Less Alcohol - OCTOBER 2020 - One Day at a Time (Try a Sober October)

4 days AF/1 day A....caved to my pizza and fizzy wine craving Sunday night. I guess I was bored and just wanted a boost. Feel fine this morning but drained of all energy. There's always a price to pay....

Today is a new AF day and an opportunity to get my energy back. I have to look forward to creating better things.

Expect Success and Nothing Less

Warning: long post ahead.

Oct 1-7: 12ish drinks, 4 AF days
Oct 8: AF
Oct 9: 1 beer
Oct 10: 2 wine
Oct 11: 1 wine

Had all my drinks this weekend, guess I'm AF through the weekdays this week. Beer with baseball on Friday night, rose with sushi for takeout night, and red wine with pizza on Sunday. Saturday was frustrating. Husband did that thing where he pours a drink I didn't ask for and sets it in front of me. I frikkin hate that he does this. I know for him it's an intimacy/bonding thing so dumping it would feel like me rejecting him, but FFS. He didn't switch vacation mode off and he's back to free-pouring on days that end in Y, so I think I've got an ugly conversation coming up in the near future. I know a couple of other people here have husbands that struggle with alcohol (probably in a dependent kind of way) - I wish us all the strength and compassion we need to cope with it.

To answer @MissMay 's question and to give some background, I've got 2-level degenerative disc disease that causes pain in my back, leg, and foot. On my worst days, I have shooting pain through my butt and thigh, my foot is so numb I can't feel it, and shifting wrong makes my low back feel like it's on fire. On those days I can barely get out of bed to go to the bathroom. The only exercise I can do without inflaming my back is walking, and I can't do that every day or I risk too much debilitating leg pain.

I've been on MFP a looooong time. I joined in 2010 to lose 20 lbs of college weight. I ended up losing 30 lbs and felt amazing. I got into running. I got into powerlifting. I was toned, I felt great in a swimsuit, I'd rent dresses from Rent The Runway and feel like a model wearing them. I was so proud of my body. Then around the time husband and I got married in 2014, my foot started going numb while I was running. Then I started having pain in my hip. Got told it was just bursitis, got a local injection and did some Airrosti treatment, got new running shoes, and kept doing all this high-impact stuff despite the pain. I can't imagine the damage I did for 2 years before I got properly diagnosed, at which point I was told I had to quit almost everything. Walking, elliptical, and upper body machine weights were the only things I was allowed to do. I tried that, but I hated it, and truth be told it was just too depressing to be in the gym seeing people doing the things I couldn't do. Also, it all hurt. I basically quit exercising altogether, but I was still eating like I was running 5Ks every day. And as the pain got worse, so did the drinking. Advil is a joke. The strongest painkiller they'd give me was Tramadol, which I took once and vowed to never take again because the side effects were brutal. Green stuff isn't legal where I am and CBD wasn't everywhere yet, so alcohol became the main pain relief.

3 1/2 years of useless conservative care and expensive experimental treatments later, Covid hit. It took me, like, 2 days of lockdown to fully embrace the sweatpants life. I stopped wearing makeup, I stopped wearing pants without elastic in them (if I wore pants at all...), I got into the showering-every-other-day routine. The extra free time was spent with wine and Netflix. Well, I did re-organize the house and try learning Dutch and stuff, so I wasn't totally useless, but those things usually came with wine, too. I got into this mindset that my body was trash so I'd treat it like trash. Husband didn't help; his way of dealing with Covid was to free-pour vodka for 6 hours every night. We were supposed to go on vacation in August, but our AirBnB cancelled on us the day of because the previous renter brought in bedbugs. We cried. We drank. Husband asked if I wanted to just do a staycation, and I cried harder because I didn't want to be seen in a swimsuit by the other condo residents. The shame of my body hit me full-force that day, and I grieved for everything I'd lost. But I think husband finally saw just how bad of shape I was in mentally. Thus he suggested we cut way back on alcohol, and I ended up here.

I started with 40 lbs to lose to get to a comfortable weight and 50 to get to my fit weight. I'm down 7ish lbs, and I've lost a half-inch off my waist and an inch off my hips and bust. I spent this weekend with moisturizers, tweezers, nail polish, newly-organized makeup, and hair styling tools (I NEED A HAIRCUT AGH) to show myself that I can look good, even at this weight. I wore a dress and heels for our takeout dinner. I'm trying to get my sweatpants-free days to be at least as numerous as my AF days - 6/12 days sweatpants free so far this month.

My sister joined us for a new Eggplant Lasagna recipe from wellplated.com. One bottle of red wine for 3 people. 2 glasses for me this evening. Love that I'm sticking to 2 glasses and not disappointed that there is not another glass. ALSO that we only opened 1 bottle this evening!

Oct accountability: 4/12 days AF

@chocolate_owl ....I am quadruple hugging your entire last post...but absolutely HOWLING at drink learning Dutch . Like, I could have done it SOBER ??????

