Women 200lb+, Let's Be Mighty this May!!!

speyerj · May 2020

Congratulations on the house sale!, @AlexandraFindsHerself1971! I bet that is a relief. Here's hoping your move to the new house goes smoothly.

Terytha · May 2020

I just ate an entire bag of gummy sour peach rings and I'm not sorry. They were delicious. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night for one reason or another and sugar tastes especially good when I'm exhausted.

Anyways I weighed at 180.4 so I'm once again doing the taunting dance just above the drop into the next tens place. It really feels like the universe dangling stuff over my head every time.

KeriA · May 2020

The fridge was delivered. I am not sure how much my schedule is thrown off. I spent some time doing meal planning now that there is somewhere to put groceries and since my daughter’s birthday is next week. Some of her special food wishes I was able to get from our dairy deliveries. She wants lox, bagels and cream cheese for breakfast and they had the bagels and cheese. She wanted frozen lasagna but they had Beecher’s curd lasagna so I put that on next weeks delivery. Beecher’s is a cheese store in Pike Place Market. Also they have stuff from a great local bakery so I got a treat or 2 for her birthday cake substitute (we are not big cake fans). I got her lemon bars which are her favorite treat. I filled out my meal plan until her birthday and shopping list for what I can’t get from our dairy deliveries. I think I need to go shopping tomorrow. Yesterday, I did do my chapter and exercise yesterday and drank close to my water goal.

@speyerj I don’t always read how people reply to others but there are gems in them so I usually skim them. Your replies are always gems.
@Rosie3579 I enjoyed reading your thoughts about sweets.

I use to feel good since I thought I wasn’t drinking my calories or even having diet soda pop. I was, I thought only drinking water (and 1 tea a day at work). But I knew that I needed to have healthier breakfasts. Well part of my problem with breakfasts was café lattes. I realized I was drinking my calories. 1st I transitioned from Grande Latte to double tall latte. Then the pandemic happened and I had no commute. It was a long commute that led to my bad breakfast habit. I was magically transforming my commute to a visit to the espresso bar. I am so much a Seattlite. However I love our “house blend” and drink it black on the weekend. Now that I am on temporary furlough every day is a weekend in terms of coffee. It has helped my weight loss. But I realized how hypocritical I was about others and their trouble with drinks. I am really trying to grow up with having treats once in a while. This morning after the fridge was finally delivered I decided to treat myself and went to drive by Starbucks for my Grande Latte which now I only have occasionally. If you have it every day or more is it a treat? Yes, for somethings they are daily treats. Others should be weekly treats and others monthly treats and others birthday treats. I am pretty good with executive functioning but this is one I need to work on. My Mom stopped all sweets due to an older sister’s dental issues so I never had any to practice with. I think you are right about having something that is a treat when we can enjoy it. However breakfast is my favorite meal now I don’t have as many sweets for breakfast but it wouldn’t be sustainable to cut out all sweets from breakfast. In fact I would often lose weight easier on weekends because my husband cooks a great breakfast that includes healthy pancakes. They are later after aquafit or sleeping in and I don’t usually eat again until dinner. Weekdays didn’t really change whether I had sweets or not since the rest of the day I was at work and didn’t really change depending on my breakfast. Now that I am home I don’t have really sweet things for breakfast on weekdays.

@rachel_vegan this is where we all have posted about how we are struggling with the same motivational issues related to this time.
@alexandraFindsHerself Congrats selling your house and hope you find a great new home.

As to dental issues @mmdeveau, @changeforeverlj and others I have a different concern about my daughter. She is turning 26 next week and is only on our insurance until the end of the month. We have a dental appointment to have her seen next week before she is no longer covered but I am wondering about how wise that is. She doesn’t have a critical issue but her normal cleaning/check up was postponed from April. We have been really careful about staying home (we are over 65) as has she and although Seattle has flattened its curve that just means the rate has decreased not the number of cases. We still have plenty of cases they just aren’t decreasing or increasing. The governor is allowing dentists to open up with certain restrictions but we live in one of the worse counties in the state. My daughter says she is too busy with school (end of the quarter). I want her to focus getting on Applecare (our States affordable care act insurance) and seeing her Dr for her ADHD meds probably through Zoom so we can get her meds before she is off our insurance. I think my husband thinks she should go to the dentist but I am worried the risk of exposure of covid-19. With the economy she may not get a job right away when she graduates.

