Online Dating.

XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »

I definitely remember how different it is up north. I lived in WY for several years after my undergrad. I clearly recall a man asking me what was wrong with me that I didn’t have kids or an ex-husband. At 22-23. At that very moment I knew that was a place I had to leave.

I've encountered this mostly in the southeast. I worked in Atlanta with young girls who had several divorces, kids by each husband & were 20-21. I was 30 at the time... no divorces, no kids. Everyday they'd ask why, am I gay, is it some weird Yankee thing that infected me, haha.

wrote:

Now, I have no preference about whether someone has been married before, but I absolutely will not ever, under any circumstances date anyone who has, or wants to have children. I’d rather die alone and buy a cat to eat my face off than deal with children of any age. Much less SIX children with no baby mama to dump them off on. I just could not believe that someone wouldn’t mention that ever in a dating profile or during a week of emails/texting.

I once went on a 1st date with a guy who I'd spoken to on the phone a number of times. At lunch, he suddenly dropped that he had 2 kids, 2-yrs & 4-mos... & a crazy ex-gf. Oh, great! He said the crazy gf "got pregnant" (as if he was't in the room at the time), they decided to buy a house so they could be a family (cuz if someone's crazy, it's a great idea to not use protection, then enter into a real estate contract with them), then they had a 2nd baby (cuz it's even better to continually procreate with a crazy, now-ex) & told me umpteen accounts on how he had to repeatedly call police as she refused to drop off the kids with him for visitation. This PhD college professor then left his profession & took a job as a waiter, so he didn't have to pay much in child support & apparently, she left a lucrative career & went on welfare so he'd have to pay for everything.

What a prize of a man... let me at 'em! More importantly, those poor kids.

I was insulted that he thought I, or any woman, would want to step into this nightmare of a situation. All his stories told me were what incredibly awful decisions he makes... repeatedly. I left smoke running away from the restaurant.

And, although I described him as a "waste of makeup" to my friends, honestly... I'm just glad I found out before we dated for 1-mo or 6. I'm thankful he at least revealed himself on the 1st date... it should have been sooner, but it still saved me any heartache.

I hope your next date is far better! Mine, too! Have a wonderful 2020!

qweck3 wrote: »

I've found it to be a total mess. Last one I went out with had no kids, never married and my age. I'm like cool, I have no kids and never married myself so maybe this has a chance. She then proceeds to explain to me on a first date how she would stab me out of nowhere. *Check please. Don't need crazy!*

Hypotheticals

TarryTaffy wrote: »

XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »

I definitely remember how different it is up north. I lived in WY for several years after my undergrad. I clearly recall a man asking me what was wrong with me that I didn’t have kids or an ex-husband. At 22-23. At that very moment I knew that was a place I had to leave.

I've encountered this mostly in the southeast. I worked in Atlanta with young girls who had several divorces, kids by each husband & were 20-21. I was 30 at the time... no divorces, no kids. Everyday they'd ask why, am I gay, is it some weird Yankee thing that infected me, haha.

wrote:

Now, I have no preference about whether someone has been married before, but I absolutely will not ever, under any circumstances date anyone who has, or wants to have children. I’d rather die alone and buy a cat to eat my face off than deal with children of any age. Much less SIX children with no baby mama to dump them off on. I just could not believe that someone wouldn’t mention that ever in a dating profile or during a week of emails/texting.

I once went on a 1st date with a guy who I'd spoken to on the phone a number of times. At lunch, he suddenly dropped that he had 2 kids, 2-yrs & 4-mos... & a crazy ex-gf. Oh, great! He said the crazy gf "got pregnant" (as if he was't in the room at the time), they decided to buy a house so they could be a family (cuz if someone's crazy, it's a great idea to not use protection, then enter into a real estate contract with them), then they had a 2nd baby (cuz it's even better to continually procreate with a crazy, now-ex) & told me umpteen accounts on how he had to repeatedly call police as she refused to drop off the kids with him for visitation. This PhD college professor then left his profession & took a job as a waiter, so he didn't have to pay much in child support & apparently, she left a lucrative career & went on welfare so he'd have to pay for everything.

What a prize of a man... let me at 'em! More importantly, those poor kids.

I was insulted that he thought I, or any woman, would want to step into this nightmare of a situation. All his stories told me were what incredibly awful decisions he makes... repeatedly. I left smoke running away from the restaurant.

And, although I described him as a "waste of makeup" to my friends, honestly... I'm just glad I found out before we dated for 1-mo or 6. I'm thankful he at least revealed himself on the 1st date... it should have been sooner, but it still saved me any heartache.

