would share more of what the conversations have been between him and his wife and who else in the family is eating the sweets (sounds like it might just be the wife, in laws, and him). It's difficult for me to understand why, given the situation, the wife would not help, and makes me think counseling may be needed and that something else is going on (fear of change, feeling judged for being overweight herself, anger at OP for gaining weight, who knows).
  • Fiorefleur
    Fiorefleur Posts: 15 Member
    I’m so sorry . 😔 What we do is allow it on a weekend and it better be gone by Monday or it’s in the trash . My father in law handed over a bucket of candy to the kids for Halloween - he knows we don’t celebrate it . I have high anxiety over sweets. They kept a few pieces and the rest went into the nearest trash ! I don’t like being wasteful but if you keep throwing the bad food on the trash , maybe they’ll have an attempt to hide it from you ?
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,347 Member
    edited November 2019
    First I understand I am the one that needs to change but a little suport would be nice.

    I have had the same conversation 100 times with the 3 adults in my house I don't care if they have them I just don't want to see them I do not think that's to much to ask for.

    I honestly believe they are afraid of change. My shrink told me one time that people do not like it when you upset the balance. And if you sucide you only highlight there failures.

    I mean sure, it would be nice, but at the end of the day the only one who can do this is you. No one else is responsible for your success or failure.

    Also, not to be mean, but I doubt you're making anyone change by telling them over and over again that they need to. In fact, that's probably the best way to keep them from changing. If they didn't listen the 1st 100 times, they're not gonna listen 101st or the 201st. Yeah, it sucks, but it is what it is.
  • yahya97
    yahya97 Posts: 1 Member
    It was hard to lose weight in the beginning when there was temptations. I guess you can tell them to put their food in a different cupboard to yours.
  • wander216
    wander216 Posts: 90 Member
    My mother in law has done this, she would bring candies, cookies and sweet things and leave for my husband on his desk. I explained that if they were not kept in a place I wasn’t aware of then they would be tossed. Plain and simple. And I have tossed. Problem was solved
    I am a see food eater especially when it comes to sweets. Out of site out of mind.