What's on your mind?

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Replies

  • Revolu7
    Revolu7 Posts: 843 Member
    I am straddling the thin line between severe depression and a desire to become more than I am or ever will be.

    Knowing that I can never escape either only cements the depression I feel in every fiber of my being.

    The dreary weather the last two days probably has not helped.



    Sent to you @KosmosKitten with nothing but love for you and your struggles
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,722 Member
    @Kosmoskitten Every single day is filled with ups and downs; having depression makes it worse because you can't predict which day it's going to become. :( And so many of those good suggestions 'journal, walk, eat for health, sleep, avoid caffeine, etc., etc.' can only do so much.
    The only thing that has helped me keep a somewhat even mood has been medication. Without it, I have no clue where I'd be right now. If you haven't been on any meds., are you willing to try them? Or counseling? You don't have to answer, just asking.

    It's such a damn hard road to travel because a lot of people don't understand if they don't experience it for themselves and it makes you feel completely alone and helpless.
    Keep hanging in there, stay strong and courageous and do what you can when you can. I know you've been taking walks and hope that that is helping. Taking that 1st step is difficult when those feelings of 'why bother' appear.

    One foot in front of another. <3
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,086 Member
    I am straddling the thin line between severe depression and a desire to become more than I am or ever will be.

    Knowing that I can never escape either only cements the depression I feel in every fiber of my being.

    The dreary weather the last two days probably has not helped.

    I wish I had words to fix this. I know that some days the hole feels too deep to climb out of, and some days it looks shallow, but gravity feels heavier and its keeping you down. The cloudy days and colder weather do not help. 😔

    When the days are darkest, do you have any small joys that you can focus on? Any little things that can comfort you? For me... Sitting on the floor in the corner of the kitchen by the heater... It's a small thing, but it warms me up (literally and figuratively) and it's physical contact on a few sides. It's not much, but the comfort and familiarity does help.

    A purring kitten is also proven therapy.

    And the love of friends... Which is here for you in spades.

    I cannot change this for you, but I can sit beside you and keep you company. And send you lots of love from me and my furbabies ❤️
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 7,722 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @Kosmoskitten Every single day is filled with ups and downs; having depression makes it worse because you can't predict which day it's going to become. :( And so many of those good suggestions 'journal, walk, eat for health, sleep, avoid caffeine, etc., etc.' can only do so much.
    The only thing that has helped me keep a somewhat even mood has been medication. Without it, I have no clue where I'd be right now. If you haven't been on any meds., are you willing to try them? Or counseling? You don't have to answer, just asking.

    It's such a damn hard road to travel because a lot of people don't understand if they don't experience it for themselves and it makes you feel completely alone and helpless.
    Keep hanging in there, stay strong and courageous and do what you can when you can. I know you've been taking walks and hope that that is helping. Taking that 1st step is difficult when those feelings of 'why bother' appear.

    One foot in front of another. <3

    Yesterday on my walk, I was overcome by such a profound sadness that tears were falling as I walked. I cannot explain what brought it on (as I do not know), but I was consumed with such an overwhelming and dark desire to just end my time on this planet. It wasn't brought on by anything that I can recall. Sure, bad things have happened this year and they've been tough to deal with, but this just blindsided me. Thoughts that dark and suicidal have not graced me with their presence since I was 20.

    Those things you suggest are great things to practice, but for a person with crippling depression not governed by anything actually going on in their lives, it can be hard to practice consistently.

    As far as medication, I've been on various forms over the years, but they either taper off after about a year or they have such negative side-effects that I stop taking them. It is the same for anxiety medication; some are okay and do well for a time, but taper off and stop working or the side-effect is that I feel like an emotionless robot or that I can't breathe.. or that I can't feel anything physically/sexually (which is really disconcerting if it's never happened to you). I might have to look into going back onto some form of them though as I don't think upping my Vitamin D and B Complex + walking + food logging is consistently working.

    I do feel as though there's just something fundamentally wrong with me. That I'm less than human because I can't just will or power my way through my issue. I'm mostly just trudging along, trying to stay afloat.