@dawnbgethealthy ... My Daddy's mother made her own scrapple at their farm next door, onion-celery-bay leaves cooked with the meat, and mace-sage-ginger-marjoram-black pepper added with the corn meal. It's like asking "what does sausage taste like", no ?? When my mother and grandmother stopped speaking when I was 5, my mother had to buy her scrapple from the market. SO much family drama, LOL. Texture ?? If you have ever had leftover homemade polenta or cornmeal mush, and sliced it next day to fry...that's it.
I've never made my own scrapple, but my mother had her revenge by teaching me how to make goetta. Ground pork, ground beef, steel cut oats, lots of spices. Mouth now watering, wondering if I can make goetta with venison ?? Same deal, chill in loaf pan, slice & fry.

Okay, already, @dawnbgethealthy !!!! Pulled some frozen turkey breast & sweets & kale & made a bit of bread stuffing for dinner !! Yum!! Happy Over The Border Thanksgiving .
Our family tradition has always been that the family with the newest house [ or latest move-in ] hosts the Thanksgiving dinner that year. That's led to quite a bit of hopping from state to state over the years. This year will end that since there isn't anyone who is in a position to welcome "outsiders".

No more Chianti left in that weekend bottle, no more enthusiasm for a trek down to the wine cellar to bring up another. Wishing I hadn't done it in the first place. Wow, "uncorker's remorse".

Thanks for the continuing thread @MissMay . And if there is anyone who has poked a toe into the pool, and backed away...c'mon in..the water's fine .

Hey everyone. Wow, this sure has been educational with regards to scrapple! To think I have lived over four decades on this earth and never once heard of such a thing. The description of it sounds delicious, but the name scrapple seems a bit horrid. Like stuff scraped off the floor. Or people "scrapping" over whose scrapple is better.

Anyway, also @chocolate_owl I hugged your post too. I am so sorry for your pain! I also totally relate to your weight loss struggle. I lost 30 pounds with calorie counting in my 20s and then kept it off for a long time (6 years). I got married and had kids and now I also have somewhere between 40-50 pounds to lose. I lost 10 pounds over this past winter on MFP, but then covid hit and I gained it all back plus a few extras. I'm like you, I just said "F it", donned the yoga pants, and kind of quit logging. The one thing I have stuck with is paying attention to my alcohol intake and making sure my drinking days never exceed the non-drinking days. My husband isn't much help either. He drinks beer everyday and isn't supportive of my AF goals. He buys me alcohol I like, always offers me something, etc.

I recently kind of woke up out of my stupor about weight loss and I have had a good 8 days or so in a row of logging and really paying attention to my food. As a result I am down 4 lbs now. I am feeling really motivated. Being AF a lot of the time will only help!

The day isn't over but I'm giving myself my AF day because I know I won't drink tonight. I'm not feeling like it at all.

Oct 1: 2 drinks
Oct 2: 6 drinks
Oct 3: 4 drinks
Oct 4: AF
Oct 5: AF
Oct 6: AF
Oct 7: AF
Oct 8: 3 drinks
Oct 9: AF
Oct 10: 4 drinks
Oct 11: AF
Oct 12: AF

So far in Oct: 7/12 days AF

NOTE TO SELF & Sharing my thoughts : Sorry for the rambling but it was on my mind this morning. It is all about focus and not forgetting that I'm in this to change habits and discover how to live at a lower weight day to day, month to month, year to year. I have always had an official WI day (currently Mondays). Over the years I've tried Fridays because it gave me the freedom to let loose on the weekend and then make it up on the weekdays. I've had Sunday WW meetings that kept me accountable on Saturday night. I've tried Wednesdays because many times it is my lowest WI for the week. Mondays though just seem to hold me in check over the weekend and let me reflect on the week to come.
But in August I decided to join a few challenges (some I joined in 2019 when losing back then). What I discovered was that each challenge helped to focus me every day because I'm accountable for WI and ending a round at random intervals. No longer tied to just my "official Monday WIs".
- Just Give Me 10 Days - 10 days is great! More than a week. Never ends on the same day of the week. Gives me the opportunity to tackle the number on the scaled daily and refresh/reset my thinking on a regular basis.
- 2020Lose 52 Pounds in 52 Weeks Challenge - There it is... a weekly official WI with a note to self on the success of the past week and what challenges I'm facing for the next week.
- 100 Days of Weighing In - Longer range view that I can set a target on the scale and work towards whittling down the bigger goal. Daily WIs with weekly WI on Saturdays (notice again a different day of the week examine my progress).
- Less Alcohol monthly thread One Day at a Time - Tackling an issue that reduces my resistance to staying in control of what else I might consume while drinking or afterward. Also those extra calories are not needed in my daily life!
- 12 week challenge starting Aug 26th - Least active group but gives me a shorter perspective than the overwhelming large number I'm tackling to lose and it is longer than a week or 10 days but shorter than 52 weeks or 100 days. AND I'm able to check in weekly on Tuesdays which again helps me continue to examine and focus.

Taking the time in the mornings to reflect, drink my coffee, note the progress and post ... gets me headed in the right mindset for the rest of the day.
Thank you for challenges!