Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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  • mehshell420
    mehshell420 Posts: 901 Member
    toriann319 wrote: »
    I have always been shy in person, but very “out there” online. To be able to just randomly start talking to someone in person, I’d pass out before I even got the chance to say “hello”.
    I’ve ALWAYS used humor, wit and a hellacious sense of humor as my wingman, my escape, a cover-up. I’d be lying if I said I’ve lived a hard life, because I haven’t. I’ve just simply made it hard on myself by letting my anxiety take over who I really think I could be. In all actuality, I’m a simple southern girl with social and obsessive anxiety, depression, ODC, germophobia and wear my heart on my sleeve while still building walls around my emotions. An entire disaster, if you ask me. 😂

    Honestly, this place has made me overcome a few fears, as crazy as that sounds. When I first started, I wanted to make friends, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone first. I could never be the first to start a conversation. Even if it meant simply typing out a few words, my mind would be overflowing with a thousand questions; “What if they don’t reply?” “What if it’s annoying to just immediately start talking to them?” “Should I say something funny or just introduce myself?” “What if I say something to offend them because it was just funny to me?” “Is this too much to say in one message?”... and the list goes on. Eventually I psych myself out and just wait for someone to talk to me first, no matter how much I am dying to know everything about them. Here, I’ve learned that people are here to support one another, to interact with one another, and to bring out the positive and best in all situations. I’ve never had a close knit family so the “family” I have gained here is absolutely amazing. I’ve slowly realized that it’s okay to comment on every one of their posts to spread a positive word and support them reaching for their goals, it’s okay to message someone every day to ask how their day is going because you truly care, it’s okay to continue asking questions to keep a conversation alive for days, even weeks, because the interaction is what keeps us accountable and motivated. No one has ever made me feel annoying for checking in daily, no one has ever made me feel out of place for participating in forum shenanigans, no one has ever made me feel like I’ve completely inconvenienced their day by saying hello.

    I saw where someone stated that she doesn’t let anyone get to know her, because she feels that once they know her, they can hurt her... and that statement hit different because I know. I completely understand. I’ve always been one on a search to find “needy” people, to find people who need help, who need a shoulder, ear or piece of advice. I’ve always been a sucker for someone who opens up to me and tells me everything about them, right down to the roots. I, however, have never let anyone who’s like-minded, find me, probably the most needy one in the bunch. 😂

    It’s great to find people who can relate to you, it oftentimes makes you feel less alone in the world, even if they may be on the complete opposite side of it. 😉 All I know is that I’ve made relationships and connections with people here that I hope last a while. I’m alone more than I am with anyone else, so having that conversation about your day, or about who you are, or being able to dive in to someone else’s interests makes it that much easier to make the time well spent, move along faster. 🥰

    Thanks for this! Soooo relatable, esp the overthinking part!
  • StargazerB
    StargazerB Posts: 425 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    StargazerB wrote: »
    I feel like life is passing me by and I don't know how to catch up and do things that feel meaningful. I'm a mom and I know that is meaningful but I'm not sure who I am other than that.

    I can feel your words so much. :( Having been an empty nester now, for about 10 years, my advice to you is trying to carve out some interests and goals for later; what kinds of things are important to you(helping animals, environment, elderly, anything that clicks with you). Because when that later comes, it's such an empty feeling and so many questions of 'what now?', especially if your kids don't stick close to home. Everybody tells me it's time 'for me', to do anything I want, but the problem is I don't know what I want. :/

    I spent so many years being something for somebody else, always doing as a parent, wife and childcare provider. When all that ended for me I had to go searching for things that mattered. It's become a constant work in progress.

    My fear is becoming an empty nester and feeling like I wasted my life. I'm trying to do small things for myself. It's hard, everything I do is planned around my children and their needs. The pandemic has made it so much worse too.

    Good luck to you on finding things you enjoy. ♥️
  • MiNinaLisa
    MiNinaLisa Posts: 648 Member
    Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »
    Even if I'm 4 months in remission. Every day I feel like this, like something is pressing up against the back of my head as someone whispers in my ear.

