Tell me if this is creepy, or if I am just overreacting....

3ball
3ball Posts: 338
edited October 2 in Chit-Chat
So I have a 14yo, soon to be 15yo, daughter. She lives with her mom and step dad most of the time. He is on her Facebook account constantly. She can post something at 6 in the morning or 11 at night and he replies within a minute. He used to comment on her friends pages all the time too until she told him to stop. First off, why is he friends with a bunch of young, teenage girls? Second, why post on their pages all the time? She tells him to stop doing so on her page once in a while and he does, for a couple of weeks.

Am I overreacting by thinking that this is very creepy and worrying about what is really going on when she is at that house?
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Replies

  • p0pr0cksnc0ke
    p0pr0cksnc0ke Posts: 1,283 Member
    I would feel that this is creepy. Being on your kid's facebook as friends to periodically check in on them and what not is one thing.. to be constantly "liking" everything and making comments to her and her friends is another. Even if they arent sexual in nature.

    A Parent is a parent.. a friend is a friend. The two shouldnt mix.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    yes, he's a creep and I'd tell him personally to stop. You can block ppl you know. Block his *kitten* then maybe he'll get it (but creeps are usually dense, I doubt it)
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    No, you are not overreacting! As her father, you have every right to worry. I'm not sure how to persue it, but I think you should.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,850 Member
    creepy. extremely creepy.
  • alicollins74
    alicollins74 Posts: 335 Member
    Sounds creepy to me...I agree, why would he want to be 'friends' w/ teenagers...
  • pandabear_
    pandabear_ Posts: 487 Member
    I wouldn't worry that something is necessarily going on. But yes, it is definitely creepy!

    I bet your daughter is really creeped out! It's not very nice for her that he has added her friends! That's really weird.

    I'm 19 and I don't even have my own parents on my facebook friends!


    Maybe he just doesn't understand what he is doing comes across that way?
  • morgaj8
    morgaj8 Posts: 34
    Creepy for sure!
  • SunshineKisses_2012
    SunshineKisses_2012 Posts: 471 Member
    It would be concerning to me, that's for sure. If you and her mom are on friendly/speaking terms, you might want to broach the subject with her so you can voice your concerns. Maybe her mom doesn't think that's creepy? It would creep me out if I were her mom, but I'm hyper-vigilant.
  • mynameiscarrie
    mynameiscarrie Posts: 963 Member
    I don't think it's creepy...but I do see how it could come off that way. There's a way to set facebook so it sends a message to your phone is someone posts something so thats probably what he has... he's probably not sitting at a computer waiting for her to post. He might just want to make sure she isn't posting something she shouldn't be and thats why the messages are sent to his phone in the first place. My mom has a facebook and is ALWAYS commenting or liking my stuff. If it ends up being a real issue, ask her to change her privacy settings. There's a way to make it so specific people can't post. She can still be friends with him and he can still see things, but he can't comment on anything.

    I don't know the situation either, obviously, but I wouldn't be too worried about it :) some people just like to know what their children, or in this case step-children, are doing. My mom used to add all my friends and i was 18! I think the fact that she's so young is a big part of it too. He might just be trying to look out for her :)
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
    Creepy. Maybe it's time for you to say something?
  • DEEDLYNN
    DEEDLYNN Posts: 235 Member
    hmmmm at the very least he needs to know that it makes folks uncomfortable. Could be innocent enough? How long has he been in the family? Does she have an otherwise decent relationship with him? What does your "gut" tell you about him?

    I tend to always err on the side of caution. Maybe you could discretly discuss it with your daughter and/or ex.

    I don't think it's over reacting...not sure with the description it reaches the "creepy" standard...but it certainly raises an eyebrow. Perhaps, he just wants to be the "cool" dad....which...it appears he is failing miserably at....LOL
  • GorillaNJ
    GorillaNJ Posts: 4,024 Member
    Maybe it is his way of making sure that she stays behaved on there... like letting her, her friends, and potential "friends" that he is always watching.