    Hugs hon. When you're at this point, wouldn't counseling help? Please, please, try.... this will pass. You just need to find the key. Continue the search, you are so worth it.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @Kosmoskitten Every single day is filled with ups and downs; having depression makes it worse because you can't predict which day it's going to become. :( And so many of those good suggestions 'journal, walk, eat for health, sleep, avoid caffeine, etc., etc.' can only do so much.
    The only thing that has helped me keep a somewhat even mood has been medication. Without it, I have no clue where I'd be right now. If you haven't been on any meds., are you willing to try them? Or counseling? You don't have to answer, just asking.

    It's such a damn hard road to travel because a lot of people don't understand if they don't experience it for themselves and it makes you feel completely alone and helpless.
    Keep hanging in there, stay strong and courageous and do what you can when you can. I know you've been taking walks and hope that that is helping. Taking that 1st step is difficult when those feelings of 'why bother' appear.

    One foot in front of another. <3

    Yesterday on my walk, I was overcome by such a profound sadness that tears were falling as I walked. I cannot explain what brought it on (as I do not know), but I was consumed with such an overwhelming and dark desire to just end my time on this planet. It wasn't brought on by anything that I can recall. Sure, bad things have happened this year and they've been tough to deal with, but this just blindsided me. Thoughts that dark and suicidal have not graced me with their presence since I was 20.

    Those things you suggest are great things to practice, but for a person with crippling depression not governed by anything actually going on in their lives, it can be hard to practice consistently.

    As far as medication, I've been on various forms over the years, but they either taper off after about a year or they have such negative side-effects that I stop taking them. It is the same for anxiety medication; some are okay and do well for a time, but taper off and stop working or the side-effect is that I feel like an emotionless robot or that I can't breathe.. or that I can't feel anything physically/sexually (which is really disconcerting if it's never happened to you). I might have to look into going back onto some form of them though as I don't think upping my Vitamin D and B Complex + walking + food logging is consistently working.

    I do feel as though there's just something fundamentally wrong with me. That I'm less than human because I can't just will or power my way through my issue. I'm mostly just trudging along, trying to stay afloat.

    Hugs hon. When you're at this point, wouldn't counseling help? Please, please, try.... this will pass. You just need to find the key. Continue the search, you are so worth it.

    I might consider it again, honestly. I haven't had the best of luck with therapy, but that's due to a conflict of personality between myself an whoever the therapist happens to be.

    Depends on who/what I can get access to, given my area and all the Covid related stuff, which has shut down a lot of places in my area (rising cases again).
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,287 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @Kosmoskitten Every single day is filled with ups and downs; having depression makes it worse because you can't predict which day it's going to become. :( And so many of those good suggestions 'journal, walk, eat for health, sleep, avoid caffeine, etc., etc.' can only do so much.
    The only thing that has helped me keep a somewhat even mood has been medication. Without it, I have no clue where I'd be right now. If you haven't been on any meds., are you willing to try them? Or counseling? You don't have to answer, just asking.

    It's such a damn hard road to travel because a lot of people don't understand if they don't experience it for themselves and it makes you feel completely alone and helpless.
    Keep hanging in there, stay strong and courageous and do what you can when you can. I know you've been taking walks and hope that that is helping. Taking that 1st step is difficult when those feelings of 'why bother' appear.

    One foot in front of another. <3

    Yesterday on my walk, I was overcome by such a profound sadness that tears were falling as I walked. I cannot explain what brought it on (as I do not know), but I was consumed with such an overwhelming and dark desire to just end my time on this planet. It wasn't brought on by anything that I can recall. Sure, bad things have happened this year and they've been tough to deal with, but this just blindsided me. Thoughts that dark and suicidal have not graced me with their presence since I was 20.

    Those things you suggest are great things to practice, but for a person with crippling depression not governed by anything actually going on in their lives, it can be hard to practice consistently.

    As far as medication, I've been on various forms over the years, but they either taper off after about a year or they have such negative side-effects that I stop taking them. It is the same for anxiety medication; some are okay and do well for a time, but taper off and stop working or the side-effect is that I feel like an emotionless robot or that I can't breathe.. or that I can't feel anything physically/sexually (which is really disconcerting if it's never happened to you). I might have to look into going back onto some form of them though as I don't think upping my Vitamin D and B Complex + walking + food logging is consistently working.

    I do feel as though there's just something fundamentally wrong with me. That I'm less than human because I can't just will or power my way through my issue. I'm mostly just trudging along, trying to stay afloat.