    "Sssshhhhh.... don't turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I'm going to keep it there. I'm going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life."

    "I'm going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I'm here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I'm not here, but don't you ever forget... one day I may just pull the trigger... or maybe I won't.

    I have kind of learned to live with this the best way I can by living my best life everyday. Some days are just harder than others. Thankfully I've had really great days for a few months now.

    i adore your attitude and i'm happy to know you. thank gob for the really great days. seriously... <3
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    brustmannzwei wrote: »
    From a young age I ran calls with my dad who was a firefighter and paramedic. I saw people brought back to life, people who where not brought back, and the aftermath of murders and suicides carried out by various means. That is all for now.

    Oooh that's a rough one. Those courageous workers see some troubling things.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    @RAinWA I'm so sorry your life is so crazy and worrisome right now. :( Hugs, prayers and good thoughts to you and your dh. Every day is a gift.
  • Miss_Chiev0us
    Miss_Chiev0us Posts: 1,592 Member
    RAinWA wrote: »
    A month ago the doctors told me my husband had a stroke. Two days later they tell me it wasn't a stroke, it's a large brain tumor. Three weeks ago they removed the brain tumor (he's healing up well!) and then told us it was malignant but not brain cancer. After a whole bunch of test they have narrowed it down to a neuroendocrine cancer that has metastasized to several areas. I have been caring for him and trying to keep up with my job (who knew I could do so much work from the hospital?).

    But sometimes I need to take off my Super Woman cape and I can come here and look at pretty pictures and funny memes or read witty, funny or interesting conversations. It's my break from what I'm up against. I was surprised to read in this thread that other people use it as a break too. Makes me feel less alone in my thoughts.

    I'm so sorry this is happening 💔 Prayers for you and your family. There are amazing treatments and doctors out there so never lose hope. Hugs
  • Miss_Chiev0us
    Miss_Chiev0us Posts: 1,592 Member
    MiNinaLisa wrote: »
    Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »
    Even if I'm 4 months in remission. Every day I feel like this, like something is pressing up against the back of my head as someone whispers in my ear.

    "Sssshhhhh.... don't turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I'm going to keep it there. I'm going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life."

    "I'm going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I'm here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I'm not here, but don't you ever forget... one day I may just pull the trigger... or maybe I won't.

    I have kind of learned to live with this the best way I can by living my best life everyday. Some days are just harder than others. Thankfully I've had really great days for a few months now.

    i adore your attitude and i'm happy to know you. thank gob for the really great days. seriously... <3

    I adore yours and so happy to have you and to have had you there for me through my hard times. Je t'aime ma chérie. Xox
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @RAinWA I'm so sorry your life is so crazy and worrisome right now. :( Hugs, prayers and good thoughts to you and your dh. Every day is a gift.
    Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »
    RAinWA wrote: »
    A month ago the doctors told me my husband had a stroke. Two days later they tell me it wasn't a stroke, it's a large brain tumor. Three weeks ago they removed the brain tumor (he's healing up well!) and then told us it was malignant but not brain cancer. After a whole bunch of test they have narrowed it down to a neuroendocrine cancer that has metastasized to several areas. I have been caring for him and trying to keep up with my job (who knew I could do so much work from the hospital?).

    But sometimes I need to take off my Super Woman cape and I can come here and look at pretty pictures and funny memes or read witty, funny or interesting conversations. It's my break from what I'm up against. I was surprised to read in this thread that other people use it as a break too. Makes me feel less alone in my thoughts.

    I'm so sorry this is happening 💔 Prayers for you and your family. There are amazing treatments and doctors out there so never lose hope. Hugs

    Thanks to both of you. He's getting the absolutely best care possible and we are very hopeful for the future - medical advances are so amazing and he has a really good attitude which helps.