Now it is time for me to do today's chapter and exercise.

deegriggs28 · May 2020

Hey ladies! Just checking in! So the scale went down then went back up. However, I’m not deterred. My pants are fitting better. I’ve been working out more so I now I have some swelling from the microtears in the muscles. Hope the week is going well for everyone!

lbostic89 · May 2020

Ladies!! I am back! I took time away from myself in March due to this crazy life we have been living for the last two months, and I am soo happy to say that where I live the "curve is flattening" and we are starting to somewhat normalize again. I gave myself up for my job and now it is time for me to start taking care of myself again! I am going to be checking in with formally adding my goals at the beginning of June, but for now I am here, I am re-establishing my good habits and I am so excited.

aliciap0116 · May 2020

Good morning, weigh-in Wednesday for me!

Height: 5'6"

SW: 236.4 (9/8/19)
3/1: 195.6
4/1: 186.5
5/1: 187.0
5/6: 185.0
5/13: 184.4
5/20: 185.5
5/27:
5/31:
May goal: 182

Bouncing around again. My low this week was 183 but today I am back up.

My big May goal was to getting back to basics:

1. Getting to sleep no later than 10 pm: I have been staying up late and getting up later. I think it is affecting my snacking, intermittent fasting, as well as my weight loss.

Doing better on IF but not getting to bed on time. Closer to midnight!

2. Water at 128 oz: This really makes a difference for me.

More consistent, averaging 105 oz.

3. At least 15 minutes of exercise per day: I am moving less generally at the moment. I felt fantastic when I started the day or took a break with a short ride on my spinning bike. It also motivated me to eat better and snack less. It is so much harder to do after I put my son to bed.

This week include a long bike ride and long walk over the weekend, and spinning one day. I need to do something everyday!

4. Limit treats: Right now I am snacking on sweet treats throughout the day. I don't want to cut myself off from all treats but they certainly add up.

Better on this! But they are still sneaking in. The conversation on this thread about sweets was helpful. I need to decide what I want for the day, pre-log, and stick with it.

5. Journal: It has become apparent to me that despite losing 50 lbs from the start of this and feeling confident in my ability to lose weight, I am still an emotional eater. I would like to do some work on myself to focus in on this and figure out how to break this cycle.

Why have I not started this???

6. Resume PNP podcasts: Before COVID, I was listening to these on my way to and from work, plus while washing dishes, etc. I don't have that time to myself right now! I would like to reincorporate a constant message about having a healthy relationship with food.

Did this a few times this week; it has been helpful.

Now for a few NSVs!

I do feel like my leg muscles are getting stronger. I am so proud to keep up with the family on bike rides, especially when thinking back to 3 years ago when I had to pull over to the side of the road and let my family go on without me because I felt like I was dying.
I am down 2% for body fat since starting in this mid-180s range 2 months ago. I know the BF measurements on scales are not super accurate. But it's enough of a change to think my body is re-calibrating at this set point, where I have spent some time in the past.
My mom and friend have commented that you can really see the weight loss in my face. When I look back to pictures taken in early January, I can really see a difference.
I have lost 2 inches for measurements over the past month, despite only a small loss. I encourage everyone to take measurements and progress photos (I use the Progress app).
I've decided to let my hair go gray. The dye has been giving me an allergic reaction for several years now, so I have have been thinking about it, but the work from home situation is making now the right time (I am still covering it with root spray for Zoom calls, until it looks more intentional). Why I am putting this on my weight-loss blog? Because losing the weight has given me confidence to do this after dying my hair for 25 years. When I turn 50 next year I want to be a strong, fit, confident and authentic lady.

sweetirish · May 2020

@lbostic89 Welcome back! I had taken my own hiatus so I feel you.