I hope your next date is far better! Mine, too! Have a wonderful 2020!

Guuurl!!! 🤗💗.....i laughed at the whats wrong with you comment ya weird yankee!😂🙌

From a fellow weird Yankee I can honestly say you're probably just too damn amazing😍🔥💃🙌🤷

I am new here and I really want a serious woman who is above 30 to message me or add me up! If you want to be friends you can add me up to but mainly interested in something romantic.

isalsayourface123 wrote: »

seltzermint555 wrote: »

I've been married twice & met both of my husbands online. Both are awesome men, but of course Husband #2 is the one for me and much more awesome.

I dated several other guys in between who were generally pretty good. A couple of them weren't for me (for various reasons) and one was clearly much more interested in finding a partner to share the load financially which was a bit disturbing, but I stopped seeing him right away. I'm still friends with a couple of these guys - the good ones - years down the road.

I feel like in my daily life I spend an inordinate amount of time warning & advising friends & colleagues to MEET QUICKLY face to face when they start an online flirtation. A lot of them do not follow this advice and wind up scammed, hurt or just very disappointed. I learned back in 1999 with a month-long "online relationship" that it's silly to put way too much effort into a person that may be far from what they say. Luckily mine was just a dorky guy across the country who was still technically with his "ex" girlfriend. But some of my acquaintances have been into these "relationships" much deeper and gotten hurt. Or maybe worse, met up and were rejected or had to reject someone after feelings were intense on one or both sides.

So anyway...I think it's so important to meet up QUICKLY and figure out if there's anything there. Saves a lot of time & heartache. MUCH easier to reject or be rejected after a week of casual chat than after months of deep "bonding" and planning...

On the flip side. Taking a couple weeks to get to know someone is important. There have been several instances where some anger, drinking, or side relationships were revealed. Some potentially dangerous personalities I was able to avoid by taking some time. So a fine line between meet up quick and make sure you know enough about the person first.

True, I suppose. I feel like a lot of people are really great though at showing only their best side online and via text and such. Masters at hiding other relationships and even marriage.
But that is a very good point, not meeting too fast before you get a sense of what the person may be like. I didn't disagree with you btw!

I think I was always so gun shy with any tiny, minor red flags...the guys I met were almost always pretty compatible with me, tons of shared interests, etc. Sometimes even shared backgrounds or mutual friends. So I didn't consider the above quite so much.

seltzermint555 wrote: »

isalsayourface123 wrote: »

seltzermint555 wrote: »

I've been married twice & met both of my husbands online. Both are awesome men, but of course Husband #2 is the one for me and much more awesome.

I dated several other guys in between who were generally pretty good. A couple of them weren't for me (for various reasons) and one was clearly much more interested in finding a partner to share the load financially which was a bit disturbing, but I stopped seeing him right away. I'm still friends with a couple of these guys - the good ones - years down the road.

I feel like in my daily life I spend an inordinate amount of time warning & advising friends & colleagues to MEET QUICKLY face to face when they start an online flirtation. A lot of them do not follow this advice and wind up scammed, hurt or just very disappointed. I learned back in 1999 with a month-long "online relationship" that it's silly to put way too much effort into a person that may be far from what they say. Luckily mine was just a dorky guy across the country who was still technically with his "ex" girlfriend. But some of my acquaintances have been into these "relationships" much deeper and gotten hurt. Or maybe worse, met up and were rejected or had to reject someone after feelings were intense on one or both sides.

So anyway...I think it's so important to meet up QUICKLY and figure out if there's anything there. Saves a lot of time & heartache. MUCH easier to reject or be rejected after a week of casual chat than after months of deep "bonding" and planning...

On the flip side. Taking a couple weeks to get to know someone is important. There have been several instances where some anger, drinking, or side relationships were revealed. Some potentially dangerous personalities I was able to avoid by taking some time. So a fine line between meet up quick and make sure you know enough about the person first.

True, I suppose. I feel like a lot of people are really great though at showing only their best side online and via text and such. Masters at hiding other relationships and even marriage.
But that is a very good point, not meeting too fast before you get a sense of what the person may be like. I didn't disagree with you btw!

I think I was always so gun shy with any tiny, minor red flags...the guys I met were almost always pretty compatible with me, tons of shared interests, etc. Sometimes even shared backgrounds or mutual friends. So I didn't consider the above quite so much.

Even in real life, people can be great at only showing what they want others to see. Online just allows it to be that much more so.