    Now, I just have to work on my tendency to want to control things. That is hard work! :)
  • cdubks88
    cdubks88 Posts: 3,573 Member
    toriann319 wrote: »
    I have always been shy in person, but very “out there” online. To be able to just randomly start talking to someone in person, I’d pass out before I even got the chance to say “hello”.
    I’ve ALWAYS used humor, wit and a hellacious sense of humor as my wingman, my escape, a cover-up. I’d be lying if I said I’ve lived a hard life, because I haven’t. I’ve just simply made it hard on myself by letting my anxiety take over who I really think I could be. In all actuality, I’m a simple southern girl with social and obsessive anxiety, depression, ODC, germophobia and wear my heart on my sleeve while still building walls around my emotions. An entire disaster, if you ask me. 😂

    Honestly, this place has made me overcome a few fears, as crazy as that sounds. When I first started, I wanted to make friends, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone first. I could never be the first to start a conversation. Even if it meant simply typing out a few words, my mind would be overflowing with a thousand questions; “What if they don’t reply?” “What if it’s annoying to just immediately start talking to them?” “Should I say something funny or just introduce myself?” “What if I say something to offend them because it was just funny to me?” “Is this too much to say in one message?”... and the list goes on. Eventually I psych myself out and just wait for someone to talk to me first, no matter how much I am dying to know everything about them. Here, I’ve learned that people are here to support one another, to interact with one another, and to bring out the positive and best in all situations. I’ve never had a close knit family so the “family” I have gained here is absolutely amazing. I’ve slowly realized that it’s okay to comment on every one of their posts to spread a positive word and support them reaching for their goals, it’s okay to message someone every day to ask how their day is going because you truly care, it’s okay to continue asking questions to keep a conversation alive for days, even weeks, because the interaction is what keeps us accountable and motivated. No one has ever made me feel annoying for checking in daily, no one has ever made me feel out of place for participating in forum shenanigans, no one has ever made me feel like I’ve completely inconvenienced their day by saying hello.

    I saw where someone stated that she doesn’t let anyone get to know her, because she feels that once they know her, they can hurt her... and that statement hit different because I know. I completely understand. I’ve always been one on a search to find “needy” people, to find people who need help, who need a shoulder, ear or piece of advice. I’ve always been a sucker for someone who opens up to me and tells me everything about them, right down to the roots. I, however, have never let anyone who’s like-minded, find me, probably the most needy one in the bunch. 😂

    It’s great to find people who can relate to you, it oftentimes makes you feel less alone in the world, even if they may be on the complete opposite side of it. 😉 All I know is that I’ve made relationships and connections with people here that I hope last a while. I’m alone more than I am with anyone else, so having that conversation about your day, or about who you are, or being able to dive in to someone else’s interests makes it that much easier to make the time well spent, move along faster. 🥰

    I think you're pretty awesome and I'm glad you're here. 😊
  • cdubks88
    cdubks88 Posts: 3,573 Member
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    I'm always in pain. ALWAYS. And while it is better now that I have maintained my weight loss, continue with my fitness/therapies and manage a balanced food plan; I am still in a lot of pain. Sometimes I really would like to take pain medication (other than OTC meds) because some days it is honestly more than I can handle. Today is one of those days. I would love to go home, bomb myself outta my mind with a pain med and just lay in bed with ice packs just crying. Today I feel like giving up.

    I'm so sorry. Hope you find some relief.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    cdubks88 wrote: »
    toriann319 wrote: »
    I have always been shy in person, but very “out there” online. To be able to just randomly start talking to someone in person, I’d pass out before I even got the chance to say “hello”.
    I’ve ALWAYS used humor, wit and a hellacious sense of humor as my wingman, my escape, a cover-up. I’d be lying if I said I’ve lived a hard life, because I haven’t. I’ve just simply made it hard on myself by letting my anxiety take over who I really think I could be. In all actuality, I’m a simple southern girl with social and obsessive anxiety, depression, ODC, germophobia and wear my heart on my sleeve while still building walls around my emotions. An entire disaster, if you ask me. 😂