Been pushing myself to walk almost a mile during my breaks at work. With the weather being so nice this week I've had no issues getting out there. I managed to hit over 10k steps yesterday, though I'm not 100% sure how. I'm thinking it had something to do with the random "I need to hang cafe lights in the backyard" mood that hit might have something to do with it. We have decided to make the backyard a destination for us this summer and are going to be putting in a crushed stone patio and hubby just picked up a propane fire pit for us (due to zoning laws and how tiny our backyard is, we can't have a traditional wood burning fire pit). I have a love of solar garden lights and will likely have a backyard that is lit enough to act as a landmark to the small planes that fly overhead on their way to the airport (haha, I'm only slightly joking). The goal is to not spend as much time sitting inside with the fridge and TV and actually relax instead of going brain dead with the tube on.

I did hear from another woman using the same IVF clinic I am that they're doing a soft opening on June first so here's hoping we can try another cycle June or July. They're prioritizing "time sensitive" patients and natural frozen transfers, which I know I am doing so here's hoping my 40 year old *kitten* can get in with one of the first cycles.

mmdeveau · May 2020

A couple of quick comments while I'm waiting a bit to make sure I don't have any late adds for my online class:

@changeforeverlj - oh, I am so sorry to hear about your tooth! I know of more than a handful of people who have deferred tooth problems and one person who actually got started on a process to get an implant with an emergency appointment. The pain is concerning to me because one of the reasons for an increase might be infection. Dental infections can have really bad complications - they're definitely a concern for strep bacteria getting into the blood stream and causing sepsis, and in some cases the strep finds a home on one of your heart valves, requiring a heart valve replacement. Don't mean to scare you, but please monitor yourself closely!

@cupcakecrusoe - I don't know if my pain tolerance really is any higher than anyone else's. I haven't had a child, but I had crippling gall bladder attacks for nearly a year before I got a clue as to what was going on. I passed out at the end of all these attacks, they were so intensely painful and exhausting. Other people who have had gall bladder issues and have had a child said that they thought having a child was less painful than the gall bladder attacks. But I'm also betting they had an epidural in preparation for the birth. 😉

@AlexandraFindsHerself1971 - congratulations on the sale of the house! Good to know things in this world are still moving forward. I hope you and your family will enjoy your new place!

@KeriA - Yeah, I can talk a lot. And believe me, I edit things quite a bit before I post - first draft might be a stream of consciousness which is hopefully not too evident once I post the final draft! So glad you got that new refrigerator. I live in fear of my fridge breaking. My freezer is packed with food. And while some of it is packages of meat, a lot of it is meal-prepped main dishes. If we absolutely could not leave our houses for three months or maybe more, I'd probably be set for food! So it represents not just a lot of money, but a lot of my time. I'm not kidding when I say I'd be devastated if I lost all that food!

@Terytha - I'm vicariously enjoying the peach gummy rings. Those are so good! Glad you thoroughly enjoyed them!

Speaking of treats, I know someone posed the question about how we deal with sweets and treats. I think @Rosie3579? My opinion: life is too short to skip treats, whatever they might be. I have sweet stuff every day, whether it's just a cup of sugar-free hot chocolate with some whipped cream, a serving of Ghiradelli dark chocolate chips I stash in my freezer, or one piece of baked dessert I made (usually cookies). The key is that I control how much I have each day. And I refuse to feel bad about it if I decide to have an extra treat every once in a while. I practice owning that decision, and refuse to beat myself up for that decision. That doesn't mean I don't evaluate things if a pattern of overindulgence is emerging - but that's a different process and necessary for a very different reason.

@speyerj - happy belated birthday! I hope you found a way to make it special during these very special circumstances! Thanks for your comments about my friend, I'll summarize why it's not just a quarantine panic reaction on her part down below.

So about my "best" friend...I can't definitively say when or what happened but definitely in the last 5-7 years there has been a shift in our relationship. (You know what? I'm thinking about this time frame and it was about 5 years ago when I first lost 100 pounds, going from over 300 to less than 200. I know people say relationships change when we lose weight, but I haven't thought about this particular relationship through the extreme weight loss lens. Something to think about on my long runs!) We didn't see each other as much, and I definitely started to feel that if I didn't reach out I'd never hear from her again. Every time we got together we had a good conversation, a good time, and promises to do things more often. I'd say in the last two years or so, things had a different feel. It was always me contacting her, and then I'd always hear a litany of reasons she couldn't meet, until finally she found a pocket of time to meet. She didn't hide (or wasn't as successful as she thought about hiding) what a chore she considered this to be - something she needed to get out of the way. But we'd get together, have a good time, promise we'd see each other more frequently - especially because I had started working in the city, where she lives and works.