I think there's a right time to meet someone in person, and it depends on things such as distance/location, schedules, etc. While I prefer to meet someone as soon as possible, if there's barriers such as long distance or schedules then the alternative of video chat (Skype, etc) is a good middle ground until things work out and can meet.

Pupnuzz wrote: »

Tinydancer106 wrote: »

Pupnuzz wrote: »

I try to stay away from most dating apps now.
Met a guy off Grindr and he raped me, so I've been spending the last year recovering and begun working out and getting into make-up as an outlet.

I'm so sorry my friend and hope you know I think you are tremendously strong and brave and you may have helped someone by letting them know the uncertainty out there....i would love to see your makeup I'm sure you rock at it!🤗😎🤘....and exercise is great for the mind body and spirit so I'm so impressed and happy for you....be proud because you are a survivor and badass! And well pretty dang cool too! Big hugs 🤗🙏💗

@Tinydancer106

Thanks 🙂
That means a lot!
I do hope that my story may help others stay safe or take some extra caution out there


I've been trying to post a pic of my makeup in one of the selfie thread but I can't seem to get it to upload from my phone for some reason and I wasn't sure how accepted a guy in makeup would be on here haha, didn't wanna be in everyone's faces lol. If anyone knows a fix please tell me 🤗

I can speak only for myself of course but I really see no difference whether men or women use cosmetics, or filters, or whatever appearance alteration they like.... I've never believed that any particular behaviour was "appropriate" for one gender but not another.

I don't personally know many people who have used online dating in my age cohort (50s) but the ones that have will most often mention misleading photos or physique descriptions. Apparently the philosophy is, "well I'm overweight but the average person is overweight so I'll put 'average' as my build".

No real horror stories but my friend's male neighbour was having great success with online dating and I was pretty shocked to hear the number of women who would happily go to his home for their first face to face meeting.

XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »

TarryTaffy wrote: »

XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »

I definitely remember how different it is up north. I lived in WY for several years after my undergrad. I clearly recall a man asking me what was wrong with me that I didn’t have kids or an ex-husband. At 22-23. At that very moment I knew that was a place I had to leave.

I've encountered this mostly in the southeast. I worked in Atlanta with young girls who had several divorces, kids by each husband & were 20-21. I was 30 at the time... no divorces, no kids. Everyday they'd ask why, am I gay, is it some weird Yankee thing that infected me, haha.

wrote:

Now, I have no preference about whether someone has been married before, but I absolutely will not ever, under any circumstances date anyone who has, or wants to have children. I’d rather die alone and buy a cat to eat my face off than deal with children of any age. Much less SIX children with no baby mama to dump them off on. I just could not believe that someone wouldn’t mention that ever in a dating profile or during a week of emails/texting.

I once went on a 1st date with a guy who I'd spoken to on the phone a number of times. At lunch, he suddenly dropped that he had 2 kids, 2-yrs & 4-mos... & a crazy ex-gf. Oh, great! He said the crazy gf "got pregnant" (as if he was't in the room at the time), they decided to buy a house so they could be a family (cuz if someone's crazy, it's a great idea to not use protection, then enter into a real estate contract with them), then they had a 2nd baby (cuz it's even better to continually procreate with a crazy, now-ex) & told me umpteen accounts on how he had to repeatedly call police as she refused to drop off the kids with him for visitation. This PhD college professor then left his profession & took a job as a waiter, so he didn't have to pay much in child support & apparently, she left a lucrative career & went on welfare so he'd have to pay for everything.

What a prize of a man... let me at 'em! More importantly, those poor kids.

I was insulted that he thought I, or any woman, would want to step into this nightmare of a situation. All his stories told me were what incredibly awful decisions he makes... repeatedly. I left smoke running away from the restaurant.

And, although I described him as a "waste of makeup" to my friends, honestly... I'm just glad I found out before we dated for 1-mo or 6. I'm thankful he at least revealed himself on the 1st date... it should have been sooner, but it still saved me any heartache.

I hope your next date is far better! Mine, too! Have a wonderful 2020!

Funny that you quoted it as from me. But, it's not.

As a man, I have similar views as you when it comes to women. I've been through hell in regards to women with children. So, am very apprehensive on dating women with children. While it's my preference for no children, especially those still at home, if I met the right woman I'd have to seriously reconsider. Especially since I do have an adult son who lives on his own.

Oh, oops, accident. I deleted too much of the previous posts... I'll leave them from now on. Sorry... it's too late to edit, but thanks for the clarification.


To your current post, I didn't state my views on dating men with children (& never will, cuz my views would most likely offend others)... I only recounted 1 date.

The problem was the h*ll of a life he'd created for himself & wanting to drag another woman into it.