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is MFP more important than marriage?

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  • Sunnysouth92
    Sunnysouth92 Posts: 30 Member
    Divorce is not an option for us, we believe the Bible teaches that. We have been together nearly 11 years, married 8 and a half. I was converted over the time we got married. We had some growing pains. We had infertility struggle the first few years then 3 children in less than 5 years. I was young and immature, but i believe God put us together and he's perfect for me even if he isnt "perfect" and I'm glad he loves me but challenges me to do better too.
  • terrmadden
    terrmadden Posts: 13 Member
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 wrote: »
    My nearly 25-year marriage ended in 2018. Partly it was about weight and health, but not just physical health. He was a hoarder, and a food addict, both, and after his heart attack he got much worse on both scores; I lasted five years after the heart attack before I realized trying to live with him under those conditions was making me suicidally depressed. We had 20 mostly good years and two wonderful sons, though.

    I'm with people now who make me feel much better about myself and which are much more healthy relationships.

    I can relate. Same exact story with me, but instead of a heart attack, he was let go from his job of 25 years, which sent him into a depression spiral so strong that I almost killed myself just by living in the same house. That, and I was over the 3 years of sleeping in the guest room and living like unhappy, hateful roommates. I’m still dealing with my own food addiction and binging, but it’s on my own terms now. Hugs to you
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,106 Member
    And just for the record, my view on divorce is that it's like cutting your leg off. You don't do it for a hangnail. You don't even do it for a broken toe or a dislocated ankle. You do it when the foot is dead, the rot is spreading up your leg and it's going to kill you if you don't. Given that I was beginning to get suicidal, it was time.
  • lorimiller18
    lorimiller18 Posts: 29 Member
    edited September 2020
    21 years and counting for us. MFP 8 years.
  • tbright1965
    tbright1965 Posts: 852 Member
    Since I sporadically come here to the forums and make contact with my wife daily, I'd say marriage is more important.

    Not for the sake of marriage, as I had one before this one. She ended it months (or years) before informing me of the fact and eventually divorce was better and less expensive (fiscally as well as emotionally) than trying to keep her around. (Did I mention I was able to pay off $70k in debt WHILE the divorce was on-going? Having my then estranged spouse limited to Child Support gave me the free money to pay off the debt she rang up while we were married.) So not all marriages are worth being saved. Some should be allowed to die a natural, if painful death.

    Heck, I don't think I've even spoken with my ex for about 7 years now when she tried her manipulation game on me saying our daughter really shouldn't come live with me because of her anxiety. (She wanted to go to High School in my community and I wouldn't lie and say she lived there when she lived in a neighboring community with her mom, so it was you have to actually live here if you want to go to High School here deal.) I told my ex that since she wasn't honest and forthcoming when married, why would I trust anything she said now.

    I guess I should have said that years before as that ended all communication from her. Daughter came to live with me and has since graduated both High School and College since then. (She was an honor student and we have a program where such students can attend community college for their last two years of HS. She graduated HS with both her HS and an Associates Degree, allowing her to complete a Bachelors in two more years.)

    My wife has been a great partner and helps me grow. She doesn't just see me as a resource to be manipulated, but as someone who is a person, a partner.

    I cannot imagine finding another woman like her.

    Just like Manderson27 said above, I cannot imagine the work needed to train another wife should my wife pass away before I go. Not to mention how few people like her there are out there. She doesn't see me as another kid, but an adult human who, while I may think differently, have just as much value as she does. She doesn't subscribe to that offensive notion that a husband is just another kid to care for.

    It's been 13 years for my bride and me, and looking forward to many more. Should MFP go away, it would be an inconvenience, but I imagine I could find an app or other technology to track my meals and exercise. The forums are a sporadic part of the experience for me.
  • tbright1965
    tbright1965 Posts: 852 Member
    Wonder if it is more meaningful to look at the area under the curve. Given the graph indicates the odds of being divorced by the next anniversary the area under the curve should approximate the divorce rate for marriages.

    Just thinking out loud here...
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    threewins wrote: »
    xvwc9na4vxd6.jpeg
    I always have found this graph shape interesting.

    Yeahbut, run that X-axis up to 100%, and it's a whole different graph. :lol:

    For interpretation, we have our choice between "Yikes! Three times higher divorce rate at 4-8 years vs 26 and beyond!" or "Single digit divorce rates all the way through, but making unsuitable choices usually shows up by year 8 or so", or variations on those themes.

    That depiction encourages one kind of interpretation over the other.

    P.S. I was married for almost 21 years. It probably would've lasted, but he a little over 21 years ago. I hope MFP is more important than marriage, because only one of those two is in my life now . . . and that's how I like it now, too.

  • Tesha231
    Tesha231 Posts: 381 Member
    If we can make it until tomorrow, my hubs and I will celebrate 37 years. lol
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    edited September 2020
    Tesha231 wrote: »
    If we can make it until tomorrow, my hubs and I will celebrate 37 years. lol

    Congratulations!!!


    I started MFP (on another account) in 2010. We've had an on-again, off-again relationship for 10 years. It's been a LOT of drama (I'm hangry, what do you MEAN I'm out of calories??!) I may have been guilty of manipulation a few times in this relationship (hmmm, I don't want my green curry to be 800 calories, let's see if there's an entry for 600). I have definitely lied (nope, not gonna log that glass of wine tonight). At times, I've just walked away, sometimes for a year. There have been celebratory times, like when I finished losing 30 lbs (the first time, ugh) and hit new lifting PRs. There have been flirty times when I've posted hawt swimsuit photos. There's some security in knowing that no matter how much I might use it and abuse it, MFP will always take me back.

    I met my husband in 2011, started dating in 2013, and I've been married since 2014, so I guess I've been with MFP longer. But I'm always honest with my husband. We don't fight or have drama. I've certainly never walked away from him. We, uh, get a lot farther than flirty. MFP doesn't hold me when I cry about my appearance or my health or my pain. MFP doesn't do all the household chores I hate just because it loves me. Husband and I will be celebrating 6 years at the end of this month, and I'm not really worried about making it to 7 <3
  • age_is_just_a_number
    age_is_just_a_number Posts: 631 Member
    Celebrating 29 years next month!!
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,371 Member
    VeryKatie wrote: »
    MikePTY wrote: »
    paperpudding wrote: »
    well, not really a debate (I hope! :o )

    Today is my wedding anniversary and coincidentally I recieved this message from MFP on receiving my 7 year MFP poster badge: Wow! Seven years. Your community relationships have outlasted most marriages.

    Do most marriages really last less than 7 years these days?? (or was that exagerated hyperbole??)

    Mine has so far lasted for 34 .

    #humblebrag ;):Do:)

    This piqued my interest so I got to googling it. It was a bit hard to dicipher originally because a lot of places claim this stat as fact. But it's not really true, as there is an important qualifier.

    Marriages, that end in divorce , last an average of 7 years. So not all marriages, since only half end in divorce. Most places that quote this stat have dropped the "that end in divorce" part, so it becomes pretty misleading in those cases.

    have you looked up the stat of half of marriages end in divorce? Last I read, that stat is false as well. Its less.

    From what I've read, roughly half of marriages end in divorce but less than half of FIRST marriages do so, it's the second and subsequent marriages that end in divorce more than 50% of the time driving up the average.

    Anyway, I've been on MFP since 2012 and was married (very young) once for 2.5 years so clearly I have better staying power here. Now in my mid 50s I don't see any purpose to getting married again. I've managed to avoid it so far.

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