In the past two-and-a-half years, I've contacted her and there's been a bit of back and forth texting but not much more than that. Here are the times she reached out to me: 1) when her significant other was in the hospital and she basically needed a personal nurse navigator (in her opinion; I thought the docs & RNs were doing exactly all the right things for him and I know that the hospital he was at has great nursing care, but I helped her anyway because she is my friend). 2) When her cousin in California delivered her baby early due to cardiac issues and the baby had to be flown from Southern CA to San Francisco for urgent treatment. 3) Should she buy an N95 mask and where can she get them because she and her significant other had some close calls? (My advice to anyone: DO NOT tell a nurse during a pandemic when PPE supplies are short that you've had some close calls and you want N95 masks. I have strong, immovable opinions about these masks right now, I freely express them, and I don't care how unlikeable it makes me when I say it, I have told people it is the hill I will die upon.) Honestly it took me all day to get in a frame of mind to respond, and I'm sure I gave her a less-than satisfactory answer.

Do you think there's a theme?

The one time she agreed to meet was the night before I drove to my dad's to help take care of him during his seven-week hospital stay - during which he battled sepsis, acute renal failure, a seizure, and ended up having his leg amputated. She probably sensed if she didn't make the time it would be pretty unforgivable. When her dad died, I was there for her and I helped her and her family quite a bit after he passed away.

I had spent a week at the hospital with my dad at that point, then had to come back to work for a week but was able to arrange for a somewhat indefinite leave of absence before heading back to him. Would you like to know what we talked about during our entire meetup?

The new dog she adopted - the dog had extreme behavioral issues and I got to hear all of them before she had to leave, and I had to leave to get prepared for a 1500-mile car trip I drove alone.

I still hate myself for rationalizing that it was nice to not have to talk about or think about my dad for a little bit to excuse her. But truly I am tired of the one-way street.

But the thing that I keep thinking about is this thing that happened in December or January. If I hate myself for rationalizing, I have disgusted and humiliated myself by making excuses for her about this. I came across some post on FB about the color black being a favorite color or something like that, and it was something that I thought she would relate to so I posted it and tagged her. Her reply was swift, and she made sure she tagged me as well: Here, I found something for you!" And that was attached to an offer to buy a bracelet with beads spelling out "Fu@k Off"

It's kind of hard to explain some of that away, but I did it. Otherwise I would not have even answered her mask question.

Sigh. Honestly, when I think about never initiating contact again and how I'm going to deal with it when or if she does, it's not relief or lightness I feel. But I do have a sense of maybe contentment that I might now value myself now more than I once did, that I might finally, truly be in my own corner.🙂

aliciap0116 · May 2020

Only have time for a few quick shout outs, but I have been reading everyone's posts!

@lbostic89 I recall you saying you worked in healthcare. Thank you for taking care of everyone and I am glad you are safe and healthy! So happy to see you back!

@speyerj Happy birthday and congratulations on making your goal! Your efforts are truly inspiring and I am glad you are continuing on to see where the rest of the journey takes you!

@keriA I'm so impressed with the work you have done over the past few months. Not just losing the weight you have lost but identifying areas, like lattes, that were holding you back. Those insights will serve you well as you move forward.

@mmdeveau Thank you for your raw post. I'm sorry this has been so frustrating. I have been following research and can't believe how ignorant some people are about this virus. It is maddening to me as a citizen but I would be even more furious as a medical worker. It sounds like you need to have a conversation with this friend to clear the air and then perhaps move on without her. But I do agree with @speyerj that there is a lot of bad information out there and people are clinging on to hopes because they are afraid and miss normal life.

@pamiede your progress photos and journey are so inspiring to me!!

