What’s a red flag for you?

happimess01 wrote: »

slessofme wrote: »

If he chats like we're going to be in a long term thing very early on. The "When we go on *insert road trip/vacation/spending every waking moment together*". Huge red flag if that starts before we've met in person. I don't even want a guy to talk about a 2nd date before we've met. One step at a time.

Such a red flag! But if you want to see a red flag in action, you should come to Spain with me this summer. We can watch those bullfighting matches in Madrid with the matadors waving that thing around.

I hate drunkenness

People who openly tell you they have emotional issues.It seems like they use it as a blanket.

Talking down about themselves.

-When he wants to take you shopping “his treat” as a first date. Only days of knowing you

- flaunts his money/ what he has ..comes off like a form of bribery.

Red flag.... I think it maybe a sign of major insecurity, wanting to be liked, ? Idk just sounds off.

honeybee__12 wrote: »

If he gets pissed just driving.
If he can’t handle that, doubt he can handle much without getting mad.
I don’t need anger in my life.

Where were you 7 years ago when I needed to learn this?

Bad breath
Mustache
Bad dressed

If he treats an animal badly. I knew someone who seemed fantastic, until he spent more time with my puppy and another side emerged.

Telling me don’t get too big.
Bodybuilders look gross.
Telling me I workout too much.
Trying to tempt me to cheat my diet.

“Uh uh, I AVOID drama”

ghudson92 wrote: »

When they say "rise and grind" and then you have to delete them from your life entirely.

This made me almost spit my drink!

1.When the first few messages you exchange go sexual really quickly or they are extremely flirtatious.
2.Tries to dress me up.
3. Force their taste in music on you
4. Is not open to learning anything about your music tastes
5. Finding out she was/is a closeted racist with a fetish for black/Dark skinned men from her sister.
6. Are never clear about who they are talking to their phone and always take phone calls when you are not around
7. Divorced multiple times
8. Lies about their whereabouts constantly
9. Does not communicate about the issues that matter within the relationship and try to find solution and actively work on those solutions. Gives up easily when things dont work.
10. Does not allow you to have a safe space with them.
11. Treats you like *kitten* when you dont please them sexually and doesn't try to understand your desires when you communicate them
12. Tell you whatever you want to hear just so that you stay with them
12. Stay silent anytime you attempt to break up with them instead of trying to discuss reasons why you want to break up.
14. Are not open to learning anything about your interests because it reminds them of their exes
15. Makes up stories about different people in her life just so that you are comfortable with the idea of them but they are really someone else
16. Never wants you to meet their "friends"
17. Are not honest with their families about their relationship with you
18. Never keeps any pictures of you in their home or apartment
19. Still talks to or talks about their exes
20. Still has their exes last name!
21. Finding out that some childhood friends she told you about never even existed from her sister. Also if they make you hate their family so that you distance yourself from them.
22. If your relationship with them causes you to rethink long time friendships in your life. If she pollutes your mind about some of your closest friends
23. If they are "still friends" with their exes that they spent 17 years together with..
24. Gives you the very bear minimum of themselves
25. Also when their son warns you 5 years ago that you should not get involved with this person because she has a bunch of other online catfishes but you think he is just being an overly protective son and you do not heed his warning but later find out he was indeed very right... "Have fun playing with my mom, because she sure is having fun playing with you" I should not have taken those words lightly at all.
26. Oh also telling you that you look "just fine" as you gain more and more weight.
27. Telling you your hair looks great when you clearly look like a mess to keep you from taking care of yourself and under her control because she is so insecure of herself and does not want you to look better than her or attract anyone else. Control 101

These are just a few of the red flags that i noticed in my previous relationship and overlooked because of "love" and "Trust"... and truly sheer naivety

She was 51 and i was 23 when we met. I was going through a very hard time in my life and she took advantage of my vulnerability and lack of relationship experience. Im such a trusting person. i still am but i will learn to be more guarded next time. I gave her way too much information about myself right off the bat and that was my biggest mistake. I realize that she had a long term plan. She wanted someone young to take care of her one day when other may not have. She was never happy with her life and felt that lieing about every aspect of it would make people like her. I really wish i could help her see otherwise because she is an amazing and kind person who put her all into trying to make me happy and feel comfortable. But now i see that see that she only did it so that in the long run i would do it for her one day. I was her investment. Her "little pet project". Her fall back incase what she was truly looking for was never found. I would be the one that she would fall back on because well... I loved her and i was the only one who wanted to build a life with her and accepted her with all her flaws. I need to be smarter in the future and this experience definitely thought me better. Be careful out there friends!

Lets support each other on MFP and kill these goals!!!

outdoorsy_eco_minimalist wrote: »

When he busts my chops for something he is just as guilty for.

Agreed. Two wrongs dont make a right. Something i learned the hard way in my previous relationship