    How challenging it must be to be feeling this way even when others consider you in such high regard. Our brains aren't kind to us sometimes. 🤗
  • Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    g0rj0c44333t.jpeg

    The stray we're naming Pierre. He's definitely a house cat and not a street cat. All he wants to do all day is get petted and cuddle.

    Don’t we all
  • Yoshiboobs
    Yoshiboobs Posts: 1,090 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    g0rj0c44333t.jpeg

    The stray we're naming Pierre. He's definitely a house cat and not a street cat. All he wants to do all day is get petted and cuddle.

    Don’t we all

    And eat chicken
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    g0rj0c44333t.jpeg

    The stray we're naming Pierre. He's definitely a house cat and not a street cat. All he wants to do all day is get petted and cuddle.

    Too cute! Seems like a pretty brilliant stroke of luck to be gifted with such a cute "stray"! :heart:
  • Yoshiboobs
    Yoshiboobs Posts: 1,090 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    g0rj0c44333t.jpeg

    The stray we're naming Pierre. He's definitely a house cat and not a street cat. All he wants to do all day is get petted and cuddle.

    Too cute! Seems like a pretty brilliant stroke of luck to be gifted with such a cute "stray"! :heart:

    Lol maybe we stole him idk but I think he was probably recently abandoned. He's skinny and his whiskers are half broken off. He was filthy before we gave him bath and yet he had no fleas. So 🤷🏻‍♀️ but he likes it here.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    g0rj0c44333t.jpeg

    The stray we're naming Pierre. He's definitely a house cat and not a street cat. All he wants to do all day is get petted and cuddle.

    Too cute! Seems like a pretty brilliant stroke of luck to be gifted with such a cute "stray"! :heart:

    Lol maybe we stole him idk but I think he was probably recently abandoned. He's skinny and his whiskers are half broken off. He was filthy before we gave him bath and yet he had no fleas. So 🤷🏻‍♀️ but he likes it here.

    Ah, a pet rescue angel then? :wink:

    Either way, you both win. He's a lovely addition to your furry family.
    I say as I watch our kitten chew on the arm of a computer chair with abandon. :expressionless:
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,287 Member
    tams_89 wrote: »
    2 glasses of wine and my head hurts, it's been a while 🙈😂

    That was me with whiskey and bourbon at the start the pandemic. Much has changed since then. Hang in there lol
  • Revolu7
    Revolu7 Posts: 843 Member
    I have been in bed all day because I'm sick. As a surprise, my 11 year old and my 5 year old decided to clean the whole house for me because I have no energy to do it myself. My heart is full. I rewarded them by giving them ice cream before dinner :)

    Well someone has been a good mom and is raising some good kids. 👍 Hope you feel better soon K 😗
  • _MovesLikeJabba_
    _MovesLikeJabba_ Posts: 152 Member
    breefoshee wrote: »
    So... I was raised by a single mom who was awesome and did her very best. When I was 12, I asked who my father was and she told me that it was a girl that I went to school with's dad. She told me never to tell because there was no sense in disrupting their family with something we could not prove.

    When I got older she told me this story: She began dating a cop who worked night shifts and spent much of his time with her during the day. He told her that he was married but split up from his wife. She found out that she was pregnant with me, and he split saying it wasn't his and that he was going to stay with his wife. Whatever, a few years later, my mom decides to go for child support and the court orders him to take a paternity test. My mom gets the results and it says he is not the father--- but she couldn't figure out how that could be. In those days, the courts kept photos of the testers, and when my mom went to check who had taken the test, she saw that it was not actually him. Someone else had used his ID and smudged his fingerprints and because he was a cop, he was able to get away with it. My mom didn't have the means to keep fighting it, and so she just let it be.

    10 years ago, I reached out to him on FB just to give him a chance. My mom really had no reason to lie to me, unless one of her bff's husbands fathered me lol -- which I highly doubt. He basically said my mom was a liar and had slept with everyone under the sun.

    10 years later, 23andMe and ancestry are finding alllll kinds of DNA connections, and guess who just ordered a kit. ME!!!! So here's to possibly getting some form of justice for my mom or finding out my mom has lead a much more interesting life than what we imagined!

    It's super nosy of me but now I wanna know the results 🙈 I'd bet on your momma