@BrownSugar174 your closet sparked joy for me!

Mine are are not as organized or colorful but I have purged a lot of clothes I have no intention of fitting back into! I'm looking forward to donating them when Goodwill opens back up.

@RavenStCloud you are doing fantastic this month! Congrats, especially after dealing with such a difficult move and the coronavirus.

Hugs to everyone else - I am cheering you on!

aliciap0116 · May 2020

@mmdeveau I posted a response before I read your latest post about your friend, and had made some assumptions that may not have been accurate. Anyway. It sounds like she is a taker and you are a giver, and she has taken advantage and doesn't appreciate you. I think it's time to move on. I'm sorry. But it is so liberating to stick up for yourself and let negative people who take advantage of you go.

supersparklyk · May 2020

@KeriA As someone who was born and raised in Seattle, I am also a coffee enthusiast and enjoyed your thoughts on the subject. I now live across the country and so I have my own countertop espresso machine. I can give up many things, but coffee will be the very last to go! Also, I am pretty frugal, so making my own is a must. I have discovered that if I make my lattes with unsweetened coconut milk or coconut/almond milk, my daily drink doesn't have a big impact on my calories. Even with a little creamer added, it's under 200 calories, and is something I look forward to every morning. But I sure do miss Seattle's Best!!

MuttiNM · May 2020

Weigh-in Wednesday

Highest weight: 435 (11/1/18)--lost 50 lbs. by the end of 2018 but got off track and gained back almost 31 lbs.
SW: 415.8 (4/17/19)

4/30: 252.4
5/6: 250.4
5/13: 248.2
5/20: 247.6
5/27:
5/31:

May GW: 244.4
GW: 160 (then reevaluate)

Weekly exercise goals:
- exercise bike 5 times per week - 4/5
- short walking videos or treadmill twice a day 5 times per week - 3/5
- strength training 2 times per week - 2/2
- chair yoga 4 times per week - 4/4
- choose 2 or 3 core specific exercises and start doing them 3 times per week - still need to do this

Well, I had a small loss this week. I didn't lose what I forecast based on my deficit even though it was the same deficit I've had for the previous 7 weeks. Other weeks, I lost a bit more than expected so I guess it does even out over time. And a loss is still a loss.

I've been feeling the depression monster trying to come back. I didn't quite make all my exercise goals but did okay considering. I also got out for 1 bike ride and a couple short walks on the trails around here so that helps make up for the "usual" exercise that I missed.

Hope everyone is having a good week.

speyerj · May 2020

@mmdeveau - Ditto what Alicia said. Some people are narcissists and lack empathy. And there are also people who will view your weight loss as a threat to their self-image (which is its own kind of special pathology, isn't it?). I love that you've concluded that you don't need to put energy into people like that because you deserve more.

@lbostic89 - Welcome back! I'd been thinking of you and wondered how you were coping. I'm glad that you decided to put you first. You know the airline safety speech about putting on your own oxygen mask first before you help others? This isn't because it's more important to save yourself first, but because you might pass out before you can help the other person. I think of self care it the same way. As a caregiver, if you do not care for yourself, you won't be capable of caring for others. It's the opposite of being selfish. So glad to have you back.

@KeriA - Thank you!!

And Beecher's cheese! The macaroni and cheese is to die for, the Lasagna sounds amazing. Hope your daughter enjoys her birthday and good luck to her with the AppleCare application process.

@sweetirish - I hope you get put on the top of the list!

@aliciap0116 - I love that losing weight has given you the confidence to rock the gray! And don't worry about the scale if your body fat % and waistline is dropping. You are doing great.

laurahalford52 · May 2020

Hi I'm new here

Sw 219
CW 213
Gw 138

I need to set some mini goals, but dont know what? Any ideas?

Laura

KeriA · May 2020

Hi All,

I think this is one of the best MFP Blogs I have read:
https://blog.myfitnesspal.com/5-ways-to-change-your-set-point-weight/

It explains some principles I learned when I lost 40 lbs when I first joined MFP. I had a huge plateau at 20 lbs loss (about 10% of my original weight). It explains why we sometimes don't lose when we are doing all the right things.