    BUT if it really puts a question in your mind, I would talk to him man to man about it. Maybe buy him a beer and just put it out there
  • KellysDiet78
    KellysDiet78 Posts: 80
    I wouldnt say its 'creepy' as that is implying that something untoward is going on.. however, you can just tell him that you think it is unappropriate seeing as he shyould be playing the adult role... good luck
  • jen_marie_1976
    jen_marie_1976 Posts: 41
    I have a 14 year old daughter, most of her friends are on my facebook and on my fiance facebook. So I dont see anything wrong with that part. But the posting thing, thats kinda weird. In our case my 14 year old, her dad always posts on her posts, which makes her mad and then all her friends see what he says. i say watch it and see where it goes. I dont see it being a huge problem. But just watch it close you never know.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Sadly, I have a few friends that are on there constantly and will comment on something the second you do it. Some people just have no life outside of facebook (kinda like me with MFP:laugh: )

    Still the fact that it is an older man and 14-15 year old girls, I would tell him what I think and make sure she blocks him. Have a talk with her as well!
  • sexygenius
    sexygenius Posts: 1,078 Member
    commenting on her page is borderline, but adding her friends is deffinately creepy.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Dude I am so sorry. Yeah that is creepy as hell and I know how much I'd be worrying if I were you. I have a similar situation but my daughter is still a bit younger. Luckily the guy seems alright so far, not great but not a creep on that level.

    But if she were older and he was doing the same thing you described I would be very, VERY concerned. Which isn't going to go over well, naturally.

    You just do the only thing you really can. Let your daughter know you are always there for her no matter what and that she never has to keep anything a secret from you.

    Best of luck mate.
  • KendalBeee
    KendalBeee Posts: 2,269 Member
    That's hard to say. His point of view could be that he participating in his step daughter's life and it's a good way to keep track of what she's doing/who she's hanging out with/making sure she's safe. On the other hand, if he's doing it to be "cool" and feel younger or part of the "in crowd" then it's creepy. I would say talk to your daughter about it and see how she feels.
  • raefost
    raefost Posts: 31 Member
    I'm friends with my children on facebook to police it, rarely comment tho, should it be him or her mother thats between you all to decide. if she complains to you about it then steps need to be taken. she can just block his friendship and ask her friends to do the same. A tricky subject to bring up inview of the relationship structure you dont want to antagonise people. what does her mum think about it? I know I would not apprieciate my partner chatting to teenage girls all the time!
    good luck and tread carefully. I still think she is young enough to need some supervision, the internet is a scary place. tho I'm sure she will disagree.
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
    As another man, I would definitely be worried.

    That's just weird. I wouldn't accuse him of anything, or assume he is doing anything besides being a creeper... but he clearly has social issues if he spends all his time on teens facebook pages.
  • ♥Faerie♥
    ♥Faerie♥ Posts: 14,053 Member
    Very.....Creepy....
  • amberlineilene
    amberlineilene Posts: 153
    That is creepy. Maybe he gets her updates buzzed to his phone, that would make sense as to how he replies to quickly no matter what time of day..
  • Fit4_Life
    Fit4_Life Posts: 828 Member
    Yes, that would creep me out as well, as a parent AND a daughters' point of view. Does the mother think it's weird at all? I'd be a bit suspicious of this guys behavior. (This guy doesn't have a video camera in hidden areas, does he?) I'd be having a little chat with this guy....

    I am on my son's FB, but I don't add stuff to it to make him uncomfortable.

    Hope things work out.
  • Pristess
    Pristess Posts: 19 Member
    You may be overreacting. He may just really want her approval, so he’s trying too hard. I wouldn’t assume the worst just based on facebook. Does it creep out your daughter, or just embarrass her? If your daughter doesn’t feel uncomfortable, then there is nothing to worry about. Ask her and just keep your eyes open for real world clues, just in case.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    It seems creepy to me. It obviously bothers your daughter. Have you talked to her mom about it? If so, what does she have to say about it? Or, maybe as others have suggested, talk to him directly, or maybe to be really smart about it, sit down and talk to her mom and the stepdad together.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Definitely creepy.

    It may be that he's just emotionally stunted and wants to relive his youth through these kids, but it may be something else.

    My advice is listen to your gut and have a talk with your daughter to see what she says and find out if there's anything you truly need to worry about. If not, leave it alone. If so, then you'll need to step in.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    Odd at least.

    What does her mom say about it?
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    It seems creepy to me. It obviously bothers your daughter. Have you talked to her mom about it? If so, what does she have to say about it? Or, maybe as others have suggested, talk to him directly, or maybe to be really smart about it, sit down and talk to her mom and the stepdad together.
  • I_give_it_2_u_str8
    I_give_it_2_u_str8 Posts: 680 Member
    talk to him mono-a-mono. dont be overly aggressive, just let him know you're watching this situation closely. there's no need for him to be threatened if its innocent and he means well
  • Sweetcheeks278
    Sweetcheeks278 Posts: 356
    I agree - CREEPY. Why is he friends with her friends ??? Even if he is doing it to check on her why does he need to do that? He would still be able to see her page and all the comments without having to "friend" them. Have you talked to your ex wife about it? Especially since your daughter has told you that is bothering her. Maybe she should just block him.
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