    Honestly, this place has made me overcome a few fears, as crazy as that sounds. When I first started, I wanted to make friends, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone first. I could never be the first to start a conversation. Even if it meant simply typing out a few words, my mind would be overflowing with a thousand questions; “What if they don’t reply?” “What if it’s annoying to just immediately start talking to them?” “Should I say something funny or just introduce myself?” “What if I say something to offend them because it was just funny to me?” “Is this too much to say in one message?”... and the list goes on. Eventually I psych myself out and just wait for someone to talk to me first, no matter how much I am dying to know everything about them. Here, I’ve learned that people are here to support one another, to interact with one another, and to bring out the positive and best in all situations. I’ve never had a close knit family so the “family” I have gained here is absolutely amazing. I’ve slowly realized that it’s okay to comment on every one of their posts to spread a positive word and support them reaching for their goals, it’s okay to message someone every day to ask how their day is going because you truly care, it’s okay to continue asking questions to keep a conversation alive for days, even weeks, because the interaction is what keeps us accountable and motivated. No one has ever made me feel annoying for checking in daily, no one has ever made me feel out of place for participating in forum shenanigans, no one has ever made me feel like I’ve completely inconvenienced their day by saying hello.

    I saw where someone stated that she doesn’t let anyone get to know her, because she feels that once they know her, they can hurt her... and that statement hit different because I know. I completely understand. I’ve always been one on a search to find “needy” people, to find people who need help, who need a shoulder, ear or piece of advice. I’ve always been a sucker for someone who opens up to me and tells me everything about them, right down to the roots. I, however, have never let anyone who’s like-minded, find me, probably the most needy one in the bunch. 😂

    It’s great to find people who can relate to you, it oftentimes makes you feel less alone in the world, even if they may be on the complete opposite side of it. 😉 All I know is that I’ve made relationships and connections with people here that I hope last a while. I’m alone more than I am with anyone else, so having that conversation about your day, or about who you are, or being able to dive in to someone else’s interests makes it that much easier to make the time well spent, move along faster. 🥰

    I think you're pretty awesome and I'm glad you're here. 😊

    Double ditto on his comment :)
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    My family grew up in a place and time when people were still feeding bears along the roadsides. Bears are very smart but they started living for their food rewards. If you didn't feed them something they would look through your car window and pull your wipers off. If they became angry they could knock tempered glass out of your vehicle in two shakes.

    The bears became accustomed to entertaining themselves with playfoods and living for the food rewards. That's all they wanted to do and it destroyed their quality of life. These food reward people encounters were almost the bane of their existence.

    Some order out of all of that chaos had to be imposed.

    Entertaining myself with playfoods and living for the food rewards did the same thing to me. I'm not going out like that.

    For some reason - and in all seriousness - this seems like it could be a great plot for a Lars von Trier film. The analogy is engaging.
  • MiNinaLisa
    MiNinaLisa Posts: 648 Member
    Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »
    MiNinaLisa wrote: »
    Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »
    Even if I'm 4 months in remission. Every day I feel like this, like something is pressing up against the back of my head as someone whispers in my ear.

    "Sssshhhhh.... don't turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I'm going to keep it there. I'm going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life."

    "I'm going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I'm here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I'm not here, but don't you ever forget... one day I may just pull the trigger... or maybe I won't.

    I have kind of learned to live with this the best way I can by living my best life everyday. Some days are just harder than others. Thankfully I've had really great days for a few months now.

    i adore your attitude and i'm happy to know you. thank gob for the really great days. seriously... <3

    I adore yours and so happy to have you and to have had you there for me through my hard times. Je t'aime ma chérie. Xox

    we will always have a connection T. i'm so proud of how far you've come and your tenacious spirit. you are a force to be reckoned with , and deserve nothing but the best that i KNOW your new life will bring you. je t'aime trop aussi, mon coeur :*<3
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    @MaltedTea

    hop96y1msgoc.jpg

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