Now if I can only get to 20 lbs lost.

RavenStCloud · May 2020

Welcome to all the newbies and welcome back to those recently returned!

@aliciap0116 Congrats on all the progress! I am thinking of not dying out my grays any more either but I'm waiting until the end of August. I was originally just planning a big chop and now I think I will have them dye my hair a lighter (maybe a silver) shade, so better blend all the grays. We'll how it goes. The haircut is a treat to myself when I reach a certain goal.

@mmdeveau Sometimes we have to Marie Kondo the people in our lives. Thank them for the joy they once brought, but then chuck them in the bin because they no longer do.

The other day, I woke up feeling not great, was in a terrible mood all day, and super hungry and cranky. I was like...I got enough sleep, I'm eating the same healthy foods...what's wrong? 🤔🤔🤔Obviously, I was pms-ing, but sometimes it takes me by surprise for some reason. Like why am I close to sobbing at this cute puppy video? Oh, yeah, period incoming. 😂😂😂

KeriA · May 2020

@aliciap0116 I have been getting to bed late and getting up late some days too. In some ways it helps my weight loss to wait to have breakfast. I am sorry about the allergic reaction but I am all for women letting their hair go grey. My Dad got grey early and my Mom late and I was in between. I decided that if I dyed my hair I was going to have the color I wanted or I wouldn’t do it. It didn’t look good with my complexion so I stopped. I did a little experiment dying some (not all of my hair letting some grey show) but it was a pain. I have been grey for close to 20 years. A story about this is from the day I requested to work at home due to covid-19. A notice from higher up asked those who were over 60 to try and work from home if possible. 2 co-workers were chatting next to my cubicle. One peeked over the wall between our cubicles. She said "Keri, can I ask you a question?" I hesitantly said yes. She asked how old I was. I told her I was over 65. I saw shock on her face. She told our friend who stood up and looked at me with surprise. It turned out they were wondering why I had gotten permission to work from home since I was apparently not old enough. It is funny women often compliment me on my beautiful grey hair but not men. My husband loves it but then it just looks like platinum blond to him. I think my hair looks better than platinum blond. I have to admit my grandmother and mother had/have beautiful grey hair so I knew I was probably going to have the same. More and more women are not dying over their grey. Very cool.

@laurahalford53 Getting enough sleep and water is the base of all the other goals as far as I am concerned. If that isn’t dealt with losing weight is so much harder. Plus both are so important to our health. I struggle with both of these.

@supersparklyk I have had to move away from Seattle but each time I come back. Every time I cross the I-5 bridge from the U District towards downtown with Lake Union below I say a prayer of thanks that I am back. My daughter and I were out doing something essential (delivering groceries to my Mom at her retirement community) and decided what we missed the most during this time of pandemic was being able to go to an espresso bar/café and hang out. I wrote my Master’s thesis in one (before they had laptops). I feel sad she can’t go and study or meet her fellow students as she used to so they can work on a project or study together. I am glad you have an espresso machine.

If I didn’t reply to all of you it is because others said things much better than I could.

Yesterday I did my Chapter and I got a bit of exercise in despite the delivery.

Today I need to go to the grocery store so I still won’t have done my weekly home exercise plan today although I plan to get some exercise. I should have more NEAT today. Hopefully I will get my Chapter done. If I do I will be halfway through my book. I had to go back and add to my logged food for yesterday since my husband went and got ice cream. My calories were 1 under my calorie goal including all my exercise calories, but I actually lost weight this morning from the day before.

My weekly deficits have been pretty high but then not as high as when I lost the last 2 months. I just went and recalculated my BMR for my lower weight and it is a couple of calories lower so I adjusted my excel sheet. Once I start to exercise 5-6 days a week more regularly I will need to adjust my TDEE but do not need to adjust it yet.

procolorer · May 2020

Hi all!

This week has been hard for me- my back has been killing me all week. Literally having me horizontal (well propped up) every possible minute. Good old Aunt Flo finally made her appearance and decided to throw a mob pit party. Been wanting to eat everything in sight but I’ve been relatively good- I have had lots of sweets but within my calorie goals.

An NSV!

I’ve been reading everyone’s posts- congrats to all those who are killing it with their goals! It’s so many people, you ladies are wonderful!

@laurahalford52 you can try setting mini goals in increments of 5 or 10 pounds? I made mine 10 for May because I’m at the beginning and pretty heavy so I figure I can do it! Other good mini goals are water consumption, eating more veggies, taking more walks etc. Pick something small to start and keep building on it.

@KeriA great post! Thank you for sharing. I’ll have to give that a try! I think 6 months of water after such a small goal might drive me crazy but who knows!

Rosie3579 · May 2020

mmdeveau - I love what RavenStCloud commented about sometimes having to Marie Kondo some people in our lives. I appreciated the openness and honesty in your post, and I get it.

Muttinm continues to be a weight loss champion!

Laurahalford52 - I agree with Procolorer’s comments for you. Nobody can lose 90 pounds (even though many people on this thread have lost 90 pounds!!!). Just set a small goal (maybe 5% of your starting weight) and crush that goal. Then you can reassess and set a new goal. Someone mentioned on this thread and it really resonated with me that it’s better to think about “who am I trying to be” than “what am I trying to weigh?” Spending some time reflecting on that question helped me shape a lot of my mini goals. Most of who I’m trying to be is the strong and independent and fearless person that I used to be. Somehow I lost that over the last couple years, and I want that back.

For me, I am not having the best scale week. Enough about that!!

This is a weird story so feel free to skip reading -- Today, I was coming home from work with my little cub in tow on the train. (Unfortunately, I do have to take him with me on the train to accommodate my work and childcare situation right now. I am sure I am getting plenty of side-eyes, but I don’t have other options and I have to go to work or I would lose my job.) There is only one elevator off the train to the lobby. Unfortunately, we couldn’t use the elevator because there were a couple guys sitting in it shooting heroin. So, wearing my loaded backpack, I picked up the stroller with my 32 pound son strapped in and carried him up 40 steps to the lobby. Without any problem. And I thought to myself - this is why I’m doing this. Not because of what the scale says today but because today when I find myself in a tough position, I had the strength to just take care of my son and myself. So I don’t feel great about the scale today, but I feel good about this! (As an end note, I just feel for everyone struggling with substance abuse especially in this time when physical recovery meetings aren’t happening. I have nothing but compassion for people struggling with addiction.)

PansyLass13 · May 2020

My weekly check-in:

Starting weight: 221 (Feb '19)
5/6: 208
5/13: 204.4
5/20: 202.2
Goal for May: was 203, now is 200.
Goal weight 175

goals for the month:
*log everything daily, even if it's not pretty! I've been doing this each day and it's really been the biggest contributor to the month going well weight-wise. Completing that diary every day!

*complete 4 wk fitnessblender workout plan. Halfway through "FB Strong" and still not bored! sometimes in the past when i do a plan (i.e. beachbody), i start out great and fizzle when i'm almost done. i'm sure something mental there-fear of success i suspect. hello, one of the main themes of my entire weight journey, lol.

*drink 1/2 my weight in oz of water daily. some days good and some days not as much. i sure can tell a difference in how i feel over-all when i'm drinking a lot of water.

*gratitude journal each day. haven't been taking the time to do this very well. it can be simple! just need to write them down. Maybe i switch it up to gratitude journal OR 3 minutes of pen-moving on the page, just writing whatever is in my mind. i'll work on it.

NSV: 1. I'm noticing my skin is looking healthier. i'm 36 so i'm definitely in that stage of inspecting my face and noticing it's not like it was in my 20's. but, dang, i think it's the upping the water intake, i feel better when i look in the mirror.

2. My jeans were fitting better today. I've been in a months long phase of not feeling good when I put jeans on because i don't want to buy a bigger size but then ones i have just haven't really been fitting real well! so glad they did today, that confidence just lasts all day long.

Thank you all for being "here" and sharing your journeys. I can't tell you how nice it is to feel connected to this community and hear how things are going for you all. I'm not an intense accountability type person, but just checking in each week is really helping me.

Women 200lb+, Let's Be Mighty this May!!!

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